Emir's EEnE Collection
by Nonamenonamenonameplease
Summary: My rewritten series from early 2006. The end of summer and the overall year draws night. Scamming money for jawbreakers has all but become a thing of the past as the Eds try new things, expand their social connections, grow spiritually and emotionally, gain girlfriends...well, just dig in to find out the rest.
1. ReconsiderEd

Note: Originally conceived during late 2001 and early 2002, then rewritten and reposted in early 2006. There is a gap between this and the next story/chapter. The actual second in this series, Quite Contrar-Ed, was deleted because I felt it didn't come out right and I didn't know what to do with it. Anyone who's seen the Fairly Oddparents episode Power Pals should understand the gist. Basically, after the events of this chapter, Ed and Edd abandon Eddy to his scams and lazy, greedy ways after one failure too many. Eddy is invited to a private school on the other side of town and pretty much becomes the students' overworked slave. He realizes his mistreatment of his real friends; abandons that school; rescues them from Johnny inexplicably going mad; makes up his quarrel with them; and takes up culinary arts over scams.

These stories have nothing to do with the episodes Pop Goes The Ed; An Ed Is Born; or any episode premiering after Your Ed Here and The Good Ole Ed. Sorry if this story isn't much. I borrowed a few pieces from Run For Your Ed.

From the viewpoint of outside eyes, Peach Creek appeared as average as the next settlement. It contained everything necessary to keep on standing: diverse population; recreational resources; adequate housing; and an energetic community. However, a more personal observation revealed the locale as anything but average. Countless strange occurrences in one particular neighborhood – from missing belongings to burying a capsule associated with wild stories – barely gave the inhabitants any rest. The kids here must've been mutants; after all, how many could lift a house over their heads or fit nicely inside a coat pocket? But for all its happenings, Peach Creek lacked change…until now.

It began the day after the capsule incident. The Eds were back to their scamming roots itching to cause trouble following the (more or less) precedent stillness. Everybody seemed to forget the commotion like always and so went about their usual lives doing whatever they chose. However, they all also forgot about what dangers lay ahead. And it flared up when the Eds scrounged around the dump early in the morning with bags in hand. "I really wish you'd stop bringing us to this stinky wasteland, Eddy," Edd began.

"Hey, is it my fault the dump has all the useful parts we need?" was the indifferent response.

"We must be on a mountaintop," Ed commented.

"Ever hear of an attic or an antique store?" Edd returned while they picked up some boards and a traffic cone, "Or maybe a supply store?"

"So we'll get to those later," Eddy said, "Now quit complaining." Other used objects like wire hangers, motor parts, and rusty tools went into bags. Ed naturally carried a heavy metal tube.

"So unsanitary," Edd muttered. All halted at hearing strange noises once they reached a nearby garbage pile: stomping, growling, and pieces of trash falling down. They of course were startled but went on about business the first two times. But suspicions rang come the third time. "What's going on here?"

"Okay, whoever you are," an irritated Eddy challenged, "Come out and show yourself." As if on cue, a tire rolled down a distant pile and crashed into some discarded electronics. But the fact being no one showed their faces irritated the team leader even more. "Kevin? Kankers?"

"Johnny?" Ed added, "Plank? Kilroy?

"There isn't anyone around here named Kilroy," Edd reminded, "Not that **I** know of. And Plank can't speak to anyone except Johnny. I have to insist we depart." Eddy stood ground until growling convinced him his friend was right. So they left.

The lead boy's second guess had been correct the whole time, as the Kankers walked out from the opposite side of the same pile where the tire came off. Unseen after surpassing reverse psychology courtesy of the Eds, the girls returned with a scheme of their own for who knew what. Conversation began upon watching the boys' receding figures in the distance. "I could never tire of their priceless expressions," Marie boasted.

"Yeah," Lee agreed, "But scaring the boys like that was only to soften 'em up for the afternoon's bit. Just for good measure, maybe we should take pictures of them and make calendars again."

"Mmmm…" Unlike her sisters, May's enthusiasm long since faltered as her thoughts drifted elsewhere. But they paid her little heed.

"Hey, that's it!" Marie realized, "That can be the second part of our scheme!"

"What?" Lee wondered.

"Let's take pictures of them doing something embarrassing and blackmail 'em with our chores! It's been a while since our last vacation."

Lee smiled. "I think ya got somethin' there, Marie. Whaddaya think, May?" All three halted when no response came. "Uh, May?" Still nothing more than a cheerful stare; why, she never even minded wavy hands in the face or finger snaps.

"Hmm…" With an approving nod from the redhead, the brunette licked her own pointer finger and stuck it in one of the blond's ears, jolting her out of the trance. "Eep! What's the idea?" May rubbed out her auditory canal using part of her gray shirt. I wish they'd quit doing that, she thought

"Good," Lee said, "Marie just suggested we blackmail the Eds into doing our chores by taking pictures of them in an embarrassing situation. Whaddaya think?"

"Oh! Uh…well…yeah."

"Yeah what?" Marie inquired.

"It sounds good…I guess."

"You guess? May, when're you gonna…?" Growling in the air interrupted Marie's statement. All six pupils darted around suspiciously for fear of being spied upon by someone or something before realization settled in. Eyes pointed downward, and hands clutched empty bellies.

"Heh," Lee commented, "Scheming sure works up an appetite, and we're worse off since we skipped it. Time fer breakfast."

Hours passed by as lunchtime neared. Ed and Edd were soon hard at work in Eddy's yard constructing something of a humanoid figure out of stuff they did and didn't collect from the dump. The two had so far assembled legs from metal poles glued together (including that which Ed carried earlier) and standing upon five slabs of sandwiched, rusted aluminum siding and a waist from three empty computer cases. Eddy as usual fantasized and otherwise plotted out his latest scam without participating in the actual work. The traffic cone, a worn stool, and a sign marked 'Robot rumble! Only 50¢' lay nearby. "Just imagine," he spoke, "Everybody's crazy about robots, robot fights, and art." Edd rolled his eyes while Eddy strolled around. "Vacationers travel great distances to see fancy paintings and sculptures in museums. Scientists make robots to do big things. And when it comes to those robot fights seen on television, sometimes you gotta get as close to the action as possible."

"Very good," Edd replied dryly, "But what's all this to do with living the high life in the realm of spherical sweetness?"

"Robot fight!" Ed declared.

"My point exactly," Eddy continued, "This scam's gonna work because I've expanded. 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' 'Robots rock!' 'What a fine piece!' Kids will line up to see the kind of wild spectacle they can only get on cable or satellite. And those who don't like fights can stare all day at something that not only looks high and fancy but also moves. We'll be rolling in the dough!"

"Bread is good for the heart!" Ed said.

"Yeah, but will our currency buy a decent bath?" Edd spoke.

"C'mon, c'mon," Eddy coached, "Pick up the pace, guys."

"We can easily process your request, Eddy, but it's easier said than done when only two out of three are working. How about helping us out?"

"Can't. I gotta prepare my speech."

Danger loomed over the horizon, however. It was around this time that Rolf headed off to the nearest marketplace in hopes of selling one of his giant sausages. He rode on said product while Victor pulled it along. Life seemed good for the moment. "Rolf cannot believe he overlooked the, how others put it, daily grind. But at least his frank will fetch a pretty penny at the market, yes, Victor?" The goat just bleated in response. "Ah, life is good." Then Rolf's ears heard distant panicking he recognized coming from his farm animals back home. Victor just froze. "Hmm…" He calmly withdrew a bare turkey bone from his pocket, held it to one ear, and concentrated. The makeshift earphone picked up whose terror-inflicting footsteps upon the pavement Rolf knew belonged only to a certain group. Dropping the food instigated panic. "The animals back home know the drill, but those outside need help. HAVE MERCY ON OUR MISERABLE SOULS!"

Any other children inhabiting the barren neighborhood's road except the Eds looked strangely at the sight of Rolf running about squawking like some panicked chicken. "What's Rolf's problem?" Kevin wondered.

"Rolf doesn't get much stranger than this, wouldn't you agree, Plank?" Johnny commented.

"Danger!" Rolf continued, "Code Fever! Code Fever!"

"What're you talking about?" an unimpressed Sarah asked.

"The fruits' bane has arrived! The trees will all wither if we don't escape!"

None paid attention to the unwelcome visitors until the following statement. "You never make any sense, do you?" All faced the Kanker sisters wide-eyed, Lee having spoken last. "Funny. Isn't this the same time our boyfriends come out to play with you annoyances all at once?"

The kids just ran away as expected, Kevin calling back, "You're the annoyances!"

The trio shook their heads at their victims' figures receding toward Jimmy's house, possibly to the dump and maybe even further. "Look at those dummies run," Marie chuckled, "They'll reach the Pacific Ocean by dinnertime." She then snapped her fingers. "That's it! I know how to embarrass the guys. Two of us steal their clothes while they're swimming and force them out into the open. We lure them to a certain spot where one of us takes pictures, and then comes blackmail. How's that?"

"You got brains like a sledgehammer," Lee admitted, "But, better tone it down."

"Okay, okay. How 'bout we dress 'em up in dresses?"

"Been there, done that."

"Oh, fine. Why not photograph secret stuff in their houses?" Marie brandished a sly expression. "Like a certain loudmouth's 'leopard skin' underpants?" She and Lee had a good giggle at the memory, only to halt once more at seeing May stare at them without joining in.

"What's the deal with you?" Lee questioned, "You've been awfully strange since we came home."

"Are you sick?" Marie asked, still sly, "'Cause I got me a good remedy I've been dying ta try out."

"No, I'm fine," May answered, "It's nothing, really."

"Out with it," Lee insisted, "I could use a good crisis to get me pumped up."

"Well…what about that one girl?"

"What one girl?" Marie asked.

"The one who has yellow hair like me. All the boys go gaga whenever she talks to 'em."

"I completely forgot," Lee growled, punching a fist into one palm, "Our greatest competition. I'm never gonna forgive her for stealing our boys like that."

"What's her name again? Nazz, is it?"

"That's right," Marie said, "No way she's ruining my chances of getting together with sweet ol' Double D."

"And she's not ruining my chances of squeezing loveable ol' Ed all day long. I'm not giving up on 'im! Does anybody hear me?"

"Easy, May," Lee instructed, "You'll spook the spiders. In any case, I think **I** have it toughest of all."

"How so?" Marie wondered.

"The girl's babysitting Eddy. I don't care what the situation, I'm not taking any chances. She should've hunted for a new job." In short, the sisters seriously had it in for Nazz. Something definitely clicked inside their heads by now: The resident heartthrob had all the boys wrapped around her finger. The last major incident this fact came into play was during Eddy's sandwich scam. All the boys except Jimmy wanted a piece of the one girl they considered everything they wanted. None could concentrate on a ball game held later that day what with fantasizing at Sarah's temperamental expense. Ed, Edd, Eddy, Kevin, Rolf, and Johnny drove Nazz up the wall offering her gifts each claimed better than the others. The Eds drew unexpected attention from Jimmy that night when they mistook him for the girl in question while playing a moonlight sonata meant just for her. Such an irritating flirt! Who did she think she was? If anyone could keep Nazz for all the Kankers cared, Kevin fit the position best.

"Let's leave it at that," Marie decided, "I'm sure we'll come up with something to put that girl in her place."

"I agree," Lee said. All shrugged and moved out of sight before the Eds happened on the scene behind them, too little too late for much of anything.

"What's cooking?" Ed wondered.

"It sounded like Rolf imitating some alarm," Edd said.

"Must've been a rabid, flesh-eating flea," Eddy commented, "Great, now I sound like Ed."

"Thanks!" Ed said, "Oh, I know! It was Sarah. She fights like a flea."

"Too young," came Lee's voice as she and her sisters stepped out from behind a tree. The Eds felt their hearts all but slow down with the girls' every advancing step until Edd snapped out of it first.

"Escape Pattern Gamma Omega!"

"In simple terms, sockhead?" a panicky Eddy questioned.

"Escape Pattern what and what?" Ed added.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" the group intellectual screamed. The girls just stood there laughing before heading off in a separate direction, well on their way up one of many hillsides overlooking the one fence-bordered lane not long after. Their plan required still further work involving a higher view for plotting things.

Realizing how small the chances of catching the Eds actually doing something embarrassing stood, the Kankers instead went along with Marie's suggestion to photograph objects in their individual houses which the boys preferred kept hidden. "Wow," May commented, ogling at the sight, "I think I see the roof of Ed's house from here."

"You mean all the houses' roofs," Marie said, "What's the plan, Lee?"

"First, May distracts 'em by taking Ed hostage, activating Double D's conscience and having him follow while dragging Eddy along against his will."

"Aw, how come I'm always the decoy?" May complained.

"Because it fits you," Lee answered, "Now quit interrupting. Anyway, Marie…"

An hour passed before anyone dared show up again. "Something smells good," came Ed's voice from underground. The three boys had taken refuge in the sewer not daring to come out should the Kankers still be lingering around the street. Then again, the girls were nobody's fools. Edd's next statement supplemented their current troubles.

"I can't stand another second in here. Will this stuff leave an unsightly residue on our shoes? Mother has the eyes of a needle's head when it comes to adhesive resins alone."

"Is that all you're worried about?" Eddy retorted, "Fine, I'll check first." He pushed the covering off and popped his head up to observe their surroundings. The group had somehow reached the park's borderline with the neighborhood still more barren than ever seeing as how neither the Kankers nor the other kids had returned yet. Eddy climbed out after another quick check. "All clear, boys!"

"Are you sure?" Edd asked, trailing behind Ed.

"It seems that way."

"Only Eddy knows," Ed said.

"Let's get back to my house and work some more."

"Are we gonna play on the swings?"

"No, Ed. We're just making a detour, my house isn't that far. Time is money."

"Yes, but…" Edd began, ignored as his friends ran off, "I hate it when they do that." The excursion through the playground seemed like smooth sailing until Eddy – ten feet away from his friends – stopped in shock. Ed and Edd plowed him into the ground, and they looked up to meet the Kankers' gaze.

"Hello there," Lee greeted dreamily, "Again."

"Oh, dear," Edd said, "Where are the authorities when you need them?"

"Occupied," May answered, she and her sisters advancing on the Eds.

"Not cool! Not cooooooooool!" said victims yelled.

Rather than getting it over with, the Kankers dragged the boys back to Eddy's yard and proceeded to hold them still in a firm hug. None minded the latest project despite there being no cloth concealments, and struggling free proved futile. "Relax, gentlemen," Marie encouraged, "We've been awaiting this moment too long."

"You don't say," Edd moaned.

"But she did," Ed spoke.

"That's not what Double D meant, Ed," Eddy put in. All suddenly heard laughing. The Eds looked behind to see the other kids – having long since returned from the distance they trekked and – standing by the back gate acquiring a good laugh at the sight whereas the Kankers ignored them.

"Oh, this is too good to be true!" Kevin declared.

"Yah!" Rolf added, "This is more amusing than watching the dewdrops on my corn!"

"What's the matter, boys?" Sarah mocked, "Afraid of love? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"'What's the matter, afraid of love?'" Eddy mimicked, next yelling, "Go soak your head, Sarah!"

"Better them than us, Plank!" Johnny added.

"You have got to be the most timely boys in the world," Nazz chimed.

"Where'd you all come from?" Edd wondered, "And why the yelling?

"Rolf warned us about the Kanker hissy fit," Jimmy answered, "Or something like it. We switched our hiding spot together to the trees by the forest, heard the commotion, and came over to investigate."

"I hardly see what's so funny about our misfortune," Edd said.

"You had it coming!" Sarah scoffed.

"No, we didn't!" Ed argued.

"Yes, you did!"

"No, we didn't! Times infinity and beyond."

"Rrrrrrr, darn you, Ed!"

"'Rrrrrrr, darn you Ed,'" Eddy mimicked again, "And what're you all doing in my yard?" So everyone left.

"See ya," Kevin commented, "Losers."

"BACK AT YOU!" the Eds yelled back.

By now, the Kanker sisters felt concerned and so withdrew from their hug. "Come on, boys," Lee began, "Stop playing, you know those chuckleheads are right. You've got to be the most fortunate gentlemen on the planet to land catches like us."

"And what exactly gives you that idea?" Edd questioned.

"Unlike a certain someone whose name is like burning pesticide on our tongues, we're willing to admit our mistakes and devote our love lives to one man each in particular," May answered, "And we're lookin' at 'em."

That's when Eddy decided he'd take no more. "You ruin Ed's makeover, our chances to get our slice of Customer Appreciation Day, and all my scams, and now you expect us to go along with your proposition? All those free jawbreakers, slipped through my fingers."

"Oh! Oh!" Ed offered, "I'll finish the rest. If we had a quarter for every time you crossed our paths, we'd be richer than all the candy money can buy."

"Well put, Ed," Edd complimented.

The Kankers faces had fallen slack by now. "What're you getting at?" Lee questioned.

"Girls, we don't love you the same," a calmer yet exasperated Eddy replied, "Pure and simple. You're the last faces we'd ever wanna see because you've made our lives a living nightmare."

"Excuse me?" Marie argued, "If I recall correctly, which I do, you guys certainly weren't the best house guests the day we first met. We rescued you from the mud, cleaned you off, and more."

"You're forgetting something," Eddy reminded, "If **I** recall correctly, which I also do, you ladies are the reason we got stuck in the mud in the first place. Then again, I should've never let Double D talk me into going on that nature walk."

That must've struck a nerve since the Kankers couldn't bring themselves to speak just yet, much less continue facing the Eds. A frustrated yell echoed throughout the neighborhood after three seconds, spooking birds and squirrels alike in the trees. The male trio covered their heads expecting an umpteenth beating. "Let's not be hasty here," Edd stammered, "We're only speaking the truth; don't shoot the messengers."

"Yeah, that's a crime!" Ed begged.

"It's not that," Lee explained, "We're upset with ourselves, not you. It's been the same thing over and over again."

The Eds resumed their regular standing positions. "Whaddaya mean?" Eddy asked.

"This whole mess is our faults. We had something of behavior problems back in our previous five hometowns. May put duct tape on classroom doorknobs as a hobby. Marie got in fights with other students all the time. And yours truly was infamous for swindling other people of their money. Why? Because we always did have funny habits as tikes. I'm amazed how much our parents put up with us."

"Sorry to get personal, but why is that?" Edd queried.

"Because the passing of our fathers isn't why we're acting this way. You could say we inherited their mean streaks. And yes, I did say 'passing'. We barely knew 'em because they all died when we were so little. Mine died of food poisoning. Marie's father…"

The subject now disturbed the other two, hence why the blue-haired sister interrupted. "My father was a navy officer who died in the line of duty."

"And mine gave his life to save us from a roller coaster accident," May finished, "Our mother took it better than us and tried to help us work through it, but we refused most of it. Lifting weights to work off the stress only goes so far. We never made any friends because nobody could even approach us. You have no idea what we've put ourselves through."

"Of course we don't," Ed stated, "You never told us yet."

"Must be hard living in a trailer," Edd commented.

"Yes and no," Marie continued, "Maybe we unconsciously miss our fathers, but as Lee said, we've been wild even before they died. We lived in good neighborhoods, and our parents raised us right. Either way, you boys are right: It's still no excuse. Mom's had it the hardest."

"That explains a lot," Eddy admitted, "But why us? I know we're that special 'n all, but still."

"Bingo," Lee said, "You are that special. You're the only likeable neighbors here. Biker boy's dull, the big-headed boy with the smiley piece of wood and that other boy with the farm animals are complete weirdos, that small boy is the world's biggest weakling, the little girl is a brat, and the other girl makes us look good in the two-timing department." Her voice softened. "You three exist to keep 'em in line, and you're extreme hunks."

"Well, I do feel flattered," Edd agreed.

"You really know your stuff," Marie said, "Is it any wonder we chose you? Guys like you are rare nowadays."

"We're sorry," Ed spoke, "Can you ever forgive us?"

"No," Lee said, "Forgive us." Never had the Kankers acted this soft in ages. May and Marie looked down at the ground feeling bashful, gently scuffing grass, and awaiting rejection. A blushing Edd and Eddy fanned themselves with their own shirts while staring at their feet. Ed closed his eyes to think it over with a smaller blush. Lee just stared the boys on not knowing how to continue. Eddy's indifference should've kicked in by now; why not laugh it all off or make more snide remarks? And was Ed immune like always, or did he really do the same and take it into consideration? What of Edd's reaction? Somehow, all three Eds felt condolence drain away the urge to head home without saying a word. None left their position until the Kankers pulled respective would-be sweethearts along by the hand.

"Wha?" Eddy wondered.

"There's some stuff we wanna show you in our trailer," May explained

"What for?" Ed continued.

"We got off to a bad start, right?" Marie replied while the Eds followed her and her sisters back to Park N' Flush, "So, we'll make up for it with a good finish by spending quality time together."

"What've you got planned?" a suspicious Eddy said.

"Don't worry," Lee assured, "No more rounds of beatings and rapid kisses."

No matter how many times they'd entered, the Eds couldn't help wondering why the trailer's interior appeared larger than its exterior. All walked in single file with the girls up front as they led their guests up towards their bedroom. Ed felt rather determined at the thought of uncovering some imaginary dark secret much like he'd seen in another of his movies. A mix of fear for what might happen and urgency to mend past swirled inside Edd's mind. Eddy was slightly more nervous especially when his eyes darted towards three certain wall drawings, especially the restored paper which he thought he'd eliminated before. Other interior sections were promptly ignored. Ignoring the bedroom's lack of space, everyone partnered up in the usual fashion – Ed; May, Edd; Marie, and Eddy; Lee – and spread themselves across. May directed Ed towards the closet. "Hey, Ed. Bet you'll never guess what I'll pull out."

"Uh, clothes?"

"Guess again."

"Wrenches?"

"Nope!" May dragged out a box and withdrew a familiar-looking printed cover in a protective plastic bag. "Slug-U-La Magazine! My favorite!"

"No way! You read Slug-U-La?"

"Sure do! Have a look and be very careful."

"Okay." Ed sifted through the collection skimming title after title until he found one his eyes didn't recognize. Understanding magazine fragility, he carefully pulled it out for a closer look. "Ooh, #247. An extra-rare issue I missed." He handed it over. "It hasn't shown in any of the subscription pages. Where'd you find it?"

"Some old shop in town."

"Can I read it?"

"Yes, but I prefer holding it myself while you look over. And try not to drool on it or anything."

"No problem."

On the mirror side of the Kankers' bed, Marie and Edd busied themselves reading all sorts of thick books on power tools and electronics. It never ceased to amaze the latter just how quickly the former treated such material as a hobby; most people couldn't sit still for even a second. Then again, the feeling was obviously mutual. "You sure know how to set records in speed reading, Double D. I wouldn't mind being yer library partner or something."

"Looks like we share a lot more in common than I bothered realizing. Where do you find time to read all this?"

"Eh, I just do. And when I ain't reading or hanging with my sisters, I even like taking stuff apart and seeing what makes it tick. Comes pretty handy wherever I go."

"You too, huh?"

"Yep. Knowledge is power." As Marie smiled about the thought, Edd stared her on as if they'd only met for the first time. True, one can't judge a book by its cover, but surrounding pressures of growing up gave him no alternative. Feeling satisfied at having finally gave the sisters a chance like regular friends, he then wondered why her expression faltered. "But still, there's a time and place for everything. I can't let textbooks cramp my style."

"Aw, how come? What's not to love about science and technology?"

"Well, it is a rough world out there. You gotta be tough or else people push you around."

"Doesn't mean you should suppress your love of knowledge. I get pushed around all the time, but I don't let it stop me. Who cares what others think, y'know?" And the reading continued. Marie glanced his way every few seconds while pondering those words like food for thought.

And at the foot of the bed, Lee showed Eddy three CDs and a CD player. Like his friends, even he had to admit he was actually having a good time with whom he once considered the last people on Earth whose company he wanted. Denial left Eddy as he skimmed down the list of artists and songs on a CD case's back side. "Okay, let's see…whoa! Twenty songs in just one entire collection? That's like…I don't know, maybe three or four o' my records?" (A/N: Since Eddy's behind the times, his reaction only makes sense.)

"These are compact disks," Lee explained, "CD for short. I had some disco vinyl lyin' around myself, but I had ta throw 'em out."

"You like disco too?"

"Of course. '70s music is classic. Today's junk is…well…junk."

"Wow. Never thought I'd say this, but you got style. Disco will never die."

Lee smiled. "Thanks."

"But, why throw 'em out?"

"They and my record player were gettin' worn down. They'd gotten so worn down that I only got a few cents' worth sellin' 'em to some junk collector. Ah, but it was worth it. Don't ask how much these cost. Wanna sample some tunes?"

"Alright. How?"

Lee removed a disk from its case. "Always hold it by the edges or you'll ruin it." Following a mini tutorial on how to use the player and headphones, Eddy and Lee eventually passed time away taking turns listening to various songs. All in all, nobody outside witnessed the cute little treaty occurring here. Oh well.

Half an hour later, the Kankers stood before their doorway with the Eds in the opposite direction ready to leave. Sunset covered the neighborhood in its orange essence. Both trios indubitably had such a good time that any fears of pulling fast tricks on each other or just the simple notion of doing so left without another word. Question is, what came next? And how might the other kids react? "So, didja have a good time with us today?" Marie asked, "Be honest."

"I flew to the moon and back!" Ed declared, "Yeah!"

"The stars couldn't predict this most amiable conjuncture," Edd put in, "I wouldn't change a thing!"

"Yeah, me too," Eddy concluded, "Again, I never thought I'd say this, but I guess you girls ain't so bad."

"Wonderful!" May said, "Does that mean you'll be our boyfriends for real?"

That last line snapped the Eds out of their reverie. "Wait a minute, wait a minute," Eddy quickly stammered, "Let's take it one step at a time."

"Whadda you mean?" Marie asked.

"Listen, girls," Edd reasoned, "We weren't lying about enjoying ourselves and whatnot. Look, we can still be friends, but the guys and I aren't ready to go further. Don't take it the wrong way. It's just that we're not boyfriend material at present; we couldn't be yer loverboy dreamboats even if we wanted to."

May and Marie exchanged disappointed glances and attempted a response, but a knowing Lee cut them off. "I agree."

"You do?" the other two said.

"Today changes everything," the redhead continued, "I think it'd be best if we cut ourselves off from the rest o' the neighborhood altogether for a while."

"Why?" Ed wondered, "Are you going somewhere?"

"Not quite. Today's made me realize we ain't ready fer lovey-dovey either. We gotta have time to ourselves ta think our lives over and see how we can change. We need all the privacy we can get, which means you guys got more vacation time. So, better head on home before dinner gets cold."

The Eds exchanged quick, uncertain glances. "Well…okay," Eddy said, "It was very unusual hangin' with ya."

"Yeah, we should do it more often," Ed added.

"Let us know how the trial goes," Edd put in.

"Bye!" all three boys finished. Once they disappeared from sight, Lee stuck to her word and led her sisters back to their living room.

"Do you mean it, Lee?" Marie wondered, "Are there really gonna be changes around here?"

"As true as the noses on yer faces, girls," was the reply, "So, anything **I** can improve upon?"

"I like this idea already," May spoke, "And I think you can both start by treating me with a little more respect. Even if I am the youngest."

"Got it," Lee acknowledged, "Anything else?"

"Well…" Marie began as she shut the door behind them. Whatever phenomenon transpired that day, in any manner or form, Peach Creek saw its first change since the sisters first moved in. Would the Eds have similar ordeals? If so, what might the other kids think? And for that matter, what of their parents?

The End


	2. In And Out Of Ed

Would Eddy keep his word about becoming a new person, or were the Eds doomed to social failure for all time? The second one apparently boasted greater chances of occurrence, as a steam-filled curtain stall demonstrated. It seems the Eds had gone back to the spa scheme having somehow gained access to a separate facility – some gym-like tiled room – leaving no need for wrecking anyone's house. But they offered no spa treatments besides the makeshift sauna this time. The other kids must've remembered their delight from last time and decided it would go right this time, or they would've turned the other way. If the excitement on Johnny's face didn't falter, everybody else assumed he put the home-wrecking incident behind him. Ed and Edd were the only ones not wearing bathing suits (in a whisper, Ed was currently nowhere to be seen); it also seems Eddy wanted to personally test-drive his own scam. And if he hadn't truly changed at all, it was rather funny that he'd forgotten a fee container or that he never minded his 'customers' preferring to pay later. "Right this way, folks!" Eddy announced, leading the procession and opening the curtains, "Chez La Sweat is back in business!"

The kids entered single-file. "Rolf has waited a lifetime for a renewed cleansing ceremony!" the farm boy declared.

"Right," Kevin said, "Better not embarrass yerself again."

"This is it, Plank!" Johnny declared, forgetting the board's swelling condition, "A real steam bath! Relax."

"How long wouldja like ta stay in?" Eddy asked after joining them and closing the curtains.

"Five hours," was the unified response.

Edd naturally felt worried. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Sarah asked.

"Ah, don't mind him," Eddy said.

"But if you stay in there for too long, you'll get sunburned."

"How?" Jimmy wondered, "Is it powered by the sun?"

"No, but…" Edd stopped in mid-sentence realizing that no one considered his opinion important and shrugged instead. Oh well, just let them learn the hard way. "Fine. The choice is all yours." Sometimes it was just hard reasoning with anyone living in that neighborhood. Once the five hours passed by, everyone came out sunburned like he predicted. The first five emerging souls wasted no time leaving despite their slow pace (Plank hadn't swollen).

"Oh! Ow! The agony!" Jimmy cried.

"Don't worry, Jimmy," Sarah assured, "We can get on some lotion at my house."

"C'mon, Plank," Johnny said, "We need to treat our burns."

"I must splatter myself with Nana's special homemade broth reserved for such flame-induced maladies," Rolf said.

"Yer not the only one," Kevin agreed.

"Now do you see the importance of limiting prolonged heat exposure?" Edd asked. But he shook his head in exasperation as the departing procession ignored him again. Once Eddy and Nazz reappeared, that's when Ed did the same and admired their sunburns. None bothered questioning his absence.

"Cool! Did I just miss a close encounter with the chameleon people of Moon U-35?"

"No, monobrow. We got sunburned."

"Looks like you were right, Double D," Nazz said.

"I stand corrected," a confirming Edd spoke, eyes closed and arms crossed. But craziness then took the form of Eddy transforming into what appeared to be a humanoid red hoatzin bird in the blink of an eye. New clawed arms projected out from underneath the wings. All present spectators predictably gasped at this.

"Whoa!" Ed declared, "Eddy's mutated into a…! Into a…what kind of bird did Eddy mutate into, Double D?"

"It appears to be a hoatzin," came the answer.

"A what?

"Hoh-aht-sin bird."

"Hoh-aht-sin?"

"Exactly."

"How'd this happen?" Nazz wondered, "Oww!" A quick scratch on the shoulder courtesy of Eddy encouraged a sort of plague: The trendy girl also mutated into a funky hoatzin but with orange feathers.

"Egads!" Edd exclaimed.

"Cool," Ed commented.

"Ouch!" A scratch across the cheek instantly made Double D the next victim, another red hoatzin just like his friend.

Ed gasped. "Double D! Speak to me!"

Just then, Kevin returned for no reason and asked, "What's going on here? …Yeouch!" Eddy snuck up behind the poor sap and scratched him on the back, turning him into a blue hoatzin. All three victims merely glanced around the room perplexedly while the 'head hoatzin' set his sights on Ed, who pleaded for mercy and inched his way back.

"No! Not me!" Eddy zoomed toward Ed and scratched him squarely on the cranial section. "Ow! My head!" Fate granted him enough time to clutch the wounded area before becoming a purple hoatzin. Suddenly, a ringing out of thin air made all within the big guy's vision swirl into blurriness. "Oh, the ringing! Why won't it stop?" When he came to, Ed found himself sitting at the table in his house with a plate of unfinished buttermilk waffles before him. Sarah didn't stop clanging a little bell until she knew he'd completely left the daydream. (A/N: This daydreaming sequence is based on an actual dream I once had.)

"About time you snapped out of it. I got a task for you." Ooh, the 'wonderful' loudmouthed sibling, in need of another blackmailed request. An irritated, unsurprised Ed glanced in her direction but put on his usual goofy face to hide it. Judging by Sarah's new dark-green camping uniform and stuffed pack, Ed placed his best bets on accompanying Jimmy again. Now all he had to do was let the little creep say so and reveal her umpteenth threat from her invisible bag of tricks.

"Yes, O loveable one who shares the same parents?" A shame it should leave a bad taste on the tongue.

"Spare me the flattery." Ed's eyes widened the minute Sarah withdrew some plastic-wrapped puzzle – measuring four inches by four and made of hard plastic – from her backpack. Fog on the wrapping's interior indicated a hideous odor. "Recognize this?"

"No! Not the puzzle!"

"I found it underneath the sponges you keep inside your one wall."

His lunging motions were no match for her swift dodging, and she soon had him begging down on his knees. "Spare the puzzle, depraved seed of the underworld!"

"I'll spare it, alright…if you look after Jimmy during my trips to day camp today and tomorrow. I'll be back this evening, and if I get a good report, I'll give back yer stupid puzzle. Otherwise, it'll be taking a one-way tour through the incinerator with the garbage truck as its chaperone if you get my drift."

Ed shuddered at the thought of either choice but continued listening. "Uh, okay. Can I have it back now?"

Sarah held it out of his reach. "No, I'll just keep it to encourage your cooperation." A snap of her fingers brought Jimmy into view. "Walk me to the corner."

Ed didn't understand why he must follow this request. Sarah and Jimmy had already done lots of things by themselves. Then again, Eddy's scam of mowing people's lawns (what strong fertilizer!) proved the big guy shouldn't again risk crazed goats eating or otherwise harming his sister. He still loved her despite her bratty demeanor. When they reached the corner by Edd's house, none noticed the puzzle missing from Sarah's grasp. "Now, Jimmy. If the idiots give you any trouble, you know where to contact me."

"Got it, Sarah."

"Don't wait up."

Once Sarah walked out the door and her bus drove away, Ed stared Jimmy face to face for a minute or so. Criminy, talk about a weakling! What made a kid about a year below Sarah who collapsed from a clothes peg's simple touch so special anyhow? Must've been pity. A clothes peg? The thought was far more unbearable than the ignorance of all the neighborhood kids' parents. Didn't Ed and Sarah's care the least bit about their son as they did their daughter? Oh well. Better get this over with. Jimmy's next statement hinted that he shared the sentiment. "Okay, I'm bored. Let's go do something."

"Alright."

Both headed toward Jimmy's house, but Ed then stopped short after an act of absentmindedly putting his hands into his outer coat pockets invoked a strange feeling. After making sure nobody saw, Ed felt surprised withdrawing the top part of his puzzle. He must've swiped it without realization. Such big pockets! The object quickly went back inside as Jimmy coached the older one again. "C'mon! I wanna be pushed on the swings. Or do I hafta sic Sarah on you?"

"Oh! Right! But first, can I go over to Eddy and Double D's houses to tell them I'm gonna be busy?"

"I guess that sounds reasonable." The two sauntered on out the door as well.

"Okay, let's see," Eddy said, his and Edd's eyes glued to a cookbook, "One-half teaspoon of…what's that say?"

"Cinnamon, Eddy."

"Yeah. One-half teaspoon of cinnamon, properly measured." In the period Ed contended with Sarah and Jimmy, his two friends were over at Eddy's house literally cooking up something special. Although the other residents definitely required a while to adjust, the group leader took last week's experience at Jono Kubat Boarding School as a lesson and kept true about not only treating his friends better but also spending his free time fixing specialty dishes instead of scamming. This new activity showed more profitable promise anyway. Right now, the two chose to start off with a popular Southwestern Asian pastry. Good thing Eddy's parents collected diverse recipes. "One tablespoon lemon juice for the saucepan. If you please, Double D?"

"Got it."

Eddy grabbed a larger spoon and accepted the lemon juice. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"One tablespoon, coming up." But a knock on the door temporarily prevented further movement. "Come in!"

Ed stepped into the kitchen with Jimmy trailing beside. "Hey, guys. How's the cooking coming along?"

"As well as can be expected," Edd answered, "We're making a little something called baklava. Quite a popular treat in the Middle East if I do say so myself. Say, why's Jimmy following you?"

"Sarah's gone away to day camp today and tomorrow, and she wants me to keep him company or else."

"So what else is new?" Eddy said, pausing a moment, "Ed, you really gotta…"

Rather than let either of his friends lecture him again, Ed immediately interrupted. "I just thought you'd like to know so you wouldn't worry in case I got lost in a serpent's belly or something."

"Um, Ed?" Edd began, "We never…"

"Bye!"

Edd sighed once the door closed behind and rejoined Eddy, who'd continued his mixing of ingredients. "Ed should really work on his manners. Doesn't he know it's rude to interrupt?"

"Double D, is that all yer worried about? **I** say Ed should break out of his imaginary world, get a clue, and just stand up to Sarah already. How can the guy let 'er walk all over 'im like that? **I** changed, so why can't he?"

"I admire your newfound concern for our blissfully innocuous friend, Eddy. But one can't just rush change. We've tried forcing Ed into becoming something he isn't against his will in the past, and look where it got us. This is something he must handle alone. Now then, what's the next ingredient?" Eddy groaned but shrugged it off; Edd had made his umpteenth good point.

"More, Ed!" Jimmy requested, "More!" At the playground, the older boy immediately honored the younger one's earlier request. Though a grumpy Ed would rather hang around his friends in the kitchen, Sarah was far more persuasive than Eddy used to be. Who did want to mess with a child having the personality of a malfunctioning steamroller? If only their parents paid closer attention. Caught up in his thoughts, the next three pushes made Jimmy eventually stop. "Hm?" The little one all but forgot his redheaded advantage over Ed and even demonstrated slight compassion, not minding the sudden intelligence boost. "Don't stop! You're doing great!"

"I am?"

"Yeah! Keep it up!"

"Well, alright…"

"Hey, dork!" Both pairs of eyes faced an ever-taunting Kevin, ready to spoil a nice moment. "Whaddaya doing hanging around a baby? Where're the other dorks and yer sister?"

For the first time since Eddy turned Johnny into an even bigger nuisance, Ed let his true feelings show that day. Exasperation wrote itself all over his face. "Sarah's not here right now, and Double D and Eddy are busy with Eddy's cooking lessons."

Kevin's eyes widened at those last two words. Cooking lessons? Eddy? The jerk burst into laughter. "Chef Dorky, reducing himself to a rusted ladle? What, did his dumb scams run outta gas?"

"Go away, Kevin!" Jimmy demanded, "Ed and I are busy right now!"

"Bye, losers." When Kevin left, Ed only sighed before continuing following Jimmy's requests. This was going to be a long day.

As expected, things got no better for Ed throughout the day. Jimmy apparently forgot his earlier compassion as he forced his unwilling playmate into a scam: a squirrel jump derby. Ed admired how much more planning the younger one put into this than Eddy ever did his scams in the past but preferred not admitting it out loud. An entire course stretched left to right through Jimmy's entire backyard: makeshift dirt road with flags dotting scattered locations. "The course is all set," he began, "Now we just need some squirrels."

"Are we interrupting?" came Edd's voice as he and Eddy entered the yard. Ed's nervousness gave way to placing a hand in the puzzle-filled pocket, rubbing the cover so hard that his finger tore open a hole. None yet caught the resulting smell.

"Hi, fellas," Ed greeted, "Is the treat done?"

"Not yet," Eddy answered, "It's no fun doing this alone. Hope it's okay we came to help." Whereas Edd admired the pink boy's newfound concern (although a bit of the latter's old self returned), Jimmy had other feelings. "You doing a scam?"

"Perfect! We need the extra help for the squirrel derby. Can any of you catch some squirrels?"

"I've many ideas for rounding up species…" It turns out Edd stood by Ed's puzzle-filled pocket, meaning he caught the stench first. All thinking capacity just drained away as the gap-mouthed boy saw in his mind dynamite imploding an abandoned building. Eddy and Jimmy eyed the spectacle clueless until it also reached them. Everyone except Ed covered their noses.

"Phew!" Eddy declared, "Someone's cooking age-old eggplants!"

"Nasty!" Jimmy chimed, "The purple lumps are overtaking the wilted begonias!"

Ed didn't understand until Edd pointed at the one pocket. The former pulled out his puzzle, took a whiff, wretched since he for once couldn't take the stench, and fanned it. "My. Guess it has been out a while."

Edd noticed a particular quarter. "Isn't that the same puzzle piece I once gave you as a birthday gift?" And the feeling was mutual.

"Yeah, and **I** gave you that piece earlier," Eddy pointed out.

"Uh-huh," Ed explained, "This one is from Double D, this one from Eddy, this from Sarah, and my parents handed me this one."

"How'd you get that back from Sarah?" Jimmy realized, "And why would she hold that for ransom?"

"It must be very special," Edd commented, unconvinced.

"I'm outta here!" Jimmy ran back into his house, shut the door, and never once returned. Ed shot his friends a worried glance.

"Um, guys? If it's all the same, can I sleep over at one of your houses tonight?"

Edd and Eddy exchanged uncertain glances until the latter offered a suggestion. "Why not camp out in the woods instead?"

Little else stirred that day's remainder or come night. The Eds left a message on Ed's house's answering machine, packed up, and headed off into the deep woods beyond the next cul-de-sac. (A/N: To me, 'cul-de-sac' means a type of road.) They heard Sarah's frustrated yells back home while burying Ed's puzzle but let it be. She hopefully wouldn't find them in time and perhaps forfeit the matter, but they may as well hold their breath on the second one. "We should be safe at least tonight," Edd guessed, "But what about tomorrow? Sarah won't stop until she hunts us down to the ends of the planet."

"We'll think of something," Eddy assured, "But Ed's puzzle, no matter how bad it smells, will be even safer for a while…until somebody else digs it up. But I know we'll pull through." That's when they noticed Ed's downcast expression and began interrogation. "What's wrong, lumpy? Why so down in the dumps?"

Edd stopped at the thought of one likely cause, reached towards Ed's shoes, and stopped when the big guy motioned for his property to be left alone. Plus, the following serious tone of voice seemed rather out of character. "I don't have another rock in my shoe, I'm serious this time."

"What's the problem?" Edd asked.

"You'll laugh."

"No, we won't," Eddy said, "Friends help each other."

"Oh, alright." Ed sighed. "Those puzzle pieces are memories of the bonds I share with you guys, Sarah, and my parents. Mom and Dad told me the doctor nearly dropped me when I first came along. Guess that explains why I'm such a slob and have many strange habits like the Kanker sisters. Double D, as you would put it, I was the apple of their eyes. Their puzzle piece – their first and only gift embedded with their love – is part of a puzzle of which only five sets exist in the world. Anyway, they always did work too hard. Things got worse when Sarah arrived. Not that I've ever hated her. Sure our parents strained themselves even more, and her attitude does get on my nerves as well. You've seen how sweet she can be, right?"

"Mostly towards Jimmy," Edd said.

"Yeah, she used to treat me the same way. Sarah won't admit it today, but I could do no wrong in her eyes back then. Ah, those were the days. You might say one of us couldn't be without the other. In fact, that second puzzle piece she gave me is a reminder of the last pure affections I felt from her. Mom and Dad hadn't time to notice Sarah learn her first world or celebrate my 5th birthday with us. They always left us with strangers who often bullied the two of us. But imagine my happiness by the end of that day when Sarah presented a second puzzle piece she claimed she found thrown into a nearby trashcan like nothing else, all cleaned up though poorly repainted. But I didn't care how it looked since my sister put her heart into the gift, and it wasn't that bad. For the second time in my life, things really looked up again."

"Wow, that's so amazing," Edd commented, "Continue."

"Unfortunately, I'm only sad to say that things took their worst turn many months later. Mom and Dad got all the more wrapped up in their jobs that they minded me and Sarah less and less. The resulting pressure got me duped into pulling a school prank of filling the principal's jacket with coleslaw not long after Sarah's third birthday. Being tired and all, Mom and Dad weren't thinking straight and so introduced a new punishment: taking away my stairs the following weekend and providing a rope ladder only for mealtimes. But Sarah was worse off. Whereas I kept going despite the harassment by students, teachers, and babysitters alike, my poor sister just gave up. Witnessing the punishment hurt the girl so much that her spark of kindness towards me left the following Monday night. My life just fell apart around me. I couldn't make friends because everybody thought of me as some loser without realizing I too have feelings." Ed stared down at the tent floor in resignation lowering his voice. "I never knew what it meant being accepted out of the home until I met you guys a few years later. Those puzzle pieces mean a lot to me. Thanks."

A shocked Edd and Eddy just looked at Ed, who paid them no further attention. Recalling certain incidents – pretending to be spoiled royalty; giving Ed a chores list measuring several feet; Eddy attempting to break Ed out of a stairs-less room; practicing the violin; and so forth – basically, not once did either friend actually see the brother-sister pair getting along with each other. Ed seemed like many things: a stinky oaf, Jimmy's rival clashing over whom should care for a sickly Sarah, but an authentic actor blanketing his feelings this whole time? The younger sister had it pretty hard herself, but her stubbornness made it difficult reasoning with her, much less sympathizing. Eddy clung to Ed not minding the smells bursting into tears. "That's the saddest story ever! I'm sorry, Ed!"

Ed gave the team leader a pat on the back. "It's not your fault, Eddy, but apology accepted."

Edd clung next, also crying. "You weren't planning on overlooking me, were you?"

"Not at all, Double D," Ed continued, "Not at all." They then withdrew.

"But you know, Ed, you can't just let her push you around like that," Eddy stated, "You're older, so you gotta show her who's boss."

"That's right," Edd added, "Even if she's no more exempt from harsh times, it's still no excuse. Not only that, but you should be able to express yourself like this more often, and not just something random."

"Uh huh," Ed agreed, "I know." Then came a second hug. The Eds must've been in that position for hours as the moon overhead watched the sweet spectacle.

Sleep full of promise dominated the tent's atmosphere. But Ed awoke early as ever the next morning at the sound of approaching footsteps. Same as Rolf, the team muscle knew how to distinguish footstep differences amongst people. So he shook the other two awake. "Guys. Guys!"

"What's the problem, Ed?" Eddy yawned.

"Someone's coming our way. I just know it's Sarah."

"You can tell?" Edd said.

"Yes. It's all in the type of footsteps everybody makes. These ones sound small, quick, angry, and ready to gobble up a Baronian elephant. That description fits Sarah."

Eddy unzipped the tent entrance, took a peek outside, and confirmed his friend's suspicions. The others joined right above him. "Yep," the leader spoke, "That's the little brat if I ever did see her." The Eds quickly stepped out of the tent.

"Are we gonna face her?" Edd asked.

"No," Eddy said, "We'll wait in our club van at the dump until she's gone to camp. Then we'll come back and go from there."

"Not much of a plan, Eddy, but oh well," Ed said. So the Eds departed the scene as quickly yet calmly as possible. None turned back to catch an upset Sarah scrounge around the tent finding nothing.

Two more hours passed by before the Eds emerged from the van they'd turned into a clubhouse. "We can't keep this up forever," Edd stated, "Ed, you're gonna hafta tell Sarah how sad she's made you."

"You're right, Double D," Ed agreed, "She's at day camp right now, so I can plan it out while playing a game in the park. See you two later." The two contemplated what to do next while watching their friend leave.

"I've been inside too long," Eddy said, "Wanna go do something else?"

"I saw some edible mushrooms growing around the construction site. Probably fair game since I've heard no one else claim 'em."

"Great idea. I can see my next recipe in the works already. We can snack on some and collect a few for later."

"Yep. Just as long as we don't gather too many, and only after we cook 'em first."

Ed chose the lane as his path into the park's trees to gather up some acorns. Neither he nor his friends noticed Sarah spying on the latter from the trees in which the trio camped. This being the moment Sarah waited for, she immediately returned home apparently without getting caught. Once she came back again holding a movie projector, Edd and Eddy continued their own task while ignoring her. Sarah remained hidden just in case and didn't start nearing until she made good enough distance. Her footsteps and the wind from rushing by made the two paused to check behind but found nothing, shrugged, and so headed to the second cul-de-sac's far end. This cycle continued on three more times, but Sarah had piles and other construction site characteristics for cover. All three practically ignored current playground occurrences. Speaking of which, Ed kept busy playing marbles with acorns. "Hey, Ed?" an approaching Johnny said.

"Yes, Johnny?" was the wary reply, concerning last week's incidents with Captain Melonhead and such.

"I wanted to know something."

"Yeah, and so did I. Double D and I didn't do much to you. You got everybody's money back, so why'd you keep being mean to us? Why are you so annoying?" Ed then noticed a guilty look in Johnny's eyes. "Or do you not wanna talk about it yet?"

"I'll…tell you another time. I heard Eddy's given up scamming everyone for a while." Rolf, Jimmy, and Nazz who just strolled up had to throw in their comments as well.

"You mean it?" Nazz queried, "Those words came straight from Eddy's mouth?"

"So the prophecy is true," Rolf said, "For many a night has Rolf dreamed cube-headed Ed-boy pursuing the life of a coddler. Such deserves celebration! I will return with my Nana's best sturgeon surprise!" The blue-haired preteen departed the playground.

"Ooh, a new chef!" Jimmy chimed, "Does this mean he's planning to open his own restaurant?"

"Depends," Ed said, "Eddy said he's giving scams a rest until he perfects his technique."

"I bet he'd make great partners with Rolf," Nazz suggested.

At the construction site, Edd and Eddy searched around the building frames but hadn't found the mushrooms yet. The area itself was just as much an enigma as whatever the former hid underneath his hat. Whoever planned out a new neighborhood certainly took their sweet time completing the project. Hiding behind a crane and taking care not to stray too close to the trailer park, Sarah continually kept a close eye on her unsuspecting victims while plotting further. And judging by lack of success finding so much as a trace of fungal growth, it seems things would go her way. "So, where are they?" Eddy asked.

"They're supposed to be around this spot," Edd recalled, "Mushrooms like dark, damp places. The shade from these frames matches the appropriate conditions." That's when Sarah made her move via a simple button-click.

"Double D, look out!" Eddy pushed his friend down before a wrecking ball out of nowhere caused any injury.

"What happened?"

"You almost got hit." The wrecking ball then snapped and impacted, shocking the two.

"Guess we better leave the workers to their job." But exiting the construction site proved easier said than done. A trek in the direction of the one bordering cul-de-sac got cut off by a steamroller passing by. Knocked-over pipes blocked off any pathways towards the playground. Cranes, a backhoe, two bulldozers, and so forth created an obstacle course on the way back to the lane. The movie projector Sarah controlled gave her the amusement of her life all the while giving the bewildered pair a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality. But just when they thought it couldn't get worse, the brat saw them run underneath an actual cement vat and pressed a lever dumping the contents over all except their heads. Naturally, struggling proved futile. "Nngh! Ungh!"

"What's with this cement?"

The light show was so intense that it didn't go unnoticed by everyone on the playground, busily munching another of Rolf's presented delicacies. "Ooh, fireworks!" Jimmy announced.

"Yes," Rolf agreed, "I have not seen such a colorful display of fancy lights since my grandfather's collection of rare angler torches."

"Hmmm…" a determined Ed wondered, standing up.

Increasing humiliation presented itself in the form of Sarah laughing at the trapped duo's expense after turning off the projector. "You idiots fall for it every time!"

"What's the big idea, runt?" Eddy demanded, "We didn't do anything this time!"

"Oh, yes, you did. Jimmy needs someone to keep him company, and you guys somehow ruined it."

"I beg your pardon!" Edd retorted, "You should just leave Ed alone! How does he put up with you?"

"Yeah!" Eddy agreed, "We're just defending our friend!"

"Oh well. Let's see you defend yer way outta this one." But Sarah got no further before two green-sleeved arms grabbed her and tossed her aside.

"Hey, guys!" Ed greeted, "Oh, the cement look is just not you. Lemme fix it." After taking careful aim, a simple flick brought their entrapment crumbling.

"Thanks, Ed," Eddy said, "Wait'll I get my hands on…" Ed held up an arm to belay his friend's action. If anyone were to take the enemy on this time, it had to be the single-browed lug. The two watched in confusion as Ed faced Sarah, who had just recovered.

"Ed! I'm telling Mom you threw me!"

"You're home early. Sarah, why are you always picking on my friends?"

"I cut camp, bro. And you answer this: How did you get that puzzle back out of my hand?"

By now, all except Sarah stood near the playground trees. Whereas Eddy's self-improvement was an appetizer, Ed's would act as the very bulk according to the following session (one could only imagine what possible impact Edd might have later on). Right then and there, the yellow-skinned boy knew something must happen regardless of anything else. "That's a good question. I wondered the same when I found it in my pocket."

"Don't you pull the curtains over my head. How'd you get it back? And where is right now? There's no way you tossed it yourself what with all the sentimentality you put in it. If you knew what was good for you, you'd tell me the truth right this instant."

But Ed's patience wouldn't waver. "Sarah, if you know what's good for you, you'll stop hurting Eddy and Double D."

"ANSWER ME!" Edd immediately cowered behind Eddy whereas the other kids just flinched. But Ed remained firm, his sister's next words forfeiting her former crush on the gap-mouthed boy. "Your friend's a smart weakling."

Ed shook his head. "For a small fry, you certainly have a lot of nerve ordering people around as if they were your servants."

"And you're going to obey those orders, pal."

"My name is Ed, and I'm your older brother. I know no apology can ever make up for not being there enough for you, but do you think I've had it any easier when the both of us were little?"

But Sarah wouldn't listen. "SHUT UP AND ANSWER ME! YOU'RE TRYING MY PATIENCE!"

"And you have a big mouth."

"Grrrrrrr..." Sarah lunged at Ed but missed when he dodged aside. The group muscle surprised himself and figured maybe he'd paid attention to her moves after all. A cycle of five more tries ended once Sarah finally landed on her brother's back. Nevertheless, he just tossed her upon a sand pile he knew soft enough to cause minimal injury. Everyone else was stunned.

"Sarah!" Jimmy cried. Did I just see what I think I saw? Edd and Eddy thought. A recovering Sarah got the wrong idea seeing Ed run back to the playground.

"Oh, no, you don't!"

The ferocious little girl ignored those following her but stopped short at her brother's held-up hand. "No one is ever truly dumb, Sarah. They just do dumb things. And from this point on, I quit being so modest. You hear me? I am no longer anyone's tool!"

Ten seconds passed by before Sarah regained her untouched composure. "Are you done yet?"

"Depends. Were you not listening to a thing I just said?"

"I guess not. I only heard gibberish yuck coming outta your flappers as usual." Sarah turned rabid again and pounced Ed's way unleashing every bit of pent-up emotion. Five times she failed in taking him out; everybody else cautiously backed away not wanting to bear the brunt themselves.

At one point, Ed held Sarah down and literally rubbed her face in the grass apparently enjoying this (though not hard enough to suffocate or scrape her). "Rrrrrr! Rrrrrr! Rrrrrrrrrrrr!" He paused a moment. "Had enough?"

"Uhh…"

"Rrrrrrrr!" After that last one, Ed finally released Sarah who – still full of energy – attempted smacking her brother like crazy. But he just held her firmly in place by the head and shook his own. "Give it up, Sarah. There's no point in taking your frustrations out on me. Sorry for the rough time, but I do and say all this because I really love you."

"Let…me…hurt you!"

"No, sister. You must be getting tired."

And Ed was right. Sarah eventually ran out of energy, backed away, and plopped onto the grass in a tired daze. "Eeeeh..." she groaned. Everybody else reached her side with Jimmy leading them while Edd and Eddy joined Ed.

"Woo-hoo!" Eddy cheered, "You did it!"

"Will she be all right?" Edd asked.

"Yeah. It's not like I hurt my sister, and if so, she won't go to the hospital."

"C'mon, then," Eddy coached, "Let's go retrieve some things." And the trio left the playground.

"Sarah?" Jimmy spoke

"Mommy, is that you?" was the reply.

The Eds spent the rest of that hour removing their camping gear and unearthing the puzzle. Sarah thankfully neither caused too big a mess nor suspected the puzzle's location. Come afternoon long after, Ed kept true about his promise and started off by cleaning up his room with his friends gladly helping out. Dirty laundry went into the washer. Corners were swept, mopped, and wiped down. Moldy food took a one-way trip to the dump. Ed also drained his gravy-filled bathtub. After today's experience, the preteen decided he'd work on himself first before approaching the family. "Ed, I must hand it to you," Edd began while restacking magazines and comic books, "You really stuck it to Sarah out there."

"Got that right," Eddy added, dusting the shelves, "No offense, but I was getting tired of the old you anyway."

"The feeling's mutual," Ed agreed, placing a rotten apple core in a trash bag. No matter how blurry it appeared or how long it took to resurface, Ed knew Sarah still loved him deep down inside as he did her. Who knew? With time on their side, maybe he'd rediscover the same sibling (if not family) unity he knew as a toddler. And no one would manipulate him again.

The End


	3. Edceptional

Note: Picks up where my last posted story 'In And Out Of Ed' left off. Sorry if this trilogy seems repetitive.

Someone or something must've intervened, because it seemed better times now lay ahead for a particular male trio. With Ed's expressed thoughts following Eddy's newfound interests, the other kids were losing dominance little by little though it still might be a while before they backed off completely. Everyone took recent events well enough that they may as well start giving the Eds some deserved respect. The Kanker sisters stayed on hiatus until further notice. Not counting people from other neighborhoods or out of town, only Sarah never abandoned the past. When she too came around depended on when Ed found the occasion to confront her and their parents. For now, he contended himself on physical and emotional cleanup with his friends' aid.

Clanging, scrubbing, marching, vacuuming, sweeping, and other related sounds filled the entire downstairs section. Some furniture was temporarily relocated out beside the stairs to make for a more thorough job. Sorted-out objects got lined up around the stairs. The job went along far smoother than any scam. Sarah must've taken Ed's word for it at the construction site earlier if she hadn't interrupted by now (or maybe she merely needed rest). Ed and Eddy now scrubbed bathroom tiles and porcelain while conversing together. But as a reminder of hygienic hesitation and a need to be alone momentarily, Edd instead wiped off the dirty bookcase. "So, how's the…uh…the…treats coming along?" Ed began.

"Baklava, Ed," Eddy answered, "Bahk-luh-vah. The unfinished mix is in the fridge right now thanks to Jimmy and Sarah."

"Maybe a bit later. But I tell you, I haven't done what we're doing right now in years. It's gonna take a miracle to get these two rooms and myself all shiny as a car on a mountain just like the scientist's lab on Alien Basketball…or Double D's room."

"A miracle called teamwork. If need be, I can go retrieve extra cleaning supplies at my house. I'll even lend you a new toothbrush or so from underneath the bathroom sink."

"You'd really do this?"

"That's why we're friends. Yeah, my mom keeps plenty of stuff around. 'Never know when it might come handy', so her philosophy goes. She wasn't joking."

"I'd like that."

"Hmmm, hmmm," Edd hummed. Eddy and Ed gazed into the bedroom where a thoughtful genius continued working. Judging by the expression, neither could tell what their friend felt.

"Think he's sad?" Ed wondered.

"Only one way to find out. Hey, Double D."

Edd looked up from his work after five seconds. "Hmmm…huh?"

"Everything okay in there?"

"Eh, I'm just pondering about our faction's activities and how much they've altered over these past two weeks. Nothing major."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

"Well, okay," Ed concluded, "But don't hesitate if you need someone to talk to. We're only happy to help." Edd nodded his head in acknowledgement. As the cleanup continued, no one ever caught the following: a pair of binoculars spying on them from the tree near Ed's one bedroom window; three accompanying, orange hair-like stalks; or some unidentifiable whispered snickering.

"Almost…got it!" Eddy struggled, helping his friends stuff the last of Ed's trash into the dumpster. Afterward, the trio stepped back to let a waiting dump truck take away this new maximum overload. The day's tasks had taken much out of them, especially Edd; proceeding towards the dump seemed harder than simply hauling it to the nearest (and largest) rubbish bin by the lane. Sunset dawned upon Peach Creek shortly before they'd stepped outside again. "We all done, I take it?"

"For now," Ed answered, "We can do more tomorrow since we're all bushed. I'll just set our tent up in my backyard for sleep. Er, after I get a house key just in case Sarah tries locking me out again."

"In that case, let's all wash up and then meet back at my house. I can't wait to try my next recipe."

"Music to my ears," Edd said, "I need a good shower." While the other two hurried off, a glass bottle on the ground distracted the group genius from doing the same. "Goodness. This must've rolled out of some container. Well, better give it a nice new home." Of course, his less-than-robust physique made such a task look easier said than done from his viewpoint. The bottle seemed to weigh at least a ton. "Eeerrrrrgghh…stupid bottle."

"What a joke." From behind his fence, a spying Kevin just shook his head in exasperation. What kind of person didn't know how to pick up a simple piece of trash or a football, much less throw the latter? According to Kevin, people like that gave anatomy and physiology a bad name. The shrugging bully quietly opened the fence gate and snuck up on the unsuspecting preteen, unwilling to decline another good opportunity. Edd heard not a single peep as he finally hoisted the bottle right into the nearest barrel. He then knelt over for a moment's worth of rest.

"Finally. Got it in."

"You were better off leaving it where you found it," Kevin taunted. Edd warily stood up at the antagonist's presence hoping for no further complications that day. Instinctively, he then attempted leaving the lane but got held back by his shirt collar. "Where ya goin'?" Kevin advanced the cruelty by flinging Edd onto the ground back first and placing one foot on his wrist, thereby inflicting pain and destroying all chances of escape.

"Ouch! Ooh! Eee! Let me go this instant, Kevin!"

"Too easy. Why don't you make me?"

"You're crushing my carpals! Get off!"

"Wimp. Guess I'm not pushing hard enough." As pressure increased, Edd could feel his chest getting warmer. Blood vessels in his face expanded, and his cheeks began turning pink. Everything turned blurry but reverted back when Eddy's demanding voice echoed.

"Get yer dirty feet off our friend this instant!" Hooligan and target eyed the unpleased pink-skinned boy accompanied by a more-or-less upset Ed. But Kevin wouldn't give in just yet.

"Why should I?" As the determined pair advanced closer and closer, however, the bully found it best to back off once they'd acquired a distance of only five steps away. Eddy and Ed gave Kevin a good talking-to while Edd stood back up and recovered. "Careful now. Believe me, you don't wanna do something you'll regret."

"Other than defending the weak and helpless from the likes of people such as you?" Ed retorted, "You haven't seen what I'm now capable of, Kevin, but I'll show you if you make me."

"Same here," Eddy added, "You can call me all the names in existence, but I can be just as dangerous when I want. Now go home and leave us alone!"

"Sure thing…Skipper." Eddy just huffed, no longer really caring about his middle name. Despite the façade and refusal to admit being wrong, he and Ed saw the departing Kevin's cowardice clear as day even when he disappeared behind the gate. But they dropped the subject and rushed over to Edd's side.

"You okay, Double D?" Ed inquired.

"I am now. Thanks for the save."

"No problem," Eddy said, "But what's the idea stickin' around here for? Why didn'tcha follow?"

"Sorry. I just wanted to pick this empty bottle up off the ground so that no one tripped over it or, worse yet, somehow cut themselves by accident. It's no fun stepping on glass, broken or otherwise."

"How long can it take dumping an empty bottle?" Ed asked as they strolled back to Eddy's house, "Even if you don't exercise much, it shouldn't be that hard."

"What can I say? That's just my life."

"No biggie," Eddy concluded, "We could all use a decent shower and a good meal. Tomorrow's a new day." Edd lightly smiled, glad that his friends didn't ask as to why he gave Kevin the satisfaction. He knew the effects of today's incidents would linger into the late hours but not how much until the entire neighborhood fell asleep.

Snack time pretty much came and went, though Edd naturally didn't recognize his own friends anymore. Eddy had become a nicer person and Ed a more hygienic one. However, the surrounding positivity surrendered to negativity deep into the night. Edd tossed about underneath his covers due to recently acquired memories as well as those from long ago. All those hours supplementing a glass of warm milk – two in between which he used staring up at the ceiling allowing his thoughts to roam free – and he still hadn't yet fallen asleep. It was the first time in months he heard his parents pull into the driveway, romp around the house doing who knew what, and so forth. Why, they'd been out so frequently much like the other kids' parents without making phone calls home or leaving recorded messages that he almost forgot how their voices sounded. No wonder they all were always in a rut.

"Mmm…nngh…leave…me…alone!" Edd's eyes flapped wide open at a bad dream. Sitting straight up on his bedside, the hyperventilating preteen took a moment to not only notice that his clock read 1:00 AM but also to think. The human mind truly exhibited the most interest: People acted in a particular manner for several years only to change before others realized it. Edd rediscovered the very pang of envy he hadn't felt since Jimmy's birthday alongside his admiration for his friends' new nobility. Whereas they had changed, the capped boy remained the same taunted weakling everyone knew him as. Edd might imagine himself enjoying life better if not for that blasted dodge ball incident.

_Flashback_

A line of youngsters stood before gym bleachers four years ago in a different elementary school. Edd never liked gym class because he just couldn't keep up. His lack of enthusiasm for physical activities made him a bully's favorite target. Edd hadn't any real friends before he met Eddy and Ed mainly because they envied his good marks in other subjects such as math and science, and he couldn't show bold independence. The group intellectual's trademark hat let him cover his face whenever humiliation required a quick shield. Little did he know what horror lay ahead on that one infamous day.

Edd's greatest fears of what might and was going to happen soon enough dominated his worries as to when he got chosen. In fact, he bet his worst on one opposing team member in particular: a surly-looking girl with a yellow bandanna covering much of her scraggly auburn hair. She'd lately worked up a record for putting the poor boy through the greatest P.E. torture to date. Both teams chose which sides of the gym to stand on, and the instructor quickly stood between for some last-minute instructions. She also quickly equipped half the members on each team including Edd and the one girl with a rubber ball.

Balls sailed through the air like streamers around a boat after the teacher cowered underneath the bleachers. Though both teams suffered a fair share of lost members, Edd's team predictably shrunk faster. Today almost seemed better than expected; the fragile boy unwittingly dodged incoming projectiles better than his scornful teammates, who finally dealt crushing blows to their pride. Edd kept a firm grip on his own ball but was too busy to bother attempting a throw. By the time the opposing team's next concentrated barrage daunted him without making actual contact, only four others just as fearful stood by his side. "Aw, cauliflower," one opposing member complained, "Our favorite target, and we missed every single shot."

"We still got one chance," the captain said, "Fiona?"

It turns out Fiona – the girl with the yellow bandanna – had also retained a ball waiting for the right moment. At the sound of her name, she held it up to receive an approving nod from the captain before glancing toward Edd. Those who'd been struck out knew what rough reputation Fiona maintained and so dared not interfere. "Fresh meat," she whispered, smirking. Edd and his remaining teammates were too dazed to do anything about the following life-changing event. Time slowed down as the ball collided right into his mouth, not only knocking out a tooth but also damaging a nerve.

"Hey, pudding hat!" another opposing player called, "Looks like you're out!"

"Sweet move!" a third congratulated. Still smirking, Fiona exchanged high-fives with her teammates before Mrs. White finally took control of the situation.

Nothing added up anymore despite inevitability two days later. A trip to the dentist's office resulted in some face mask Edd had to wear for a short while. But the spot was so badly damaged, a gap in his smile was the boy's only option; the bill would overwhelm his parents. Speaking of which, he heard such enraged comments as 'Do you even know how to run this joint?' from his mother and 'If this ever happens again, we'll report you!' from his father during the conference between them and the principal. Edd sat out in the hallway absorbing every word.

Although Edd continued receiving constant taunts now and then, at least he'd been excused from gym class almost indefinitely. Such an oral trauma made lugging around even some of the smallest objects outlandishly difficult (all in his mind, of course). Edd had become far weaker than before: Someone could easily knock him down with a handful of peanuts without the shells, figuratively speaking. He also began engaging in so-called effeminate activities like sewing and baking, though it no longer mattered what other people thought. As long as life went on, why fret?

Fiona received two weeks' worth of suspension and never strayed so much as an inch near Edd. And when he received news that his parents were transferring to Peach Creek once school let out, the fragile boy couldn't've felt more overjoyed. After all the bad experiences in the old town, he was looking forward to start anew. That's when he met Eddy and Ed later on, thus beginning the trio's misadventures.

_End Flashback_

Although the hat came off at least three or four occasions other than bathing during his residency in Peach Creek, only once did the other two finally see what spiky hair lay underneath due to static buildup. Edd sighed right after the thought faded. He couldn't simply abandon them despite past betrayals which previous redemptions already neutralized. Eddy knew how to encourage a person to get out into the open, away from stuffy indoor settings. And where the formerly self-righteous leader failed, even Ed's façade didn't prevent the emotional support Edd received when best needed. Good things came to those who waited, but the notion of becoming someone new dissolved the preteen's patience that night. Why wait when one could just go for it? The new question was, how?

Just then, Edd's eyes darted towards his bookshelf above. He immediately stood out of bed, withdrew something titled 'Conditioned Reflex', and tore off the paper disguise to reveal a hidden videotape. Edd had unexpected received some junk mail about a week after Eddy lured everyone into anarchy (as a side note, it took nearly an hour before they escaped the cage and the capped boy reorganized his disorderly belongings). One package contained some crossword puzzle books and an instructional tape on early self-defense which he last used in preparation for Eddy's Kung Fu scam. Through the unforeseen idea that it might come handy someday, Edd couldn't find the urge to just eliminate its existence from the household. He'd cut and taped a phony paper cover for hiding this newfangled last-ditch resort away from even his sharp-eyed parents. The title alone was enough to divert them.

Come morning, Edd situated a plastic bag filled with cotton clumps on a stool in his living room right after finishing the paper round and switching into looser clothing. During the earlier time, the preteen could've sworn he caught a familiar face hiding in the bushes but just ignored it. One way or another, he was determined to move up in the world just like his friends; chores and otherwise would have to wait for once. With a sketched mean face taped onto the bag, Edd stood adjacent to it and the television set with the tape playing. All curtains were shut for an extra-private atmosphere and all furniture and fragile objects moved aside for distance reasons. A young man accompanied by students standing behind appeared after the introductory musical score. "Hello, friends. My name is Howard Arnst, and I'm here to teach you how to defend yourself should you ever get into a sticky situation in the outside world." Whoever recorded the tape felt some urge to include more than just regular martial arts according to the contents list.

While Howard went through the usual instructional procedures, a conspiracy was afoot back outside. In the lane, Kevin balanced himself between talking on a portable phone and digging a pit. Very few other than himself, Edd, and most likely Rolf had woken up early; either that, or maybe they took their sweet time busying themselves with tasks he cared a lot less about right now. But the minuscule neighborhood fauna noticed that he was clearly up to no good once again. "Really? …Sweet. How soon will you be over today? In a few hours?"

"How's about right now?" came a feminine voice from behind.

Turning around, Kevin jolted at meeting another strange visitor and immediately hung up. "That was fast. How long have you been here?"

"I walked over from the motel at around 6 o'clock this morning. You never told me Mr. White Streaks had a paper round. Nearly caught me hiding."

"Yeah, that's just how the dork earns some of his allowance. Don't see how he can toss rolled-up newspapers, but not a ball weighing a lot less. What a geek."

"Tell me about it. Anyway, what's the plan?"

Back at Edd's house, Howard finished the introductory stage. "Is everybody ready?" he spoke into the camera.

"As I'll ever be," Edd responded.

"That's wonderful. Let's start off our warm-up with a few jumping jacks." Edd followed suit waving his limbs around while jumping in place, taking great care not to knock over the stool and bag. Background music supplemented a brief session of running in place, stretches, and more calisthenics. "Great job. Now to move on to the bigger stuff. First technique: the simple karate chop. You can use thin air or a soft target like maybe some stacked pillows or blankets as a guide." Edd faced the sack eyeing the drawn face. The last time he shared Johnny's emotion of static yet intimidating objects was when the Eds wrestled the Kankers and predictably lost. Hopefully the group genius might get some actual training done with no distractions.

"Okay, here goes. Easy now."

Howard moved an arm up and down at his own commands with fingers clenched flat together, and everyone else followed along. "Try not to hurt yourself now. One, two. Ready, eeyah!"

"Eeyah!" the students chorused.

"Eeyah!" Edd chimed, karate-chopping the bag. Briefly recoiling from a throbbing hand, he squeezed it into a fist and took the bizarre pain as it came. All moved on to the next lesson after ten chopping rounds.

"Good," Howard continued, "Very, very good. Next, we're gonna do a little something I call the cross chop. Watch me." The video instructor sliced the air diagonally with one arm followed by the same action via his other arm. "Together now."

For an entire hour, Edd found he actually enjoyed this burst of physical activity which he'd long since avoided. More karate chops, special kicks, a touch of pugilism, and so forth occupied him well for the first time in his entire life. Previous illusions upped and left without an explanation why. Of course, it didn't come without the usual fumbling from such techniques as the tornado kick, but oh well. Edd knew he couldn't catch up with years' worth of missed training in only one day; this was just an appetizer. Once the hour ended and the tape got rewound, he rested on the couch feeling gallant. "What a morning. I should've done this sooner."

That's when the ringing doorbell interrupted the moment. "Hello?" came Eddy's voice, "You home, Double D?"

"Yeah, can you come out and play?" Ed added.

Edd immediately zoomed up to his bedroom, hid the tape carefully once again, and returned back downstairs to answer the door. "Hey, guys. Make yourselves at home." The two stepped in remembering to first remove their shoes. "So, what's on today's agenda?"

Eddy's eyes slightly bugged out at the wide space and Edd's current wardrobe. "Whatever comes up first. What's with the snazzy outfit and the new furniture arrangement?"

"Oh, I took some time this morning to exercise a bit. Can't live on brains alone, loathe as I am to admit." As far as Edd knew, half truth was better than none. Not that he preferred shutting out his friends; he just needed the same alone time they had during their trials.

"I'm happy to hear it," Ed admitted, "Lemme guess: Kevin 'encouraged' you yesterday."

Edd felt a tad downcast. "You could put it that way."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you."

"No harm done. I just got tired of being picked on and so took time to work on my muscles."

"Friends help each other through thick and thin," Eddy said, "I know what'll cheer you up."

"What?" Edd wondered.

Eddy's remedy was none other than a nice game of hide-and-seek another half hour later, after Edd took a shower and dressed into his usual outfit. Unlike the last one, the Eds played without anyone else's presence and made any indoor areas off-limits. Kevin sat on his rooftop spying the entire activity through his binoculars again but pretty much like the other kids resisted interfering. He'd made doubly sure the disguise upon which the pit he dug earlier was strong enough to only be sprung by tugging on an invisible string jutting from it into his yard, the one end situated next to a coiled-up garden hose. Taking care not to stray near his antagonistic neighbor's property, Eddy covered his eyes up against the mailbox on the corner and counted away while his friends hid wherever they wished. (Surprisingly and unsurprisingly, none thought of hiding anywhere in the lane.) "78, 79, 80." Eddy then uncovered his eyes. "Ready or not, here I come!" He worked his way around the playground fence, considered hard, and pulled Ed out of a bush. "Gotcha!"

Ed giggled. "Okay, you found me."

"One down, two to go." The pair ran to a suburban alley way and found Edd hiding next to the mailbox bordering the one house across from his own and bordering Kevin's. Inspired by his earlier training, the group intellectual lost all stress as he led his friends on a chase down the road which ended with a playful tackle upon Ed's front lawn. The laughing Eds then of course stood back up.

"That's that," Ed announced, "Looks like you're it, Double D."

"Messy, messy. It'll take a while to get these grass and dirt stains off." But Edd shrugged. "Oh well. You're only young once."

Just then, Sarah stepped up and naturally couldn't help snooping. "Ed? What're you guys doing now?"

"Playing hide-n-seek," was the reply.

"I'm telling Mom." Sarah ran off.

"I'm telling Mom," Eddy mimicked.

"NO MIMICKING ME!" she yelled back.

"Just ignore her," Ed spoke, waving off his distasteful sister, "Like I said, you're it!"

"Catch us if you can!" Eddy added before he and Ed ran off. Edd began counting with his eyes covered by Ed's front door. Kevin was temporarily worried that they might hide somewhere in the lane but breathed a relieved sigh when they apparently decided otherwise. Still, there existed the possibility the bully wouldn't get his way unless he found a way to lure the Eds through the fenced-in strip. Eddy hid within the shrubbery on Edd's front lawn while Ed situated himself inside a playground tree.

"79, 80. Here I come, guys!" As Kevin hoped for, Edd didn't think of wandering near his own house or bother giving the playground a second look. Once a few inches into the lane behind the one house on the crosswise corner, he checked inside an empty trashcan but fell backwards when someone other than either of his friends abruptly popped out.

"Rahhhhh!"

"Whoa!" Right after Edd stood back up and regained all senses, his eyes went slack at the fully emerging figure who provided the scare. It shouldn't've been possible; didn't he leave that town and the associated bad memories behind years ago? Could today have been a bad dream? Edd tapped his cheek three times to make sure, only to end up with disappointment. A shock of alarmingly scraggly auburn hair; a bigger yellow head bandanna; a viper tattoo on the right shoulder which looked as if it'd been implanted about four months ago; and the same vicious sneer as before completed none other than the cause of Edd's fears: Fiona. Remembering him back, she obviously had less than a truce on her mind. Edd tried to reason anyway as Fiona slowly advanced. "Uh…hello, Fiona…heh heh…long time, so see…how's life been treating you?"

"Rrrrrrrrr…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Edd instantly bolted away with Fiona pursuing. If he only made through his front door and lock every door and window, he'd reach total home sanctity. Unfortunately, the bully girl moved faster and eventually blocked his path no matter how much he tried going around her. Paralyzed by utter fear, it was all Edd could do returning to the lane and running towards the dump with her still in hot pursuit.

"Hey!" Eddy called back, emerging from the foliage, "Whoever you are, you leave Double D alone!" But he wasn't heard.

"Ha!" Kevin mocked, climbing down off his roof, "Look at him go!"

Eddy met Ed at the lane's entrance. "Uh, Eddy, what's going on around here? Is that an old friend of Double D's?"

"I don't think so, Ed. We better go help 'im." But just as they passed Kevin's gate, the jerk pulled the string keeping the pit's disguise holding steady and trapped the two in a snap. Though, Eddy didn't feel as impressed.

"Wow, a pit. It must be at least two feet deep."

"Please. What kind of lame idea for a trap is this?"

"A classic that still works wonders." Both pairs of eyes glanced up towards a mischievous Kevin holding the dripping garden hose in his hand. "That's what you dorks get for trying ta help others without considering yer own safety."

"What's the idea, creep?" Eddy demanded, "Don't you ever take a rest?"

"Yeah!" Ed added, "Jerkface!"

"Look at the bright side: Your torture won't be half as bad as whatever my associate has in mind for the geek."

"What associate?" Eddy interrogated, "Wait a second. You know that girl?"

"Old pen pal. Her name's Fiona, and she goes back a long way with Double Dork. You could say she inspired his wimpiness."

"I don't like the sound of that," Ed said.

"Me neither," Eddy continued, "So what's the plan this time, Mr. Stinko?"

"Ain't it obvious? Your nerdy friend really is the weakest link in the chain. After careful study yesterday and last week, I took you losers' teamwork into consideration. Fiona arrived in town not too recently, and she's been dying to see how Double Dork's been coming along: up close and personal!"

"And because you two are such good pen pals, you established a sort of symbiotic relationship to…well, get us," Ed chipped in, "But since me and Eddy would've again proven ourselves too much trouble if approached directly, you dug this pit."

"Wow," Kevin taunted, "You really were acting dumb. Emphasis on 'acting'."

"But why are you doing this anymore?" Eddy said, "We haven't even done anything…wait a second. Is this about Rolf's eggplants? The bike ride you gave Nazz before we made you both collide into a street lamp? Tying Jimmy's shoestrings together along with his hair? The way Ed and I stampeded like crazy whether Double taught us manners or not?"

"Why attack our friend when we were to blame for it?" Ed added, him and Eddy taking a fighting stance, "And haven't we already paid for our mistakes? Ooh, just wait until we get outta here…"

"Talk is cheap." At that, Kevin began squirting the trapped pair. All escape attempts resulted in slipping on the fresh mud, and any possible gripes were literally washed out.

Escaping through the dump proved just as futile. Fiona must've somehow acquired a map of the place to study, for she kept popping up and blockading Edd's every escape route. The dump always got bigger every time he returned. Piles of twisted metal, black oozing puddles, and reserved dump machinery gave the impression of a real labyrinth unlike the surrounding forest. No matter where he turned, Fiona stayed one step ahead. For Pete's sake! Why didn't she just stay away from Peach Creek? Why couldn't he shake her off for good? Edd soon stopped in the middle of a dump clearing thinking that he might have finally lost Fiona, only to receive disappoint when she stepped out from behind the nearest trash compactor and slowly advanced forward while pouring on taunts. "I'm trapped."

"Come right here."

He naturally backed away little by little. "Why, Fiona? It's bad enough you gave me tooth damage, but what's your story this time? And how'd you pinpoint me?"

"Whatever yer thinking, nobody told me. Remember when the teacher had us get pen pals a week before I put you in yer place?"

"How could I forget? I received no answer."

"No, but I was among those who did: none other than your neighbor Kevin."

"You know Kevin?"

"Yep. We've been pen pals ever since. One particular description within a certain loser trio – some shriveled-up bellyacher who always wears a black hat with white streaks – especially caught my attention. And because I'm visiting here a few days for the first time in my life, Kevin provided you and me the opportunity to do some 'catching up'. That is, while he made sure those other two guys on the lane didn't ruin it."

"And why do you deem the necessity to afflict me so? I'm not the one who got you suspended, you did that yourself."

"Like that matters. No, I just hate yer ugly mug." Déjà vu arose as Fiona pelted Edd with random objects. That same painful day had left him slithering back mudskipper-style with Fiona closing in. "The dodge ball incident was only the first half. Now it's high time I finished the job. What's wrong? Afraid of a girl?"

Considering those last lines deeply, Edd's thoughts returned to Howard Arnst's encouraging words off the videotape: "_Great job. You're becoming mighty already…very, very good…Being brave doesn't mean you should go looking for trouble. While it's a good idea avoiding those who would dare wrong you, there __will_ _be times when you find yourself backed into a corner with no other way out…Everyone has a fighting force deep down inside waiting to meet the outer world…no other way out…deep down inside…"_ Be it the painful memory or the video instructor's words, Edd now knew he'd taken enough and so proceeded in standing back up. The apathetically sadistic Fiona smirked, picked up a nearby can, and flung it towards Edd's forehead. But he abruptly caught it with both hands, expecting to actually let it slip out. Even Fiona couldn't restrain her surprise as he tossed the can aside. "So, the young ruffian displays modesty."

For the first moment in her life, Fiona was close to cowering before the very person she once used as a target for her malicious entertainment. Edd wasn't joking around anymore: Maturation had finally arrived, and what better way (at least in his case) to reach it than taking a stroll back through time? The punk attempted quickly regaining her previous composure. "Why ain'tcha running, stupid?"

"I think we all know the answer to that one. Fear has written itself all over your visage."

"I'll show you fear." Fists clenched, an impatient Fiona sped towards Edd. But a last-minute sidestep and a shove as if opening a door on someone trying to break into a room sent the bad girl flying to the ground. "So, you do got some fancy tricks up those sleeves."

"That's called the open-door stance. And there's more where it came from." Fiona lunged at her prey pulling out all the stops. Edd started off blocking and dodging the assaults for a short while before administering his own. Had others witnessed both this and his exercise session, they'd construe someone implanted the tape into his brain. According to a later confirmation, Edd may as well have kicked himself at not realizing sooner just what kind of lousy fighter Fiona truly was. She attempted a kick at one point but got flipped over backwards right after he caught her foot. At another point, she couldn't dodge one of his tripping kicks. In short, for now anyway, Edd had a pretty fortunate break. The pair didn't retreat back until he administered a karate chop between her neck and one shoulder.

"Ouch! It hurts!" Fiona clutched the pained spot. "Whadja do that for?"

"Looks like I surmised correctly: You really are all talk and no action. If I'm a weakling, it serves me right letting someone far more pitiful push me around all those years ago. Makes me wonder if your other associates are the same inside?"

"Lucky shot!" She lunged at him again and wrestled for a little bit, thinking she'd at last broken his newfound spirit. But the earlier encouragement combined with four years' worth of stress proved too much of a task, and Fiona became a victim of her own foul play as Edd flung her against a stack of old cardboard boxes. Shaking her exasperated head, the punk girl decided it best to call it quits and so fled the junkyard most likely never to mess with the brainy boy again.

Speaking of which, Edd stood back up for the third time contemplating the situation while dusting off. "I may not believe in luck and all those ridiculous superstitions, but I'll definitely need more practice. I wonder if Ed and Eddy…?" Edd stopped in mid-sentence at remembering something Fiona told him. What exactly did she mean by Kevin making sure his two friends didn't 'mess things up'? And did she clearly also mention the lane? "Uh oh!" Edd instantly left the dump through a third separate path.

By now, the water in Kevin's pit reached up to Eddy's waist, and the antagonist bore no intentions of stopping his aquatic assaults or freeing his prisoners. Skin and clothing caked with mud, the pair had grown exhausted throughout their efforts. Kevin paused a moment to bring forth further verbal taunts Dirty Harry-style. "What's that? Huh? Got something ta say?"

"Uhhh…" Eddy groaned.

"What? More water?"

"Stop it," Ed pleaded.

"You want more water?"

"No," Eddy said.

"Yes?"

"No," the two chorused.

"Incoming!" Kevin laughed while spraying the next watery shots like shooting targets in a hunting-based video game. But his joy ended when the hose eventually ran dry. "What in the…?" He turned around and found an unpleased Edd bending the hose. "Where'd you come from?" Kevin's thoughts drifted towards wondering why Fiona hadn't rubbed Edd's face in the dirt both figuratively and literally, allowing the brainy boy to take advantage of the distraction and pull the hose away. "Hey, that's my hose!"

"Fresh water is a limited resource, Kevin. If you value this piece of serpentine rubber as much as you do bothering others, you'll have to try passing me first."

Rather than gloat out loud, Kevin just rolled his eyes and proceeded forward punching a fist into his other hand. But woe to him as Edd caught the thrown punch and held the arm behind the jerk's back, thereby severing one more person's pride that day. Kevin, like Fiona, couldn't believe what was happening today. "Ow! Ooh! Yer hurting my arm, dork! Let go!"

"On the condition that you leave us alone."

"Yer asking fer too much…oooooooh!" Edd tightened his grip. "Eeeee! Alright, already! Just let go!"

"Do you promise?"

"Yes! I promise!"

Edd released his grip. "Good. Now pick that hose up, turn off the water, and help my friends out."

"Sure thing. Just don't hurt me." A cross-armed Edd watch Kevin pick up the hose again and walk towards his fence gate and the pit. After sixteen paces forward, however, Kevin unleashed his backstabbing side once more via instantaneously spraying Edd. The genius in question merely took it in stride and approached the jerk restlessly yet calmly to kick his shins, knocking the jerk out of commission and ignoring pain. Fortunately, Eddy and Ed had taken the opportunity regaining some strength to finally escape the pit.

"Sweet moves, Double D," Ed complimented, "Where'dja find the talent?"

"And where'd that girl run off to?" Eddy added.

"Later, guys. For now, let's drop Kevin off at his house." The trio hoisted Kevin up (splattering some mud and water on him without receiving trouble), dropped him off on his picnic table, and left through the front yard after Edd returned the hose and turned off the running faucet. Before anything else, the trio tromped across the cul-de-sac drying off in the sun while discussing present affairs. "That's that for now."

"Yep!" Ed agreed, "Like I said…uh, I mean hinted…like I hinted, that was a good kick. Where'd you learn it from?"

"None other than the little self-defense video I used to prepare for the Kung Fu scam, of course. The one my parents still haven't discovered yet."

"Why, Double D," Eddy teased, "Getting into mischief all by yourself once in a while and growing into a man at the same time?"

"Pretty much. And I doubt we'll have to worry about Fiona either."

"You mean you took care of her?"

"Wish it happened a lot sooner. I'm kind of glad she came back, or I wouldn't've been able to put the past completely behind me and mature alongside my own friends."

"Aw, shucks," Ed said, "You guys make such good brothers even if we're not related. Group hug!" Retaining his jolly side, the tallest boy of the trio pulled his friends into a tight hug for old and new times' sake alike. The two smiled nervously but took it as it came.

"Okay, big guy," Eddy said, him and Edd patting Ed on the hair, "But couldja hug less tight? Yer squishing my abdomen."

The End


	4. Last Ed Standing

The Eds truly knew how to retain firm friendship ties regardless of inner or outer conditions, but their recent life-changing moments made those ties even stronger. Although Eddy said his new passion for culinary arts hadn't completely eradicated his need to scam others, such a claim ostensibly dimmed little by little. Ed didn't really mind his self-counseling practices taking up whatever time he usually reserved watching or reading science-fiction and horror. But Edd felt the healthiest of all having demonstrated a tidbit of parental resistance to include more physical activity in his morning routine than just a paper route. With nobody bothering them, fortune really smiled down upon the boys though they'd still get into silly messes later on in life. After all, people couldn't live on humor or drama alone; one had to supplement the other.

An amusing time was no doubt under way as long as Rolf's anxious attitude didn't suggest otherwise. While strolling beside the playground with a bag slung over one shoulder, his eyes became satisfied at one particular sight: the Eds playing a game of acorn-marbles near the sandbox. "Ooh." Ignoring the sight of Jimmy and Sarah playing on the swings, Rolf immediately strolled over to the multitasking trio. Edd and Eddy's conversation-directed interest gave Ed the usual winning chance he'd practiced so long to perfect.

"Five points for me!" Ed announced, flipping another marble, "Aw, too easy."

"You don't needa keep these things secret to us, Double D," Eddy spoke, "We're all friends; we can share our troubles with each other."

"That's not how it used to be," Edd reminded, "How many times have you and Ed sided against me alongside everyone else? Until recently, I almost always got the impression that you especially didn't care."

"And that's another one!" Ed continued, ignored by the others.

"Why, Double D," Eddy playfully said, "I feel insulted. You can call me short, egotistical, and loudmouthed. You can even use my middle name against me. But you can't say I have no feelings for others. Think about what good I've done you guys. I did try helping Ed break away from Sarah's demands by getting him to move out and tried helping you toughen up yer act via wrestling. Don't those examples count?"

"Yes, but you've usually taken it the wrong way. I never felt I could open up without being laughed at or understood."

"Well, that's all in the past. I hereby confirm it: Whenever you need someone to talk to, that's what Ed and I'm here for."

"Glad to hear it. Thanks, Eddy."

"Hello?" Ed called, "Are you guys done bringing up the past? 'Cause I need a challenge."

"I can help," Rolf interrupted. After a quick glance towards the farm boy, Ed picked up his marbles and stood up alongside his friends to receive the news.

"Yes, Rolf?" Edd began.

"Ed-boys, I am in great need of your services."

"You don't say," Eddy said, "Why the sack? And what was up with that strange car parked in front o' yer house this morning?"

"That's just the case. My cousin Vilhelmina and several others have traveled from afar for a mud wrestling tournament tonight on my estate."

"Mud wrestling?" Ed and Eddy chorused, "Cool."

"Hmm," Edd muttered, high-strung cleanliness kicking in.

"Yes," Rolf continued, "A favorite pastime back in the Old Country. She and my other cousin Kalmar have records of forty-nine consecutive victories each."

"Forty-nine consecutive, huh?" Ed admitted, "That's quite an accomplishment."

"Of course. And one girl is to reach the ultimate goal of fifty tonight."

"So what's that got to do with us?" Eddy wondered.

"Alas, despite her achievements, getting Vilhelmina to train is harder than grinding coffee beans. She is also the biggest procrastinator in the extended family. She has 'procrastination' written all over her face. Procrastination is her second-favorite pastime. Why, I remember receiving a phone call about her sixteenth victory…"

By now, the Eds knew Rolf had bypassed normal sanity in getting caught up with his cousin's laziness. "Okay, Rolf," Edd interrupted, holding up a hand, "Sorry to interrupt, but we get the idea. Please go on."

"Oh. Anyway, it's very difficult training Vilhelmina. Would it bother you Ed-boys if I asked you to break away from your usual routines? Time is extremely of the essence. I'd help her myself, but I must deliver these fresh candied beets to market. I'll pay you any price; in this case, money is no object."

At that offer, Eddy put on a slightly nervous look as he felt his old self put up a meager fight. "Um…okay."

"I guess it couldn't hurt trying something new," Edd shrugged.

"Mud wrestling!" Ed concluded, rushing back towards Rolf's house with the others pursuing.

"If you are going to train with my cousin, you'll need the appropriate dress!" Rolf called back.

The blue-haired boy (having temporarily set down his bag on the dining table), Ed, and Edd soon stood in the backyard with the two latter clad in one-piece suits resembling a certain costume everyone else remembered seeing the host once wear. Although made of the same material, differences predictably existed between these two and the one. First off, these suits were colored a dark maroon and covered in deep tan speckles rather than the respective purple and chartreuse. Secondly, their wrinkled impression gave off a dehydrated impression. Third, they covered everything but the face: no holes to put one's hands or feet through. And fourth, they lacked the drooping head peak. As for the yard's mud pit, Rolf had taken the liberties relocating the animals elsewhere while setting the surrounding area up somewhat like a real gym: various-sized weights; a resting bench; and a practice dummy. Off to one corner sat Rolf's cousin Vilhelmina wearing the same tan-speckled maroon outfit, same blue hair tied into two spiral ponytails in the back, and utterly distracted from everything else by some magazine. "So what do you Ed-boys think?"

"Nice setup," Edd began, "And that must be your cousin over yonder."

"Fancy," Ed added.

"Mm." Rolf turned around. "Bigmouth Ed-boy! Kindly make haste!"

"Coming!" The other three saw the trouble Eddy experienced getting into his own given outfit once he came outside. His head somehow had gotten caught in the suit's neck portion, and he couldn't pull it on the rest of the way. "Mmph! Stupid suit!" Eddy accidentally bumped into a stack of boxes and knocked them down in the process. So the others immediately rushed on over.

"What's wrong, Eddy?" Ed asked, "Can't you get yer suit on?"

"I'm stuck! What's this thing made of, flypaper?"

"Not flypaper," a strangely calm Rolf said, "The membranes of sea cucumbers. It is quite a fancy fabric."

"C'mon, pull!" Edd ordered, grasping the cap of Eddy's suit. Ed and Rolf followed up grasping the pale boy's shoulders, and the three tugged to loosen up the outfit while Eddy himself clung onto the door. But rising leftover moisture from both suits making contact which loosened Edd's grip sent him and his helpmates sprawling backwards into Rolf's orange tree, followed by an orange splattering on Ed's head.

"Ow!"

The commotion of three boys piled at the base of the tree shocked Vilhelmina from her thoughts. "I can finally sympathize for lettuce in a tossed salad," Edd commented, picking himself back up.

"Ed-boy, you should be careful with your suit," Rolf told the arriving Eddy, "Such hastiness will only doom it to existence as aged coleslaw."

"Get this thing off," Ed muttered, removing the orange from his face and accidentally hitting Rolf.

"Oop! One-eyebrow Ed-boy! I already had my breakfast!" Rolf then accidentally splattered it on Eddy's face.

"Hey! Don't put it on me!" Eddy then hit Edd.

"Watch where you throw that thing!"

The orange not only returned on Ed's face, but some juice splattered into his eyes. "Ouch! My eyes!"

Obviously, Rolf wasn't pleased at his second turn either. Vilhelmina now stood ten steps away still watching amusedly. "No more wasting time, Ed-boys! If you are to use your energy, you will do so helping my cousin train!" He tossed the orange aside without realizing its next aim: Vilhelmina herself.

"Oh!"

Turning in her direction, the four boys' eyes widened at the mistake. "Cousin Vilhelmina!" Rolf cried, him and the Eds rushing over. Edd removed the orange from her face and apologized.

"Sorry, Vil. We didn't realize…"

Laughter from her mouth cut him off and made the four perplexed. "You funny boys! Here I thought my trip would be duller than watching my neighbor's corn grow as deep as a starfish swims. Or worse yet, my training." Unable to yet respond properly, the Eds instead tried containing their own laughter for fear of insulting the visitor by putting on determined expressions and puffing up their chests (both albeit poorly) which only made her laugh more. However, it took a swing of Vilhelmina's arm to not only stop them but also back away cautiously in case she struck them. "Too much, really." She laughed a bit more.

"Okay, Vilhelmina, you had your fun," Rolf said, regaining his composure, "Don't forget about tonight's tournament."

"I hear you, cousin. You know, Rolf, I like your friends."

"That's fine. Now Ed-boys, you help Vilhelmina keep in tip-top shape while I go sell my beets. Mother will have meals ready if you get hungry, but don't consume too much. Understand?"

"Sure thing, Rolf," the Eds chorused.

"Good." And once Rolf left, the Eds faced Vilhelmina again with uncertainty. Although she seemed friendly enough, her almost-hidden muscles might've suggested otherwise. Oh well, just give her a chance. Besides, a new face around would further aid the trio in starting their lives anew (the kids at Jono Kubat didn't count anyway).

"What do I call you three again? Ed-boys, is it?"

"That's just Rolf's given title for us," Eddy explained, "See, we all basically have the same name but with differences. My name is Eddy, this big guy here is Ed, and we call the guy in the sock hat Double D to avoid confusion between the two. Now let's train."

"Aw, that's boring."

"So we'll work alongside you," Edd said, "What you need is a dummy to start on."

"Uhh…okay." Giving a confused look, Vilhelmina grabbed a just-as-confused Edd's shoulders in preparation to wrestle him but got stopped by Ed.

"Hold the cameras! I saw a dummy near Rolf's kitchen. I'll be right back, so don't hurt Double D." All watched as Ed zipped right through the door, disappeared inside for several seconds, and then returned outside holding the aforementioned dummy. "Everything's under control!" However, setting the dummy down right next to the mud disproved that last statement on the spot. "Okay, the dummy's…ready?" Feeling a sticky sensation, Ed tried literally shaking the dummy off but couldn't. It remained stuck to his chin, arms, legs, and chest no matter how hard he shook. "The…dummy's…ready…uh, guys? The dummy likes me too much!"

"Here, I'll get you loose," Edd offered. This extra help created some progress though it didn't completely free Ed. But complicated matters arose when the pale boy also got stuck via mistakenly pushing on the dummy with both hands and one knee. "Whoops. I'm stuck too." Edd giggled sheepishly.

"You guys," Eddy said, rolling his eyes. Unfortunately, a joint effort of the two struggling to free themselves stuck the dummy's torso onto the pink boy's head when he approached closely enough. "Great! Now I'm stuck!" Even more struggling knocked them down, creating a rolling mass of three stuck boys and a stubborn dummy. An amused Vilhelmina walked away shaking her head. The more the Eds struggled, the stickier the dummy's grip became.

"Sticky, sticky, sticky!" Edd complained.

"What is this thing, a tar baby?" Eddy added.

"Well, it sure seemed like a good practice dummy!" Ed protested.

"How does Rolf or his family carry it around?" Eddy threw in.

"Be careful!" Edd protested, flat on the ground with the dummy and his friends bogging him down. Now his lips were stuck tight, leaving him to talk out from the side of his mouth. Plus, his friends' movements pumped him like kids jumping on a trampoline. "I'm… suffo-…-cating!"

"Get…off…stupid thing!" Ed demanded. None paid the ensuing laughter as much heed as they did getting splashed with water by one bucketful, alleviating the dummy's grip. A tad delirious, the Eds quickly picked themselves back up and brushed the dummy slightly aside. "Am I on fire?"

"Flash flood alert!" Edd unwittingly cried, "Eddy's stopped up the creek again!"

"Get those sandbags here on the double!" Eddy chimed. A continually laughing Vilhelmina splashed the guys with a second bucketful as she walked on towards them, thereby snapping them out of the trance. "What's your problem?"

"Yeah, you wanna give us pneumonia?" Edd added.

"Now, belay the excitement," Vilhelmina assured, "I like you Ed-boys. You really know how to breathe new life into a workout better than my parents' horses do a newborn foal. Who wants to be my sparring partner first?" But she interrupted before the Eds could answer. "Aw, who am I fooling? I will wrestle all three of you!"

The boys exchanged uncertain looks. "You sure?" Ed wondered, "We don't wanna make the odds uneven."

"No problem. I have been in tighter spots."

"Positive?" Edd said.

"You know it."

"Okay, it's your calling." Vilhelmina strolled towards the mud pit with Edd and Eddy following close behind. Ed, on the other hand, accidentally tripped over the dummy and got stuck again.

"Oop!" Ed then rolled uncontrollably towards his friends, who'd just turned around at the sound of his voice. "Help me, guys!"

"Here we go again," Eddy said, exchanging Edd a shrug. The two held out their hands firmly and stopped the rolling mass, getting stuck again as well. "Hoo-ee. I repeat: Here we go again." Vilhelmina glanced their way in perplexity yet again. Edd and Eddy also fell over in attempting to free themselves a second time, resuming the tumbling procession. Cries of 'Oh!', 'Ouchety!', and 'Ooh!' filled the air before they landed in the mud at a smiling Vilhelmina's feet. Rather than obtain another bucket of water, she just took the challenge as it came. Vilhelmina grabbed and twisted one of Ed's legs.

"Yipes! My leg feels like the melting man's chewing on it!"

"Aiee!" Edd cried, Vilhelmina squeezing his torso, "I pity the sucrose used in making licorice!"

"Take it easy, Vil!" Eddy requested once she got him into a headlock, "We're stuck to this idiotic dummy, and we're only beginners at mud wrestling!"

"Aw, c'mon!" she returned, "In your cases, it'll make men outta you!" Vilhelmina never gave her sparring partners enough time to realize how she'd removed the dummy with ease and just tossed it near the fence. She soon sat on Edd and Eddy's backs holding back one leg from each boy while they pounded the mud hyperventilating like dogs. Nobody minded Ed laying underneath, appearing dazed though tapping his fingers impatiently.

"This could be a really long day…huh?" The yellow-skinned boy's eyes unwittingly zipped towards the dummy laying near the fence. "Hey, guys! We're…" Ed stopped in mid-sentence realizing he'd ruin a good chance to fight back. Right after slipping away without anyone noticing, he then scooped up a wad of mud and took steady aim. In the meantime, Edd and Eddy were seriously ready to throw in the towel as hinted by exhausted expressions.

"Uh, how long did you say this session would last?" Edd queried.

"It's only been about two minutes," Vilhelmina responded, "Don't be sour as lemon juice. Why, just think how big your appetites will be afterward! Spar for another ten minutes or so, and we can get rinsed off and take a lunch break!"

"More mackerel-flavored gelatin, I take it?" Eddy complained.

"Nope! Auntie's serving her best ham pot pie with steamed asparagus and goat's milk on the side. Plenty of ham slices and anything you want!" Suddenly, a splat of mud on Vilhelmina's forehead stopped her from making any further movements. All eyes looked up towards Ed, who stood tall and stared back feeling confident. That's when the other two boys realized the dummy's absence too and so wiggled out from under the blue-haired girl's duff.

"Hey!" Eddy declared, "We're not stuck anymore!"

"Mud fight!" Vilhelmina announced. And before the boys knew it, the mud pit became a scene of bombardment in a similar approach as how Ed could fling around shovels full of Montezuma's Free-Range Manure. Of course, the trio needed a few moments of inspiration before following suit. Even Edd found himself laughing without a care at the new commotion.

"Oh, the fun we have," he commented, immediately receiving another one in the face.

Half an hour later after rinsing off and washing their hands, the quartet sat at the kitchen table still wearing their membrane-based uniforms eating the aforementioned lunch. Their arrangement went clockwise as followed: Edd, Eddy, Ed, and Vilhelmina. The girl probably would've never ogled her workmates in amazement had they demonstrated hesitation towards the family's native cuisine as in the past, but instilled exhaustion made them famished just as she predicted. Too, Eddy swallowed his slice of pot pie in several bites rather than remove the ham slices from the crusty shell. Dirty dishes and disagreeable mealtime trash covered the table, save for a dollop of blood sausage enough to serve four. Another dummy – one not sticky – stood set up behind Vilhelmina. Rolf's mother entered once the kids finished the last few morsels of their regular meals. "Do you young ones care for dessert?"

"More pot pie, please," the Eds chorused, surprising the departing mother. None noticed Rolf and two more cousins – another girl and boy – stepping in behind Edd. The girl had purple hair tied in four braids jutting out octopus-style from the middle of her head and was clad in a fifth maroon uniform as the four seated. And the boy wore a long-sleeved blue shirt and red pants and had a brush cut of gold hair.

"Everything under control?" the purple-haired girl asked, "Will Vilhelmina be ready for our scuffle tonight?"

"Sure as the marigolds repel the aphids," Rolf answered, "She's taken a real shine to…" He stopped in shock at the sight of his blue-haired cousin eating the blood sausage.

"Yum, yum. My favorite fruit of the swine."

"Hold up, cousin!" the gold-haired boy protested, him and his two companions rushing over to her side. Although Vilhelmina ignored her kin's words, she couldn't ignore how the accidentally knocked-over dummy hit both her and Ed and flipped the plate over, smearing the blood sausage on the table.

"Why, you!" Vilhelmina grabbed and struggled with the dummy in a rage, unwittingly getting Ed caught up as well.

"Hey!" Ed cried, "Stop it! Help! My castle's being invaded! I'm being attacked!"

Edd and Eddy shielded themselves as the other three preteens attempted getting Vilhelmina to relax. "Simmer, cousin!" Rolf instructed, "That is just a practice dummy!"

"It ruined my snack!" Releasing Ed and breaking through her kin's defenses, Vilhelmina took the dummy and rushed out from the front door not stopping until she stuffed the dummy into a trash bin. "Serves you right!" She returned back inside laughing. In the meantime, Rolf lectured the Eds about this.

"I am feeling officially slow in the season, Ed-boys, as I forgot to warn you about Vilhelmina's one weakness. Her eyes produce sleepies whenever she tastes the blood and fat of pigs."

"The what?" Eddy said.

"Blood and fat," Edd pondered, "Oh, you mean blood sausage? Is that what was on her plate?"

"That is correct. Ah, I almost forgot." Rolf brought his other two cousins up closer. "Two more cousins: Patrik and his sister Kalmar. She is Vilhelmina's top opponent tonight: the one I spoke of earlier."

"Hello," Ed waved, taking over the introductions, "My name is Ed." He grabbed Eddy's three hairs. "This is my buddy Eddy." Ed released Eddy and pointed towards Edd. "And we call him Double D since his name is mine with another 'D'."

"It is nice to meet you three," Patrik spoke, "Our cousin Rolf told us about the crazy things you always get into. Tell me, is it true you once flung an entire chair into this Kevin's window and sat in a cement block for hours straight?"

"And you, the boy with one eyebrow," Kalmar added, "Can you really consume an entire neighborhood's foodstuffs and beverages in your sleep?"

The Eds lowered their heads sheepishly, wishing to forget most past experiences. "Uh…yeah," Edd began, "We didn't break free of our concrete prison until a little later."

"But, that's all past history," Eddy abruptly threw in, "We're currently trying to put it all behind us, if you know what we mean."

"Of course," Patrik sympathized.

"Um, cousins?" Rolf said, breaking up the conversation, "Should you not continue your own training session for the big night? Every second does count."

"You are correct," Kalmar said, "Ed-boys, tell Vilhelmina we wish her the best watery salutations a rutabaga can absorb." Once the siblings departed, Rolf swapped his cheery disposition for a little more attitude.

"Listen up, gophers. You are to keep blood sausage out of my cousin's reach. My family enjoys a good, annual mud wrestling tournament. I entrusted you my favorite fighter of all, and here I see you letting her waste herself like the flies on strange apples."

"Yeah, but at least there's no bill," Ed said.

Eddy lightly smacked his friend in the back of the head. "Be quiet." Ed smacked back, leading into a cycle lasting three more smacks for each 'competitor' which Rolf broke up through his next words. (None noticed Vilhelmina walking past into the kitchen.)

"Cease and desist! You are not beavers scaring predators away from your pond! Now then, I want you to get Vilhelmina to the mud pit tonight feeling ready to wrestle a paper nautilus. That means no sleepies under her eyes; no blood sausage."

"What if she won't listen?" Edd inquired.

"Just get her into it, whatever it takes. She fancies you Ed-boys very much. If you do well, you are free to go and will receive my Uncle Broderick's best, healthiest milk which can last longer than the grocery store's trash: no hormones, no medicines, and no genetic modifications. Three-haired Ed-boy is currently on a quest to try something new in his recipes, is he not?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Eddy answered.

"Good! This milk can be used in any recipe. Broderick will supply one out of two entire tanks if you do well. And if not, I will have no choice but to give you two weeks' worth of my chores."

"Now wait just a second," Edd interjected, "Isn't that pushing things too far?"

"There is no such thing as thus when it comes to tradition," Rolf continued, "Our family holds mud wrestling in high honor much like everything else. It gives us joy and is the only time we can let loose upon each other without disgracing the family name."

"You mean you treat fighting like a plaything in this case?" Ed figured.

"That is correct. Now, I must retire to bed. Do not forget." So Rolf headed towards his bedroom leaving the Eds to contemplate. Once Vilhelmina had obtained a new blood sausage four feet long, the trio entered the living room searching for her just as she entered. Feeling curious, she set down her half-finished snack on the table and unwittingly snuck behind.

"Leave everything to me, I'll handle it," Eddy began as they neared the coatrack by the door.

"Handle what?" Vilhelmina blared.

"Nyah-ah!" the three squealed, bumping into each other and knocking down themselves and the coatrack, upon which Ed's jacket hung. Vilhelmina just giggled again.

"What are you doing cleaning the floor? You are not vacuum cleaners."

"Very funny, Vilhelmina," Ed stated as the three picked themselves up.

Edd smelled the air. "What's that funky odor? Ed, did you forget to wash your jacket again?"

"Nah. That's just a snack I was saving for later." The yellow-skinned boy withdrew an opened plastic bag from one pocket which contained three yellowish-brown chunks. "Imported Gouda cheese." Ed took a deep whiff. "Mmmmm."

"That's great, Ed, but couldja reseal the bag?" Eddy requested, him and Edd's mouths and noses covered by their shirts, "The smell's enough to put the world's banks outta business." A grunting noise met his request. "Huh?"

The Eds turned to face Vilhelmina, who'd somehow become quite an eyeful. Grunting; deep breathing; watery, contorted eyes; and a rumbling physique preceded a psyched-out frenzy. She then waved her arms around while jumping around in place and squeaking as if slugs had crawled up her wrestling uniform. Naturally, the Eds felt spooked. "Uh, Vilhelmina?" Edd inquired, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Gouda!" she cried, "Gouda…gouda…makes me wild!" That's when the room experienced a mild dose of her wrath. Vilhelmina began by jumping onto the couch clawing at and chewing on the plastic covering.

"She's gone nuts!" Eddy cried. The trio grabbed hold of the girl's arms in a vain attempt of calming her down but instead received a backwards body-slam with the group leader taking the full brunt. She then proceeded to flip the nearest armchair over two times before the guys made another restraint, keeping the jumpy girl in one place. "Calm down already!"

"I cannot! I…I…cannot!" Vilhelmina broke their grip by smacking them away and continued her new ruckus. Eddy and Ed landed on the couch whereas Edd remained at the girl's feet, her new victim needless to say. In his bedroom, a tired Rolf tossed about trying to shut out the noise but didn't yet feel like wandering out.

"Guys!" Edd pleaded, "Assistance!" Fortunately, Vilhelmina's sudden relaxation saved them all the trouble of doing anything more. Plus, Rolf could finally fall back into dreamland where he wished to be. Eddy and Ed helped their friend off the floor, and all three boys stared at Vilhelmina cautiously.

"You're very funny," Ed commented, eating his cheese chunks, "A little too funny, that is."

"Rolf and I forgot to mention," Vilhelmina explained, "The smell of Gouda cheese crumbles my mountains of tranquility and timidity. The last time I even got near it was right before my very first match. It really boosted the volcano of confidence deep down within me."

"Must've been St. Helens or Rainier," Edd said, "You could really wipe out an entire economy with that behavior."

"Well, can't keep my snack waiting." Vilhelmina reentered the dining room while the Eds speculated.

"Uh, Ed?" Eddy spoke, "Where did you say you got that cheese again?"

"Imported," was the answer, "My parents received it all the way from Rotterdam just this morning."

"And it sends Vilhelmina into a fit," Edd finished, "I'll keep it around for reference."

"Um, what'd she mean by 'can't keep my snack waiting'?" Ed wondered, "Do you think she meant blood sausage?"

Eyes widened, the Eds rushed back into the kitchen just in time to see the seated girl finish the other half. Vilhelmina rubbed her belly and let out a tiny burp. "Ah, nothing more gratifying than a snack to keep someone going."

"Was that blood sausage?" Eddy asked.

Vilhelmina stood from her chair. "You bet! It's my most favorite snack of all!"

"Listen, Vil," Edd reasoned, "You can't eat that stuff now. Rolf entrusted us with your well-being; he told us blood sausage makes you sleepy."

"Aw, he knows little about me. A little snack will not do me harm."

"How long was it?"

"Four feet." The Eds jolted, and a somewhat wobbly Vilhelmina headed towards the kitchen. Sleepiness was clearly present on her face though she denied it. "I do not feel one bit tired. Time for…a replay…" But fatigue had reached its maximum, and Vilhelmina collapsed flat on her back. The concerned Eds gathered around trying to snap her out of it.

"Oh no!" Ed cried, "That sausage was poisoned! She's dead!"

"Second…helping…" Vilhelmina murmured before passing out like a light.

"You're close," Edd said, smacking her cheeks, "Mina! Speak to us!"

"Rolf's gonna kill us for this," Eddy said, "Let's drag her into the shed." And that's exactly what they did, not at minding Rolf's father's bickering through the living room about the mess or the fact that he apparently cared little of the sleeping girl's condition.

Come evening, surrounding pressure was at its worst what with Rolf's entire estate crowded by relatives and the other five neighborhood kids. One of Rolf's adult cousins told a story to a contented Jimmy and Sarah seated on his lap. Johnny confused another parcel using none other than Plank. Nazz stood elsewhere engaged in conversation with Kalmar near the back house door. Still other family members remained gathered around the mud pit watching even more preteen cousins start things off, Kevin having taken a front seat. A long table covered with snacks stood nearby despite family sampling more than the guests. All training equipment from earlier had been removed. Rolf and Patrik unwittingly neared the shed observing it all happily though nervously. "The tournament is a success, cousin," Patrik began, "But where is Vilhelmina? All are expecting her after two more rounds."

"I have not seen her since lunchtime," Rolf guessed, "Perhaps the bottom-of-the-barrel Ed-boys decided to take her on a stroll to pass time."

"Well, they best hurry back soon. No telling how disgraced we will all be if they show up tomorrow."

It never occurred to anyone to check the shed a lot earlier or even second-look it. The Eds had certainly kept their presence a successful secret after laying Vilhelmina on a crate in the shed doing what they could to wake her up. Eddy fanned her face with Edd abiding at his right doing the same. (As a side note, all four continued wearing their uniforms throughout the hours.) Pumping her legs back and forth, Ed discovered he'd never met anything more difficult. Judging by his contorted pained expressions topped off by eyes tightly squeezed shut, it was as if the preteen lost his signature muscle power. Tiny exhaustive squeaks only made it more obvious; Ed caught his breath after the first nine pumps before continuing on. Edd and Eddy took a moment to stare in confusion. "Um, Ed?" Edd asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Sure," Ed answered, "She's just a tough customer, that's all. Her legs weigh more than Jupiter."

"How can Vil be a tough customer for you?" Eddy wondered, "You've lifted entire houses over yer head. What makes pumping a person's legs any different?"

"I don't know," Ed shrugged. Continued squeaking soon caught Rolf and Patrik's ears outside. The two boys paused and finally studied the shed.

"Are you raising hamsters?" Patrik queried.

"Why, no. There has not been a hamster around these parts since we grew rutabagas using just a gummed-up stapler. I…" Realization hit Rolf; meager humiliation at not doing so earlier came to light in his following knocking motions, distracting the Eds from their tasks.

"Who's that?" Eddy wondered.

"I'll go check," Edd volunteered, running to the door and opening it a crack just small enough to keep the other three occupants shrouded. His eyes bulged at the very sight outside.

"Ed-boys?" Rolf said, "Are you raising hamsters in there? Is Vilhelmina with you?"

Rather than respond, Edd quickly slammed the door and rushed back towards his friends. "Darn it, they finally spotted us!"

"C'mon!" Eddy ordered. An entering Patrik and Rolf jolted at the sight of the four rocking back and forth while Edd hummed 'My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean'. The approaching pair never suspected Ed on Vilhelmina's left and Edd on her right both having an arm obscurely strewn across her back actually keeping her in adequate balance. Eddy sat next to Edd.

"What is this tomfoolery?" Patrik queried, "And have you been here all day?"

"Hey, guys," Eddy casually greeted, opening his eyes while the others continued the act, "Just resting after such a sweaty time. You caught us red-handed."

"Vilhelmina is up in the next round," Rolf informed, "I hope you trained her well. And while it is fresh as honey-glazed ham on my mind, why have you locked yourselves away from the outside world?"

"Just a precautionary measure in case Mina here wandered near blood sausage," Eddy lied, "We figured we could have her use us as weights and maybe do a few sit-ups and so on."

Unfortunately, Rolf and Patrik bought it hook, line, and sinker. "Ah, splendid!" the former continued, "Rolf wishes he thought of it sooner himself. You Ed-boys never cease to amaze me."

"Rolf!" a female adult voice called. In stepped one of the preteen's aunts, a woman in her mid-30s with flowing red hair. "Your uncle Broderick is feeling so confident that he will sacrifice both canisters of his best milk. What say you?"

"Tell him Rolf accepts," was the reply, "Feast your eyes on this ritual. Vilhelmina smiles like my dew-covered geraniums on Mama and Papa's anniversary." Once the aunt exchanged the quartet a quick glance, and she and her two nephews shut the door behind them, the Eds broke away from their trance for further contemplation.

"Hear that?" Eddy said, "Rolf's receiving twice as much milk from his uncle, and this girl's cold as an iceberg. Now what?" As they turned facing the hind wall to think, Vilhelmina finally snapped out of her trance and sat up straight.

"More blood sausage, please," she murmured.

"Not now, Villy," Ed unwittingly replied, "Lay back down…" The Eds did a double-take and rushed to Vilhelmina's side providing aid once again.

"Vilhelmina!" Edd cried. The trio hoisted her into a nearby chair, not at all minding an overhanging shovel.

"Okay," Eddy plotted, "Double D, go check on things outside. Ed and I'll freshen 'er up."

"I'm on it." Edd departed the shed.

"Snack," Vilhelmina said.

"You'll get a snack," Eddy said, "Ed, see if you can find anything edible around here."

"I'm on it." Spotting a sack of figs, Ed ran towards it in one corner and dragged it all the way towards the corner of the chair on Vilhelmina's right. Not watching what he was doing, the group brawn hoisted it upon his right shoulder accidentally knocking the shovel off in the process. And as predictability commenced, the metal portion narrowly missed Eddy while hitting the girl squarely on her head, sending her collapsing on the floor into a coma. "I got the figs!" Ed did a second double-take. "Is it naptime already?"

"Ed, you clumsy twig!" Eddy scolded, "You just set us back to lunchtime!"

"Wait a second, I didn't…whoa!" Ed never finished before he tripped over Vilhelmina, thereby making the problem worse and dropping the sack (without spilling any figs).

"Will you quit playing around?" Eddy reluctantly helped the big guy up.

Meanwhile, Rolf was on his way back to the shed holding a glass of milk courtesy of his one aforementioned uncle. However, he needed not proceed further as a nervous Edd's advancing figure suggested. "Oh ho! All is well in the land of giant breakfasts?"

"Yep. Vil's in better shape than I would've calculated. I don't think Eddy cares much about the milk. Can we go home now?"

"Now, now. You Ed-boys claim you have changed, right? Well, I have a secret: I have kept you here training my cousin as a series of tests. You are free to go when she wins the competition. Think of it as one final test, no?"

"Wins the competition, you say. As in, her resister can no longer withstand the nocturnal physical pressures imbued and so must succumb to moderation?"

"Indeed, sock-headed Ed-boy. And Rolf lacks the heart to refuse you not one but two tanks of milk. Try a sample."

Edd accepted the milk and gulped it down, resulting in a delighted expression after wiping off his mouth and handing the empty glass back over. "Ooooooooh-weee! Those lactose-based emulsions are super! I must tell the guys!" So he ran back into the shed, where Ed and Eddy stood over Vilhelmina looking forlorn. "Guys! You gotta try that milk…" Edd nearly tripped over her also; his face became paler. "What happened to Vil now?"

"Oh, nothing much," Eddy smarted off, shooting Ed a dirty look, "Except Ed here knocked her out again with that shovel over there."

"Shovel?" Edd cried.

"Eddy then scared me into tripping over her as well," Ed added.

"You did what?"

"I'm sorry! It just happened, I couldn't avoid it!"

"We gotta leave this popsicle stand and hide out someplace until this mess blows over," Eddy said.

"No can do, Eddy," Edd continued, "Responsibility has people blocking off our every exit."

"Lemme see." Eddy peaked through every crack and window in the shed, confirming his friend's cryptic statement. Then the three grouped together slumping in resignation. "It's official: Our doom is assured."

But fate interceded for the umpteenth time as Vilhelmina came to once more. "Mmmmm…" Her moaning made the Eds hopeful again as they continued aiding her.

"Villy!" Ed said, "Yer pulling through! You really are a heavyweight champ!"

"Rub her head and limbs down!" Edd ordered, doing just that. Then Rolf popped through the door.

"Ed-boys! Vilhelmina is up next…why do you sit so low?"

"Sorry," Eddy lied again, him and his friends helping the girl up, "We accidentally knocked her on the floor and made her bump her head, but she's alright now. Isn't that right, Mina?"

"That's…my horse," Vilhelmina muttered.

"No time to fool around!" Rolf said, grabbing her hand and dragging her out the door, "It is your turn now! Ed-boys, clean up this mess!"

Being dragged through the crowd and into the mud pit facing Kalmar seemed like a blur. Although Vilhelmina had indeed awoken from her temporary coma, she hadn't completely recovered from those blows as the ensuing wrestling match would clearly show. Some believed she was simply fooling around since her other, lazy reputation preceded her just as much. Others, especially Kalmar and Kevin, noticed something wrong but said nothing. "Here she is!" someone announced, "Let's give it up for Vilhelmina!" The said competitor of course gave a less-than-enthusiastic response to the energetic cheers around.

"Mockingbirds in the lagoon…"

"This better be good," Kevin mumbled.

"For those of you who have not been told, tonight is a special night for both our girls!" the announcer continued, "Kalmar and Vilhelmina have been rivals in reaching a goal of fifty victories total, and this match is to be a tiebreaker! You may distribute your clouds of support to whomever you wish! And now, let it commence!"

The crowd roared as the two girls faced off. For Kalmar's first move, she lunged at Vilhelmina but missed when the delirious girl unwittingly dodged aside. Kalmar's second technique of grabbing Vilhelmina into a headlock also failed. "How does one's garden grow?" the latter muttered, giving the former ample opportunity to wail on her.

"I can't look!" one relative said.

"Go Kalmar!" came a second voice.

"Come on, Vilhelmina!" a third spoke, "Stop fooling around and get back up!"

"That's a girl!" a fourth chimed. By now, Rolf felt more than happy to rip the Eds limb from limb as his grinding teeth suggested. Having seen enough, he immediately headed towards the food table where the trio in question just reached having finished their cleanup job. They were too hungry to notice anything else.

"Am I starved," Eddy commented.

"Tell me about it," Edd agreed, "We haven't eaten in hours."

"Ed-boys!" Rolf said, making them halt, "What is the meaning for the distress call of one lost in a thicket of turnips?"

"Whaddaya mean?" Ed wondered. The shock of seeing Kalmar wave Vilhelmina around like a banner before slamming her into the mud made him eat his words. "Oh. Never mind."

"What's the deal anymore?" Eddy interrogated, "Besides the milk, that is. Why can't Kalmar win?"

"Because I bet Victor like my uncle bet his milk. If Vilhelmina doesn't win, Victor goes bye-bye."

"Rolf, you should be ashamed of yerself," Edd scolded, "Betting your most prized possession ever. Even if he's not the best companion around, but still."

"It's all my fault," Ed confessed, "I hit 'er with a shovel and then tripped over her." He rolled his eyes hoping to exclude the part about all three of them not stopping her from eating that blood sausage. Either way, Rolf was far from pleased: His eyes looked as if a nuclear fission plant exploded. Ed waved his arms nervously while the other two looked on not knowing how to respond. "Don't hurt me! I can redeem myself! If you'll just let me…" The yellow-skinned boy stopped in mid-sentence at a familiar smell. "Hmmm…" Glancing toward a plate, Ed pulled off the metal plate covering and withdrew none other than an entire loaf of Gouda cheese. "Ah, a lifesaver!" He disappeared into the crowd with the three following close behind.

"That cannot be a good omen," Rolf muttered. Cries of 'Excuse me, coming through' and 'One side' intermingled amongst the loud voices.

"Hey, what's that smell?" someone called out, "That better not be what I think it is!"

"Is that boy holding my loaf of Gouda?" another added. Neither Kalmar nor Vilhelmina (mostly the former) minded the new ruckus or the smell even as Ed stood before the crowd yelling the following statement.

"If this fails, I'll eat tomorrow's newspaper!" Kalmar continually swung Vilhelmina around not at all minding how Ed ran in sync with the latter's head holding the cheese up to her face. After ten seconds of seeing her face contort, Ed then stepped out of the mud pit awaiting a reaction. And once Vilhelmina got slammed down again, her fidgeting body finally made Kalmar curious for the first time that evening. She treated the crowd to an advanced version of her earlier frenzy: Not only did she use the exact same techniques as her purple-haired opponent just did, but Vilhelmina literally dragged her across the mud as if painting a floor! One body slam at one spot became instantaneously supplemented by another in proximity. But even after Kalmar's forfeiture, Vilhelmina just continued the bout tossing globs of mud her way. Such riled the crowd so much that all except those unrelated couldn't tear away from the excitement. The scene turned into one gigantic mess as mud globs covered the trees, shed, animal coops and pens, food table, grass, etc. Only the jostling Eds remained whereas the other neighborhood kids had long since fled.

"Turnips and rutabagas!" Rolf declared, "You Ed-boys really have changed! You turned an apparent disaster into a night the family shall never forget!"

"That's great, Rolf!" Edd yelled as a glob hit his toes, "But aren't you concerned about this mess? And what of the milk?"

"My family can clean up the mess later, but a mud fight will not wait! You may have to wait until tomorrow to receive Uncle Broderick's best milk!"

"On second thought, you can just keep it!" Eddy decided, "C'mon, guys! Let's get our clothes, wash up, and leave this madhouse already!" Nobody seemed to even mind the Eds waltzing back into the house tracking mud. In fact, Rolf just shrugged at their sentiments before rejoining his kin in the festivity.

The End


	5. Next Ed Down

The Eds obviously weren't the only ones facing life issues thrown their way. Johnny 2x4, as everyone rightly labeled him, existed with an air of enigma surrounding him. It seemed no matter where he went or what he did – Urban Rangers activities; mealtimes; engaging in neighborhood games; sleeping wherever he chose – the melon-headed boy almost always sported that piece of timber named Plank. Plank pretty much never left Johnny's side rain or shine despite Eddy or the Kankers stealing the former on different occasions; even an argument couldn't keep the pair separated forever. Johnny's claim about Plank hearing things proved somewhat useful for such problems as capturing another's imaginary friend for one example. All in all, some of the neighborhood got used to the boy's taste in companionship. Inanimate objects really provided a comfort just not found emanating from live beings. Still, there yet remained one question at the top of everyone's list on Johnny: What inspired Plank's existence? How exactly did Johnny hear Plank's voice whereas others did not? What did they lack which this boy owned in abundance?

A day or two following the mud wrestling in Rolf's mud pit might answer those questions and do more. It started one morning when Johnny had Urban Rangers duty at Victor's pen. The task: earning a badge for goat hairstyling. Neither Jimmy nor Johnny questioned Rolf's selected activities no matter how dangerous or absurd. In fact, they'd even gone so far as to enjoy a few. But Johnny's current loss of enthusiasm made his work less than professional. Nervousness wrote itself on Victor's face. "Yeah, Plank, I know. I miss them too."

That's when Rolf stepped through the back door out into his backyard. "Johnny wood-boy! How goes Victor's fur treatment?" A glance around one corner at the animal in question panicked the farm boy. "Aiee! Cease and desist all pilus mutilations this instant!"

The screaming snapped Johnny out of his reverie, though his eyes hadn't gone entirely slack upon the sight. The hair on Victor's head resembled a disorderly mixed pile of curly grass and pasta noodles; a true fashion disaster if Rolf ever knew one. "Oopsie! Sorry, Rolf! Sorry, Victor! I'll get it fixed in a jiffy."

"No," Rolf decided, taking away the hairbrush, "You refuted your claim five times now." Johnny immediately stood up. "Should it continue, you will spoil the goat's 8 o'clock snack and force him to seek guidance from a bent pitchfork. Rolf does not understand your less-than-productive state. Why have you mixed your chrysanthemums with bay grass?"

"I don't grow either. But if you must know, Plank and I just don't feel like ourselves today. Every year around this time, we feel so…different…like we never play with anyone, never sleep, and almost never talk to each other. It's like even **I** can't communicate with Plank."

"That sounds very much unlike the woodblock-on-one-foot Johnny-boy we all have come to endure. What plague has soured your grapefruits so? Is it…" Rolf's realization made him stop in mid-sentence and think better of it. "Or do you not wish to indulge?"

"Can I take the day off? I'd hate ta keep bothering you like this."

"Very well. Do what you must to remedy the conflict." Johnny nodded and immediately departed Rolf's property. The neighborhood today boasted much relaxation to say the least. Only Kevin and Nazz were outside doing much of anything, namely dancing to some tunes on Nazz's driveway. Johnny guessed Sarah and Jimmy must've been most likely inside either one's house, hidden upon either one's backyard, or at the playground playing very silently. And a light odor of fresh-baked blueberry tarts from Eddy's window pointed out exactly where the Eds resided.

"Go figure, Plank. Guess that mud wrestling tournament at Rolf's took its toll on everybody. Nobody's doing much today." The boy remained in one spot, his composed eyes glancing up and down the street. He then sighed. "Eh, I guess it's fitting. We sure ain't doing much ourselves. So where's that leave us now? …What's that?" Johnny placed Plank up to one ear. "Uh huh…I hear ya…I don't know if that's a good idea, Plank. Don'tcha think anybody'll miss us? …Well, I guess that makes sense…whoa, Plank!" Johnny held the board a distance away in front of him and moved along as if being pushed by some invisible force, only to halt just as quickly. "Okay, Plank, you made yer point. But let's change out of these uniforms first. Can't go on a lone adventure in these duds." So he ran back home.

Upon exiting in his regular wardrobe, Johnny noticed few outside changes in the neighborhood. Everyone else remained in whatever places they wished, but a certain duo had now switched from dancing to a game of pogs. Kevin didn't mind Nazz gaining more points than him; he gladly poured on congratulations after her next decisive move. "Looks like I win again."

"Not bad. How long you been playin', anyway?"

"This is actually my first time in six years. Never thought I still had it in me." She noticed Johnny over yonder. "Oh, hey Johnny. How's everything going over there?"

Johnny preferred keeping the answers to himself but gave his best possible response without saying too much. "Uhhh…fine, I guess."

"How fine?"

"Er, very fine. Plank and I are just gonna take a walk around the corner. Nothing much, really. Um, have a nice day!" He ran off before the shrugging pair could inquire any further. Still, that didn't make them clueless.

"What's with that guy anymore?" Kevin wondered, "Why doesn't he just get over it? She's not coming back."

"Who knows, he might actually work something out this time," Nazz said, "But for now, where were we?" In the meantime, Johnny already rounded the corner and passed Edd's house standing at another of Peach Creek's many bus stops. However, although he and Plank both stood far enough away from any more prying minds, the melon-headed boy hyperventilated a tad every five seconds. Someone was bound to appear without warning. Why, someone from the neighborhood might also surpass that one corner bombarding him with questions. But whatever happened, Johnny spoke not a word during the entire waiting period.

A slight breeze brushed a leaf past him a short while later. Johnny kept a tight grip on his bus fare, his eyes anxiously darting back and forth for possible activity. He glanced up towards the sky a second later to check the time via the sun's position and wondered if he should just continue his escapade walking along rather than still waiting. Another sigh passed his nostrils, and nervousness soon gave way to tranquility. The boy's thoughts soon drifted back in time to his earlier childhood days. Images clouded Johnny's mind: a little girl with a braided ponytail, though the hair color remained unknown; chasing each other around the girl's yard on a rainy day; some glitzy-colored three-floored building; bumper cars; caramel popcorn balls; a moving van; a vow involving lumber and marker ink…

"Hey, kiddo!" came an adult voice. Snapping back to reality for the second time that day, Johnny's eyes met those of the driver within the bus parked before him. He shook his head; how long had he been standing there? "You coming aboard or what?" Wordless as ever, Johnny shook off the feeling and stepped aboard presenting fare. Whatever Plank had in mind, the boy probably might need to hurry.

Few people paid the pair any heed as well as vice versa during the bus ride. Since their destination was still quite a ways away, Johnny figured he'd had enough time for a little more daydreaming. More memories of the past came to mind. He recalled a hub filled with toddlers and infants alike; no doubt some daycare center. He recalled some colorful tiled hallway leading past unidentifiable rooms…a glass door which welcomed visitors prematurely via steel-blue floor carpeting, colorful solid objects scattered about, and friendly adult faces…a bucktoothed 4-year old boy with a big head sitting all alone in one corner…a boy who didn't seem to fit in…an apathetic crowd of other children…eating lunch in a room next to the kitchen all alone for a minute or so…the same little girl as before (no doubt equally reclusive)…greater enthusiasm for energetic activities after lunch…coat hangers bordered by some bookshelves…all preceded by a sort of fading effect seen on television and in the movies.

Yes indeed, that little boy was none other than Johnny. Speaking of which, the said forlorn individual's memories skimmed through two years into the future during a time when he and the little girl both unintentionally got a chance to explore their surroundings a bit more. (In a whisper, he preferred blotting out bad experiences involving a certain someone's older brother.) Now he recalled restaurant scenes in which their two families dined together at every once in a while…the same bumper car scene, by far Johnny's most favorite memory…a stand plumb full of sugary foodstuffs for anyone's snacking pleasure. But the mental image of the same moving van following a weekend-long camping trip represented the downside to this whole dream sequence. Camping trip? Johnny's eyes widened at the sight of his 6-year old self and the little girl drawing a face on a piece of timber they'd saved from arts and crafts during that occasion away from home. With that object sealing their friendship, Johnny had wiped a tear or two off his face bidding goodbye to she whose house down on the corner of the street would soon belong to a certain semi-former neurotic.

Would this explain why he irrationally bothered Ed and Edd a la Professor Melon Rot? If so, it was still no excuse. Johnny was so caught up in memories by now that everything passing by outside looked so blurry. In fact, the past appeared to taunt him further via a dusty-looking version of the same three-story building he recalled…huh? Dropping the memories for a third time, he turned around and squinted back with realization following up. A gasping Johnny pulled the cable to stop the bus but couldn't get off until they'd all passed by another block. Once the bus departed, his observations on the surrounding produced similar results to his native neighborhood. Even the greeting card shop which he currently stood in front of wasn't as active today. No matter, he had other matters on his mind. Johnny used Plank as a mechanical detector much like he did locating Sarah during that one hide-and-seek game and proceeded back the way he came.

The stroll took the duo past some old apartment buildings and into a more commercial land plot. Again, few stood outdoors doing hardly anything. A couple sat on a bench having lunch while mechanics tuned up their car at a nearby repair shop. Some picked up baked goods from three nearby bakeries without another word. Through it all, Johnny dared not daydream again until he completed whatever task lay ahead. But the lengthy distance made such a resistance seem easier said than done. Even though Johnny resisted new remembrances, he also soon paid his surroundings little heed as Plank led him like nothing through a maze of temporary wooden fences and synthetic mud flats surrounding the three-story building from his daydreams. In fact, the melon-headed boy hadn't even glimpsed an intrigued clandestine pair hiding amongst the woody labyrinth. Minor sunlight highlighted their smiling faces.

However, that soon changed once he emerged into the paved open dotted by construction equipment. (Pretty much reaching his destination made it unnecessary to use Plank as a detector any longer.) Johnny had to look back when those figures dashed along his peripheral vision. "Did you see anything, Plank?" Looking left and right, he shrugged and continued moving on. But the tiny sound of four feet other than his own combined by a second glimpse made him glance their way again. Although the pair hid well, they could no longer make a fool out of Johnny. "Okay, the game's over," he announced, "Who are you, and why're you following me?"

"Who are we?" came a boy's voice from behind, startling Johnny to turn around. The melon-headed boy knew not what to make of what appeared as one male Kurdish preteen accompanied by one female. The male had straight red hair in tiny spikes styled into a widow's peak and wore a light-brown t-shirt; yellow vest; red shorts; white socks; and light-brown tennis shoes. With curly orange hair tied in a ponytail, the girl was clad in an orange t-shirt; black vest; white skirt and socks; and pink tennis shoes. As could've been expected, their welcoming faces instead somewhat spooked Johnny.

"Yeah, that's what I asked."

"You're a stranger around here," the girl spoke, "What's your name?"

"I'm Johnny, and this wooden board I'm holding is my best friend Plank. And you?"

"My name is Werf Jala," the boy answered.

"And I am Sharon Almas," came the girl's reply, "The two of us are a cute couple."

The pair blushed at exchanging loving glances, though Johnny's attention lay towards the building. "Okay. Well, it was nice meeting you, but Plank and I got a mission." Johnny immediately darted along the plot. "Maybe I'll catch up with you two later if I remember!"

"Hold up!" Werf called, him and Sharon in pursuit, "There's something of great importance which we must impart to you!"

"No time!" Johnny called back.

"That's just it!" Sharon added, "This mall has no time!"

However, Johnny's fascination created a barrier of ignorance that not only blotted out the older kids' words but also penetrated the structure's overall 'abandoned' appearance. Windows were broken, and weeds sprouted from cracks in the cement walkway. "Look at it, Plank. It's just the way we remember it." With the front entrance boarded up, all three kids shifted course into the mall parking garage while ignoring warning signs to keep out. In fact, none noticed the arriving construction workers as well as vice versa.

By now, the trio was well on their way into the heart of the garage. "Wait up," Sharon repeated, "We've an important message about the mall!" Still, Johnny ignored them as he ran around in one wide circle searching for something. The enclosed soundproof space prevented anybody outside from hearing anything they said. Upon the fourth rotation, the melon-headed boy stopped in place having found what he searched for.

"There, Plank!" Unfortunately, that's also when Werf and Sharon collided into him creating a mound in the process. The Kurds almost felt a tidbit more disoriented than usual as they all picked themselves back up.

"So disorderly," Werf began, "Just look at you, Johnny. You're a mess from the head on down."

"I don't have time for some chat. You two are ruining my mission."

"Mission?" Sharon wondered, "Do share more. Perhaps we can help."

Johnny modestly lowered his head. "Um, I'm not sure. It's sort of a private matter between me and Plank. I only just met you two a minute ago."

"Worry not," Werf assured, "Sharon and I are very good listeners. Letting one's thoughts fly freely is healthier than keeping them bottled up. We won't jeer."

"Oh, alright. To start off…" Trailing off, Johnny not only took time to inspect his surroundings but also to finally let realization of the building's current state sink in. How long had he been away from the mall? When did he last visit? "Er, right. Like I was saying, to start off, what happened to this place? What's with all the construction equipment?"

"You don't get around much, do you?" Sharon said.

"Not really. I spend most of my time within my own neighborhood unless otherwise directed."

"Truthfully, none of us should be here. After a new mall opened about a block down the street a long time ago, most of this old mall's stores went out of business. In fact, it's a shame to say that they're tearing this place apart in less than half an hour."

"Half an hour?" Johnny cried, "We gotta get moving!"

"But you haven't answered our question yet," Werf reminded, "Why do you solicit around a dangerous place?"

"I'll explain inside the mall. C'mon!" Johnny led the pair down some stairs, through a basement hall, and halted in front of the closed door at the end. Neither pushing nor pulling budged it open. "Okay, time for Plan B."

"Which is?" Werf wondered.

"Help me ram it open!" Each child took a position, aimed carefully, and thrust himself or herself into the door. Opening it required three such movements before they passed through, stopping only inches from the wall behind. With that done, the trio sauntered up the stairs coughing up dust and waving it out of their faces. Again, Johnny's admiration broke through possible disappointment the mall's ancient appearance instigated. Dim light shone through windows and skylights alike. "Wow, Plank. It looks better than before."

"I wouldn't say that," Sharon piped up, "So, will you now tell us your story?"

Johnny sighed as his cheerful attitude subsided once more. "Follow me." The trio passed by what used to be a parking permit booth alongside several unidentifiable former businesses with Sharon and Werf hearing out Johnny's story. Truthfully, this was something he rather would've not discussed, much like Eddy's middle name. Well, now he sympathized with the pink-skinned boy. "This mall was one of the greatest places I'd ever visited in my whole life. Despite all the dust and so forth, it still amazes me. But the real story begins at a daycare here which my parents always left me at whenever they went shopping. It all started back when I was four, long before I carried Plank around. Mom and Dad decided to check out this mall for the first time and felt relieved discovering the daycare center I just mentioned. I was a pretty shy kid with no friends. Whenever the other kids made their building block towers or wrestled playfully, I sat by myself in one corner watching. I was too shy to ask myself in, and nobody invited me over. Mom and Dad loved this daycare center so much that they came here more and more. But soon enough, during a little snack break with me of course sitting all alone, this girl just as lonely sat next to me and became my friend on the spot."

"What was her name?" Werf asked.

"Alanis." Johnny sighed happily. "Yeah, I still remember her name as if she told me yesterday. She was a cute little girl with a braided ponytail, though I forget her hair color. Anyway, from that time on, the two of us were inseparable. Imagine my surprise when I learned she lived only three houses next to mine down the street. Nothing else mattered as long as we stuck together. Why, some of the other kids at the daycare and in our neighborhood finally started asking us into their games."

"Did you ever have a crush on Alanis?" Sharon suggested.

Johnny slightly and temporarily blushed. "Yeah, you could put it that way…well, whaddaya know." He halted the procession in front of what appeared to be an abandoned restaurant. Although the lettering was worn and rusty, the trio still made out a name. "Dan's Delectable Deeds." Out came another happy sigh before they pressed on. "Ah, my best days with Alanis were all spent inside this mall. I remember a few times when our families got together at that restaurant for lunch or dinner." The melon-headed boy's eyes darted towards yet another familiar sight beneath some railing. Werf and Sharon followed Johnny's example peering down at an abandoned miniature amusement room. "Ooh, I just gotta see this!" The trio ran down the left escalator, through a near-barren room, and pausing at bumper cars. An empty ceiling formerly containing electric panels overshadowed a section of black marble floor. Stars now appeared in Johnny's eyes.

"How much significance here has inspired your funny expression?" Werf asked.

"Ohhhhhhh. Now this room holds the bestest of best memories. In the two years after Alanis and I met, our parents began leaving us here instead of the daycare center while they went shopping. They always gave us enough money for a snack and just one extended game or ride. As you can guess, our favorite was the bumper cars. I remember those afternoons when we picked an activity and then followed up with a nice caramel popcorn ball or two…sometimes popcorn balls, sometimes taffy, other times something else…"

"Er, Johnny?" Sharon interrupted, "Sorry to interrupt your fantasy, but we must delay no more. What happened to Alanis?"

Predictably, the younger boy's mood faltered for the umpteenth time. "A month before 1st grade ended, the two of us went to sleep-away camp for a weekend. Somehow, Alanis managed sneaking away a wooden board from arts and crafts. Was it an act out of an unknown omen? Probably. Because about a week later, we both learned that her parents got new jobs in another county, meaning the family would be moving away. To keep our friendship alive, Alanis and I drew a smiley face on the same board she snuck away and decided **I** should hold on to it." Johnny held up Plank. "This is the board; we named him Plank. You might say we're his parents, although I prefer treating him as if we were both the same age."

"That's quite a story," Werf commented, "Where is Alanis now?"

"I don't know. We kept in touch for a while even after my parents quit shopping here. But by the time this guy I know who wears a black skier's cap with white streaks settled into her old house, the two of us stopped exchanging letters and phone calls for no reason. The way my parents always left me home alone got me so hooked on Plank that I've all but forgotten what it's like having real friends and in the process gained this ability to speak to just about any inanimate object. Still, it's not like I can just throw Plank away. Whenever I listen to his woody heart carefully, it always feels as if I've turned four years old again. Sometimes, I even hear Alanis calling out to me from the past."

"Quite a story," Sharon admitted, mournfully joining hands with Werf, "Yes, we can partly sympathize."

"Really?" Johnny wondered.

"Of course," Werf added, "My mom did similar things here with me."

"And I did so with my dad. Well, that is…before…"

Judging by the way the two Kurds choked up (no faking), Johnny had a pretty good idea where they headed. "They died, huh?"

"Correct. I lost my mother to a car accident."

"And my father died from a kayaking mishap on the outskirts of town."

All three respectfully bowed their heads for a moment of silence, until Werf broke the silence and released Sharon's hand. The pair also smiled again as if having forgotten those sad memories. "But, we don't let that keep us down. We know they'd want us to continue strong."

"So, what again brings you back here?" Sharon asked, "Exploring the structure before they rip it apart?"

"Well, that's just half," Johnny explained, "Plank led me here searching for something, but not down here."

"Then where to?" Werf asked.

"I'm guessing the daycare center. C'mon!" They all ran back up the same escalator, quickly giving the amusement room one last glance before continuing on.

As if by long-forgotten instinct, Johnny located the old daycare center instantly. Soot and smudges blanketed the door and windows. The painted lettering was almost completely stripped away. "Wow," Sharon noted, "I'm guessing that buildup dates back nine-and-a-half months, give or take."

"This is it," Johnny said, "The daycare center."

"What's the case?" Werf questioned, "Do you plan on taking any possible interior items away to keep for souvenir?"

"You got it. Plank and I wanna remember this place forever."

"What if there's nothing inside for taking?" Sharon said.

"Oh, there's something, alright. Plank would never steer me wrong." So Johnny pushed his way through that door, which was thankfully unlocked. Shrugging, Sharon and Werf followed him inside. They first looked around the main room once containing indoor playground equipment; a television set bordered by a shelf of suitable video media; both wooden cupboards and upper shelves full of differently sized toys; and of course, the same corner Johnny first loitered around. Simply standing there brought forth more mental bliss. Staring at the old carpet, a tear nearly escaped his eye before he led his new companions into a bordering mini hallway.

"Did you find what you were searching for?" Werf asked.

"I remember this hall," Johnny said, studying the wall on his right and ignoring the previous question, "These are the shiny metal hooks where we put up our coats. Some kids slung their bags underneath. And over here!" He led them over to a large empty space in the far right corner. "Sometimes me or someone else came over here whenever we felt like a good book. Can't remember all those titles, though."

"How does a good book feel?" Sharon jokingly asked. Again, Johnny responded by dragging them further into the sub-facility. A sort of tiny dining room bordering the kitchen was the dustiest of all. Whereas the younger boy did the usual hacking and coughing, the older ones jerked around as if experiencing abdominal cramps. Sharon withdrew handkerchiefs for all to blow their noses in; Johnny then inquired about their spasms.

"What's with you two? Are you that allergic?"

"Not quite," Werf explained, "Sharon and I have what's called synesthesia."

"Syn-whatsie?"

"Synesthesia. It's a harmless condition in which a person's senses are crossed. When one sense gets activated, it inspires an unexpected reaction in another sense. For example, tasting a wild pear might bring the melodious sound of the rebab, a fiddle-like instrument, flowing across their eardrums."

"You mean pears are secretly musical?"

"No, silly," Sharon added, "That's just one example of synesthesia: A person seems to hear the rebab when they taste a wild pear. Actually, in our case, we see different colors when we hear different sounds. I see vibrating yellow drops every time I hear fast-paced folk music."

"Is it contagious?"

"I should say not," Werf put in, "We have had this condition since birth. It might happen to you if one of your senses no longer functions properly. Relax; whether or not you get it later in life, like I said, it's very harmless. The two of us might have our senses crossed, but we've been blessed with much intelligence."

"Wow. I wish **I** could see different colors that way."

"We can speak more of medicine another time," Sharon reminded, "You best find what you searched out and then depart immediately. We haven't much longer."

"Well…" Werf and Sharon held their positions as Johnny combed the center one last time but still came up with nothing. Defeated, he went back into the tiny hall for some last-minute sulking. "Nuts. End o' the line, Plank."

"So you didn't find anything," Werf stated, "Does this conclude the tour?"

"I guess so. The tour was only half of it; I liked exploring the place one last time, but it would've been even better taking something home as a souvenir. Just to remember the place, you know?"

"That reminds me," Sharon said, "Do you still have Alanis' address or phone number?"

"Nope. Lost 'em a long time ago, and I don't remember her last name." As Johnny leaned up against the doorsill of the doorway leading into the kitchen, surprise presented itself in the form of the one row of coat hooks falling to the floor and snapping into two halves. "Whoopsie…hey! That's it!" Johnny picked up one half. "This'll do!"

"Wonderful," Sharon continued, "Now let's leave." The three immediately stepped outside the daycare center and headed back the way they came. "There's no telling how many minutes remain before…"

SMASH! Jolting, the trio turned back to see a swinging wrecking ball on the left having busted the glass display and more. Whereas the Kurds' synesthesia caught up again, the tear Johnny's eye withheld finally surfaced down his cheek. The wrecking ball made it official: Those preschool days were now over for good. And still, nobody outside caught a red eye of them just yet. "It's beginning!" Werf cried. But a hesitant Johnny couldn't find inspiration to depart until a second ball bashed through a store across from the daycare, startling the trio and missing their noses by only a few inches. Down the hall they ran without looking back as three more balls tore through store after store behind them, creating a true obstacle course. Bits of metal, Styrofoam, glass, and wooden splinters rained upon the floor. Metal and wood beams collapsing in front would've crushed the kids had they not abruptly halted and shifted directions all at the same time. (At one point, Johnny's fear blinded him from seeing Werf and Sharon quickly swipe one bit of specially colored rubble each before escaping.) Stepping into the downstairs hall, they halted in place and took time despite the pressure to absorb one last revelation.

"Wait a minute!" Sharon began, "If we escape the way we came, we'll end up in big trouble with the construction crew and our parents!"

"Even worse!" Johnny added, "We might get ourselves or one of those workers hurt!" A rumbling above knocked some pieces of plaster off the ceiling, which thankfully missed the kids.

Werf's eyes darted towards a side door. "There's a secret entrance into the sewers behind that door! It's our only ticket!"

"That's funny," Johnny commented, "I don't remember there being some secret passage underneath this mall."

"Well, we sure do," Sharon said, "We'll explain later. Come." Fortunately, unlike the other door, this one opened rather easily since someone had long since removed its locking mechanism. Another upper rumbling rained grainy plaster down as the trio moved about in slight pitch-dark. Sharon felt the floor in search of the aforementioned secret entrance. "It should be around this spot if I remember correctly…aha!" With a simple twist and tug, they wasted no time escaping and stepping into the stone world below seconds before rubble closed them off from the room. The Kurdish preteens fanned the stinky air.

"Whew!" Werf declared, "I can see why they never let children through that entrance."

Johnny held Plank out as a detector once again with the bit of hook-lined timber lined up against the latter's back. "Plank's the best navigator around. Is it any wonder I keep 'im handy?" Sharon and Werf exchanged uncertain glances but knew they'd no other choice than relying on a smiley-faced board to show an exit. "He says to go forward, take a left turn, and…well, let's just follow." So they all walked along pretty quickly without actually running. Fortunately, they needed not worry about pace since the walkway didn't feel as slippery today. Back on the surface, the crew members controlling the wrecking balls paused swinging those things around to watch the rest of the old mall sway and then eventually collapse for the period's remainder. By then, the ensuing dust cloud which slinked underground barely caught up to the trio, though they still covered their faces in their shirts until it subsided.

Werf, Sharon, Johnny, and Plank emerged out onto an idle street another half hour later. Despite a continuously neat appearance, they all still exhibited a slight odor. A closer look deemed them to be midway between the rubble and Johnny's native neighborhood. "What a day," Sharon commented as they all stepped upon the nearest sidewalk.

"Whoa, Plank," Johnny added, "I'd hate to be stuck in a game modeled after that experience."

"Our feelings are mutual," Werf said, "I take it this concludes your adventure."

Johnny glanced at his 'souvenir' mournfully. Again, the loss of familiar surroundings closed a chapter in his life. But whichever struck him more deadly, be it the mall's closure or its destruction, would require analysis no one had time for. It probably didn't matter much anyway. "Oh well. Maybe I just gotta move on with my life. Alanis isn't coming back, and neither is the mall. You say there's a new mall around here?"

"Sure is," Sharon answered. Judging by the look in the two older ones' eyes, Johnny knew how deep the mutualism ran: He too didn't feel as enthusiastic about that news.

"Eh, if you say so. Maybe I'll visit there sometime, but not yet. Not until I know I'm ready."

"Understood," Werf admitted, "We'll miss it just as much."

"You will, huh?" After they nodded, Johnny guiltily looked at his souvenir. "Too bad you didn't get anything. I'm sorry."

"Or did we?" At that, the smiling older pair withdrew exactly what they'd picked up: yellow-colored pieces of an old plaque which fell from a clothing store above. Johnny now felt surprised yet glad as they put those pieces back in their pockets. "People like us hold history in high regard and sometimes also resist sudden changes, much like you right now." His girlfriend nodded in agreement.

"Wow. Guess we share a lot in common."

"Indeed," Sharon said, "It's getting late, so we all best head for home."

"You should come over sometime and meet mine and Plank's neighbors," Johnny offered, "I live at 226 Rathink Avenue. It's near the city dump and a trailer park; you can't miss these two signs that say 'Park 'N Flush' and 'Coming soon: Peach Creek Estates; Buy now, pay later'." (A/N: There's a good chance I may have exaggerated the address. Check the episode 'Your Ed Here' for details.)

"We'll think about it," Sharon continued.

"Bi xatra te," the redheads chorused.

"Come again?"

"That's Kurdish for 'goodbye'," they explained.

"Oh. In that case, goodbye to you too!" And both factions proceeded their separate ways without another word. "Y'know, Plank, I think we'll meet 'em again before we even realize it." Johnny then stopped short in realization. "What's that, buddy? …Hey, you're right! Sharon! Werf! You didn't give me…your address." But when he turned back, the Kurdish preteens had apparently disappeared into thin air. Shrugging, the melon-headed boy just let it slide. "Oh well. Don't worry, Plank. We can always get it another day." Johnny momentarily held up his souvenir one last time, silhouetting it against the sunbeams and sighing at the mere look. "Yep. Today sure was rewarding, huh?" Johnny had gotten along through life with Alanis by his side; he'd continue doing so no longer with just one but now two reminders.

The End


	6. Zip Zap Ed

"Are you sure about this, Ed?" Edd wondered, clutching a piece of paper in one hand. He and Ed both stood upon the patio bordering Eddy's bedroom, overshadowed against evening scenery.

"Aw, of course," Ed said, "We do this to each other all the time. Besides, it'll add on to the surprise."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna just spook Eddy. And how do you know he hasn't left his bedroom or entire house yet?"

"Take a looksie through his window." Edd did just that and found Eddy sound asleep with the blankets covering all but the facial features above his mouth. Listening more closely unveiled snoring, and an even closer inspection of the group leader's expression clearly showed that he lay sound asleep. "Look at 'im. Sleeping like a baby platypus."

"Huh. Isn't bedtime still a few hours away?"

"Yep. We better wake 'im or he won't be able to sleep tonight." Although Ed forgot to check ahead of time, the outer door to Eddy's bedroom fortunately happened to be unlocked. Shutting it gently, Ed and Edd snuck towards their sleeping friend but then halted in their tracks only two steps away from his face with astonished expressions at what came next.

"Hey, guys," Eddy greeted, groggily sitting up straight as if having been awake the whole time, "I knew you were here."

The astonishment left them three seconds later. "Okay," Ed suggested, "How 'bout waking up to a new day now that that's settled?"

Eddy's bare feet touched the nearby shag rug as he stood firm, his eyes darting towards one of Edd's hands in particular. "What's with the paper, Double D?"

But before an answer emitted, Edd finally took time to realize how slightly different the bedroom looked today compared to maybe yesterday and days before. Records, magazines, and cloth articles had been resorted and restacked neater than either he or Ed last remembered. The closet alone looked as if the group genius' obsessive old self paid a little house visit. A scent of pure fresh air supplemented by a slight lemon tinge tickled his olfactory cells. Scratch that; scents of pine, lime, and so forth from other rooms scrambled for nasal attention. On top of that, unless an admiring Edd's eyes deceived him, the mirror reflected more light than usual. "Why, Eddy. Practicing domestic responsibilities on your own? I can't remember the last time all currently within my field of vision appeared so immaculate. The mirror alone looks newly purchased."

"Yeah, I couldn't find you guys at yer houses earlier, so I decided to take the day off from cooking and clean the house. But it sure left me exhausted."

"Double D and I ran errands around town for his parents since this morning," Ed explained, "Sorry we didn't tell you sooner. You sure sleep in a lot."

"Alright, enough about me. So, Double D, I ask again: What's with the paper?"

Edd held up the paper. "This, my friend, is one of the biggest honors to come our way since the invention of the printing press. It's an invitation from my parents' friends who work at the new mall which opened up several months ago."

"Did we miss something?" Eddy wondered, "Is there something special going on today?"

"Well, just lemme finish. The mall's indoor amusement park is offering half-priced tickets for rides and half-priced snacks and beverages to boot." Stars lit up in Edd's eyes. "Oh, but the latest advancement in virtual reality technology holds our greatest enjoyment yet! There's also a freelance virtual simulation room opening up tonight. And because my parents are good friends with the chief operators, they selected us three as the first to test it out! Can you imagine? Countless pixels manipulated and molded into life-like environments by expert computer technicians, just begging for test subjects!"

"Yeah!" Ed added, "Just like the Tunnel of Horrors we see at street carnivals! Or those blood vessels Adam the Abhorrent traveled through in Liver And Onions which spawned those deadly germs."

"Sound like quite an attraction," Eddy admitted, "Is it some kind of ride?"

"Yes and no," Edd continued, "It starts out as a sort of walkthrough. You know, just simply walking around getting yourself lost in a synthetic delirium. Nothing bad, I assure you. After a moment adjusting to your surroundings, there's this orange light or something that appears and leads you deeper into the virtual complex. It starts out slow but quickens as you move along."

"So it's a type of video game."

"Well…almost. There aren't many obstacles, there's no real plot, and no one keeps score. You could call it a new form of therapy for those who need a break from the real world. The designers put in five settings, but they'll add more after our admission. And it all lasts 20 minutes."

"Figures. That doesn't sound like much fun."

"You should give it a shot anyway," Ed encouraged, "Who knows? If we accept, all the fads within a 50-mile radius won't matter anymore. How often does something this promising happen to us anyway? In the real world, that is."

"If you say so. I take it everybody's going?"

"Yep," Edd answered, "All except Johnny, that is. He's still plenty upset over what happened to the old mall two days ago." Eddy and Ed knew what their friend meant. Following the demolition, Johnny acted out of character as far as everyone else knew him though it wouldn't be the first or last occasion. Not a complete mope; just not very enthusiastic about much of anything that day. Nazz, Sarah, Jimmy, and the Eds let their sympathy shine brightly. Rolf felt at a standstill having thought whatever Johnny did might alleviate his unfocused attention on things and didn't know what to do other than allow time to run its uninterrupted course. As for Kevin, one could note the dim sympathy in his eyes though he preferred concealing it. But all now understood Plank's significance and the Professor Melon Rot experience to a fault (despite that they couldn't fully excuse the second). Even Edd hadn't time for pondering why he'd learned or simply heard of this Alanis person too late.

In fact, it was a miracle Johnny's parents never found out about his escapade through an urban danger zone and grounded him for it. Grounded? Why, it was a miracle alone that he and the two Kurdish preteens fled the setting rationally unscathed! Other kids around the world undertaking similar ordeals didn't always have it that fortunate. Speaking of Werf and Sharon, Johnny neither received word of them just yet nor mentioned their existence to his neighbors. Maybe he'd look up their phone numbers and give them a call to (A) ask how life currently treated them, (B) see if their parents found out and grounded them, and (C) get their address. Maybe he'd visit their street before vice versa once he found enough time. But for now, Johnny contended with his low feelings until further notice. "Huh," Ed commented, "Johnny should try out the virtual reality room once we're done."

"It's his decision alone," Edd said, "So whaddaya say, Eddy? You're a stickler for trying something new every day. Are you with us?"

Eddy stared his overly enthusiastic friends eye to eye and sighed. "Yeah, I said that. Gimme a moment first." Complying, the other two returned into the backyard and waited the group leader out. He wouldn't require much time freshening up since he'd slept in his usual outfit excluding footwear.

Things actually ran smoothly on the way to the mall. The boys all sat comfortably in the back while Edd's mother provided the needed lift. They passed time away by looking at a layout of the mall's three floors in general (basement closed to the public). "Okay," Edd began, moving his finger around the map, "Here's the amusement park. The virtual room lies just across and takes up enough space for a small toy store, small clothing store, and a print shop. Right here stretching along the front interior wall is an admission booth accompanied by a control room seating ten technicians. Once we close the second door behind us, up comes the virtual reality itself."

"I can't believe the management approved of it," Ed commented, "That's usually something reserved for government only."

"Tell me about it," Eddy agreed, "How much did it cost installing it anyway?"

"Quite a few million dollars," Edd answered.

"Whoa," Eddy continued, "Just imagine how many jawbreakers or pies they could've bought and stuffed into that room. They'd cover the entire building including the parking lots! But then again, they'd also be swarmed by a horde of ravenous…uhh…"

"Zebras?" Ed guessed, "Lions? Cobras? Gastropods the size of the Cascade Mountains?"

"Eh, close."

"Just hope I can find a parking space," Edd's mother commented as they entered the premises, "Sure is packed." The Eds took a glance for themselves. Row upon row of domestic vehicles lined the lots down to the bone, some of which left spaces too small even for this compact car. Observing these surroundings stole the Eds' breath away no matter how many times they'd visited here in their lives. A box-shaped base topped by a dome section all of which took up four city blocks and reaching almost as high as a few nearby office buildings made Peach Creek's new mall an impressive item to behold. The parking lots resembled a real labyrinth due to the oversize load tonight. The boys' heads darted quickly back and forth.

"Wow," Ed began, "So big. We must've stepped into a museum, or a dinosaur's mouth, or something."

"I can only imagine how much steel, glass, and concrete went into construction of this fancy commercial land," Edd added.

"You said it," Eddy agreed, "I could never get tired of this."

"Well, we won't be doing much of anything tonight unless I find me a parking space," Edd's mother said, "Eddward, would you kindly be a dear and hand me that map?"

"By all means." Edd complied to the request, and his mother accepted it for multitasking.

"So where we gonna enter?" Ed asked.

"It all depends on where Mother parks. Let's just wait and see."

Finding a parking spot took a bit longer than anyone expected. The quartet underwent nine corner turns and five orbits about the various areas only to continuously come up short. Finding a suitable space three times through would've ended their troubles had they been closer: Someone always stood around the next corner apathetically stealing an available spot. By the time they circulated the entire mall one time through, both driver and passengers were delirious. It finally came to a point where Edd's mom paid more attention to the map via unknowingly releasing the steering wheel. Even though the car moved in exactly a straight line, the Eds snapped out of it upon seeing a departing group drive into the open. "For crying out loud," she muttered, "I've circled the entire mall and found nothing. Zip, zero, nada."

"Uh, ma'am?" Eddy said

"Not now, Eddy dear. I'm busy."

"But it's really important, miss," Ed added.

"Can't you see I'm trying…"

"MOM!" Edd screeched, their car only twelve seconds away from collision, "LOOK OUT!"

"Huh? …Oop!" Glancing up with frantic passengers, she slammed onto the brakes and stopped inches near the other car's left front tire. Nervous laughter shared amongst the preteens followed the act of backing up a few inches to let the other vehicle pass on by. "Sorry, kids. Guess I got caught up."

"It's mutual," Eddy replied, "No harm done."

"Yeah, let's do that again," Ed suggested.

"I'll pass," Edd said.

"Eddward, you can really scream," the mother playfully commented while occupying the given parking space, "You really take after me." Edd just gave a nervous chuckle.

Activity within the hallway between both desired facilities had long since died down somewhat, defying the parking lot's frustration. Many illusory paintings decorated the virtual room's outer wall and more than made for a decent appetizer. Minor ones – multiple groups of slim black rings placed inside one another on a white background like a dartboard, growing wider as they reached invisible edges; groups of circles placed closely together, alternating in blue and green tiles; etc. – lined the entrance edge. The quartet slowed their pace to observe extra closely. Edd and his mom looked at the black rings while the others took interest in the blue and green tiles. "Interesting arrangement," Edd commented, "I sense motion."

"Yeah, me too," the mother agreed.

"I saw this on a poster once," Ed noted.

"They just keep on moving," Eddy said. Within five seconds of staring, the four all shook their heads whereas only the Eds placed their hands on the painting to stop the 'movement'. They then quickly removed their hands but jolted when it returned and so put their hands back again. Leave it to the chuckling mother to stop the cycle after six occurrences.

"Okay, that's enough. Let's proceed." Of course, a more complex painting of windows displaying the virtual room's contents but covered in strange thick ivy growths wouldn't let the charade stop yet.

"Oh dear," Edd said, trying to brush away the 'growths', "Where'd these plants come from? And why doesn't somebody remove 'em?" That's when realization finally kicked in. "Don't they know it'll…ruin…the…"

"Eddward, don't you understand?" his mother said, "That's just…"

"Oh, a water fountain," Eddy noticed, "I am kinda thirsty. Looks pretty fancy."

"Hold up, young man." But Eddy had already thrust his face into a painting of a 19th-century school water bubbler situated in a stone arch. No real injury; just sort of stung his forehead and nose.

"Oop. What the?" He ran his hands across the painting. "Um…uhh…the bubbler's stuck inside."

"No it isn't," the mother continued, "That's…"

"Hey, look," Ed interrupted, catching sight of what seemed as a person peeking out from a round window. He was at a loss for words upon viewing the work's distortion straight on. "Uhhhh…" Ed tilted his head about, shook it, and even blinked to make sure he had no eye problems. "Er, I think she's having an upsie-daisy growth spurt or something," he guessed as the others joined.

"No she isn't," Edd's mother explained, "Like I've been trying to say, these are all illusions. Trompe l'oeil, as it's called."

"Trompe whatsie?" Eddy wondered.

"Trompe l'oeil. That translates to 'fool the eye'. It's a realistic painting style in which flat surfaces appear three-dimensional. The owners of the virtual room wanted to make it and the hallway stand out, so they hired other experts and had this one mall entrance closed off."

"Very good," came a masculine adult voice. The group turned towards the said wall's direction and came face to face with a married couple wearing mint-green laboratory outfits: none other than the virtual room's chief operators. "Glad you're all here."

"Allow me to make introductions," Edd offered, "Mr. and Mrs. Eledor, these are my friends Ed and Eddy. Boys, meet Mr. and Mrs. Eledor."

"Pleasure to meet you," Eddy greeted.

"Likewise," Mrs. Eledor said, "We hear you kids get into lots of crazy trouble where you live."

"Yeah, for the most part," Ed said, "We're currently going through some personal changes. For example, Double D's working out more."

"Ed," Edd said, blushing.

"Tell me about it," his mother added, "I never thought Eddward knew how to stink up the house, but things could be worse. I can't stop him from growing."

"Understood," Mr. Eledor acknowledged. The couple then led the quartet over to the virtual room's entrance, the only section untouched by art illusions. "And your impeccable timing has officially awarded you more crazy adventures inside. In other words, you arrived just in time."

"Now, are you sure it's safe?" Edd's mother asked, paying three admission fees, "My Eddward and his friends won't get fatal seizures?"

"Perish the thought," Mrs. Eledor assured, accepting the money, "We spared no expense. If something goes wrong, we'll not only stop the simulation but refund you completely. We are good friends."

"Well…here's hoping."

"Are you joining us, Mother?" Edd asked.

"No, sweetie, I gotta go browse for a new pressure cooker. I'll return once your 20-minute limit expires. Have fun!" And once she disappeared down a left turn, Mr. and Mrs. Eledor wasted no more time leading the boys into their parlor. The waiting area itself appeared plenty ordinary besides brown walls; yellow ceiling; blue carpeted floor; chairs lining the walls; a closed closet door on the left side; a windowed door on the right side leading into the control sub-room, naturally occupied at the moment; a door at the very end leading into the actual virtual room; and an admissions chart next to the facility's main entrance. The other operators waved hello when the Eds took a peek each through the window. Machinery within the control sub-room seemed ahead of its time.

"Not bad," Edd began, "That's some pretty fancy hi-tech controls and monitors you got there."

"Yeah, we must be in the space age," Ed added.

"Or we could be," Eddy chimed, "Now that we're here, what happens next? Do we just step through those doors and take whatever comes our way?"

"Depends," Mr. Eledor answered, handing the boys an options list to skim through, "As part of service, we'll give our customers a range of settings to choose from. And once this catches on, we shall request suggestions of even more settings and also hope to instill some highly cultural surroundings."

"Kinda like a vacation right at home," Mrs. Eledor threw in, "So, what'll it be?"

"I know," Eddy said, "How 'bout the impressive $59 million mansion setting?"

"No, let's try the Sierra Nevada," Edd said, "Hiking's good for the articulatio talocruralis."

"You're both wrong," Ed disagreed, "I say we take the imitation space shuttle. I could use a good space journey."

"May we make a suggestion?" Mrs. Eledor offered, "Why not take the random setting?"

"What's 'random'?" Edd wondered.

"The same one we told you about," Mr. Eledor replied, "Well, sort of. It's a mix of various environments and flashing lights. We'll only tell you if you'd like us to spoil the surprise. I personally think it might make a fine refresher for you three, but it's your choice."

"In that case, we'll take it," Eddy said while handing back the list, his two friends agreeing.

"Okay," Mrs. Eledor concluded, "We'll see you in 20 minutes." The couple made sure the Eds stepped right into the dark virtual room itself before joining fellow operators. The trio halted after trudging around thirty paces forward within.

"Alright, we're inside," Eddy started, "Where's the simulation?"

"Be patient, Eddy," Edd said, "They need to situate themselves first."

"Hey, what's that shiny thing up there?" Ed asked, pointing up. But when the other two glanced in the same direction, and before anyone made it out, a bright orange flash utterly dazed them. All three unaware boys gave the impression that they'd fallen asleep standing up as their surroundings took shape.

Ocean waves, breezes, and seagull squawks bombarded Eddy's eardrums. Mostly tan and varying blue values replaced all the black. Smudges of coral red, brown, and pine green made themselves known at one sector. Refreshing seaside odors followed up. Even right before the colors gained definition, Eddy knew he could detect a beach a mile away. The group leader must've suffered amnesia if he no longer realized that this was all still a simulation. Had he actually been transported to Hawaii, the Caribbean, or possibly someplace deserted? In any case, Eddy found himself unable to compliment much of anything. A familiar voice soon echoed out of thin air. "Eddy? …Eddy? …Eddy?"

"Hm? What?" The voice bounced around until Eddy saw streaks of red, purple, and black towards his left from which the voice emanated form into Edd. And then red, yellow, white, blue, and green streaks formed into Ed standing on the right. Eddy's eyes popped wide open. "Yipes! Oh, it's you guys."

"Naptime is over, Eddy," Ed said, "You'll miss out on the fun."

"How'd we wind up on the beach?"

"It's a…simulation…Eddy," Edd babbled, eyes growing dreary, "Remember…" Once Eddy and Ed gained the same dreary expression and another invigorating ocean breeze brushed across their bodies, the three all but again forgot what they were doing here and why. The slowness-inducing surroundings even made them ignore following background music, a slow combination piano-accordion symphony. The Eds pranced around the beach oblivious to the outside world. Seagulls either circling overhead or perched on a nearby water-bordering rock clump and palm tree watched them curiously. Eddy soon stood vigil overlooking the ocean; Ed busied himself pushing up sand with his feet into a pile; and Edd skimmed for shells washed ashore. Once his eyes caught a boat for three bobbing from behind the rock clump equipped with exactly six consecutive oars, Eddy walked over towards the others to interrupt their activities and show them. The trio then boarded the boat and shoved off into the ocean.

None planned speaking another word until after the session. Whether they rowed quicker than it seemed or some hidden force pushed them along, the beach had vanished instantly. The Eds automatically moved their oars in succession much like a canoeing team. Little else stirred other than tiny waves almost bumping them off-course. Despite lightheadedness, they had to look up when a gray whale leapt cleanly overhead with a dripping barrage. No one minded the following plunge doing a better job than the tiny waves and just kept rowing like nobody else's business (the ripples eventually subsided and let them proceed uninterrupted). Stepping out onto the second incoming beach, the Eds walked forward upon mountainous terrain never minding the previous stuff fading away.

Ignoring that and the fading music, the Eds did notice the daytime sky giving way to night. Two stretches of rock jutting from a cavern behind clearly outlined the trail's borders ahead. One half mile of trail preceded a wide pit where six human diggers busied themselves. As a second ignored musical score – some soft electronic tune – played, the trio correctly figured the workers had time for a quick chat. Each worker expressed his or her thoughts via facial contortions and arm movements rather than captions or recorded voices. The first pair apparently presented editorials about the terrain, each other, their associate workers, or something else; the Eds could hardly tell but didn't care either way. The second pair not only presented some key and three bottled beverages but also pointed towards a tall building overlooking the rest of a nearby town. The Eds continued towards that town, but not before the third working pair stuffed strange paper scraps in their pockets and hinted them to save it for later.

Upon entering the town – which offered a foggy setting of small buildings painted blue-violet – the Eds paused in front of the tower to inspect as well as take a beverage break. It resembled London's Big Ben clock tower except for the desolate appearance and a smaller clock. Each beverage tasted like passion fruit-flavored water, which it probably was (opaque containers without labels). After tossing their containers into a nearby trashcan, the Eds noticed the locked doors alongside their given key and so figured out the rest. None bothered removing the key once they stepped inside. Other than a clear round room with a reception desk at the entrance and an upwards staircase, both on their right, nothing much garnered the boys' interest (police tape closed off the stairs). But come departure, they noticed some humanoid falcon-like creature lying on a table apparently hurt. As they moved in closer, some joker wearing a monster costume leapt in their sight from out of nowhere snarling but received no higher reaction than a jolt. After being lightly shoved aside and passed by, the joker snapped its fingers in frustration and receded back into the darkness.

The bird creature bolted upright as if nothing happened, flapping its wings nonstop when the Eds came close enough. Beak movements gave the impression that its unheard message came like bullets from a machine gun. Shrugging with the bird's departure, the boys headed for the door but turned back around at a faint chirping. Wouldn't they know it, the same bird lay on the table again. With the first déjà vu coming and going, the Eds ignored the same repeated chirping and just went back outside. Behind that door lay the simulation's third environment: a nighttime urban neighborhood with a movie theatre two blocks down. Although the music faded again only for a short while, lightheadedness and background distortion yet lingered a tad.

A poster featuring a movie about some underwater expedition interrupted by aquatic chinches decorated one theatre window. Taking interest in no other attraction, the Eds unintentionally withdrew their given paper scraps and took a closer look. Lo and behold, those scraps happened to be coupons for admission of that exact movie. Disappointment stood over the horizon (figuratively speaking) when the ticket person pointed out that they actually meant half price on tickets but shrugged and made the exchange. Ignoring snacks, the Eds then just took their seats amongst the other moviegoers. Minutes within the movie, the water on the screen inexplicably became real and flooded the entire room. Shock replaced the trio's delirium as they bobbed on-surface. Everyone else's bizarre disappearance combined with a chinch's surfaced head chasing the Eds at random yielded a third, fast-paced, rather humorous musical score.

The chinch moved about quicker than they could react much. It blocked off all exits while typically toying around with the preteens. Ed himself soon disappeared into the depths whereas an unsuspecting Edd and Eddy climbed high up a curtain. As the bug circled all about, the two boys clung tightly wondering what to do until their eyes darted up towards the ceiling. Some yellow chandelier-like sphere hung only inches away. Would it help? Edd sure seemed to think so if its resemblance to an overweight yellow tang was anything to go by. Perhaps it might distract the chinch long enough for them to continue plotting a new escape. Neither preteen's arm reached quite far enough, so Eddy gave his friend a little boost. That didn't help either; both then lost their grip and plunged face first back into the water in a froth, awaiting the upcoming fatality.

Instead, the chinch continued toying around as if enjoying freaking them out over actually eating them. Giving no second thoughts even on Ed's reappearance, all three immediately swum for their very existences with the bug hot on their heels. The Eds almost saw a glow highlighting the left theatre entrance above the water, deemed it better than nothing, and so darted for it. Resurfaced into a water-filled, grass-ridden ditch between a paved road and some fast-food joint in plain daylight, nothing besides the now anthropomorphic chinch convinced them to run down that road. No cars or other individuals existed around; four nearby bikes shortened the time it would've taken going 1.8 miles on foot. More fast-food joints; some department stores; a lumber company; gas stations; utility shops; two grocery stores; a smaller movie theatre than previously visited; a miniature plaza; some restaurants; and other establishments along the road all on no particular side defined the scene. Neither the Eds nor the chinch minded anything. Stopping at a gas station vainly trying to elude their pursuer, the trio took the chase back the way they all came. Even entering the one department store helped little as they scrambled around clothing displays. Come the electronics section, the chinch closed in on Edd and Eddy without realizing a possible ambush. Its belly met Ed's fist with only one last aisle standing between both factions. The chinch clutched its belly not in as much expected pain, took off the chinch covering to unveil an anthropomorphic shark, looked at the Eds, shook its head, and simply absconded.

Another musical pause saw the Eds step out not from a department store but some mountain-based shack, heralding a much darker night. Sauntering along the near-barren ground seemed both history and thrice as enjoyable as the beginning beach scene. None could quite put their fingers on what spectacle the mysterious landscape; dim moonlight and starlight drenching practically everything; the sense of belonging from viewing each other's faces; and the sky itself executed. The simulation's fourth musical number sounded like more of a tearjerker than the first. Halfway towards another strange town came a sudden downpour. Nevertheless, the Eds thought it just added on to the bliss. Soon, lighted windows from a motel up some new hill caught their interest, so they ran along to check it out. A tiny waiting area on the left with brown and orange carpeting, a couch, and a television set bordered an upwards staircase which bordered a back hallway. The right displayed a slightly larger room where creative activity currently took place: About five or six toddlers busied themselves painting mug-sized paper squares of coloring book images. A sign at the front desk directly ahead labeled 'small painting' somewhat explained it all. With nothing else to do, the Eds shrugged and immediately signed up. Clerk, tutors, and children alike welcomed the trio.

When the background music stopped three paper squares later, only the Eds noticed a disturbing glow drawing them outside. None bothered halting their departure into a gray void. The ceiling above looked like a starless pitch-black sky containing nothing more than a star-shaped orange aurora hinting for them to follow, which they did. A fifth song instilled a feeling crossed between energetic and foreboding. Yellow sparkles from the star sailed cleanly either over the boys' heads or past the tops of their shoulders like meteors. Of course, they sucked up to the supposed challenge and simply increased speed. The star then halted the Eds in place by turning around circling over their heads. When it stopped, they just stared on before the same bright flash from the beginning knocked them dazed again. Plus, the song closed off with a more triumphant tone concerning heroes.

"Boys?" came Mrs. Eledor's voice, "Boys? …Boys?"

"Huh?" the Eds mumbled, shaking their heads. Glancing around revealed a milk-white room filled with nothing but them and the Eledors. A window displaying the control sub-room where the other operators waved hello once more stood across on the entrance's left. The trio would still be a bit woozy for another ten minutes or so upon departure.

"What happened?" Ed wondered, "I feel like we…we…"

"Stepped into that surreal neighborhood all over again?" Eddy suggested, "Weren't we just at the beach? Or was it that tower?"

"20 minutes certainly zip by in a chinch attack," Edd commented.

"You bet," Mr. Eledor spoke, "So, did you enjoy the session? Need we add anything?" Those last questions got the Eds off to a minor start.

"It was insane," Eddy declared, "It…it…well…"

"Yeah, I think we enjoyed ourselves but just can't describe the experience," Edd picked up, "You two are sure to go down in local history for this."

"You mean it?" Mrs. Eledor said.

"I sure did."

"Words fail us every time," Ed commented.

"Hello in there!" came Edd's mother's voice while knocking, "I'm back!" And of course, the five stepped back into the waiting area to greet her. "Hello, boys. How'd it all go?"

"Radical," Eddy replied, having found a description, "Whaddaya know? I found a word to describe it."

"I'm hungry," Ed announced, "That passion fruit water wasn't enough, and we didn't have money to buy snacks at the movie theatre or eat out at any fast-food joints or restaurants."

"Passion fruit water?" the mother wondered, "Theatre? Restaurants?"

"It's a long story," Mrs. Eledor said, "You won't believe what we came up with for our random setting. But for now, you could all use some dinner."

"Er, okay," the mother concluded, departing with the boys. The conversation didn't continue until they made a left turn down the hallway, hardly minding the amusement park's noisy excitement. "So, how'd it go? No seizures, I hope?"

"Nope," Edd responded, "The Eledors said it was safe and kept true to their word. We went for a bigger ride than we bargained for, but nothing serious. Okay, so we got chased by a prank-loving shark, but the simulation had that effect."

"Chased by a shark, huh? What exactly happened inside there?"

"As Mrs. Eledor said, it's a long story," Ed spoke, "We'll explain it over dinner. Are we eating out or at your house?"

"Eating out, of course. You boys earned it; I didn't spend all that parking frustration for so little."

"Eh, just checking."

"So Mother," Edd chimed, "Did you find the pressure cooker you wanted?"

"Nope. Turns out I came too soon; they won't be in stock until tomorrow afternoon." She briefly glanced back towards the amusement park. "Say, were you boys planning on taking up those half-priced rides? I'd hate to let you get weak stomachs after dinner."

The Eds took a glance back as well and reached their conclusion. "Eh, I'll pass," Edd began, "That virtual simulation was more than enough to steal my breath away. Although, Eddy and Ed might desire otherwise."

"Nah, I'm too tired," Ed countered, "I'd fall off the roller coaster on the first checkpoint a quarter of the way."

"Under old circumstances, I'd kill for a chance at once-in-a-lifetime discounts," Eddy chimed, "But the virtual room beat 'em all hands down. Tired or not, that roller coaster doesn't compare either way."

"I hear ya," Edd's mother said.

"Say, we're almost to the food court," Edd noticed, "Where're we planning to eat?"

The End

Note: The simulation's stages are loosely based on my high school senior project as well as some dreams I once had.


	7. Walking On BrokEd Glass

Changes knew few boundaries according to time and location. With stronger friendship ties, advanced personalities, and new tasks occupying their free time, the Eds had considerably shown the most changes. Nazz and Rolf boasted none noticeable. Johnny remained stuck with Plank despite that his sorrow over the old mall's destruction might require another night or so to run its course. Kevin hardly bothered anyone anymore though he still plenty hated the Eds. Jimmy retained his artsy ways. Although their scams pretty much disappeared alongside the Kanker sisters' perpetual rampages, misadventures in general did not. Ed's problems hadn't entirely ended as far as Sarah was concerned. For everything following his story to his friends – Edd's bout with both Fiona and Kevin; helping Rolf's cousin Vilhelmina shape up for a mud wrestling tournament on the blue-haired boy's farm estate; the tournament's resulting fatigue; baking blueberry tarts with Edd and Eddy; and trying out a virtual reality room – the yellow-skinned boy himself thought like anyone else that he'd slacked in self-counseling.

The amusement park discounts came and went. Judging by how Sarah woke up the next morning, it was hard telling how she felt welcoming another day. Ed's newfound cleanliness accompanying slightly dropped taste in horror and science-fiction media really only told so much. His experiments no longer cluttered the freezer. She knew he was up to something but hadn't discovered what exactly or cared much yet. As long as the little girl held unwarranted authority over her brother through their parents, that's all that mattered. The world was figuratively hers to dictate. However, Sarah's previous mess with Ed challenging her alongside her brother's gold heart might catalyze a household revolution.

Yawning and stretching, Sarah proceeded into the dining room for breakfast. "Good morning, Mom," was the greeting upon entering the dining room, "Good morning, Dad."

Naturally, the parents were in a hurry at the moment and had little time to return the sentiments. "Good morning, sweetie," the father spoke, sauntering out the front door, "Make that goodbye."

Sarah sat down pouring herself some cereal and milk. "Same as usual, huh?"

"Afraid so," the mother quickly replied, packing a lunch. She quickly paused. "By the way, Jimmy showed up a half hour ago this morning."

"Oh yeah, we planned on setting up a little club in the backyard today. Er, may we?"

"That's fine. I told him to come back later once you'd woken up. He probably went home." The mother gave her daughter a quick smooch before heading out the door as well. "Bye bye." Following a closed door and a car pulling out (they'd two cars), Sarah shoved another spoonful of breakfast into her jowls while thoughtfulness calmly settled in.

A tiny crumpled-paper mound stood by the chair shortly after breakfast. Sarah had used fifty paper sheets procuring designs for some pretend club in their backyard, and only six appealed. It seems she'd paid attention to the Eds' changes after all but just a different kind from everyone else. Sarah considered it new opportunistic means for revenge. Possibilities were endless once more as long as she played her cards right. And drawing from Jimmy's scamming talents as Eddy's ex-protégé, this pretend club may be a taste of bigger things ahead. "Hmmm…" A baffled Sarah studiously compared all acceptable drawings. Soon enough, an inspirational spark saw her tweaking the sixth with pieces from the other five. "And, done." She stood up and admired the drawing. "Move over, Eddy, you washed-up belch. There's a new scammer in town."

"Fresh pastries!" came the said individual's voice.

Hot out of the oven!" Edd echoed, "Free of charge!" Glancing through the front door, Sarah noticed Ed and Edd standing right next to Eddy who held a dish loaded with warm baked treats. All except Jimmy had gathered around for a sample. Nazz and Rolf casually accepted three each. Johnny took the two smallest: one for him, one for Plank. Kevin sampled one large pastry. Opening the door wider made a delectable odor bombard Sarah's nostrils while slightly enticing her.

"Mmm. Blueberry."

"Thanks, Eddy," Johnny said, "Plank and I needed a good snack."

"No problem, Johnny-boy," was the response, "So, how'd I do? Any suggestions?"

"Yeah, triple the recipe next time," Nazz spoke, "But seriously, I think you're going along well."

"Not bad for a dork," Kevin muttered.

"I have a suggestion," Rolf announced, "Lay off the processed filling and crush the blueberries yourself next time. It gives the pastries a bigger mule's kick."

"You mean it tastes better that way?" Edd inquired, receiving a nod. With an empty dish following up, the other kids immediately left the Eds alone to munch on their own treats. Noner yet noticed Sarah stepping out into the open. "Delicious. You know, Eddy, your talent could end world hunger overnight should you continue processing these palatable foodstuffs."

"No kidding. I probably already said this, but giving away treats for free feels pretty good. I'm actually glad I charged 'em nothing this time." Eddy and Ed's enthusiasm faltered upon spotting the latter's sister inches behind Edd, who didn't turn around until his friend mentioned her name. "Oh, hey Sarah."

"What's going on?" she queried, "What'd I just miss?"

"Our apologies, Sarah," Ed said, "We're all out, but don't worry. Jimmy saved you one."

"Yeah, but you won't find him at his house," Edd added.

"So where'd he go?"

"They were headed towards the playground about five minutes or so earlier," Ed answered, "Oh yeah, I nearly forgot." He pulled out a pair of white shorts. "Here're Jimmy's swimming trunks. I saved them from when the hose for Eddy's drawbridge scam sucked 'em right off. Sorry I took so long to return them, but I forgot." Sarah accepted the trunks, huffed, and proceeded in said direction not even thanking them.

"You're welcome, squirt," an ignored Eddy retorted, while the other two just shook their heads and sighed.

Rounding the corner, Sarah found her best friend and some boy from another neighborhood conversing together without acknowledging her presence. Curiosity took hold as she started off allowing them several more seconds to talk before interrupting. Nobody figured just how much they had to share with each other. Whether gladness at her friend not being turned against her or slight envy at someone else occupying his time wrote itself on Sarah's face was anyone's guess. "And that's how I built my first clubhouse," the visitor spoke.

"Wow," Jimmy commented, "With all those stories tucked inside the closet of your head, you should become a writer."

"Thanks. Say, when didja get those braces?"

"Eh, back in first grade. Both sides of my family have a history of bad teeth; I'd say back to my fourth great-grandfather on my mom's side and my fourth great-grandmother on my dad's side. Seven generations counting me. I still got two more years before the orthodontist removes 'em."

"And we can only imagine what kind of tough-guy smile we'll see when it happens." Jimmy looked down coyly after hearing the flattering tease, his eyes darting in the little spy's direction. "Hey, Sarah. You been here the whole time? Don't worry, Vincent here wasn't gonna badmouth you. We're just talking about other things; nothing harmful."

But Sarah instead took a shine to the new boy. "Nice to meet you, Vincent. As you just heard, my name is Sarah."

"Hello, hello. I came from an apartment complex ten blocks away."

"That's swell. Did Jimmy tell you about our little pretend club?"

"Certainly. I'd be happy to join, and I'm sure so would a bunch o' my friends back at the apartments. I'll go get 'em right now." With Vincent's departure, Sarah gave Jimmy back his swimming trunks.

"Here you go. The same trunks Eddy's pool-draining hose sucked up." Rather than accept the trunks back, Jimmy gently shoved them away. "Huh?"

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"What, Ed forget to clean off a stain?"

"No, not that. You can either keep 'em or give 'em to a clothing store downtown."

"How come?"

"Eddy didn't suck off my trunks, I took 'em off myself. They were three sizes too small and giving me a rash. I tried telling my parents, but they wouldn't listen. Remember? That was the only clean pair I had for the moment – the others were in the wash – and I didn't have enough time to put on anything besides an inner tube before Kevin gave all his jawbreakers away."

Sarah just sighed. "Still, that really wasn't the smartest move. I can only imagine how…never mind. Let's get my yard set up." The little redhead said nothing as she immediately led the blond to her home; the expression on her face only told so much even if it looked withdrawn. Once situated upon lawn chairs, the two youngsters wasted no time laying out a 'model' of their pretend club on the grass using pebbles and paper strips. Jimmy even added adjustments to the drawing where needed. "Okay, okay," Sarah said, "We'll install fourteen loops for the croquet course, but only if we go by a medieval theme."

"Done."

"Then I guess that just about does it. Now we gotta make membership cards."

"Ooh! We'll need staff. Your brother and Double D can be butlers, and Eddy can be our chef. That'll keep 'em from scaring away the members. In case nobody told you already, I saved you one of Eddy's blueberry tarts. Mm, mm!" Jimmy withdrew the pastry from his pocket and handed it over. "Go ahead, try it." Sarah eyed it unenthusiastically, shrugged, and chewed it up. The tart tasted good; even Sarah couldn't deny that fact, though she'd rather put on a façade. To her, giving Eddy the satisfaction was like getting stung by a hornet. "So, whaddaya say? Doesn't it taste wonderful?"

"No, it tasted stale."

"What're you talking about? I personally liked it."

"Jimmy, you're a far better chef and baker than Eddy. Double D…the 'D' must stand for 'dull'. And after the last experience with my brother…" More sudden inspiration made Sarah wander off. Who knew what might drive the Eds over the brink if they tired of their new activities? Attempts of breaking into the backyard could be trouble. Plus, Sarah would at least have a hidden camcorder, tape recorder, or camera available for future blackmailing reference should anything truly dire happen. Still, disadvantages remained at a standstill with advantages. "On second thought, I'll think about it."

"You do that. In the meantime…" As Jimmy contended further with the 'model', Sarah unintentionally paused to let Ed's previous words settle in. The surrounding atmosphere no longer felt so comfortable though denial stayed. Sarah sure preferred not budging despite convincing circumstances, but something deep down inside fought harder than her endurance might allow. Ed hadn't yet shared his story with her. When did their family fall apart? How did the siblings' bond just weaken? What made Sarah substitute utter loathing for kindness towards her brother?

_Flashback_

It was six years ago sometime after Sarah turned three. With two weeks of 1st grade passing by, parental ignorance burdened the siblings even now. Not that they didn't admire their parents demonstrating awesome exertion via increased work hours in following months, and they didn't blame each other either. But the parents practically forgot their children existed; neither mother nor father glimpsed either once. Did they no longer care? Where'd it go wrong? Still, the situation's melancholy couldn't reach its peak until one Friday evening. "I'm sorry!" a 6-year old Ed whimpered, "I just…"

"Just nothing," the mother interrupted, "We taught you better than that." The unpleasant discussion downstairs intrigued the young Sarah whom everybody else thought had long since fallen asleep hours ago. Listening through her bedroom door opened a crack, she desired returning to bed if only her stubborn feet cooperated. It seems Ed and two classmates pulled some prank involving the elementary principal and coleslaw. "What were you thinking?"

"Like I said, I can't believe you filled your principal's jacket with coleslaw," the father added, "That's wrong, son; funny…but wrong."

"And because he's allergic, he'll be in the hospital a while," the mother threw in, "I hope you're proud."

"What's 'allergic'?" Ed wondered.

"In other words, coleslaw makes the principal sick," the father answered. Both parents were obviously exhausted as always and of course preferred not letting a child's misbehavior add fuel to the fire. Their next decision should have been tolerable in any other case.

"But I didn't do it by myself! Jason and Cassie!"

The mother held up one hand. "Their parents will correct them as we are doing you right now. Ed, your father and I are very busy. We simply can't allow you to set a bad example for your sister. Until Monday, you're grounded."

"But…"

"No 'buts'," the father concluded. With the conversation done, Sarah immediately returned to bed while letting it all sink in. She lay awake until near 10 PM that night, feigning sleep whenever either parent checked on her in case following noises disturbed her. But criminy, was she in for a shock the following morning.

Viewing a den stuffed full of Ed's belongings hardly struck Sarah like an empty basement area lacking stairs. The rope ladder made available during mealtimes certainly didn't lessen the anxiety. Come Sunday afternoon, something just struck Sarah funny in the head. Despite her young age, the little redhead knew fear when she saw it. Their babysitters, teachers, and classmates made it clear from her viewpoint that things wouldn't get better. An example on Monday night came via the boy hiding some tiny scrape on his arm. Sarah overheard multiple times some rule about not climbing trees and guessed correctly after joining him in the bathroom. "What happened?" she asked.

"Hi, Sarah," Ed greeted while washing the scrape.

"You cwimb twee?"

"I couldn't help it. It looked so fun."

"Mommy and Daddy say no cwimb twees!"

"You won't tell, will you?" By now, he'd dried his arm off and bandaged the wound. Had the parents not been home, Sarah might imagine her plot failing.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

"What is it, sweetie?" the father called.

"Please don't tell!" Ed begged, "I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

"Yes! Don't let 'em take my stairs!"

"Gimme cookie!"

"What's going on?" the mother asked, standing at the doorway. Fortunately, Ed was wearing long sleeves and had unrolled them, so she saw nothing. "What is it, Sarah?"

"I wanted to say I wuv you."

"Oh. Well, thanks." As the tired mother left without giving a hug, the little girl gave Ed an enraged face making sure he remembered the deal. Little did he know what larger maladies lay ahead in later years.

_End Flashback_

Sarah knew how her present self came to be; almost everyone would pay for the parents' inattentiveness. The sweet little girl Ed once knew was dead. Who cared what happened at her brother's expense, right? Who cared about consequences? Sarah had become a stronger girl because of it; no one now would dare mess with either her or Jimmy. "Sarah?" Jimmy interrupted, snapping her out of the reverie, "Is everything okay?"

"Huh? What?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Just hopped on my train of thought too soon." If only he knew the truth.

Ed and Sarah's backyard was brimming with life later on. The girl, Jimmy, and many kids both native to Rathink Avenue and to Vincent's home complex, said boy included, made themselves members of something the first two called their exclusive Rich Club. All in attendance other a select few like Kevin wore some fancy formal outfit of their choosing. Jimmy and Sarah – the first one clad in a purple and orange robe with his hair slicked aside, and the second wearing a white dress and much fake jewelry with her hair done in a ponytail – sat on the same lawn chairs which they now deemed their thrones. Other members played croquet, tossed a ball around, or ate to their hearts' content. The Eds observed it all from the nearest convenient hill. "A club for snobs?" an irked Eddy said, "Did I really slobber over greenbacks these past few years like they were the only breakfast cereal in my diet? 'Cause those twits make me look good all of a sudden."

"Afraid so, Eddy," Edd responded, "But I must admit, this display of an opulent lifestyle is nothing short of flamboyant."

Both sides noticed each other with no surprise. "Commoners are droll, wouldn't you agree, Countess Sarah?" Jimmy stated.

"Indeed I do, Count Jimmy."

Disappointment amongst those playing catch rang when their ball got popped against a tree branch. Groans echoed until somebody found a new one. "Hey! This thing's durable!" The suggesting player picked up a flat plastic panel taped tightly down and across the middle. Ed recognized it nonetheless.

"My puzzle! Stop it this instant!" But Ed found himself running downhill since nobody below heard him (or maybe they just ignored it). Sarah noticed and thought up a nasty new scheme, hence why she was the only one there not frozen by the sudden breakthrough. "Prehistoric spaghetti noodles who emerged from an asteroid in the Centaurus Nebula and landed here years ago after traveling through time and space to come soften us up before grinding us into ingredients for the universe's most scrumptious alien tomato paste brew!" None uttered with a response until Ed spoke sensibly. "Dispense with the puzzle this instant!"

"What's with the food talk?" someone mentioned, "I already had lunch."

Sarah's act of dispensing her fake jewelry and knocking over a table provided more shock. She pointed at the puzzle. "Play keep away!" More overturned furniture gave way to a bedlam as the single-browed boy did his best to regain his prized possession. Sarah caught it last and, after drawing Ed close, tossed it up hard. He couldn't catch the puzzle in time before it smashed into too many pieces behind the trees on the lane. "Nooooooooooooo! My puzzle!" The poor guy stared at the shattered composition, damage beyond repair. Even after he returned to the yard and his friends arrived, frustration cut off Ed's speech until after ten seconds when he regained the strength to meet Sarah's gaze. "Why, Sarah? WHY?"

Sarah broke away from her blissful trance. "It's called keeping you in line."

"I didn't do anything wrong. I never left any dirty laundry in your room again."

"No, but I don't appreciate you overstepping your boundaries. I can still taste the grass."

"Whatever happened to the sweet, adorable, loving baby sister I once knew?"

"Hm, hmm…huh? What? Loving baby sister? Nope, doesn't ring a bell."

That's when the parents also entered the yard, having heard the commotion. "What's going on…what on earth?" the mother called.

"You kids beat it this instant!" the father added, scaring off all except their offspring. Sarah took advantage of the situation and headed indoors before their parents caught her. Their fatigue got the better of them as Ed approached. "This borders beyond reason. What're we gonna do with you anymore?"

"It's not my fault!" Ed stammered, "Sarah got wild and started throwing things…"

"We don't care whose fault it is," the mother interrupted, "It's bad enough you can't watch her for one whole day without ripping the yard apart. Now you can't do the same for only a couple hours? We weren't gone that long."

"But…"

The father held up a silencing hand. "No. We'll not tolerate that kind of influence in this house. You know better."

"But…"

"Not another word," the mother stated.

"But…"

"We said not another word," the parents chorused.

If thoughts could scream, those swarming Ed's mind would shatter all their windows. What had he done to deserve this seemingly endless misery? Why did fate so badly loathe the preteen? It just didn't make sense. Various memories – lack of parental affection; all those times spent playing with Sarah; her contributed puzzle piece; the look of joy on his face from that one birthday; the same joy receiving the piece; the babysitters and such; Sarah's first outburst toward him; and now the smashed pieces – all cluttered Ed's mind. Frustration melted into anger as his face contorted into narrowed eyelids and gritted teeth. For the first time in quite a while, even Sarah – having caught the second half from her bedroom window – was spooked. "No one…ever…listens…to…me," Ed growled.

"Don't you give us that look," the father spoke.

"I've had all I can take! 'Mom says I can do this,' Sarah tells me! 'Dad says I can do that,' she says! You punish me if I do something bad, but what happens when Sarah does something bad? Nothing! Zippo! Zilch!"

"Now wait just a second here," the mother began.

"No! It's been like this for seven or eight years now! Nobody under this roof has ever cared what **I** think in ages and I'm sick of it! You're always out and leaving me and Sarah with complete strangers, and now she hates even me for it!" Ed calmed down. "Don't get me wrong; I know you two are just providing for us, and I don't regret my sister's birth. But honestly, we get the impression that we're a burden around here. You never want to do anything with us. We deserve affection; do you hafta leave us nothing?"

The parents looked plain stunned watching Ed exit the yard. Eerie five-second silence may as well permit the sound of a dropping pin echoing across all eardrums by now. Judging by how the mother spoke up first, she and her spouse must've finally realized the past several years' familial damage. "Oh, no." Burying his eyes with one hand, the father led her inside to let it sink in.

Watching them disappear while strolling down the stairs, Sarah just shrugged and headed towards the front door herself. Talk about eventful. Whereas the outside world already saw Ed's hysteria during her would-be second day camp, so too did the family just now have their turn. The parents considered it food for thought with much struggling. No one else besides Edd and Eddy quite absorbed it. Something within Sarah invoked a stimulus via her brother's heart of gold; the lost little angel who'd only returned not too recently by boomerang now fought to break her six-year vindictive husk.

Stepping out the door, however, Sarah vainly tried shaking off the memories. Ed appearing nowhere in sight seemed very fitting right now, though the redhead didn't notice. According to the obduracy hierarchy's current setting, she ranked dead center with Eddy on the bottom and Kevin at the top. Quotes echoed in her head: "_Gimme cookie! …I'm telling Mom! …What an idiot. …A new brother? …_ _taking_ _a one-way tour through the incinerator with the garbage truck as its chaperone…"_ Sarah covered her ears while passing Rolf's farm estate. "Shut up, already!"

The blue-haired boy – also back in his regular outfit – just stared at her in disbelief, wondering whom she was talking to. "Hm. Angry Sarah-girl needs more fiber in her diet. She must not eat much wheat bread."

With Rolf unheard, the quotes continued tormenting Sarah. "…_a lot of nerve ordering people around…Nobody under this roof has ever cared what __**I**_ _think in ages…! …leaving Sarah and me with complete strangers! … a burden around here. …do you hafta leave us nothing? …nothing? …nothing?" "_I SAID SHUT UP! SHUT UP AND GET LOST! YOU'RE PEEVING ME OFF!" By now, Sarah had wandered past Edd's house a little ways past the same bus stop Johnny previously used. Nothing else mattered more than balancing her sanity all the while standing firm. The sweet sibling Ed knew was gone, and she intended to keep it that way. This was one time she'd rather fully abandon the past, unless of course an upcoming horn foiled those efforts. "Too loud! Too loud! Huh?" Sarah caught the source almost too late; a rushing pickup truck would've ended her life had some familiar figure not plucked her away and set her back down on the sidewalk.

Upon stopping abruptly, the driver rolled down her window. "Sorry, my bad! Are you alright?" However, Sarah was too busy hyperventilating to either respond or realize the familiarity of her rescuer's voice.

"She'll be fine. Sarah's been in tough spots before."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. And I'm sorry she darted out like that."

"Eh, no biggie. I'm just glad I was able to stop in time. Well, I better get going now. Have a nice day."

"You too." And once the driver disappeared around the right corner, Sarah found the opportunity to be surprised meeting her rescuer face to face. He still bore an upset expression, though not upset enough to wish her death.

"Ed? You…you…"

"Averted a worse catastrophe than pizzas from Planet Chickenoid getting revenge on Dr. Red Titanium for invading their land. But don't think this changes anything, Sarah. I'm still ashamed to…" Rather than finish his sentence, Ed just sighed and left Sarah to contemplate.

Dusk was well-situated by the time Sarah returned home from the playground, having used her earlier hours to think her life over. That impending accident certainly did something, hence the current mix of nervousness and remorse. She started off sneaking behind one kitchen wall hearing an exchange between the parents. From what she heard, things around the house were going to change for good. The parents spoke of no longer pushing themselves so hard at work; attempting to spend more time with their children; a more reasonable disciplinary system; and that Ed needed not practice the violin if he didn't wish to. A hyperventilating Sarah almost joined them had some hand not pulled her quietly into the basement.

The hand belonged to Ed. She at first hesitated but played along, genuinely wanting to put their spat to rest. A surprise came via an honestly fresh new mattress replacing the old gravy-stained, crumb-strewn mess (how long hadn't she noticed?). Ed forlornly stared at his floor while Sarah watched his face, neither knowing what to say first. Their former bond so desperately wanted to restore itself; buried memories of slightly more pleasant experiences felt like another lifetime, which they basically constituted. Sarah almost didn't remember the last time she treated Ed so nicely. That is, except for the boomerang incident or his image makeover. An air of silence hovered for possibly eleven seconds before the younger sibling broke it first. "Er…brother…how do I say this? …Oh, for crying out loud. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for…everything."

Ed nodded. "Go on."

"I haven't been a true sister, and you must think I'm pretty awful." Realization struck her. "Why, you could've paid me back overtime by not rescuing me. You could've just let the truck run me over but didn't…do you still love me?"

Ed sighed, though not as deeply as he did talking with his friends; the self-counseling acquainted him well to the feeling. Either way, his next words still boasted the same dramatic feeling. "Sarah, I've loved you ever since the day you were born. I just don't understand why you must torture me so."

"Yes, and I realize that now. I'm sorry for all the mean things I ever did to you and said about you. I was upset that Mom and Dad never spent enough time with us, but that didn't excuse my behavior. Practically overlooked you, my main source of comfort." Not once did Ed's alleged mind-numbness occur to Sarah.

"Well, I apologize too if I didn't put in enough effort."

"Brains plus brawn equals my brother. Now that's something I wouldn't have any other way."

"I love you."

"I love you too." The pair hugged before standing up off the bed. "Oh, and don't worry about the puzzle, either. I'll find a replacement treasure if possible."

"Yeah, but that puzzle was one out of five sets existing in the world. Now there are four left. Where will you find a replacement?"

"I said 'treasure', Ed. I'll find you something just as good."

"I don't think anything will measure up to the treasure before me that is my sister."

Sarah blushed. "Yeah, well, at least this way you'll always have a piece of me to accompany you wherever you go in case I'm someplace else."

"Uh huh. You really don't have to, though."

"Nonsense. That piece and therefore now the entire thing were my responsibility from the start: I fished it out, I broke it, and now I'll replace it even if it costs me my entire savings. Money is no object. Don't try and stop me, Ed."

"Well, you better not stop this! C'mere, you rascal you!" A playful Ed immediately grabbed Sarah into one of his trademark bear hugs.

"No! Stop it!" Sarah laughed, "Ha ha! Lemme go!" The pair eventually collapsed back upon the bed, transforming the session into pretend wrestling. Enjoyable confusion filled the bedspread with Ed and Sarah constantly switching back and forth between who held the upper hand.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah! Too much, I tell you! Too much!"

"You gotta give up sooner or later, big brother!"

"No, I won't! No, I won't!" Other giggling then preceded the wiggly pair long standing back up, taking ind deep breaths, wiping the joyful tears from their eyes, and facing their parents.

"How much have we missed out on?" the mother wondered.

"Too much," the father said, "All these years, I never realized you kids are something else."

"Have you been here the whole time?" Sarah asked.

"Yep," the mother said, "We heard a commotion down here and came to investigate. I snuck into the kitchen and listened to you two and Ed talking."

"Mm. Mom? Dad? Lemme start off by saying I haven't been very good towards you or Ed in the past six years. I'm the one who made that mess out in the yard, not him."

"You did, huh?" the father said.

"Uh huh. I've always been so frustrated that you two haven't always been home to be with me or Ed. You always left us with bad babysitters. Our teachers and classmates at school – except for some of the other kids living next door – weren't any better. And when I saw you take away Ed's stairs for the first time, I…I got so scared. I don't know what came over me, I just started being so mean. Ed felt the full brunt since we're in the same family. Jimmy's the only one who actually got on my good side anymore. What's worse, today I busted the puzzle pieces you, Double D, Eddy, and I gave Ed on his birthdays." Sarah choked up.

"Oh, Sarah," the mother said, "Do you even realize how much of our money and dedication went into that one section?"

"I'm sorry. I thought with my hands instead of my brain."

"Well, I guess we all learned hard lessons today," the father said, "We had to lose something imbued with our true love to have our eyes opened. No one can change the past; we just have to learn from these mistakes to create a brighter future. I'm more happy than ever to announce things are gonna be different from this point on."

"So no more mean babysitters?" a hopeful Ed wondered.

"That's correct. And I believe we can all assume that it's safe to share our troubles with one another. You kids got problems, don't hesitate to share them with me or your mother. We're here to help."

"Got it," the son acknowledged.

"Again, I'm sorry," Sarah repeated, "I'm sorry to you all."

"Accepted," the mother instructed, "Please don't cry, it doesn't fit you. And we return the sentiment."

"Why not keep it for yourselves?" Ed joked.

"Silly," the father replied, "We mean to say we're sorry for all the torment we put you through. In the meantime, be sure to wash up while we cook dinner." Then all noticed Sarah's departing figure.

"Where are you going?" the mother asked.

"I gotta go take care of something in my room. Meet ya at dinner."

"Okay, will do!" Ed called. After shutting the door behind, Sarah felt a warm sensation course through her veins during the stroll back towards her own bedroom. No doubt about it, this was the sensation of kindness: authentic kindness. Sarah immediately shut her bedroom door behind and, eyes darting upon the area underneath her bed, withdrew what else but her diary. Her pencil spared not a single line: Today's events – something she'd never change a bit – were certainly worth recording.

The End


	8. PeachEd Keen

Note: Yes, I borrowed pieces from the episode 'Pop Goes The Ed'. Sorry if this isn't the best story around.

Unless one considered such events as Rolf's mud-wrestling tournament or the new mall's virtual room, the fact that Peach Creek saw happier days ahead felt like something out of a sci-fi film. The Eds boasted fewer problems with each other or anyone else now that things were changing. Ed especially wanted never to forget a thing since time and a would-be tragedy restored his and Sarah's sibling bond. One might say she joined the procession in the maturation department. By now, Johnny was pretty much over his trauma and finally found the strength to move on. All in all, more childhood misadventures of a new style yet lay ahead. The Eds had everything (well, except for jawbreakers): revitalized family ties; a stronger friendship; adequate social life; new preoccupations; and also a reasonable self-defense. Or did they?

A heat wave saw the neighborhood foolings cooling off at the watering hole one morning. The Eds again landed a lousy spot near the rocks but came prepared with reclining beach chairs. All but Kevin had touched the water a long time ago. His grunting from constant calisthenics near Johnny's favorite rock spire echoed above the other kids' heads. Exhaustion from thus swirled with Kevin's hatred for the Eds every time he glanced their way. Sure he temporarily heeded Edd's request, but he'd soon retaliate hard; he'd bide time before reestablishing his own authority over the neighborhood. For now, the jock just focused on showing off once more. A final squat deemed the conclusion to preparation for his latest trick. "And that's that."

"Just try not ta hurt yerself, mister," came a deep feminine voice.

"Whatever," Kevin responded, giving the individual a short glance. Then came a double-take. "Whadda you three want?"

Who else should unintentionally make his acquaintance but the Kanker sisters, whom nobody really saw since sometime between their treaty with the Eds and Eddy's reformation. Not surprisingly, Kevin didn't quite consider their current isolation a miracle but rather a means of biding their time for something worse as he was doing. The jock knew the female trio's danger level firsthand and would've preferred again running into and having Johnny hover about like a stubborn mosquito. Why should these girls taunt him via strapping him to some wheel and spinning him around while asking personal questions? Did they know nothing of humility? "Just hanging out like anyone else," Marie stated.

"Huh. Better not trap me again."

"Don't worry," May assured, "We're past that stage now." Eyeing the Kankers suspiciously, Kevin huffed and walked towards a different corner of the watering hole. The Kankers just contemptuously waved it off. "He's not very nice."

"Eh, it's just natural," Lee shrugged, "Give 'em all some time. C'mon." Nazz, Jimmy, Sarah, and Rolf naturally remained static no matter how casual the sisters' stroll along water's edge. Neither Johnny nor the Eds noticed their presence; the former remained ever content buffing his tan on that one spire, and the latter used another spire for cannonball jumps. Whereas the Eds didn't mind the Kankers setting up right next to them, the female trio barely minded the male trio's splashes lightly sprinkling their feet. Soon, Ed and Edd floated aside as Eddy immediately made his own plunge. Splashing his two friends inspired giggling upon resurfacing.

"Ha ha ha!" Ed declared, "Good one, pal!"

"You said it, Ed!" Edd agreed.

"Yeah, you weren't too bad yerselves," Eddy complimented, unintentionally noticing the newly arrived guests the next second, "Huh. Look who's joined the crowd."

Ed and Edd also turned their heads in the same direction. The time length between the treaty and now made it seem like a curious thing how the Kankers set up without simultaneously restructuring the Eds' stuff. Marie apparently had trouble opening up an umbrella, so she couldn't return the stare like Lee and May. All five then jolted and resumed business as usual. "It sure has been a while," May noted, "I wonder how they're doing right now?"

After their treaty with the Eds, although they hadn't participated in anything as exciting as those amusement park discounts or otherwise, the Kankers still kept true to their word about executing major personal changes. Like Ed, May dropped her modest veil and learned how to think for herself. And like Eddy, Lee learned to be less bossy and treat her sisters better despite her omnipresent authority and once-in-a-while arguments with Marie. Speaking of the brunette, only she didn't take a page out of her would-be beloved's book; opposite of Edd, since she already knew how to show guts, Marie instead worked on her temper via self-counseling from a library book. In turn, the resulting new neatness of their home clearly proved how they'd become a little more tolerant of living in a trailer park. Now just two tasks remained: (A) putting themselves to the test in public, and (B) mending their family. "Beats me," Lee replied, "Hopefully the same success as us. Remember the display of trash-filled boxes? Remember that prep school student?"

"Uh, no. I must've been busy practicing lines in front of the mirror."

"Oh. Well, you should've seen Eddy's expression after savin' them from somethin' days later. I've never known Eddy to be that sincere. Hey, Marie. How's the umbrella comin' along?"

Having made no progress, Marie unfortunately remained struggling with the age-old umbrella. "Stupid…stubborn…I can't get it open."

"Are you sure you're opening it right?" May inquired.

"Of course I am. This is the only way to open it. Uh, how 'bout a hand? Please?"

"You said the right word," Lee said. Six hands grabbed the necessary positions and tugged. The girls' grunting – much louder than what Kevin produced minutes ago – fell deaf on all ears except the Eds, who again looked back curiously. Ever unconvinced, the other kids preferred ignoring the commotion (Johnny displayed more authenticity).

"Hear anything, Plank? …Huh. Me neither."

"Do my ears detect the sound of a humpback whale screeching to release its tail from the ocean's muddy flatulence?" Rolf said.

"Sounds like someone's pumping iron too hard," Nazz spoke.

It wasn't until the sisters caught their breath that they received an unexpected helping hand. "Need some help?" came a familiar voice. Their eyes widened at seeing the Eds standing right before them, having forgotten the past altogether. At least, that's how it seemed. Naturally, the girls required further inspiration from Eddy's repeated question. "Well, ladies? Wouldja like our help?"

"Uhhhh…sure," the Kankers chorused. The six all rearranged themselves so that Ed and May tugged on the umbrella's top half with the others clutching the handle, like tug-of-war. Only a cross-armed Kevin standing by the same nearby spire actually paid attention and found the moment amusing. Shaking his head though not surprised, he took advantage of the moment to mock.

"You'll never get it open, dweebs! You'll be two centuries old before then!" The extra-tense struggling gave the sextet no chance to retort. "Whatsamatter? Lose yer muscles so soon? Leave 'em at home?"

After five more seconds, the umbrella no longer tolerated the strain and instead came apart quicker than anyone reacted. Edd, Eddy (still holding the bottom half), Marie, and Lee flopped backwards into a messy pile upon four of their beach recliners. A surprised Sarah and Jimmy instantly backed away as Ed and May (the latter continually grasping the top half) collapsed into their watery pit. "Big brother! She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"Whoa," May groaned as Ed helped her up, "What a rush."

"Not another hissy fit," Jimmy added.

"It's okay, kids," Ed assured, "We made up several weeks ago. May and her sisters just needed help opening their umbrella, but it looks like we pulled too hard."

"Huh?" Jimmy and Sarah chorused, confused at absorbing this information. However, Kevin diverted the two preteens' attention by laughing at and further taunting the other four who were busy recollecting themselves.

"Ha ha ha! What's with the idiocy? You tryin' out for some stupidity club? Well, guess what? I don't think they need professionals!" More laughter gave Kevin no chance of ducking the umbrella's bottom half which Eddy threw squarely on the bully's face. "Rrrr! Why, you!" But the top half slamming the side of Kevin's head courtesy of May halted his procession toward the glaring quartet, encouraging him to instead recoil behind the Eds' previously used spire. The blond Kanker and Ed then rejoined their crowd helping pick up the four certain recliners and anything else sprawled around. An ensuing conversation distracted all from noticing Kevin climbing up that spire.

"Messy, messy, messy," Edd complained, dusting off his towel.

"Tell me about it," Marie agreed, following suit with her own, "I just got it off the clothesline five minutes ago."

"Thanks for the help, boys," May said, "But it looks like our umbrella just flew to that big beach in the sky."

"Wanna use our umbrella?" Ed offered.

"You mean it?" Lee asked, "Ain't just pullin' our legs, are ya?"

"What's the occasion?" May added.

"Just being nice, that's all," Eddy answered, "No offense, but you girls look like it's been too long since you last enjoyed yerselves. And I mean really enjoyed."

Still, Lee knew the boys' reasons ran deeper. Her temporal experiences had presented her the ability to see a certain glint in one's eyes hinting more than whatever the person let on. "Curiosity too strong?" Those words made Ed and Edd a tad more bashful than Eddy.

"Yeah, I guess so," Ed said, "We were curious about…uh…"

"What's Ed's trying to say is…" Edd trailed off.

"Oh, you guys," Eddy said, rolling his eyes, "We missed you girls. There, I said it. We actually missed you girls."

The Kankers' eyes widened and their mouths drooped. Did Eddy just instill a sense of belonging amongst them? For all anyone guess, the boys must've hit themselves funny in the head at some point before today. But how long had it been since the girls last knew such a sense during their pre-Peach Creek days? May even dropped a pair of shaded spectacles; a spooked Edd picked up the vocalization. "Yeah, Eddy's right. Progressive concomitants have displayed atypical sentiments as a result of your dearth for reasons we cannot discourse."

"What?" May wondered.

"In other words, things somehow don't feel the same without us around," Marie translated.

"We felt pretty strange earlier," Ed explained, "It turns out we missed being around you, like Eddy just said." As Ed spoke, Kevin took advantage of their distraction and made his own cannonball plunge. SPLASH! Lots of water splashed everyone. Nazz and Rolf laughed; Sarah and Jimmy lightly smiled; Johnny seemed perplexed; but the shaky Eds and Kankers looked stunned.

"You go, Kevin!" Nazz declared.

"Aw, criminy!" Marie complained, "The jerk ruined our stuff! It took tremendous washing and twelve scrubbings to get the smell of pickle juice out of my favorite towel!"

"Pickle juice," Edd said, "Resources are that limited in the trailer park, huh?"

"Somewhat."

"Hah!" Kevin boasted from the water, "Whadda you morons think o' that original move?"

"You glory stealer," May retorted, "You didn't come up with the cannonball, it's been around all our lives."

"Yeah, but it takes a professional to create that kind of splash," was the answer.

"Good point," Eddy admitted, the words feeling like acid on his tongue. Arms either crossed or on hips, the Eds and Kankers just shook their heads contemptuously as Kevin swam towards the other side of the water body all the while ignoring them. "Ugh, the guy's impossible. What're we gonna do with 'im?" What happened next really spoiled everyone's fun.

"Okay, kids, time to wrap it up!" an official announced, accompanied by a team of five; all were armed with plastic bags and pointy sticks. Every child immediately gathered around them at the sound of the leader's voice.

"What's the trouble, mister?" Sarah inquired.

The leader displayed his working license. "Peach Creek Department of Environmental Services. This area's polluted, and we're here to give it the cleanup it so badly needed for quite some time now. That means this area's now closed off to the public until further notice. Sorry, kids, you'll just hafta play somewhere else or wait."

"Awwwww," the kids groaned.

"We barely even enjoyed ourselves," Lee grumbled.

"Go ahead and gather up your stuff, but please be quick about it," the official continued before he and his fellow workers waited near the road. Fortunately, an answer to the kids' dilemma lay right up their alley so to speak.

"Well, that's that," Nazz abruptly decided, "Anyone up for a sprinkler party at my house?"

"Yeah!" all but the Eds and Kankers cheered. In fact, no one paid both any heed and just went straight to packing up. That's when the male trio for once spooked the female trio via curious smiles of inspiration.

Near noon, the six all stood before Nazz's yard planning their entrance. Fun seriously distracted all the other kids from even peering out through the fence for inspection. Sarah, Jimmy, and Johnny pranced through the sprinklers. Kevin and Rolf stood in one corner just chatting. Nazz lay on a recliner situated by the yard's right fence with a filled wading pool across from her toes. A buffet table boasting the works – a stuffed pig's head courtesy of Rolf; a quiche cooked by Jimmy; some burgers; a few bran muffins; some bland crumpets; a miniature bowl of sugar; a raw vegetable assortment; and various spices – was set up by the back door's left side. An observing Eddy had reverted back to his old self scamming self with Ed and Edd sharing the sentiment; not once did they yet tell the perplexed Kankers their plan. Whatever the case, it seems nobody minded the noises emitting from the construction site. "Ah, what a party," Eddy commented, "They look so natural."

"We still don't get it," Lee said, "Tell us what's going on already."

"You wanted a pleasant outing, you got it," Edd answered, "A sprinkler party is also perfect for mending one's social wounds."

"I don't know," May said, "Maybe we should just go swimming in the creek or something."

"Nope," Eddy said, "Just look at yerselves: hardened outcasts beyond redemption. You've been cooped up in the trailer park and dump too long with nothing much to do outside. Besides, we can even get back at Kevin for what he did earlier." Ed and Edd nodded in agreement while the girls thought this over.

"Well…" Marie started, "…You sure yer not just buttering us up? I mean…well…you know."

"Nah, butter belongs on toast," Ed assured, "Perish the thought, young lady. We're going back to Alpha Centauri."

"And we won't take no for an answer," Edd concluded. Following a bullhorn sound interrupting the other kids' fun, the excited Eds burst into the yard with the lackluster Kankers trailing behind. The boys ran about, somersaulted, and finally stood within the yard's geographical center as their female companions joined them. All festivities paused especially at dead sight of the three girls: Whereas almost everybody else had grown to tolerate the Eds more, the same couldn't yet be said for the Kankers. Jimmy and Sarah held hands while Kevin and Rolf protectively stood by. Johnny hid Plank behind his back. Only Nazz dared approach the six casually.

"I should've known you dorks would hit rock bottom one day," Kevin commented, "Congratulations."

"Yah!" Rolf agreed, "The geese will not tolerate bruised lettuce!"

"Relax, people," Nazz assured, "It's my sprinkler party, so I'll handle this. Go on as you were." Several more seconds of ogling preceded an acknowledged request despite returned glances now and then. "Okay, what's the story this time?"

"You gotta help us, Nazz," Eddy pleaded, "We invited the Kankers along so they could enjoy themselves in a welcoming atmosphere. They didn't get the chance earlier before Kevin splashed us and the swimming hole was closed."

"You invited them? But I thought you were all enemies."

"Think of it as a harmless payback," Lee spoke, "A chance for my sisters and me to redeem ourselves, y'know? We've done a lotta bad things and realize our mistake. You seem like the accepting type; everyone's already flocked around you like seagulls."

"I'm not sure…what payback?"

"We'll dispense with your two-timing ways right now if you just give us a chance," Marie said, "I like cheaters, but this is where I draw the line. Anyway, should we mess up, you can kick us out in a snap. Fair deal, right? C'mon."

No one else minded the other five's likeable façades as much as the blue-haired girl's statement. They had every right to feel surprised at her words considering the sisters' troubled history in Peach Creak. Never had the Kankers sounded this frank or displayed even the simplest manners both publicly until now. Still, no one besides the Eds bother theorizing that the female trio might have a human side; as Nazz excogitated the situation, Kevin crossed his fingers hoping she'd decide against it. "Well…actions do speak louder than words."

"The guys and I will take full responsibility for these girls," Edd said.

"Yeah, so you can throw us out at the same time," Ed added. Eddy and the Kankers just shook their heads yes.

A suspicious Nazz gave one last comment before heading back toward her recliner. "…Alright. But you only get one chance."

"One's all we need," Lee acknowledged. And while the six started off with the buffet table, Kevin ran over towards Nazz for a protest. Didn't she understand what she just perpetrated? These were the Kanker sisters; they knew nothing of friendliness. Was Kevin displaying concern or plain selfishness? Either way, it felt like Eddy's Chimp World scam all over again.

"Are you serious? Yer just gonna let 'em run loose as simple as that?"

"It's my party, Kevin. You already heard the deal."

"But…but…" Kevin got no further when one of Nazz's seductive winks made him melt. She then laid back on the recliner complete with shaded spectacles and minded nothing else at all. The bully rejoined the main action albeit with trouble concerning legs that felt like gelatin.

Come 12:30, although it wasn't much, the Kankers made some progress though still fixated around the buffet table (Lee also found part of a newspaper stashed underneath a bowl of pretzel sticks). The other kids at least found that they could obtain a snack or two without the sisters laying a finger on their heads. The Eds had long since seceded to inspire ways for the sisters to mingle. Ed sat on one sprinkler playfully squirting Sarah and Jimmy's faces with the giggling youngsters returning the favor via spurting water from their mouths at him fountain-style. Edd sat in one corner doing push-ups while another sprinkler's overflowing emotions tickled his back. Eddy found a second recliner by the house's back door's right side perfect for tanning. Johnny, Kevin, and Rolf engaged in a separate game using water pistols, keeping it confined away from the food. Nazz had at some point disappeared back into her house to fetch who knew what. Noises from the construction site still raged whereas the smells were lucidly gone. "What's with the paper, Lee?" Marie asked.

"I'm reading it, of course," Lee answered, "Well, at least I'm trying."

"Find any good stories? Any crime or other?"

"Well, we already know they've gotten back ta work buildin' the new Peach Creek Estates. But this one story about a lunar eclipse tomorrow night's caught my eyes."

"Um, Lee?" May pointed out, "Eddy's doin' it again." A moment passed as the girls returned the glance until Eddy shook his head and continued tanning. For the entire hours, the Kankers had noticed the Eds looking strangely their way every five minutes or so despite how distracted they seemed but couldn't figure out why. "What's the deal?"

"Good question," Marie said, "But it looks like our isolation did wonders. I can't even think about our previous days bothering everyone, especially the Eds, without recoiling. Must also be because we haven't been invited to a party in ages."

"Maybe so," Lee said, "Those boys sure pushed themselves just ta help us have a good time today."

"Yeah, I know," May added, "They helped us with our umbrella, offered their own, helped us pick our stuff up, got us invited to this party, and even promised to stick close by in case we got thrown out."

"No fooling," Marie put in, "You'd think they'd forgotten everything we've done to 'em. Guess time really does heal all wounds."

"But it still doesn't explain why they keep lookin' our way fer no reason," Lee reminded, "They're hidin' somethin', like they're sick or otherwise."

"You mean…like **I** feel right now?" May guessed. And judging by the bashful expressions on her sisters' faces, the blond detected the feeling's unwavering mutuality. Just then, an interruption in the form of Plank cleanly sailing over their heads broke their reverie. "Whoa! Who's throwin' things?"

"My bad! My bad!" Johnny announced, running past them to pick Plank back up. His following plea came out machine-gun style. "Please forgive me, I didn't mean it. Plank and I just got so excited and one thing led to another and…"

"It's okay, big guy," Lee interrupted, putting up a hand, "We're not mad."

"Seriously? We didn't mean to bother you."

"We're not bothered," Marie said, "Merely got a lot on our minds, that's all."

"And you won't take Plank away and use 'im as a backscratcher or other again?"

"Our apologies," May said, "Just try keeping a steadier grip on yer friend next time."

"Uhhh…okay." Johnny's uncertain expression melted into a tiny smile on the term 'okay' before he continued his game. Although everyone else had pretty much readjusted and showed less surprise this time, the Kankers knew they'd gone one step further improving on their social interactions.

"Wow," Marie commented, "That worked out better than I expected." That's when Ed passed them by while pulling Edd along. "Hey, guys. Hungry again?"

"Not quite," Edd answered, "You girls still feeling shy, I take it?"

"Pretty much," Lee said, "These things sure take a lotta time, but I think we're in good with that kid carrying the smiley board. So, what brings you away from the fun?"

"Erm…I just gotta talk with Eddy and Double D in private," Ed replied, "That's okay, right?"

"Sure," May said, "Are you planning someone a surprise?" At that, the sisters temporarily reverted back to their old selves but managed containing it. "Is it for us? We love surprises."

"Uhhh…you could say that."

"Well, don't let us stop you," Lee concluded, letting the two boys press on. While the Eds huddled together in a secret chat, the Kankers followed suit so as not to spoil the alleged surprise.

"What's up, boys?" Eddy asked.

"I don't know," Edd said, "Ed told me he had something he could only say between the three of us but not what exactly."

"Uh…to begin with…just outta curiosity, okay?"

"Yes, Ed," Eddy said, getting a tad impatient, "We're listening."

"Mmm…" Ed trailed off with his eyes almost out of focus. A short silence preceded Edd and Eddy snapping him out of the trance.

"Ed," they chorused.

"Hm?"

"You wanted to say something?" Eddy reminded.

"Oh…right. Is being in…love…a disease?"

"Depends," Edd said, "Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking about a comic strip I once read. This man said something about another man's heart falling into his stomach and splashing his innards when the woman he admired walked on by. He said the moisture made him sweat profusely and short-circuited his brain as a result…" Ed then cut it short after noticing the beginning of his friends' dumbfounded expressions. "Um…anyway…I just read it in a Sunday comic strip.

"That's love, huh?" Eddy commented.

"Well…medically speaking, I guess," Edd added.

"Whatever it is, I can't think straight every time I stare at the Kankers."

"I know how you feel," Ed agreed, "It's like my old brain built a time machine and went back in time to prove the existence of giant hornets living on Neptune. Just like the Mean Masher from Liver And Onions."

"The feeling's mutual," Edd agreed.

"I'm sure thirsty," May said, "You'd think there'd be some cups of juice around."

"I don't see a beverage within several feet," Marie commented, "What kind of party doesn't have anything to drink?"

"Not to worry," came Nazz's voice. The party hostess herself finally reentered the yard holding a bowl of crimson liquid in one arm supplemented by a bag of plastic cups in the other arm. Everybody else gathered around as she set down the bowl, opened the bag, placed twelve cups down, and used a nearby ladle to pour in an equal amount no more or less. Nazz then handed all one cup each. "This is my own specially blended punch. Be careful, it's sour."

No one objected as all but the Eds, Kankers, and Kevin took their drinks elsewhere and chugged away, licking their chops afterward. Needless to say, internal craze contributed major irony to Nazz's warning. All mouths twisted into large toothy frowns with all eyes watering (not that the kids hated it). Rolf went so far as to flap his lips back and forth. Johnny jumped wildly in place. "Weeee-ooooooh! Rolf's tongue and eyes burn with the white-hot intensity of Papa's best jacket!"

"Woo woo woo woo!" Johnny declared, "That's the strongest punch we ever tasted, Plank!"

"You like it?" Nazz queried, eyes just as watery.

"Awesome," Eddy noted, "She could've scammed us with that stuff."

"Yeah," Ed, Edd, and the Kankers agreed.

Kevin's voice then caught May's attention after everyone all settled down. "This needs some sugar," he muttered. Too bad the sour taste distracted him from what the blond Kanker noticed: He'd missed the sugar bowl and instead grabbed a tiny container of white pepper.

"Um, Kevin? There's something I must warn you about." In turn, the other five joined the conversation noticing the same.

"I don't wanna hear it."

"Uh, Kev?" Ed spoke, "It looks more important than you realize."

"I said I don't wanna hear it."

"Just let us say something!" Marie demanded.

"No! Now be quiet and lemme drink!"

"Fine," Lee decided, "Be that way."

The group watched as Kevin swallowed the punch, placed his cup down, and walked away. Within seven steps away from the table, however, their prediction of his panicked mood came true. Kevin's eyes watered even harder. "Augh! Hot! Hot!"

"We tried telling you," Edd said, "That was white pepper, not sugar." Kevin went berserk around the yard with the other kids static and just staring. The pepper's hot intensity made him ignore the sprinklers and dunk his head in the wading pool, resurfacing just as quickly spitting hard.

"Yecch! This water's salty!"

"Of course," Nazz said, not minding the possibility of water intoxication, "It's very therapeutic." The neighborhood's signature trios shook their heads and didn't laugh quite as much or hard as anyone else.

With the heat wave subsiding much like disturbances at the construction site around 3:35 that afternoon, Nazz's guests soon grew as bored as their hostess and soon proceeded home. By this time, the Kankers beamed at the realization of not only enjoying a nice holiday but also having gotten in good with all except Kevin (as usual). The Eds made sure the cul-de-sac was pretty much empty other than themselves and the sisters before speaking. "Nice smiles," Edd began, "You should do it more often."

"Thanks," Marie responded, "We Kankers haven't enjoyed ourselves this much since…ages."

"Only happy ta help," Ed stated. Another silence rolled on as each boy stared his respective admired head-on with the same glint earlier displayed at the party before Lee broke it.

"What's on yer minds, gentlemen?"

"Yeah," May chimed, "You've been looking at us so funny all day. Are you sick?"

The Eds stared shyly at the pavement, blushing. "Well, that depends on what sick is," Eddy said, "You girls remember how you said you weren't yet cut out for romance?"

"Sure do," Marie said, "Why?"

"Are you cut out now?" Ed asked.

That did it. Words which the Kankers had only heard in their dreams saw them again feel those ocean waves crashing against rocky shores within. Such definitely explained the Eds' strange behaviors, so why did the girls hardly recognize the feeling? Perhaps the unpleasant experiences between the first day they met the boys' glance and the treaty stultified true love into something utterly negligible. Well, the recent personal trials fixed it all no sweat. "What'd you say?" May said.

"Are you now cut out for romance?" Eddy repeated.

Playfulness replaced shock as the Kankers loomed over. "We thought you were hiding something this whole time," Marie added, "Were you just trying to impress us with all these acts of kindness?"

"Correct," Edd admitted, "Actually, that's just half the reason why we gladly helped out."

"Really?" May said, "What's the other half?"

"You silly," Ed continued, "We all made up, didn't we? Why dwell on the past?"

"Yeah," Eddy added, "If you're willing to forgive and forget, same here."

"Wonderful," Lee commented, "So what made you come around to this?"

"It's kinda hard to explain," Edd said, "Lots of stuff for the better has happened around here since our treaty. We became better friends; helped train Rolf's cousin; tested a virtual reality room; Johnny went to an old mall; Ed patched up family matters…" Edd lowered his voice. "And out of the blue this morning, a strange emptiness deep down inside replaced all our joy like we were incomplete. Realizing how little we'd seen you girls' faces all this time, we put two and two together."

"So true," Eddy softly chimed, "We missed you girls a lot more than what we let on today."

With that, the Kankers' surprised faces melted into pure wistfulness. Judging by the feeling's authenticity, the Eds were hopeful that they'd just struck the jackpot. "So, is that a yes?" Ed asked. Rather than words, the girls let their upcoming long kisses on each respective soon-to-be lover's forehead do the talking. And yes indeed, the Eds never before experienced anything like it; their past selves would've headed for the hills without admitting those previous statements, but those days were gone. After soon pulling away, the smug Kankers noticed how their kisses turned the Eds into quivering feisty masses. Move over, Nazz!

"I think the fire ants from Invasion Of The Venusian Arthropods landed inside me and turned me into a walking furnace, guys," Ed commented.

"I know how you feel, Ed," Edd sympathized.

"Why, fellas," Eddy playfully spoke, "We're overdue. The Kankers have given us more kisses than we've counted." And before the girls reacted, the closed-eyed boys returned the kisses in seconds flat. Never had the Kankers felt the very emotion called true love drowning anything unrequited. Their deep smiles indicated they must be floating in air. After that, both trios retracted to let it all sink in until Lee inspired the ultimate announcement.

"Say, there's supposed to be a lunar eclipse tomorrow. Anyone thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I'm there!" the others chorused.

"Okay, see you girls tomorrow!" Eddy announced.

"Bye!" May said. Following a silent moment of putting in ten steps walking distance between, the two groups couldn't help yelling 'Wahoo!' and spooking some birds in the process.

The End


	9. On The Ed Of The Moment

Note: I planned on having this story run the usual 15-page length I adopted not too recently but decided at the last minute that it'd be better off short (sorry for the overloaded dialogue).

"Hold still, Eddy," Edd requested, "I can't finish if you keep shaking." The Eds were currently at the Kankers' house where the team intellectual outfitted his friend in the living room. New chapters in six certain lives opened up a lot quicker than anyone realized or cared. The one event no one believed possible at all really came to pass: The Eds were willfully going on a date with the Kankers all the while creating three official couples. But the lunar eclipse mentioned in yesterday's newspaper produced even more excitement since practically the whole town would be watching from a large hill on the settlement's outskirts. Those not leaving their homes chose to see it either from their windows or on live television. Other than that, one could only imagine how ecstatic the Eds' loved ones felt hearing about the boys at last finding true love. Nothing noteworthy except the continuing, humdrum construction of Peach Creek Estates had occurred until tonight.

Meanwhile, Ed (wearing a green tuxedo) passed time away counting pores on the walls and ceiling while Ms. Kanker packed a dinner and her daughters readied themselves. The Eds chose this place for preparation as a means to save time, and the lady of the house did coincidentally own a van capable of carrying eight occupants. However, the pinnacle of Ms. Kanker's enthusiasm required a little more time since her past marriages created reasonable concern for her offspring hidden by her tiny smile. The thought of dating Lee which Eddy would've wretched at in the past now made his charm go into overdrive via body tingles as if he'd reverted back to his old egotistical, impatient self. "Can you blame 'im?" Ed said, pausing for a moment, "None of us has been on an actual date before."

"Sorry, Double D," Eddy apologized, "But Ed's right, I can't help myself. You realize how much I've dreamt about going on an actual date my whole life? My dream's come true!"

"I thought you dreamt of getting rich," Ed countered, "Or was it opening your own restaurant?"

"Those too. But this is my third dream come true."

"Yes, I feel the same," Edd related, "I too have fantasized about affectionate jaunts, finding and courting my one authentic ladylove. But one can't build a card house with cards and prudence alone."

"What?"

"Good things come to those who wait, Eddy. Just relax; we'll be on our way in no time…and that does it."

Eddy looked himself over while Edd placed the string and needle down on the nearest shelf. "Everything good? I'm all set?"

"Yep. Now we wait."

Ed stopped counting pores, walked over to a certain spot, and called to the upstairs, "Hey, girls! How's it coming along?"

"Almost done!" May called back. Edd and Eddy then joined an acknowledging Ed, and all six eyes darted on the one wall emblazoned by three particular drawings. The Eds hadn't before esteemed those pictures of them together with the Kankers; Eddy even freaked out over being put in a wedding scene with Lee and crumpled it, only to see it eventually recovered. Now the pictures alongside the past bad experiences seemed like a curious thing.

"Remarkable caricatures, I must admit," Edd commented, "Whadda you guys think?"

"My head looks a bit off, but this drawing's actually not too bad," Eddy admitted, "Heh; to think I once went nuts over it."

"And you and Lee are the only ones in a wedding," Ed put in, "Say, what're you two gonna do on the date tonight?"

"Besides looking at the stars?" Edd said

"Yeah."

"I should discuss my cooking skills with Lee," Eddy replied, "In fact, on our next date, I'm cooking our dinner together with her help. She and the others made some mean burgers."

"Guys, I smell a group hug coming up," Ed exclaimed, pulling his friends into one. The sisters were already halfway downstairs by the time Edd and Eddy pulled away.

"Careful with the tux, big guy," Eddy said.

"That's the gentlest hug you've ever given us, Ed," Edd added.

"You planning on saving us a hug or three?" came Marie's voice. When the Eds turned around each facing his respective girl, stars immediately filled their eyes. The expected yet delayed attraction on both factions' first meeting finally arrived via lesser means this time. Clad in straightforward flowing dresses – May; gray, Marie; olive-green, and Lee; red – rather than those other, more ostentatious outfits, the Kanker sisters had also discounted the heavy makeup and redundant accessories. All six preteens retained their regular hairstyles. "Notice anything different, boys?"

"Unbelievably," Edd declared, "Such skill. You knit these yerselves?"

"Sure did," Lee answered, "We couldn't've picked anything better for our first dates."

Just then, Ms. Kanker finished packing and stepped into the living room holding a picnic basket. Although she hadn't dressed as fancy on account of because she wasn't the one going on a date, neither did the grown woman look trashy as one might expect of a trailer-dwelling adult. No, Ms. Kanker looked average enough like proximate house-dwelling neighbors and even boasted the adequate welcoming attitude to prove it. "Ready, kids?"

"As we'll ever be, ma'am," Ed answered, the others smiling in agreement.

"Then off we go."

None spoke a word situating themselves in the van – Eds in the back row seats, Kanker sisters occupying the middle row, and Ms. Kanker of course taking the driver's seat – or during the whole trip. The preteens especially were too busy plotting out how they'd spend the night (besides just watching the moon) while reminiscing. Again, it seemed like a lifetime ago that these kindred blocs displayed segregation towards each other; now was practically the first right moment to look back and laugh on it all. So many incidents, hardships, and tests seriously passed the kids by.

Plus, each soul got caught up in the night's pressure. How would the triple date proceed? What would anyone do or say first? Neither trio dared make contact just yet because of that and shyness. Ms. Kanker undoubtedly wondered the same things judging by the anxious expression she gave the kids' reflections in the rearview mirror. All this and more, it didn't feel too long before the septet reached their grassy destination. Finding a parking spot naturally proved a tad wearisome, but Ms. Kanker faced it calmly. "Wow," May declared, "Just look at all these cars. The whole town showed up."

"Nah, only a fraction," Marie stated, "But it is packed."

If the parking lot didn't surprise the group currently observing near the entrance, then the hill itself and surrounding land did the honors. Although the area hardly resembled a full arena during NHL playoffs, quite a few people scattered themselves throughout. Some were perched on blankets. Some preferred recliners, chairs, and even benches. Others also made use of picnic tables. And of course, all families of Rathink Avenue stood amongst faces from differing neighborhoods (excluding the Jala and Almas families, whom nobody other than Johnny had yet met). A few even brought telescopes. Kevin, Nazz, Rolf, and Johnny socialized amongst more kids while Sarah and Jimmy kept to themselves. Why, the Eds thought they recognized one of Rolf's several visiting uncles from the mud wrestling tournament. Anyway, it was now time to advance. "Hoo-ba-dee-hoo," Lee began, "People sure got it in for a lunar eclipse."

"That's right, dear," Ms. Kanker said, clutching the basket, "Cosmic phenomena don't happen too often. And since you kids have everything under control, no one needs to tell you how ta have a good time on yer first date. That is, except to enjoy yourselves."

"Thanks," Ed replied, "What're you gonna do?"

"I'll set up near the restrooms. Feel free to come and eat when you get hungry." And with that, Ms. Kanker left the preteens to figure out where to go on from there.

"That's that," Eddy announced, "Well, folks, this is where we part."

"I'm gonna miss you all," Ed said.

"Me too," May agreed.

"Relax," Edd assured, "It's only for tonight." Each couple went their separate ways linking arms with their respective lovers, all the while receiving congratulatory gestures from the boys' loved ones. Ed and May (taking a low spot on the hill) caught the admiring smiles from the former and Sarah's parents; Sarah herself; and Jimmy as both sides waved hello. Edd's parents exchanged a wink with their son and Marie (getting situated diagonally away from the first couple a tad higher). Eddy's parents gave a thumbs-up which their son and Lee (satisfying themselves with the hill's summit) gladly returned. None minded other people's nosiness or racket.

"Isn't this the most romantic moment ever?" May spoke. From the moment her mother departed the group, the bucktoothed girl put quite a squeeze on her yellow-skinned beau's arm. But at least she let go once they'd both sat down on the cool dry grass. No one dared disturb them, and the very nighttime sky created an enjoyably foreboding atmosphere.

"I'll say it is," Ed replied, massaging his arm, "You got one mean grip, little missy."

"Sure do. It's a sign of my excitement."

"No fooling. In fact, I haven't had a better time in my life since my four birthdays when my parents, Sarah, Double D, and Eddy gave me special puzzle pieces."

"You really like puzzles?"

"A little bit. Have you ever heard of special puzzle sets of which only five exist in the world?"

"I think so. There are just five like you said, and what's made them even harder to collect is that they've all been divided into four pieces each all of which got scattered about."

"That's right. I used to own a set myself."

"I never would've guessed. But what do you mean 'used to'?"

"Sarah busted it days ago, but she apologized and promised to get me something else." Such overdriven yet controlled emotions for the aforementioned puzzle gave way to a new sensation. At this point, Ed's eyes then really took hold of May's radiant face, particularly her buckteeth. "Um, did anyone ever call you names because of those teeth?"

A downcast May shook her head yes. "Some people in my last school. Marie beat 'em up, but I can still hear those names echoing in my head sometimes."

"Eh, shows how much they know. I think they're cute."

The blond girl brightened up. "Really? You seriously mean it?" Ed just smiled as a blushing May hugged his arm. "You wonderful critter you. No one's ever said that besides Mom." Ed then gave one of his trademark goofy chuckles.

Higher up on the hill, Edd and Marie passed their time away observing the starry sky. Altitude apparently determined occupancy distribution here: The second pair's chosen spot didn't situate as many individuals besides themselves, unlike where Ed and May sat, so they had a slightly fairer share of visible privacy. The eclipse still wasn't due for another 21 minutes, so Edd and Marie thought they'd pass time naming off stars and maybe try figuring out astronomical significance here. But it wouldn't be long before the latter unintentionally centered the brewing conversation around some experience the former held in semi-high regard. "It'll be quite a spectacle when the moon flaunts its ebony countenance," Edd spoke, "Too bad we won't see it again for possibly decades."

"Exactly why I came prepared," Marie announced, pulling a camera out from her pocket, "Ta-da!"

"Very good, Marie. But are you sure the flash won't impair its target?"

"Perish the thought, cutie. I'm a connoisseur at these things." Marie shushed as Edd's arms caught her inquisitiveness. She hadn't squeezed her new boyfriend's arm same as her blond sister, but the brunette girl felt something rather odd underneath his tuxedo sleeve during the stroll towards their spot. Marie never yet knew Edd to be physical and so naturally expected arms soft like clean laundry. "Mind if I feel your arm?"

"Um, alright." A perplexed Edd lent his right arm for his new girlfriend's inspecting pleasure. Grabbing different points up and down, the same rock-solid feeling Marie recognized through pumping her own arms daily with dumbbells confirmed her suspicions. How much had she missed in the past several weeks? Marie's teasing expression gave way to a new subject.

"Why, Double D. Have you been working out?"

Edd looked coy. "Guilty as charged."

"Nice. Now I got me a partner in three departments instead of just two: library, gym, and romance."

"Likewise."

"So what encouraged you? What was the inspiration?"

"Well, Kevin's taunts did encourage me to follow some instructional video I kept hidden in a neat paper cover-up. Yeah, even **I** need to keep some secrets from my parents."

"Understandable. But I know there's something you ain't telling me; I can see it in yer eyes.

Edd stuttered. "Uh…er…sort of."

"C'mon, you can tell me. I won't laugh."

"It's not that. Don't take it the wrong way, but the other half came from some girl named Fiona whom I met back in 3rd grade long before I moved here. And since Kevin happened to be pen pals with her, the two did some tag-teaming."

Marie's face went slack hearing the words 'some girl', instigating nervousness in both preteens. Edd even thought for a moment that she'd lash out and leave him holding the bag and so prepared for a rejection. But rather than let misinterpretation conquer, Marie instead forced her thoughts elsewhere. "Oh, I see. You broke up with her because she treated you like dirt…kinda how **I** used to act."

The gap-mouthed boy's next words diminished his sweetheart's downheartedness. "Let's just ignore our bad experiences. And while I appreciate your concern, that's not how it happened."

"It isn't?"

"No, Fiona was just the opposite: She absolutely hated my guts from the first day on. In fact, she's the reason why I've a gap in my smile and had fears of physical exertion."

Shock again filled Marie accompanied by remorse. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to act selfish."

"No harm done."

"You're cute with or without a gap."

Edd's face brightened. "You really think so?" Marie nodded her head yes. "Gosh. I like that."

"Just look at the children," Eddy noted, motioning towards the other four.

"Yeah, socializing like tarantulas," Lee added. At the hill's peak, altitude again determined distribution: The two group leaders boasted the most privacy out of all three couples since only about three or four individuals other than them stood or sat nearby. Until now, neither Eddy nor Lee advanced first towards each other and so spent the beginning segment of their date observing everything and everyone else below as if emperor and empress over all. A surprisingly strange factor indeed, considering the pair's acclaimed expertise to romance.

"Feeling bored as I am?"

"Yep. Let's lighten the mood a bit and get ta know each other more. So, what've you been doin' lately in most o' yer free time? Still scammin' the populace?"

"Nah, I'm pretty much over it. Now I spend my free time cooking and preparing all sorts of fancy dishes: milkshakes, crepes, baklava, spaghetti with three cheeses and assorted spices, corn fritters with cheese sauce, steamed vegetables and rice, muffins, tarts…" Eddy then caught Lee's seemingly dazed face. "Sorry. Got carried away there."

"Nonsense. You can go ahead and name as many as you want. It's sure making my mouth water."

"That's just the tip o' the list. Okay, so I haven't done a whole lotta successful presentations yet, and I still got a long way ta go perfecting my technique."

"A gourmet chef-in-trainin', huh? I always knew my little man had somethin' more than scammin' goin' on."

Eddy's following teasing defied his ironic smile with Lee teasing back. "Little man, eh? I bet you wish I were a lot taller right now."

"No way. Bein' short suits you far better."

"Sure it does, Lee."

"I'm serious. It makes you look very mature for your age."

Eddy was surprised. "No fooling? You think I look mature, even without facial hair?"

"I tell you, Eddy, I knew that from the moment I first laid eyes on you. And that's no lie."

"Wow. If only somebody told me this sooner, I wouldn't've been saddled with all these problems. Oh wait, Double D and Ed already did. But, I guess it took something more."

"Better late than never."

"Yeah. Say, that reminds me: We never complimented you girls on the burgers and milk you served that one time. That meal was good."

"Well, thanks. I feel flattered."

"Why, if you want, maybe someday we can open up our own restaurant. Can you imagine the possibilities our gourmet expertise might literally and figuratively cook up?"

"Sounds like a plan, handsome. But we'll need a staff and the appropriate restaurant experience."

"Eh, details. Side by side, we can't go wrong." Lee just smiled admiringly. Was it any wonder she chose him? Both were creative, habitual, and overall made of tough stuff; neither knew how to give up trying something.

Everybody including the three new couples continued their usual business in the park, when someone announced the inevitable. "Hey, look! It's beginning!" Ed, Edd, Eddy, Lee, Marie, and May especially jolted as they too looked towards Earth's blackening natural satellite. Little by little, the planet's shadow seeped onto the moon's light side like a mouse slowly chomping off one margin of strawberry after another. Not a word was spoken, and all energetic gestures gave way to either pure static or such gentler actions as photographing. Ed and May exhibited equal strength squeezing each other's hands. Along with taking photographs, Edd and Marie wrapped their arms around each other's necks. But only Eddy and Lee out of the entire sextet remained standing as they pulled in closer together snuggling up.

Though the eclipse lasted well over a half hour, no one watching really minded its speed. People sighed contentedly as the cast shadow proceeded on; why, even Kevin couldn't deny his emotions over it. Watching happily while living in their mutual little worlds, no other couple felt stronger deep down inside than the Eds and Kankers. Old quarrels were officially done that night; upcoming mornings, afternoons, and evenings looked outright promising.

The End


	10. Bestirring Edscursion

Rathink Avenue and surrounding points didn't receive visitors from other neighborhoods or elsewhere very often. One might consider that fact alone pretty amazing judging by strange occurrences here. How many places in the world situated a preteen who knew how to leave lampposts six feet underground using just their tongue, or even lifting an entire house over their head? For that matter, how often did the natives wander beyond the candy store? A previous lunar eclipse saw not only all nine core families skirt those invisible neighborhood borders, but four also mentored a triple new love that night. So many various socializations might have restored visitation effects as long as annoying construction racket didn't ruin it. Before Eddy's trek towards Jono Kubat Boarding School, few residing here couldn't quite remember the last time they wandered farther from home than usual.

Speaking of visitors, a certain preteen couple had just made their entrance on a nearly empty cul-de-sac. Werf and Sharon, whom Johnny neither corresponded with nor contacted after the old mall's demolition, rounded the corner on foot heading toward road's end. The melon-headed boy knew they were eccentric and plenty friendly; why, their mutual synesthesia would make any stranger assume so much. But only the heavens knew until today how far their behaviors extended. Whether it was good or bad all depended on one's opinion. "Nice neighborhood," Sharon commented, "Seems like a friendly enough place to grow up."

"Belê," Werf agreed, "But it'd be friendlier if there were only more people around."

"Hmm-hmm." Rolf was sitting on his doorstep paring a rutabaga and humming with a brown sack nearby, when the couple's shadows loomed over. "Hm? …Oop!" The blue-haired boy jolted at their smiling faces and stood up. "Oh, visitors. Can Rolf help you?"

"Çawan î," the two greeted, accompanied by nodding.

"I don't understand."

"That's Kurdish for 'hello'," Werf explained, "I am Werf Jala, and this is my girlfriend Sharon Almas."

"Ah! Rolf recalls those names but almost didn't recognize you. Johnny wood-boy unveiled your existences to us all a few days past. Are you new here?"

"Not necessarily," Sharon answered, "Our good friends Johnny and Plank suggested we come visit sometime. Because we've no other preoccupations today, we took up the offer. I live farther out on 310 Apple Street with Werf being right next door on 311."

"You came just in time. My rutabagas are in full blossom today. Try a sample?" Rolf slipped on some rutabaga peelings not watching his footing, and the Kurds' heads bobbed along to his flailing limbs and torso. They stopped seconds later to hold their own dazed heads while he followed up stopping in place even later.

"Oh, you sure can dance," Werf commented.

"Um, yes. Here you go…oops!" The rutabaga's juiciness contributed to a slippage preceding a wild catch fest. It flew out of Rolf's grip, bouncing back and forth between his hands and those of his bewildered visitors like bad hacky-sacking. (Werf and Sharon had a harder time since they only used their right hands.) Surprisingly, the vegetable didn't hit the ground even once. The commotion subsided when Sharon finally obtained a firm grasp.

"Success!" she declared.

"And there's more where that originated," Rolf continued, withdrawing another rutabaga and giving it to Werf. A third vegetable received a disdainful look from its owner. "Mmm. This produce bit drank goat's milk out of Papa's coat closet using a straw made of mullet liver."

"Come again?" Sharon wondered.

"It's bad," was the translation.

"No problem," Werf offered. Sharon held onto her boyfriend's rutabaga as he plucked the bad one from Rolf's hand, smacked it two times, returned it to the dumbstruck farm boy, and accepted back his own. "Should it cause any more trouble, just let us know." The pair received a gentle nod before continuing forward, giggling while chewing on their rutabagas.

"People sure are friendly and amusing around here," Sharon noted.

"That they are," Werf agreed.

On the lane, the Eds passed time away doing voluntary community service: picking up trash with needle-ended sticks and stuffing it into yellow plastic bags now half full. None noticed the approaching Kurds feeling synesthetic-eyed because of the ongoing Peach Creek Estates construction. Still, a minor distance between both factions prevented the urge to look behind in suspicion. The Eds hadn't forgotten their date though their thoughts lay almost completely elsewhere. Werf and Sharon leaned against a trashcan about a foot away watching the trio. Edd and Eddy had their bags slung over one shoulder each. Ed had his bag standing up and stuffed in trash hard, not realizing how he poked holes in the bottom (his friends didn't realize it either). "Too bad the girls couldn't join us today. It doesn't feel the same without 'em."

"Well, their duties lay elsewhere," Edd said, "Not our decision."

"So, Double D," Eddy spoke, "With all that's happened so far, how goes the muscle routine?"

"Nifty as usual, Eddy. In fact, I'm also glad to announce the scar symbolizing veneration of exertion is dissipating."

"Huh?"

"In other words, I'm not afraid to exercise anymore! Isn't that something?" Uplifting his arms in excitement, Edd accidentally smacked the handle of his stick into Eddy's chin and inspired giggles amongst their ranks. On the other hand, Werf and Sharon placed their fingertips over their lips. "Sorry, Eddy! I just got so excited."

Eddy rubbed his chin without looking cross. "Well, you sure convinced me. Yer parents buying the right equipment?"

"My training requires no parental extravagance. It's like losing your memory due to a head blow and then getting it back through another…though that's probably not the best comparison I hate admitting it, but I've Fiona and her can to thank for it. But I'm still hopeful she doesn't return."

"That's okay," Ed assured, finishing his one sack, "Maybe she's in no hurry." All three did a double-take when the holes in the tall boy's bag instilled a collapse. A messy mound of mostly paper product scraps now lay before his feet. "Oops."

Edd took the ruined bag for inspection after setting down his own stuff. "The plastic's pretty strong, and nothing you picked up was strong enough to puncture it. Ed, I told you not to thrust your trash stick in so hard."

"My bad. I couldn't help myself; I like a clean environment."

"Shouldn't be a total disaster," Eddy said, "On the bright side, at least…" A gentle gust blowing some newspaper strips on Edd's face met by struggled removal a.k.a. furiously waving hands interrupted the sentiment. "Never mind."

"No biggie," Edd shrugged, "Like you almost said, it could be worse." Come that inevitable proverb, a snow blower used at the construction site for removing sawdust instead escalated the problem (Eddy also dropped his supplies). The Kurdish couple (having finished their rutabagas) shielded themselves from the gust which created a mix between fog and confetti cloud for the Eds. Coughing, gagging, and sputtering filled the spot while they waved it off. Some litter even flew into Eddy's yard.

"Sorry, kids!" a construction worker apologized, "Our aim was wrong, beg pardon!"

"Likewise!" Ed huffed. The cloudlike mess then subsided, and they dusted themselves off.

"Forget what I said," Edd complained, "Messy, messy."

"And after all the time we spent picking it up," Eddy added, "Anybody besides me need a break? Just for a moment or so."

"Okay," Ed decided, "Tell me a story. Please."

"I have one," Edd volunteered, "Pretty funny. See, this couple went to the doctor for a checkup because they were having memory problems." As the group intellectual spoke, the curious Kurds stopped behind Edd and Eddy mimicking both of their movements but mostly those of the former. Whenever Edd stuck out a finger making a point, the couple did the same. If he or Eddy turned their heads in some direction, the couple followed suit while making mock-confused faces. Only Ed noticed anything to chuckle about lightly at first and rising with added lip-synching. "The doctor told them they were okay but might wanna start writing notes to alleviate their amnesia. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man gets up from his chair and says he's headed for the kitchen. The woman requests a bowl of ice cream and suggests he writes it down like the doctor instructed." Edd paused and shared a perplexed expression with Eddy about Ed's chuckling, still not minding the Kurds' mimicking. "Um, Ed? Why the premature chuckles?"

"Yeah, he's not even finished," Eddy added, "Yer not supposed to laugh until he completes the joke."

"Nothing," Ed replied, waving his hand, "Go on."

"Anyway, the man declines claiming he can remember it. The woman then requests some strawberries and whipped cream on top. After she again tells him to write it down, the irritated man again insists it's unnecessary." More chuckles escaped Ed's nostrils via further imitation from those standing behind his unsuspecting friends. "He fumes into the kitchen. 20 minutes later, he returns and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, 'You forgot my toast'." Their friend's repeated public laughing made Edd cross his arms and Eddy put hands on hips with Sharon and Werf (respectively) still following suit. "It's not that humorous, Ed."

"No, no," Ed spoke between laughs, "I…I…"

The Kurds cocked their heads just like their unwitting pawns but with goofier irked expressions. (A/N: Oh, for crying out loud. My fanfic characters will continue mimicking their movements until further notice.) "Relax, Ed," Eddy put in.

Ed just slapped his thigh ignoring his friends. "Cut it out, you two."

"Cut what out?" Edd wondered, "Ed, are you having another fantasy?"

"Enough, already," was the response, "I can't take any more."

Edd exchanged a shrug with Eddy, still not noticing the goofy-faced copycats who giggled silently. "It's official," Eddy decided, waving his finger next to his own head, "Ed's gone loco."

"Must've been breakfast," Edd suggested, giggling as he spoke, "Oatmeal does cause pleasant tingles."

"Stop it," Eddy said, also giggling, "Yer making me laugh now." The two's eyes unwittingly darted behind, thereby discovering the confusion's source, and they stopped in place. The Kurds momentarily stared them eye to eye, glanced toward the open road, and then turned back again.

"See anything interesting?" Werf asked, "We don't."

"Who are you?" Ed asked.

"Werf Jala, and my girl Sharon Almas."

"Oh, you're the same couple Johnny told us about," Edd familiarized, "How long have you stood here? Were you making Ed laugh?"

"Indeed," Sharon said, "You're really funny fellows. Ah, you must be the boy with the skier's cap Johnny told us of?"

"That I am. As I already said, that boy there in the green jacket is my friend Ed. I'm Edd with two 'D's, but everyone calls me Double D to avoid confusion."

"And I'm Eddy, his other friend. What were you doing that made Ed laugh so much?"

"They copied your every move, guys," Ed answered.

"Nothing major besides visiting other neighborhoods," Sharon shrugged, "We're just messing with you, that's all."

"Huh," Edd commented, "Anyway, we must continue our voluntary public service. Do you wish to join us?"

"I suppose," Werf decided.

"And we can all start at my place," Eddy chimed, "Not only do I have more bags, but some of Ed's trash wound up on my backyard lawn." So, the five headed towards just that area. While Werf and Sharon's lack of social distance unnerved all three Eds, only Edd as usual understood the Kurds' reasons. "Okay, you two, we're here. No need to crowd."

"You said you were Kurdish, right?" Edd checked, receiving nods, "Which country?"

"Iraq," Sharon said.

"Ah, that explains it."

"What?" Ed wondered, "What's wrong with Iraq?"

"Nothing. It's just that being up close and personal is the conversational norm for people living there."

"Right," Werf added, "It gives us a sense of comfort." As they stepped through the fence gate together, all but Ed got stuck tight in a struggling mass. "Of course…in situations like this…such can be a real problem!"

"Hey, what's the deal?" Eddy said, "Lemme through!"

"Stop! Stop!" Edd cried, "I'm all scrunched up here!"

"This is ridiculous!" Sharon threw in, "Can anyone back out?"

"No!" Eddy answered, using the suggestion, "I can't move either way!"

"Don't worry!" Ed volunteered, "I'll get you all loose!" The stuck quartet halted in place wide-eyed as Ed charged them, successfully breaking them free. Of course, since none could stop the sudden momentum, neither did they prevent themselves from tripping over sprawled twigs. The somersaulting group landed upside-down against Eddy's patio fence one at a time before standing again.

"Wow," a shaky Edd began, "Didn't see that coming."

"That was fun," Sharon said, "Know any more great games we can play?"

"Um, yeah," an irked Eddy said, "Follow me."

An hour after cleaning up the pink boy's yard and doing what they could for the lane, the five preteens now stood between Ed and Jimmy's house continuing the job. The Kurds used sharp-ended sticks comprised of materials Edd recycled from the Krazy Ed'z Hot Bike Market scam which worked just as well as the Eds' current utensils. By now, five full trash bags had been lined along the shrubbery of Ed's front lawn, and the group was hungry. "A friend gave us the recipe saying it couldn't be beat," Werf said, pertaining to an earlier life experience, "But Sharon and I couldn't even eat the concoction."

"Well, that's what happens when you substitute rice for potatoes," Eddy said, "And why use a whole can of tomato juice when you only needed half?"

"Waste not, want not," Sharon recited.

"That should do it," Ed announced, filling and tying up the last sack, "I'm hungry."

"Me too," Edd agreed, "It's ten minutes past lunchtime."

"Someone say lunch?" All eyes turned as Sarah stepped out of Jimmy's front door towards them, feeling welcoming as ever. "Hello, new faces. My name's Sarah. I see you've met my brother Ed and his friends."

"Certainly," Sharon said.

Sarah withdrew some napkin-wrapped bundle from her pocket and unveiled some strange gray chunks. "Try some of mine and Jimmy's newest appetizer." Each preteen gladly popped a chunk into his or her mouth. Within four bites, their faces contorted into distaste which Sarah apparently predicted. She held up two fingers. "Do you feel okay? See both my fingers?" The disgusted group turned around in response and spat out the chunks. "So, that's a no?"

"I think you put in too much paprika," Eddy informed.

"Hmm…" Edd withdrew a mushroom bit from his mouth for inspection, cocking his eyebrows in realization. "Sarah, where did you and Jimmy obtain these club fungi?"

"Right beneath each stone of Jimmy's walkway. Why do you ask?"

"Must be Galerina autumnalis, also known as Autumn Skullcap or Deadly Galerina."

"You mean…?" Sarah's eyes widened at the word 'deadly' as she immediately dashed for the same front door. "Jimmy, don't serve the stew! The mushrooms are poisonous!" The quintet jolted.

"Poison mushrooms?" Eddy said, "Sheesh, do those amateurs got a long way ta go. Ed, what's yer sister and Jimmy thinking?"

"I don't know. You don't suppose they…" Rather than finish his sentence, Ed and his companions followed Sarah's path after dropping their sticks, stepping through the doorway single-file this time. In the living room, the youngsters proceeded to dump everything they'd cooked up on a play stove into some larger and realistic pot. A new play oven replacing that which Ed wrecked during the repair service fiasco stood by containing what appeared as an overflowing dessert cake.

"Guess that explains the strange colors," Jimmy commented, "No wonder I didn't recognize those mushrooms from my parents' cooking."

"Didn't Rolf give you some mushroom guide or something?" Sarah inquired.

"Mushroom identification routines won't take place until next Wednesday." The pair then noticed and walked over to the ogling preteens. "Hi. As you probably just heard, my name is Jimmy. Who're you?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't get you two's names the first time either."

"These shiny folks are Werf and Sharon, the same couple Johnny said he met a while ago," Edd replied.

"Jimmy?" Ed asked, "Sarah? You didn't eat those mushrooms, didja? Yer not gonna die on me, are you? Can you imagine the resulting catastrophe if that happened?"

"Relax, big brother," Sarah said, "No, we didn't eat any. I was helping Jimmy practice for his Urban Rangers mushroom cuisine badge. Because his refrigerator was emptied of the necessary ingredient, and his walkway had a whole bunch growing underneath, we thought we'd go through with it."

"Still, I suspected something awry," Jimmy added, "Don't worry, Sarah wasn't trying to poison you on purpose. Hope you don't mind being test subjects."

"Substitutes," Werf spoke, shaking his head, "Nothing but bad news, believe me."

"Also, you should've asked for our permission first," Sharon added.

"Uh, friends?" Eddy said, ignored.

"And let's not forget those guidelines," Edd threw in, "One, do not eat any you can't positively identify. Two, small children mustn't be allowed to gather mushrooms for consumption; no offense. Three, don't mix known edibles with questionable species while gathering since parts may break off and intermix. In addition, all wild mushrooms must be cooked thoroughly before eating; consuming certain fluids should be limited because some species can cause an adverse reaction; and keep all portions no higher than 150 grams per person at one sitting."

"Hello?" Eddy repeated, "Anyone hear me?"

"What?" Ed responded.

"I think the cake's done."

"Oh, I almost forgot." Jimmy ran to the play oven but encountered repeated trouble when the door refused to budge open. "Nngh! Nngh! Maybe we can…still have dessert! If I can get this darn oven door open!"

Sarah came over and provided aid. "Stupid…good-for-nothing…junk!" The other kids soon joined in: Ed grabbed onto Sarah's waist; Edd to Ed; Sharon to Edd; Eddy to Jimmy; Werf to Eddy, and all tugged their hardest. But just when a slight budge in the door itself hinted hope, the group literally collapsed along with their would-be success. The oven door handle got pulled loose, flung out of Sarah and Jimmy's hands, and landed against an open sewing kit which the little boy forgot to close. A mess of knitting equipment was the least of their worries; everybody remained static as a button went flying across the room, bouncing off objects and causing no harm. That is, until it struck one particular knob on the oven. Jimmy winced first when they all stood up for a better view.

"Uh oh," he squeaked. The appliance's sudden rumbling spread the little boy's foreboding throughout the ranks, and all cautiously backed away.

"What did it just strike?" Edd wondered.

"That's the heat control," Jimmy answered, "You only increase the heat when baking something at a reasonable size. But since my cake's overflowing…" Suddenly, a glob of hot dough smacked him in one eye and knocked him off his feet. "OW! It burns!"

"Jimmy!" Sarah cried, receiving one in the shoulder, "OUCH!"

"It's gone mad!" Ed declared. Sarah pulled her friend behind the nearest piece of furniture while the preteens contended with the rogue contraption. The scene took on a downright wild mood through all means of barely holding off each glob. It seems there existed unlimited defensive means: When some dough came an older child's way, he or she always had a nearby strewn toy or knick-knack to neutralize an oncoming projectile at the last second. But they all traded in much struggling once Eddy inspired the other four to use couch cushions as body shields. Moving towards the oven destroyed the record misses (i.e. dough finally skirted their legs and heads), but all commotion ceased once Ed turned it off. Jimmy and Sarah came out of hiding, and the older kids tossed aside the cushions.

"Is it over?" Jimmy queried.

"If we'd acted later, we would've lost for sure," Eddy said, inspecting the oven without watching his footing, "What a narrow escape…ow." The three-haired boy's ankle met the pot full of failed mushroom concoctions and knocked it over, staining the carpet. At least the mess didn't touch anything electrical. "Whoops."

Jimmy studied the entire room. Cake dough globs dotted the ceiling, walls, floor, and furniture. The used toys and knick-knacks looked plenty ruined but not as much as the sewing kit and its contents; sorting out the thread, needles, thimbles, buttons, and lint would be a nightmare for sure. The dark carpet stain from the spilled mushroom failures was no help either. One can only imagine how ill this made the blond boy feel. "Ohhhh." Jimmy clutched his temples while the Kurdish couple tsk-tsked.

"Sorry times twenty," Sarah apologized, "That's not what we meant to do."

"We return the apology," Werf answered, "Don't worry, we'll help clean up."

"No, you don't have to," Edd said, "You two are our guests. Just leave it to the rest of us."

"Nonsense," Sharon insisted, "If our bedrooms can smile often, no reason why we shouldn't spread the joy."

"But…" Eddy said. But indeed, Werf and Sharon were all over the mess without another word. They sat at one section of the room away from the mushroom mix stain cross-legged, feet touching neither each other nor anyone else, lining up dough-ridden objects in a perfectly straight line, and placing removed dough in a neat little pile. Sarah and Jimmy handled the sewing kit and its contents. And the Eds cleaned the stain while discussing the past hours quietly, feeling rather somewhat downcast. Their day with the visitors seemed nothing short of one disgrace after another. "Where did Jimmy say he bought that toy oven again?"

"He didn't," Edd responded, "I'm guessing the manufacturer salvaged cheap parts from a junkyard."

"You don't think Sharon and Werf are mad at us, do ya?" Ed wondered. All three heads turned toward the said working individuals ignoring everything else. Both paused in deep thought at one point smiling with fingers on mouths before continuing their cleanup portion. "They sure look happy, but maybe they don't want us to see their sadness. I should know since I'm an expert in that area."

"We can only hope no further disasters make things worse," Edd continued, "Our new friends just wanted a pleasant visit around our neighborhood. A straightforward, invariable voyage to abandon the homestead's unqualified banality and perhaps newfangled acquaintances: Is that too much to ask for?"

"No more disasters," Eddy announced, assuming his leadership, "After cleanup and lunch, these two are getting the nice trip they asked for one way or another."

Fortunately, little fuss came their way long after lunch. The Eds' given tour (minus fees, of course) went smoothly for once like they'd hoped. A stroll along the creek past Park N' Flush brought them into the dump – farther than planned – so they naturally went back down the lane. For the first time since their acquaintance with Werf and Sharon, the pleased Eds felt in good with them; it seemed nothing could spoil it all now. Maybe the Kurds' presumed disappointment was dissolving even as they spoke. "Tell us a little more about this trailer park," Sharon requested, "Is there anyone important living there we must know about? And for that matter, who are these girls you mentioned earlier today?"

"Funny you should ask," Eddy answered, "Yer second question answers yer first. Park N' Flush is where our girlfriends the Kanker sisters live. Okay, so they're half-sisters. May is Ed's girlfriend with long yellow hair, Marie's the brunette taken by Double D, and my lady is redhead Lee. We didn't used to get along with them in the past, but now we're great friends and have even, like I just said, started dating them."

"You can meet 'em another time if you'd like," Ed put in, "They're really busy right now and won't be home until dinner."

"In the meantime, there's something I must get off my chest," Edd chimed, "What exactly…" CLANG! The sudden sound of metal clanging onto the ground not only interrupted his sentence but startled the group stiff. Shock increased as they turned around to see a huge pipe only inches away from their feet. Unwittingly, the Eds also noticed Werf and Sharon's eyes quite unnaturally contorted.

"Sorry again!" a construction worker apologized, snapping the Kurds out of their delirium.

"Kids, stay out of the lane," another worker called, "We'll get some construction tape right away. Just go on somewhere else for now." The preteens feebly shook their heads and unwittingly passed through the foliage separating Ed's house from Eddy's enigmatic neighbors. The Eds belayed Sharon and Werf's eye conditions for the time being.

"Anyway, like I was saying," Edd continued, "What exactly were you two and Johnny thinking wandering into an abandoned building about to be torn down? Didn't you care what your parents might think?"

"They haven't found out, and it's best we never mention it," Werf said, "Sharon and I aren't good at making decisions. Johnny sure seemed persistent in keeping alive the memory of his childhood friend Alanis whose house you now inhabit."

"Still, that really wasn't your smartest move."

"Mad cars!" a panicking Johnny announced, "Mad cars!" Before the quintet realized anything, they found themselves joining everybody else running in circles and 'dancing' trying to avoid new danger. Two makeshift remote toy vehicles constructed out of household appliances tore across the pavement smoking and sparking. Again, despite that they couldn't reach hiding places quickly enough, the Eds and their charges narrowly avoided injury (the Eds again noticed Sharon and Werf's contorted eyes but hadn't time for interrogation of course). Remote controls in Kevin and Nazz's hands told that they were clearly the responsible ones here.

"Ooh! Ah! Eee!" Edd cried, "Error 607! Invalid event detected!"

"Marigold!" Werf declared, "Marigold! Vermilion! Orange!"

"Scarlet!" Sharon chimed, "Red! Yellow! Scarlet!"

"Shockorama!" Ed yelled.

"Hot, hot, hot!" Eddy screamed, "Shut 'em off! Shut 'em off!" The guilty pair obviously hadn't constructed the remotes properly, or the off-switches wouldn't've made the cars instead go faster and eventually smack into each other hard. Anyone not yet hiding ducked as more explosions finished off the already-wrecked playthings. On the bright side, neither emerging kids nor private or public property sustained injury or damage (respectively). Seeing the Kurds place fingertips over mouths while Nazz and Kevin knelt over to inspect the damaged toys restored the Eds' downhearted anxiety.

"And that's Kevin and Nazz," Edd said, of which the equally anxious said pair quickly waved hello. The Eds sighed and stared down disappointed about their failed tour.

"Werf?" Ed spoke, "Sharon? We're sorry if you feel so unhappy. We just wanted to give you a nice, pleasant tour around our neighborhood like you wanted. It's no fun being sad and covering it with a smile." The Kurds just silently stared forward not eyeing the Eds. "You don't hafta face us; we can't even look at ourselves."

What happened next inspired surprise but not yet enough to brighten the Eds' moods: Werf and Sharon's mouths wiggled a few seconds before they both burst into gut-splitting laughter. Curious Sarah, Johnny, Rolf, and Jimmy walked up closer as the signature male trio continued taking it the wrong way. "Yeah, let it out," Eddy said, "Keeping it bottled up won't score you points in the outside world."

"Ne!" Werf disagreed, "You've tickled me magenta and pink!"

"Me too!" Sharon said, "We're not mad in the least!"

"You aren't?" Ed wondered.

"Just the opposite!" Werf continued, "Mad paper scraps, mad sawdust, mad oven, and now mad toy cars! You're such wild and crazy people! We love this neighborhood already."

"Really?" Edd said, receiving nods.

"Indeed," Sharon declared, "We haven't felt this joyous inside our own homes since my dad Trenter Qasimlo and Werf's mom Samal Dewjin both died a few years ago. You all certainly know how to welcome others."

Everyone except Kevin and Nazz, who couldn't pay attention to anything else, smiled sheepishly at that last remark. The Eds also knocked their own heads like doors wondering why they hadn't realized the two visitors' contained happiness sooner. "Duh," Eddy playfully said, "You kept covering yer mouths because you were chuckling."

"That's right," the pair chorused.

"Misinterpretation will do that every time," Edd shrugged, "But why the color obsession? Marigold? Scarlet? What's that mean, anyway?"

"Is it some kind of code?" Ed suggested.

"Ne, it's just our synesthesia," Werf said, "We see pretty colors whenever we hear certain things. For example, as I already said, our laughter presented a blanket of pink dotted by magenta clumps."

"Oh," Eddy said, "No wonder yer eyes keep shrinking."

"A blanket of pink dotted by magenta clumps?" Rolf wondered, "So it's true!"

"What's going on here?" came a pair of voices. All faced an inquiring adult pair – a man with straight black hair and a woman with curly yellow hair – meeting the children face to face. Judging by the family resemblances, Rathink Avenue's native youth correctly guessed them to be Sharon and Werf's parents.

"I take it you're Sharon's mother and Werf's father?" Johnny said.

"I am Humphrey Jala," the man spoke.

"And I'm Ferah Almas," the woman added. If not for Edd's ever-present expertise, the other kids wouldn't've remembered to follow along using their right hands for handshakes preceding placing those particular hands over their chests afterward. "Now tell us again: Why the commotion?"

"Just a tour around the neighborhood, Mother," Sharon answered, "Don't worry, we didn't get hurt."

"They know how to make guests feel welcome," Werf added, supplemented by nine apologetic smiles.

"Actually, Kevin and I were racing homemade toy cars on the road but still haven't perfected them or the remote controls yet," Nazz explained, "Those were some strong engines and explosions…er, well, something made 'em explode."

"Don't bother telling our parents," Kevin added, "We can do that ourselves."

"If you say so," Humphrey said, "Mind if we take a closer look?" Kevin and Nazz just stood aside as a response and let the adults do just that, simultaneously pacing around both cars.

"We just built 'em today," Nazz continued, "Jimmy was courteous enough to let us use parts from his broken toy oven for the finishing touches." Werf, Sharon, and the Eds jolted at this bit of news.

"Guess that explains the unruly build," Edd mumbled.

"I heard that!" Kevin yelled, receiving giggles from the particular quintet and ignorance from everyone else.

"Very interesting," Ferah commented as the kids gathered around close, "They are still shaky, but you kids no doubt have something good going on here." A simple tap from her foot on one toy suddenly shot a black dust cloud out of the engine, enveloping the thirteen onlookers. Within five dumbstruck seconds of adopting a sooty appearance once the cloud subsided, all shrugged and giggled it off (Kevin too though not as much). Once again, it had been a more rewarding day than anybody previously chose to realize.

The End


	11. FamilEd Matters

Facts being facts, time was advancing in the world like it or not. It seems the resumed construction of Peach Creek Estates stood out as the only present constant occurrence despite its late start. Demarcating from those traditionally spending their final free week lavishly before school started, the kids of Rathink Avenue couldn't help taking it rather calmly unlike other surrounding neighborhoods. Two wild, bizarre past summer vacations sapped much enthusiasm for new major amusements. In short, the young residents couldn't wait to take on the upcoming educational drudgery.

But whereas a welcoming atmosphere reigned outside, a minor storm brewed inside a downtown office supply factory. One employee – the Kanker sisters' mother – showed less job enthusiasm than her coworkers. If time healed all wounds, then it might as well work overtime like she did on Friday nights. Time just hadn't been kind enough to the woman or her daughters. After her last husband died, Ms. Kanker bore the greatest burden between working and child care. She actually had a lot more money than the family's current condition let on but seemed to either distribute it elsewhere or not let it go to her head (if the second one held out, she must know big time about the dangers of being snobbish). Focusing most attention on the job also during lunch breaks, Ms. Kanker usually blocked it out whenever someone requested to learn more about her personal life. The resulting overtime explained why she'd been an executive for almost two years yet still worked in her same old cubicle.

Employees in the office building had maintained steady actions for four hours, and it was now 10 o'clock. Another executive in Ms. Kanker's department paced around observing things, not satisfied with just standing in place. Nothing but the humdrum, just as the factory authorities desired; good. That's when someone important made an announcement over the nearest loudspeaker. "Pardon." Action ceased with all heads respectfully minding the building owner. "Hello, all. I just came from an interview with reporters for Live Like There's No Tomorrow Magazine. And, I wanted to let you know that we ranked as one of the county's top five commercial manufacturers in their business demographics. So, feel free ta give yerselves applause." Ms. Kanker clapped more enthusiastically than the others, and the owner's held-up hand signified a stop. "That's right; you should feel glad. As a reward, I've decided to give you the remainder of today and all of tomorrow off. Hope it's not too big a problem." Everyone's shaking heads told that it wasn't. "Wonderful. Have a splendid day."

As expected, the employees waited until the owner departed first before shutting down the machinery and following up. To say that Ms. Kanker remained ever silent within the procession even when inserting her card into her check-in-check-out slot would be an understatement. However, her withdrawn façade which repelled the most curious faces couldn't last forever.

"Any second now, May," Marie said. The Eds and their girlfriends stood inside the local candy shop meanwhile, ready to purchase none other than the neighborhood specialty known as jawbreakers. Everyone else had chosen their flavors and were currently waiting on an indecisive May.

"Okay, let's see. I know, I'll get cherry! Or does blueberry sound better? Or maybe bubblegum…"

"How 'bout that new flavor?" Ed suggested, pointing at a bunch of red jawbreakers with maroon streaks, "Juh…juh…"

"Juniper," Edd said, "Berrylike fruit of a plant of the genus Juniperus. Grows chiefly in Syria and Saudi Arabia."

May leaned in closer so as to let her nostrils absorb the sweet aroma. "Mmm, it smells heavenly. Alright then. Juniper, it is." And right after that, an opened entrance saw a group of preteens showing off bulging cheeks. Naturally, they all stood aside to avoid blocking pathways of other candy store customers or just pedestrians in general.

"Yum," Lee commented, "These sure are good. What's the occasion?"

"School's comin' up," Eddy answered, "We only got one week of summer vacation left." The preteens' disappointed sighs then gave way to shrugging as May restarted the conversation.

"Anyway, where'dja get the money for all this?"

"My first big sale," Eddy continued, "It's a long story. This couple Johnny met in some abandoned mall paid us a visit yesterday. We thought the tour we gave 'em was a real disaster, but it turns out they really liked it. I baked a chocolate cake containing bits of wild pear sometime after their parents showed up and, wouldn'tcha know it, everybody paid me for it. Well, the two visitors' parents paid for them and themselves. But the point is, I wasn't even expecting it."

"Eh, you know what they say," Marie spoke, "Don't look a gift in the horse's mouth. In other words, you should appreciate a favor without being too critical of it."

"Not critical. I'm just saying that I didn't expect it."

"I wonder if we'll ever get ta meet 'em?" May said, motioning to herself and her sisters, "Do they live nearby or far away?"

"Supposedly nearby," Ed answered, "Rolf said they told him that they live on Apple Street. Um, I forget the numbers."

"310 and 311," Edd clarified, "Maybe we can visit them during one of our upcoming weekends when we've no schoolwork."

Nothing more than slurping noises occupied the group's speech power during the stroll back into their neighborhood. Besides construction, only Rolf's constant rushing to suit down his farm estate for upcoming cold weather attracted much attention. Jimmy, Johnny, Sarah, and Nazz busied themselves on the playground with various activities. Kevin was nowhere in sight. No one started speaking until they reached the lane ignoring the construction site completely and not yet minding the trailer park. "So, girls," Eddy continued, "What were you doing again yesterday? Running errands, I take it?"

"Pretty much the same as you guys," Lee answered, "With that cleanup thing still goin' on at the watering hole, Mom personally decided it'd be a good experience for us ta tag alongside environmental department officials. We even got a free lunch."

"That reminds me," Edd realized, "How go your family issues? Patch things up okay?"

"Not quite," May said, "Mom's still putting in overtime. For each day so far, we still haven't found the right opportunity to resolve our affairs."

"And stubborn," Marie put in, "She won't talk these things over with anyone including us. Our triple date was the last occasion she acted uncharacteristically fanatical."

Until now, the group didn't fully comprehend their entrance into the trailer park. "She's home early," Ed pointed out as they paused almost twenty-five steps before the girls' residence. Parking, making a quick stroll into the abode for a drink of water, and sauntering towards the forest opposite from the dump: Ms. Kanker never eyed the preteens once. They made out suspicion written on her face just before she disappeared into the thicket. "Ummm…is this the right opportunity?"

"Her bosses must be feelin' extra jolly," Lee observed, "She doesn't come home early too often."

"Then your opportunity is here," Edd said, "Why do you ladies delay? Have you not memorized your lines?"

The girls stammered. "We memorized," Marie said, "Every single word. It's just…well…maybe it's too soon. Maybe this isn't the right opportunity after all."

"Whaddaya mean?" Eddy disagreed, "You just said yer mom doesn't come home too often and that you memorized what yer gonna say. Why hold out?"

"It's nothing…important," May said. But the boys' crossed arms and no-nonsense expressions shattered the looming veil of denial. Lee playfully tapped Marie on the back of the head, Marie to May, and May back to Lee again.

"Yeah, what do we mean?" Lee admitted, "Since when do we, the Kanker sisters, turn down obvious opportunity?"

"So yer gonna catch her?" Ed asked.

"You bet," Marie replied, "After we stow our candy in the freezer, that is."

Following that quick trip to the kitchen, the Eds (still sucking on their own candy) watched the sisters disappear after their mother along the same path. Grass crinkled, twigs snapped, and small animals scurried aside. The girls struggled some what with branches getting stuck in their hair and foliage covering their clothes but nevertheless pressed on. They needed not worry about direction much since their mother's trail remained fresh as ever and went mainly in a straight line. Moreover, her form ahead – recognizable even through the dense growth – showed that she hadn't gone as far as they thought. "Single parental unit at 5 o'clock, girls," Lee announced.

"And it's only close to 10:15 or something," May cracked, ignored by the other two.

"Hey, Mom!" Marie called, "Wait up!" But words alone wouldn't catch the adult female. If the girls' eyes didn't fall out of focus, they could swear that their mother gained speed the same as them. The growth of course didn't make the pursuit any easier; each runner almost tripped over tree roots and other natural litter at least eight times. Ms. Kanker swiveled around the tree trunks halfway through the chase for extra difficulty.

"Mom, what's the deal?" May called, "It's just your daughters!"

Stepping out into the open plain separating the dump from a distant Peach Creek urban subdivision, Ms. Kanker took time catching her breath and making sure she was alone. "Good. Lost 'em." The woman then spent her break strolling toward the creek and then washing her face. "Ahhh, refreshing as ever. Nothing like a good splash to…" Stopping short at the reflections of three familiar faces, a stammering Ms. Kanker stood back up trying to hide her feelings just as they did minutes ago. "Why, girls. What a surprise."

"Yeah, isn't it?" Marie said, "We can be full of 'em sometimes." Ms. Kanker motioned for her daughters to follow along, and the family strolled home along the creek.

"Whaddaya runnin' away for?" Lee asked.

"Like I said, what a surprise," was the response, "I thought for a moment muggers were chasing me."

"I'm no mugger," May protested, "Didn't you hear my voice?"

"I didn't say you were, dear."

"And why would you of all people fear a two-bit criminal?" Marie chimed, "You're so tough you'd spook a dictator."

"Urban, suburban, or rural: One can't be proud, girls." Lee immediately lifted her hair to quickly wink at May and Marie.

Passing through the dump, the sisters made slow advances toward their mother by starting the conversation off with many various topics separate from their true intentions. None remembered before how swell it felt spending family leisure time. Although it relieved some stress, however, Ms. Kanker was no fool and so paid close attention to whenever her daughters might bring up matters she'd rather belay. But they never mentioned anything of the sort just yet; the sisters bided their time. "Is it true that seaweed is an ingredient in ice cream?" May asked.

"I think so," Ms. Kanker said, "Typically this extract from red algae called car-…car-…"

"Carrageenan," Marie said, "A thickening agent added to ice cream ta help 'em stay rich and creamy rather than all liquid."

"It's also used in other items like pudding and chocolate milk," Lee added, "Say, here's an interesting tidbit: Does rubbing maple syrup on yer face eliminate acne?" Whereas the other two girls thought it over, only Ms. Kanker noticed how close they were to the construction site and formulated her own new plot.

"You got me," May said, "Does it?"

"Nope. I just read it in a magazine. There's a fine difference between pancakes and pimples. But let's move on. Uh, Mom…oomph!" May and Marie stopped when Lee bumped into their mother, and all three observed the adult's static figure. An inspection showed that she seemed focused on something either invisible or far away. Recalling what advice she'd given them about checking for death signs, the girls stood before their mother staring at her face. "What's wrong?"

"…I hear something."

"The construction site?" May said.

"No. Something more…sinister." Whether or not Ms. Kanker put on an act, her eerie attitude and tone of voice sounded very convincing. Either way, she hurried down the lane again followed by her daughters. All dashed into the brush bordering Ed and Sarah's house and wrestled it as if a wild animal resided inside. But the messy sisters needed step back out for a breather after some time. It took a bit longer before they realized that their mother had disappeared again.

"Is she playing hide-and-seek?" May wondered.

"If so, she ain't doin' a good job," Lee said, pointing towards their mother's visible figure at the end of the lane. No one else outside really minded the chase, relieving Ms. Kanker from worrying over anyone questioning her suspicious expression or the clandestine motive behind diddling with a pocketed object. She concealed it well inside her palm and kept both arms crossed for extra stealth while her daughters walked alongside her past the playground.

"So, what exactly were we trying to find?" Marie asked. Ms. Kanker remained silent. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"You said you heard something sinister," May repeated, "What was it?"

"Oh…I guess my imagination got the best of me. Probably just…a squirrel."

"Aw, that's lame," Marie said, "How can squirrels around here make louder noises than construction equipment? And what reading material filled yer head with ideas this time?" Great; now the brunette felt like she'd traded the position of offspring with parent.

"Mom, we gotta talk," Lee began, "The girls and I…"

"Oop!" The family rounded the corner at that point; Ms. Kanker tripped over the edge of the mailbox and dropped the held object. Was she still acting? For a moment, the lady herself couldn't tell. But she timed her aim correctly: The doohickey – shining like a clean car – fell squarely through a hole in the nearby sewer entrance cover. The quartet hurried over to remove the cover and inspect. "What happened?" May asked, "What'd you just drop?"

Rather than reply, Ms. Kanker lifted off the cover and descended via a conveniently installed ladder without another word. None of the girls spared a second getting down on hands and knees searching it out in the dim light whereas their mother stood aside acting as a watchtower. And nobody minded the odors. "What'd you drop?" Marie repeated.

"My favorite opal. You know, the same I received on my last birthday?"

"What'd you take it out for?" Again, Ms. Kanker ignored another question and wandered into deeper parts of the sewers. The girls shook their heads following along, wondering when they'd get their chance at confrontation. The moment turned into a rerun of the forest chase with the mother gaining more speed little by little and winding around the various pathways. All then stood at another corner.

"Mom, we really gotta talk," a disbelieving Lee insisted, "Did you drop yer favorite opal for real or are ya just…"

"No time to chat," Ms. Kanker interrupted, moving along and 'searching', "It couldn't've gotten far."

"Uh, why're we going so far?" May wondered, "You only dropped it a ways back."

"Yes, but the cutters did a better job than any of you might expect. My opal's smoother than an egg; it lacks much friction."

"Then it must've fallen in the muck," Marie suggested, "Opals don't bounce that hard. That is, unless it's made of or polished with a very strong rubber."

"A person must know their possessions better than anyone else." In the darkness, the girls might've made out the worry in their mother's eyes as she was quickly running out of ideas. Then it struck her. "This is getting us nowhere."

"Yeah, we were thinkin' the same," Lee agreed, "Ready to sing now?"

"We need flashlights and a scavenger device. Let's leave." May glanced the sewage and thought of again pointing out that the 'opal' was most likely washed away by now, but Marie held up a hand and hinted for the blond to just leave it. Climbing back up brought them not only back onto the surface but also at the roundabout before Jimmy's house. Each Kanker family member now reeked to high heaven but without stains (and only the mother didn't mind much).

"Yuck with a capital 'Y'," May commented, "We smell worse than…than…"

"Don't say it," Marie stated.

All upset faces turned on the adult, who'd reached wits' end. She'd played all her cards and was now left with an empty hand. Going beyond neighborhood limits seemed promising, yet she didn't want to somehow get in over her head. Plus, depressing feelings had drained her spirit. "Mom, enough's enough," Lee said, "It's high time…" What happened next cut off the redhead and gave Ms. Kanker one last elusion.

"Look out!" May yelled. Just when the sisters thought nothing within this neighborhood could further stand in their way, a strange biker not much different from Kevin came riding down the road ready for roguery. She rounded the quartet twice treating them as some obstacle – not minding her reckless behavior – kicking up a huge dust cloud in the process. The sisters remained standing in one spot the whole time tensing muscles, awaiting the biker's departure, and coughing.

"What…what…" Lee hacked.

"Stupid…jerk!" Marie puffed, "Muh-…Mom…Mom?"

Pretty soon, more coughing joined the procession. When the dust cleared, the sisters saw the Eds who'd stepped out from somewhere curious of the commotion and holding an annoyed biker and her bike steady (they'd lost their mother for sure). By now, their jawbreakers were only three-quarters of the original size. "You gonna let me go or what?"

"We're capable of terrible things, missy," Edd warned, "I suggest you take your two-wheeled conveyance and transport yourself away this instant."

"Fine, fine!" The girl did just that while kicking up a second, smaller dust cloud followed by Kevin's trademark insult. "Dorks!"

"Back at you, macaroni!" Ed called back.

"Ed, that didn't even make sense," Eddy said. The boys then walked over to their sweethearts.

"Thanks for the save, guys," Marie said.

"No problem," Eddy continued, "Don't tell me: Lose yer mom again?"

"Unfortunately," May shrugged.

"What's wrong?" Ed asked, "Besides the ninny, of course. Did you forget your lines?"

"Nah, Mom's just a real wild card," Lee stated, "This is taking us too long. Fer all we know, it'll be doomsday by the time we get 'er in the right spot."

"So what's the next step?" Edd asked.

Lee thought it over. "Well, she's gotta come home sometime…"

As it turns out, an edgy Ms. Kanker was already home fixing herself some coffee after dusting off and washing her hands. Fresh air, exercise, and meager conversation hadn't alleviated her stress as much as she wanted; in fact, the last one only made things worse. Even if her daughters didn't mention family issues back at the dump, Ms. Kanker dared not take chances according to that glint in Lee's voice. They'd gotten pretty close before and after the sewer escapade; pressure was just too much no matter what the case. It's not like she could just go forcing her feelings onto her daughters no matter how much she loved them. If she did, the grown woman would put their feelings first, and they did.

Décor offered no promise either. Shaking her head at the very sight of anchors and diving gear while pouring the hot water, Ms. Kanker wondered why she let it remain thereby subjecting her offspring to possible shame instead of throwing it out. Butch, Rod, and Bubba were past history, right? It's not as if they were coming back, that any one of them would come romping through the front door to make things all better once more. Letting that stuff remain must've provided nothing more than emotional torture on the girls' hearts. Then again, obstructing her offspring from remembering their roots felt just as wrong…

Ms. Kanker shifted her attention back to her cup and did a double-take at the overflow now oozing on the counter and around her feet. "Oops!" She set the teakettle down on the table, grabbed a rag, but didn't get as far cleaning the counter as she did making a bigger mess (the rag was covered in vegetable grease). Stammering and sighing, her flailing arm accidentally knocked the cup onto the floor in a 'shattering' fate. "AAARRRGGHH!" Her blown top heralded the surprised girls' entrance.

"Did we come at a bad time?" Marie asked, she and her sisters having never expected the parent to conveniently stand where they wanted her.

A deep-breathing Ms. Kanker faced her daughters, barely keeping from taking frustration out on them. "Yes. I'm not in the mood now. Just leave me alone." She brushed past the trio and headed towards the door but stopped short when the girls blocked her path. If their mother thought she'd dodge their curiosity, she had another thing coming. The no-nonsense trio to the adult was like a lovestruck Sarah to Edd all over again: Whichever direction the prey faced, the predators stood in sight. Ms. Kanker must forfeit her little game of cat-and-mouse. "Girls, this is ridiculous. I said I'm not in the mood."

"Neither are we," Lee spoke, "What's yer hurry? Do you even know what we wanna talk about?"

"Yes, and I'd rather skip."

"C'mon, Mom," May pleaded as they all circled the living room coffee table, "We're your children. You used to tell us all sorts of things, but now you…you…"

"Run away at the mere offer of a simple picnic," Marie continued, "It's like we're complete strangers in our own house."

"Don't you even love us?" May added.

Pacing halted as Ms. Kanker, cracking from the strain without tears, faced the trio and belayed the last question. A few years' worth of trying to raise three wild girls in rough settings had finally all but worn away her parental patience. Nothing short of a miracle kept her from snapping. "It's not that. You don't remember, do you? I…I…"

"You what?" Lee inquired.

"I…I'm doing this all for you."

"How?" May wondered, "What'd we forget?

"A promise." The woman paced about the living room from corner to corner for the rest of the time, the preteen trio trailing. Sometimes she moved to one side with them keeping pace; other times she walked on by. "You always told me you wished I'd stop crowding you. You told me to leave you alone so you could do things yourselves."

"I forget, when was this?" Marie said.

"It happened in all of our old hometowns, but I took the request as law once we came to Peach Creek."

Painful memories flowed through the surprised preteens' heads as they eyed their mother. They recalled what kind of wreck she'd been in following their fathers' deaths. Ms. Kanker almost never left them alone at home; such restlessness advanced her work effort big time rather than sap it. A few wrinkles now dotted her face. "Oh, Mom," May apologized, "We're sorry. You just wanted to help us, but we pushed you aside."

"It feels good knowing you care." Ms. Kanker stopped and turned around, calming some. "Just look at me: an overworked executive in some edifice unaware of she's doing the right thing."

"You don't say," Lee responded, "We should be asking ourselves the same question." The mother cocked her head at the redhead's statement. "Mom, we understand now how big a mistake we've made. We wouldn't be where we are without you still holding on to us."

"Everyone goes through a rebellious stage sometime in their lives," Marie put in, "Sometimes it lingers, other times they get over it. So we haven't gotten around much before. Truth is, we've hurt you as well as each other by acting so childish."

"Yeah," May agreed, "If we can learn and move on, why not you?"

The sisters seemed hopeful yet worried as their mother let it sink in. None minded even the loudest steamroller from the construction sight nearby. Ms. Kanker met their gaze but focused on other things. Ah, such persistent children almost the spitting images of their respective fathers. Of course, aside from genetics, paternal and maternal sides backed the girls' social resilience equally. One might say the woman and her blond daughter's boyfriend might have much to discuss if the former heard of the latter's previous life experiences. Still, Ms. Kanker's needed unleash her own input as she walked past her daughters who immediately followed up slumping on the couch. "Oh, my dears. Your sorrow must run deeper than an abyssal plain. You shouldn't beat yourselves up so much. It's not like any of us asked to be lonely and miserable, if you know what I mean."

"Of course not," Lee said, "Nobody ever means for these things ta happen. They just come up."

"And whaddaya mean 'miserable'?" Marie said, "The four of us still got each other."

"I guess. You girls sure you wouldn't be better off setting yourselves up for adoption instead? Sure I'm not a lousy parent?"

"I should say not," May replied, "We've already got our strong parental guidance sitting next to us."

"Funny you should call me strong. Maybe too strong. At least you know the meaning behind something called self-control."

"You're being redundant, Mom," Lee disagreed, "May just handpicked our inspiration. Don't you see? One side isn't strong without the other. You're a good person and do all you can."

"And yes, we mean everything we say," Marie chimed, "We knew it as babies." Speechless, Ms. Kanker eyed the floor not knowing what to make of these revelations. But as far as parenting goes, she too needed reassurance how much of a hero she stood out as for her offspring. "Uh oh. Looks like someone needs a hug." Ms. Kanker dared not resist the triple embrace but returned it. A cool breeze relieved the heat-exhausted organisms outside as if acting in concordance with the Kanker family's departing emotional storm. For the umpteenth time that year, a new blessing hinted good turns ahead.

"Sorry about your opal, too," May remembered.

"No biggie," Ms. Kanker revealed, "That was just some shiny pebble I found under the van and picked up this morning thinking I could use it somehow. My real opal's under my bed." The party of four stared on, shrugged, and resumed hugging (still ignorant of their sewer-based fragrance); they must've been in that position over an hour.

"My turn!" Jimmy announced. The late afternoon's energy got spent on the playground where the Kankers finally had their second chance at socialization (after a quick sponge bath and change of clothes, that is). Marie, Lee, and Jimmy together played near bushes removing flat bottlecaps stacked on an empty glass milk jug one by one. Sarah rode on the merry-go-round which May gladly pushed. Johnny and Nazz played Go Fish on the bench. All the while, the Eds (who'd long since finished their jawbreakers) and Ms. Kanker watched all from around the swings with satisfaction. "Whoops." Removing a bottlecap, Jimmy's slipping fingers made the entire bunch collapse. Nevertheless, Marie and Lee just shrugged it off with him as they restacked. "Wow. So complex."

"Yep," Marie said, "Like a canopy tree."

"How much practice?"

"A couple months," Lee answered, "As with card houses, the key lies in patience and carefulness. Can't be too hasty." Jimmy continued eyeing his playmates curiously every few seconds. Voices and gestures alike never felt so warm before. For the umpteenth occasion, the blond boy could hardly believe he was playing with those who'd once used him as a punching bag and almost forced arthropod ingestion upon him.

"Say, Nazz," Johnny inquired, "Did you and Kevin ever really tell yer parents about the defective go-karts?"

"**I** did, but you know Kevin," was the response, "He always has ta hide an incident." Nazz tossed a card into the pile. "In any case, we both got the same punishment."

"Which is?"

"Two weeks' worth of our allowance for wasting valuable resources."

"Aw, too bad."

Ms. Kanker never felt so joyful since she gave birth to May (although a tinge of sorrow lingered); the marine décor of the trailer no longer mattered. Despite her husbands' passing, the other office building workers were in for a surprise when the two-day vacation expired. On top of that, the Eds' relationships with her daughters no longer seemed distressful. "One story's ending is another's beginning," Edd remarked.

"The girls sure are happy," Ed noted.

"Yes, they earned it," Edd continued, "One would think nobody remembered their bad side anymore." A sighing Ms. Kanker caught the boys' concern. "Hm? Everything alright, Ms. Kanker?"

"Of course, Eddward dear. I never intended to wind up in some dull office building working in seemingly low conditions. I can get by with what I have, I just choose not to flaunt it." The Eds nodded in acknowledgement. "My original goal was becoming an astropaleontologist, truth be told, and few hear that very often. But a person like me could never be something that great."

"What's an astropaleontologist?" Ed asked.

"A person who digs up fossils on other planets," Edd answered.

"You did great anyway," Eddy said, sticking on-topic.

"Got that right," Ms. Kanker dryly said.

"I'm serious. You got one wonderful kid turning the merry-go-round and two more stacking bottlecaps."

The adult female eyed the enthusiastic subjects in question – who either paid her no heed or just feigned ignorance – lost her last sorrowful tinge, and nodded. "That I do."

The End


	12. CoEdcidence

The last week of summer vacation was nearly halfway over. Anxiety over hurrying to purchase school supplies all but dissipated Rathink Avenue's previous serenity. By now, the kids couldn't make up their minds whether they felt depressed abandoning the summer or confident meeting the school year head-on. Either way, they all continued their usual leisure activities like nothing. The Kanker sisters, however – having broken through their mother's introverted shell – weren't finished handling family issues and so needed another isolation period before anything else. Uncertainty mixed with slight confidence told that such thankfully might not take very long.

"It sure gets hot a lot around here, doesn't it?" Ed commented. For old times' sake, Eddy insisted on breaking away from culinary arts once more to end the summer with a scam. Possibly inspired by the would-be dinosaur sculpture, he and Ed stood in the big guy's driveway – set-up folding table bearing a dark lump in the middle – creating archosaur figurines standing no taller than six inches. Extreme heat bore down on them while serving as a natural oven hardening the specimens (an Elasmosaurus by Eddy and a Megalosaurus by Ed) almost instantly. Neither minded other ordeals yet.

"You're telling me," Eddy agreed, wiping his forehead, "Anyway, these oughta sell for maybe 8¢. Where'dja get this clay?"

"I gathered it from some puddle behind my house in the lane. We got good dirt."

"Right…oop!" Eddy's skidding fingers accidentally chipped off his creature's snout. In an attempt to reattach it, the stuttering preteen then broke the neck off into at least four pieces. Further reattachment only cracked apart the body. A frustrated Eddy then put his chin on his fist and unwittingly banged his elbow against the table. "OW!"

Moreover, it turns out Ed had one hand around the neck of his figure. The shockwaves from Eddy's elbow tightened his friend's grip on the theropod and snapped the head off. But Ed took a more playful approach: He placed the head down, grabbed the leftover body, and bounced it like an animal walking on its own. "'Help! Help me! I have no head!'" When his thumb broke off one of the arms, Ed tried literally screwing it back on only to have the whole thing crumble. "Uh oh. Dinosaur go extinct."

"Sorry, Ed," Eddy apologized, "Gosh, this clay dried fast."

"Um…I forgot to tell you: I also mixed in some old plaster of Paris that my parents wanted to throw out."

Eddy tapped the remaining lump, now boasting the consistency of talc. An upcoming acquaintance deterred him from the new scam. "Okay…"

"Hey, where's Double D?"

"Am I missing some convention?" came a female voice. A girl with braided brown hair reaching to her thighs; plum shades; a red jacket with a yellow undershirt; baggy blue jeans; and an indifferent expression to boot stood before the driveway. She stared a confused Eddy and Ed on, the former of which eventually let the girl's words sink in.

"…Hi," Ed greeted, waving his arm, "I'm Ed, and this is my buddy Eddy. Double D isn't here right now, but he'll get back to you as soon as he can if you leave a message after the tone."

"I already met the guy," the girl confirmed, "The name's Nadine. Just try not to forget it or wear it out."

"Yeah, well, where'd you come from?" Eddy inquired.

"A hotel five or six miles behind me," was the answer, "This is a pretty dull joint if you ask me. No offense"

"Then why're you here?"

"Because I needed some exercise. The hotel's workout facilities ain't enough; I like to move, but the hallways only keep my interest so long. I'll be seein' ya." Nadine walked back towards Kevin's unknown neighbor's house without minding an arriving suspicious Edd; nothing much besides sauntering down the road and disappearing around the corner. All three Eds' gazes remained fixated on them before Edd joined his pals.

"Shy, huh?" the medium boy spoke, "Just a few moments ago, she told me she never takes off her shades until she feels a person is trustworthy enough to be her friend. Odd yet understandable"

"Yeah, she talked to us too," Eddy replied, "Thought we were holding a convention."

"Was she flattering us?" Ed wondered.

"Couldn't say. So, Double D. What took you?"

"I had to pound a dusty rug and then take a sponge bath. Did I miss anything?"

A dismayed Eddy eyed the clay-littered table. "Not really." Before he continued, some strange gleam skirting their vision provided temporary blindness. "Hey! What's with the bright light?"

"It came from there," Edd spoke, pointing down the street at some distant hill. The Eds walked to the road end's center point (Ed first knocked and stumbled over the table) standing directly in front of Jimmy's house. Regardless of distance, Edd definitely saw a hill standing rather tall for its position while almost perceiving some cave-like formation. "Well, well. Look what I spy over yonder: a cave, no less."

"Me too," Eddy said, "And because the light part is over the dark part, I'm guessing there's something inside the cave."

"Isn't it annoying?" Jimmy said, walking up accompanied by Sarah as usual, "It blinded me when I first stepped outside this morning. Then it got Sarah."

"Right after that, it ruined our show by staying on Jimmy's TV screen," Sarah added, "Whaddaya call it?"

"Glare," Edd answered, "And did you close the curtains?"

"We don't have any," Jimmy continued, "My parents are getting new ones soon." With that, the pair moved along leaving the Eds to ponder the situation. That's when Ed suggested the inevitable.

"Think there's pirate treasure there? Ooh, let's go dig it up! We can split it twelve…uh, I mean, eleven…or ten…well, we can split it many different ways. I'm gonna buy me a chicken farm!"

"Ed, there's no treasure around here," Edd reasoned.

"There isn't?" Ed said.

"Of course not," Eddy said, "We don't even live on an island."

"More than that," Edd continued, eyes closed, "Pirates attacked merchant ships, which carried food and other things that wouldn't've lasted the effects of burying for long. They often sold their embezzlements and blew the money on activities unapproved by their parents provided that they weren't pirates themselves. And with your life at stake 24-7, there's no point in burying money if you can't retrieve it later. That also makes X-marked treasure maps a lie. In short, chances of finding anything valuable are a big zilch."

The other two let this information sink in quicker than they did Nadine's little 'visit'. "Pfff," Eddy commented, "If only someone told me sooner. My brother was a genius at annoying me."

"It doesn't hurt looking, though" Ed continued, retaining the original subject, "You can never tell, strange things happen all the time."

"This isn't a movie, Ed," Edd reminded, "It's reality."

"Eh, let's just look," Eddy decided, "With the girls busy, I could use a good adventure away from the kitchen."

"Well, alright. But lemme check my maps first." Watching the trio disappear into Edd's house, a clandestine pair hurried off to the light source with their own agenda.

An hour or so later, the Eds stepped off the bus (Ed and Eddy wore caps for protection against ticks and whatnot) at one of few bus stops and proceeded on foot. The area was a rural neighborhood similar to their own but boasting more forest, hills, and cliffs. Apparent lack of other outside souls (save for indoor commotion of some houses) gave the feel of a ghost town. Edd led the way through the pinecone- and pine needle-littered trail, map in hand. Eddy stood close munching on leftover baklava and blueberry tarts. And Ed kept a guarding eye on the party clutching an empty bag he claimed might be useful somehow (eerily glancing Eddy's snack bag every once in a while). Distant farms fringed the area's exterior borders. "So quiet," Ed spoke, "I can't feel my fenestra."

Upon gulping another snack, the group leader soon noted the funny look on his pale friend's face. "Everything okay, Double D?" Indeed, having traversed a reasonable distance in just a few short minutes, Edd couldn't really concentrate on the map or much of anything. The boy's vocal fervor went out to many a nature walk, but he never truly glimpsed the scenery even once. It took Eddy's last statement to grab his attention.

"Hm? I'm good…oh, who am I fooling? I'm concerned about Nadine's presence."

"How come?" Ed asked, "Did she dream she was a bowl of frozen yogurt and feels nervous as a result?"

"No, Ed."

"Drinks liverwurst smoothies?"

"No, Ed."

"Pinched by a lobster?"

"Ed, quit joking and get serious for a moment. Okay, so I'm concerned and mystified at the same time."

"So spill it, already," Eddy demanded, "What's wrong?"

"Part One: I feel I've met Nadine before, but I just can't place those eyes underneath her spectacles. Not to mention her hair looks kinda fake."

"Oh, I know!" Ed suggested, "Maybe she's somebody famous, like a movie director. Maybe her attitude is just to keep people from crowding her."

"I'm not sure," Edd continued, "Part Two: The confusion from that and this map are hindering my focus. I can't pinpoint our location, either. Darn it, where have I earlier seen both?"

"Oh my," Ed rhymed, detracting other thoughts, "Look what I spy." He pointed to a distant, shiny orange object foreshadowed by a humongous tree root. Only a portion showed with the remainder buried a bit, but the sight was unmistakable.

"I see it," Eddy announced.

"Must be raw moonstone," Edd suggested, "Just one of many precious stones to cut and polish into jewelry."

"Then you know what this means," Eddy said, "X marks the spot, folks!" So they ran over to it cheering 'Treasure, treasure!' (without spooking anyone or anything, strangely enough), found one suitable stick each, and dug. Halfway through, however, excitement died at the sight of an orange sodapop can painted to resemble feldspar. "Aw, figures. We got all riled up over nothing but this old can."

"Talk about disappointment," Edd commented, placing the can in Ed's empty bag, "Who in their right minds would paint a can to imitate a mineral?"

Just then, Ed caught some blurry shapes skimming along a row of trees. "Huh? Did you two see something?"

"What, Ed?" Edd asked.

"I think someone's spying on us."

"Probably yer imagination," Eddy guessed, "Who'd be watching us while…?" The interruptive sound of crunched pinecones and snapped twigs changed his mind on the spot. "I take that back."

"It came from over there," Edd pointed out. The trio crossed through the row but found no one. "Huh. Must've been some quiet animal."

Ed then unwittingly glanced toward the ground, picked up a fresh sheet of paper, and examined a message. Even with two extra heads peering over his shoulders, nothing on the paper hinted anything about its makers. Typewriting instead of handwriting or physical manuscript made decipherment all the more intricate. Playful as ever, Ed began narrating. "'The message was a riddle in itself. Neither smell nor smudge nor taste could be found. Who sent it our way? Why?'"

"Hold on a second," Eddy said, taking the paper, "I saw this on a cop show." After brushing away dried plant matter using nothing other than his feet, the pink boy obtained some dust for spreading around on both sides. Of course, gaining it proved tiresome due to pebble content and the ground being tightly packed. Frustration then presented itself via Eddy's failed identification attempt.

"Searching for fingerprints?" Edd wondered.

"Yeah."

Until the pale boy accepted the paper, none actually read the message as they saw it. "Detectives do a lot more than you realize, Eddy…hmm. It says, 'Apple rolls straight, potato stands tall. Take a right at the huckleberry bush, and look for a red dot on the stone wall'. Sound like directions."

"But where do we head first?" Eddy queried.

"Oh!" Ed noticed straight ahead, "I see a bush! Maybe it has huckleberries." As they hurried over, the group muscle couldn't help narrating again. "'Unaware at first, the detectives now understood their roles as apple potatoes…or potato apples. Either way, they rushed to the next checkpoint.'" Though, that checkpoint only fit half the description: The bush contained nothing more on its stems than foliage. "I'm not seeing the huckleberries, guys. Did we miss harvest time?"

Eddy unintentionally glanced toward their current right and found the next target as the letter described it. "Probably not a huckleberry bush, but at least we got our wall." Actually, it was an irregular limestone slab dotted by between ten and twenty-five holes that appeared drilled by a machine gun. Although they indeed located the aforementioned red dot, however, more disappointment ensued upon withdrawing the contents.

"A red handkerchief?" Edd wondered, stuffing it into one pocket alongside the letter (he'd stowed the map in his other pocket).

"And it's laundry-fresh," Ed added.

"This is ridiculous," Eddy stated, "Who'd throw out a good handkerchief?"

"Somebody stuffed it in there for a reason," Edd said, "Other than tricking us, I couldn't say why."

"'But what was this?'" Ed noticed, picking up an envelope situated against the slab by some pinecones, "'Another message, no doubt. Questions now hovered above our heroes' heads. Would it self-destruct if they opened it? Did a bunch of germs from the world's laboratories reside within, ready and waiting to infect their first victims? What happened to the diamond? Where did one member of the group disappear to? Who stole the rest of this incredible story? Would our heroes make it in the end? Did they stand the chance for…?'"

"Okay, Ed," an exasperated Eddy interrupted, yanking away the envelope, "We get the picture." He tore open the envelope, unveiled another letter, and deposited the waste into Ed's bag. Unlike the last one, this letter itself and the associated enigma originated from rubber cement and magazine clippings. "Oh, goody. Another riddle. 'Thirty steps forward, thirty-six left. You'll find the key by a stone head that's bereft'. Okay, how're we supposed to find a bereft stone Golden Delicious?"

"'Bereft' is another term for 'sad'," Edd said, "So, we must locate a sad-faced statue head." Lining up single-file, the boys followed those directions counting up their steps. Fatigue via scaling the hill little by little was practically absent.

"'The detectives marched on, ready to tackle danger by the throat'," Ed continued in a lower tone, "'Friend or foe, they did not know. Because whoever left all these clues had yet to show his or her face.'"

"Ed, will you please stop?" Eddy requested, "I'm trying to keep track of my steps. Where was I…twenty-five, twenty-six…or was it seventeen…aw, criminy! I lost count!"

"Not me," Edd said, pushing the leader along, "…Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. And, to the left."

"So much for counting steps," Eddy noticed, "There's the sad-faced head." The carved stone seemed about the size of a beach ball. Finding the third 'treasure' was a tad trickier since it bore no shine, and it definitely wasn't worth the effort: Only a bent metal fragment shaped as a sloppy number 8 lay adjacent, ending up in the trash bag.

"Déjà vu and so can you," Ed commented.

"That does it," Eddy decided, "They say third time's a charm, but I quit." Ed and Edd nodded in agreement.

"It was all a lie," Edd stated matter-of-factly, "'Apple rolls straight, potato stands tall. Look for a red dot on the stone wall.' Ugh. Someone should unearth their poetry lessons."

"Nah, maybe another time," Ed said, "Let's find a public trash bin."

"Excuse me, young ones," a male adult voice interrupted. The Eds turned to find a married couple trudge along up the hill towards them apparently also searching something out. By the emitted hay and dirt odors familiar of Rolf, the trio guessed that these lovebirds resided at one of the nearby farms.

"Hi," Ed greeted, "Can you be helped?"

"'New faces on the scene,'" Edd picked up, "'Were they friend or foe? What did they wish of the detectives?'"

"Double D," a groaning Eddy scolded, "You too?"

Edd giggled. "I couldn't resist."

"Name's Martha, and this is my husband Benedict," the woman introduced, "You see a funny-shaped key lyin' around here? We buried it someplace but can't remember where."

"How's it look?" Ed asked.

"Dull gray, bent at one angle, and resembles an '8'," Benedict answered. In response, the Eds greedily scrambled upon the trash sack until the metal fragment fell at the dumfounded man's feet, which he then picked up. "Um, thank you." Once the couple departed, another gleam set the boys back on track.

"Ow," Edd recoiled, "Like Jimmy said, that is annoying."

"Alright, no more fooling around," Eddy announced, "Ready, march!"

Minor fatigue accompanied perplexity amongst the ranks for the hike's remainder. Ed had quit eyeing Eddy's snack bag eerily and gained a bite or two in the process. Edd once more so desperately desired knowing where he recognized their current location, though Nadine's importance plummeted. His increased speed to reach the strange light source inspired his friends to momentarily crowd around for the map; therefore, none noticed the mysterious shapes from earlier remove from the cave no doubt whatever made the gleam. After a quick stop to dump both bags in a nearby trash bin, the Eds walked a little further and then turned to admire the view behind. "Wow," Ed began, "I can see our houses from here."

Edd stowed the map in his pocket by the same handkerchief he'd insisted on keeping. "Remarkable. We should've turned this into a calendar." Smaller hills and of course forest lost amid farmland outlined the landscape below. Peach Creek itself resembled a toy model with the Eds' neighborhood bordering invisible. They also noticed a creek-like canal running through a farm-based coalition district, possibly jutting from this very hill (although such had yet to be determined).

"Awesome," Eddy chimed, "Now for the cave." Stepping inside felt like the new mall's simulation room all over again, only with a bit more anxiety. Brown and black values complemented the white tinges from outdoors on the round rock walls. It boasted few jagged edges, much like the caves the preteens knew in preschool story books.

"This is so exciting," Ed declared, "Who needs a modified Boeing 747 and a space wormhole when we got legs and this cave? Hey, we should turn this into a clubhouse."

"I don't think the residents around here would allow it, Ed," Edd countered, "Although I admire it as much as the next explorer, this looks like a suitable location for an animal mauling."

"How come?" Eddy wondered, "See any wolves or cougars?"

"Nope. Still wondering where I remembered it." Suddenly, a pit opened up beneath the Eds' feet. They landed in a pile thankfully without sustaining injury but plenty aroused.

"Everyone alright?" a groaning Eddy asked, dusting himself off.

"Maybe it's for real," Ed decided, "But then again, I could be guessing too soon."

"Hmm…" Edd wondered, feeling the pit walls in observation. He also tapped his feet on the ground beneath. Both planes expressed fallal.

"What's up?" Eddy inquired.

"This wall and floor feel new," was the response, "Ed guessed too soon, alright. According to the feel and smell of bulwark and deck alike, somebody must've dug it weeks ago. They knew we'd come to Jimmy's rescue."

"Was it Kevin?" Ed asked.

"Although we can suspect him since he's acted mysterious lately, we mustn't yet consign blame. Either way, one culprit couldn't dig the pit alone."

"What're you suggesting?" Eddy wondered.

"I'm suggesting that we should obtain an adult's aid before continuing the trek…come to think of it, I should've asked…what was I thinking?" The word 'thinking' of course echoed above their heads, spooking some bats in the process. "Whoops. I spooked the bats' diurnal slumber. Aw, bless the cute little chiropterans."

"You're forgiven," Eddy assured, "Now let's leave the hole. Ed, it's boost time…Ed?"

Unconcerned about their current situation, the group muscle's sight remained fixated diagonally toward the cave's deeper chambers. After one finger-snapping near a cheek by Eddy and two claps nigh to the other cheek courtesy of Edd, Ed finally spoke. "I hear something, guys."

"It must wait, Ed," Edd informed, "We need executive supervision. You go up first." Following the boost out, Ed then grabbed Edd's hands and extracted him with Eddy clutching the group genius' ankles. The big guy had new plans traversing into deeper cave chambers in a quick walk whereas the other two preferred returning to the entrance.

"Is Ed crazy?" Eddy said.

"Ed! Wait up!" The two pursued their friend, taking care to tiptoe carefully around the pit's edges. For each step taken further, the cave naturally grew darker and darker.

"Argh. I can't see a whole lot. Didn't anyone bring a flashlight or somethin'?"

"Nope. Guess we all got wrapped up too much in adventure. Sorry, Eddy."

"More than that, we've gone a bit far and haven't met up with much. You'd think whoever lured us here might have…uh…uh…"

"Jutting spikes? Flying burning arrows? An amassed army?"

"Guard, booby trap, the works. Anyhow, we should've run into something more by now." Just then, Ed's screaming voice and what must've been a splash echoed ahead, thereby disturbing more bats. However, Edd and Eddy's highly distracted concern for their friend diminished chances of dodging or even flinching via wind generated by the rodent-like creatures' passing. "Hey, they are cute."

"Bless their hearts again." Edd then noticed a tinge of something interesting. "Is that light?"

"What?" The two rounded a corner and saw a second light source, unbeknownst to them different from the first. Some bluish-white toothpick shape with thorn-like projections optically became a squeezed teetotum. "What's with the sunroof?"

"I'm guessing a tectonically uplifted limestone concentration once composed that part of the ceiling, a lightning bolt struck here, or a group dug it decades ago. Whatever the case, the edges look too ancient to…" Eddy and Edd were so distracted by the feature that they never minded the decreasing distance towards another hole, much deeper than the last one. As a third echo rang without instigating a third wildlife disturbance, Ed caught their falling silhouettes and just barely dodged their plunge into the water below. Fortunately, none lost a thing upon resurfacing and bobbing.

"Hello, Eddy," Ed greeted, "Hello, Double D."

"Hey, Ed," Edd replied, "You okay?"

"Never better."

"Water?" Eddy wondered, "We came this entire way for a dip?"

"Don't be a spoil sport, Eddy," Ed said, "We were hot and sticky, don't deny it. For sure, this oughta be our new hideout where we can relax in the cold water all we want away from the stress of daily living; maybe even charge other people admission."

"Nice speech, Ed," Edd admitted, "Problem is, I now recognize the place."

"Yeah, so?"

"If my speculations are correct, this pit must catch rainwater from the ceiling gap. In turn, the cave itself serves as a natural yet synthetic water tower from which that canal we saw originates."

"And what's yer point?" Eddy asked.

"Don'tcha get it? We could drown or something! We gotta get outta here!"

"No good," Ed announced, scraping the walls, "It's too steep and loose to climb up."

"Anyone got a tool to get out?" Unfortunately, none of them did. "Great. Not to sound like a broken record, but we're stuck down here. This is too much sand for our trucks." Suddenly, the Eds felt themselves floating downwards akin to the lowering water level. "Uh oh. Now we've had it." Slow drainage yielded a descending torrent, bringing the group ever further down. The unwarranted 'ride' made time seemingly freeze over: There was no telling how long each preteen held his breath flowing along out of the mountain and into the same coalition's canal. The denizens of the area were especially shocked to see three young individuals narrowly escape possible future harm via defying the current and swimming right onto the shore like nothing. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Eddy and Ed's hats.

"Well, I'll be darned," a girl commented, "Those invasive mountain rats are gettin' bigger all the time."

"Ain't it the truth," a boy chimed. More fish-flopping preceded the Eds opening their eyes, staring back at the perplexed residents, standing back up once more, and recollecting themselves.

"Whoo!" Eddy declared, "Sweet carnival ride!"

"Yeah, now I know how coral pieces feel on the seaside any day," Edd added, withdrawing a wet handkerchief and crumpling a ruined map. (Just as quickly, he returned the items to his pocket.)

"No fooling," came Benedict's voice, him and Martha stepping up, "What were you kids thinking wandering inside the water tower like you owned it? Don't you understand only the caretakers can do that?"

"Well, we didn't see any signs," Ed pointed out.

"No matter," Martha countered.

"No matter?"

"No matter."

"Who are the caretakers?" Eddy asked.

"You're lookin' at 'em," Benedict replied, to which the group jolted, "Though, we've slacked in our duties recently. You ain't from around here, are you?"

"It's a long story," Edd said, "And to start off, we live a little ways near the city."

"You can tell us while we provide you a ride home," Martha spoke, "We'll let it slide this time, but there will be no future repeats. Understand?"

"Indeed," the Eds chorused.

Fortunately, parental enunciations wouldn't be an issue since Benedict and Martha decided against reporting the incident as long as the Eds cooperated. Once back on Rathink Avenue, the adults had one last word with the exiting trio who'd sat on towel-covered seats and almost stunk to high heaven (not that the couple minded, as their daily schedules amongst fields and trees defined). "Do you even realize the danger you put yourselves and the animals through?" Benedict said.

"Yes," Ed said, "We never meant the cute little bats any harm. I hope they understand."

"Us too," Martha added, "Because scaring bats out of their cave the ways you did can even kill them."

The Eds' eyes bulged. "Kill?" Edd squeaked, "Of course. Bats need their rest."

"Right," Benedict continued, "Mother bats may be dragged down and even lose their babies; don't ask how. Plus, some babies might not yet be ready for such a rush."

"Yeesh," Eddy admitted, "That's rough."

"Benedict and I also learned our lesson today," Martha said, "We should've known there was something odd about that boy in the green shirt and some companion of his with the fake-looking braided hair always coming around." The Eds looked shocked at this revelation but kept quiet. No one else stood in sight to bother minding the old van in front of Eddy's house. "You go on and enjoy yourselves now."

"Will do," Eddy said, "By the way, can we have a model of that water tower to use for making a new clubhouse?"

"We'll see," Benedict added, "And don't you forget what we talked about."

"Executive aid, we will get," Ed promised.

"Okay, goodbye!" the adults concluded, shutting the door and leaving a waving trio. Once the van was long gone, the Eds entered Eddy's yard daydreaming over what they'd do should they encounter the culprits.

"Ooh, just give me one minute alone with those creeps," Edd said, "One single minute. That's all I ask."

"Yeah," Eddy and Ed agreed.

"I bet they're waterlogged by now!" came Kevin's voice from the lane. Taking care not to make a single peep or get spotted, the Eds stood behind the backyard fence peering through spaces between each board. The sight of their worst enemy chatting with Nadine didn't strike them as deadly as what happened next. "Never saw it coming. What idiots."

"No fooling," Nadine agreed, "Good thing we knew the right shortcuts to throw them off with those dumb clues; remove that reflective sheet just before they arrived; and not get caught, all in the same outing. Good plan, Kevin."

"Well, I couldn't've done it without you…Fiona." Edd especially barely held back a squeak as 'Nadine' removed her jacket, baggy jeans, shaded spectacles, and brown braided hair – actually a wig – thereby revealing the biggest source of the pale boy's previous maladies. So he hadn't repelled her off after all. Eddy then motioned for Ed and Edd to follow him to his bedroom, and all three did so ever quiet.

"Whew!" Fiona declared, tying her trademark yellow bandanna back on, "Feels good to ditch the shell. My head's screamin'."

"C'mon, let's go do something else," Kevin coached. And just when the two entered the living room for some television, a knock came to the front door. "Visitors?" He and Fiona opened the door to greet a pair of toy spheres made of metal and plastic sail right over their heads out of thin air into the living quarters.

"What the?" Fiona wondered. But just as they turned around, a sudden gaseous emission turned the interior area into a foggy and stinky scene. The bullies coughed, gagged, and struggled to locate those spheres and eliminate them. "What in blazes? Kevin…we…we…" She couldn't finish her sentence whereas he couldn't continue speaking. From within the bushes on Eddy's lawn, the Eds watched in satisfaction.

"Heh," Eddy commented, "I can't believe our stink bombs worked. Move over, bro."

"Not bad, Eddy," Edd complimented, "You've practiced hard on their design."

"How long's it gonna last?" Ed wondered.

"It should be over by sundown," Eddy replied.

"I'd certainly hate to be in their place big time," Edd commented, "But as they say, one good deed deserves another." And the other two nodded in agreement: Kevin and Fiona did deserve it.

The End


	13. Look The Other Ed

Like vehicles on a lonely highway, the midpoint in the final week of summer vacation came and went. Only one weekend stood between the three previous leisure months and the upcoming nine-month drudgery. Besides how the Eds concluded an awry trip to some mountain-embedded water tower by pelting Kevin's house with stink bombs, did any leftover free time get wasted? Did this mean that the Eds and their neighbors now had nothing more to do than simply wait around? Of course not. As the residents would soon either learn or be reminded, in-between days weren't exempt from noteworthy incidents either.

It began early that Thursday morning as a construction worker strolled through the dump. His shift wouldn't start until after another twenty minutes or so, allowing opportunity to inspect the synthetic scenery. Odors never quite bothered him since he stood within a mild-scented section and knew worse. Rotting vegetables and moldy tissue paper hardly measured up to industrial and construction emissions, in fact. "Ah, what a day. New sunlight, new possibilities…" Noises – stomping; growling; and flung pieces of trash – suddenly cut the peace short once the worker neared a pile topped by a red truck. He barely stopped short with some stacked-up boxes falling over but went on about his business just as quickly. An old jar sliding off some metal slab on a separate pile and of course shattering upon impact hadn't much caught the man's attention either. But suspicion induced by an old refrigerator tumbling down a third pile at last did the job. "What on earth?"

The worker's eyes darted across the area, locating no other visible souls. Though, he did locate a mallet-shaped trash compactor smashing a car in the distance, much like what the Eds noticed during their one little 'Space Outlaws' escapade. Whew! One may wonder why the city council hadn't funded for larger and more efficient equipment. No wonder, so it seemed. A mysterious voice then destroyed the intended effect of the construction worker's relieved sigh. "How are you today?"

Again, the worker batted his head around. "Who's there?" No response came, so he repeated himself louder. "Hello? Who's there?" Still no response unless one counted some old rusty pipes tumbling down someplace near the entrance toward Park 'N Flush. The worker – running halfway in that direction – so fixated his gaze ahead that he didn't catch a sinister figure looming over atop a wrecked bus, replicating the morning of the Eds' treaty with the Kankers. The former then gained some guts in his next sentence. "I don't have time for this, okay? My pals and I are on a tight schedule." Nothing just yet. "I must warn you: If you make me fight you, I'll do just that." As if on cue, the perpetrator accepted the challenge.

"Aaarrgghh!"

"Wha?" It was too late to dodge the assault. All went black for the worker as the mysterious figure administered physical blows for no apparent reason. Nobody else witnessed a thing.

"Ed, what're you doing?" Edd questioned. The Eds currently stood in Eddy's backyard ignoring outside occurrences while continuing previous reminiscent activities. Still itching to execute his T-Rex scam, the short boy desired at least something such as maybe decorating that yard with a sculpture his height (there wasn't enough room for a life-size version) if not earning money. Ed and Edd stirred real cement this time – the former using his hands, the latter a mixing stick – rather than another funky mixture of plaster of Paris and clay. Eddy handled the wire framing precise as ever and was well almost finished with the lower torso half.

"I'm mixing the cement, just like you."

"With your hands? You'll irritate your skin. Why not just use a stick like I'm doing?"

"It's too late to stop 'im, Double D," Eddy spoke, sweat dripping down the forehead. Edd immediately withdrew a cloth and wiped his friend's brow dry. "Thanks. Say, didja get yer class schedule yet?"

"Not yet. I expect to find out during a visit at around 2:30 PM tomorrow."

"Strange. You usually get a schedule two weeks in advance and even let us all know."

"That's ten days, Eddy. And besides, we kids aren't alone with all these changes. Our parents have their share too."

"Think we'll share the same classes?" Ed wondered.

"Eh, it's possible," Edd assumed, "We might share at least one or two together, but…"

"How 'bout the Kankers? Will they share any classes together? How 'bout all six of us?"

"Ed, you know what I told you about interrupting others. Never thought I'd hope for something physical. Anyhow, you'll just have to wait until we've endured an entire routine day. Eh, by the way, Eddy: You sure your parents won't mind our current usage of adhesive mixtures and metal alloy threads?"

"Nope. They were gonna throw it out until I asked if **I** could use it as long as I cleaned up my mess and didn't break anything. So basically, they'll thank us fer using leftovers wisely."

"Good for you, Eddy. That's showing insight." Clanging metal suddenly interrupted all current activity. The Eds paused their sculpturing, sauntered toward the backyard fence, and glimpsed the startling cause. Neither crane nor steamroller barricaded a single word of which the adults' mouths emitted. (Ed didn't even notice the hardening cement on his hands.)

The same construction worker hanging around the dump had entered the construction site, disoriented as if returning from a bear mauling: mussed-up hair, torn clothing, scratches, bruises, and a missing helmet. None of his colleagues yet noticed him until his uncoordinated arm knocked into a chain holding back some pipes and therefore making a mess. Thankfully, nobody sustained injury (or in this man's case, further injury). Shock rang high. "Sorry I'm late."

"Ryan, what happened to you?" another worker asked.

"Meet an upset grizzly?" a third suggested.

"Sure feels that way," Ryan puffed, "I was mugged."

"By a grizzly?" the third one repeated.

"No, a human being. I was just exploring the nearby dump..."

"Sorry to interrupt, but why the dump?" a fourth worker questioned, "Scavenger hunt or something?"

"Just felt like taking a walk, exploring the place. Nothing major."

"But the dump?" the first colleague spoke, "Why not something more natural and less stinky, like the surrounding forest?"

"Don't ask, okay? For the last time, I felt like exploring the dump for no particular reason. I was just minding my own business when some maniac popped outta nowhere and pounced on me. And if that's not bad enough, he – or maybe she – cracked my helmet and made off with half my cash." A recoiling Ryan then clutched his pained backside. "Not only that, but the creep kneed me in the back."

"Wow, fantastic story," the fourth speaking worker commented, immediately doing a double-take, "Er, I mean, let's get you to a doctor."

"I'll call the cops," a fifth announced, darting towards Eddy's backyard gate while the rest of the procession led Ryan away. The pink boy's next words hinting how the trio overheard everything crystal-clear might've surprised that one worker had the situation been less dire.

"Need a phone?" Ed asked.

"That's correct, kiddo."

"All yours," Eddy permitted, opening the gate door, "Door's unlocked." Objections were nonexistent from then on up to the worker's entrance into the house. With that done, the Eds contemplated the situation themselves.

"Imagine," Edd began, "A mugger, running amuck in our neighborhood. What's the world coming to when you can't construct a simple archosaur in the inviolability of one's domicile?"

"Why're you so surprised?" Eddy said, "Fiona scarred you for life a while, but that one guy got half his wallet emptied."

"Oh, whatever. Either way."

"Hey, think she's behind it?" Ed suggested.

"It's possible," Edd continued, "Seeing as how I've experienced that girl's wrath firsthand, I wouldn't doubt her abilities. For now, we can only let it play out further and hope nothing worse develops." He then laid eyes on Ed's hands with the tall boy and Eddy following suit. "Ed…"

"Uhhhh…" Ed spoke, "…Can I still be the dino head?" Edd shook his head as they all returned to their work. Soon, a new mishap acted as a second interruption.

"Mmph…eep…unh…" Eddy spared no second tying knots in the wiring and shaping it in his best efforts. Nevertheless, the stringy metal and its privileged usage only extended so far; the pink boy could continue no further than the sculpture's waist and had to give up. "Fooey." Ed and Edd stopped at their friend's voice. "I'm all outta wiring. You guys got any lying around yer places?" The two exchanged glances, thought it over, faced Eddy, and shook their heads no. "Double fooey. Oh well, I guess we can just buy some at that nearby pawn shop."

"Do we have enough money?" Edd asked.

"Oh yeah. Remember the chocolate pear cake I shared with the Jala and Almas families and of course our happy neighbors? You know, from the tour we gave Werf and Sharon? Our last jawbreakers with the girls didn't exhaust all the funds: I still got a stash of $4.70."

"Won't you need more?" Ed added, dissolving Eddy's cheerful mood. $4.70 would definitely buy a middle-sized box filled of jawbreakers to the top, but metal wiring was another story. Good thing Edd stood nearby providing semi-good news.

"I noticed an interesting ordeal when I passed the shop on my paper route this morning. They seem to be having a sale…" A mystified Edd stopped in mid-sentence and looked towards Eddy's other neighbors' house. "What on earth?"

"Yeah, Double D?" Ed picked up, "You said you noticed an interesting ordeal?"

"That's weird," the medium boy continued, "For a minute there, I thought I saw something or someone trespass on the property next door. Not Kevin's, mind you. Erm, anyway, like I was saying…huh?" Another image skirted the corner of Edd's eyes, slightly larger and heading in the direction opposite of Ed's house. Eddy and Ed looked towards the street as well, the former a tad edgy.

"What's yer problem, Double D?" Eddy asked.

"I can't say other than I keep seeing this weird…thing. I…I…"

Just then, the same construction worker requiring the use of a phone exited the house. Whatever invoked Edd's spooked feeling was immediately forgotten albeit temporarily. "Thanks for letting me make a call, kids."

"Howdy-do and I mean you," Ed nonsensically replied, "You're welcome, toughie." The worker just eyed him strangely before exiting the yard.

"Okay, sockhead, you were saying?" Eddy spoke.

"Right. I saw a clearance sale at the pawn shop…" Edd's spooked mood returned with the faint glimpse of a third shape even larger than the last two. Facing the street one more time revealed nothing, but at least the shared feeling written all over Eddy and Ed's faces meant they now believed the group genius. Edd anxiously gritted his teeth. "There it is again."

"Who or what was that?"

"It looked like a bloated coyote warrior made of rusty nails and shredded gray and black crepe paper," Ed related, "Or its shadow, anyway. Then again, I see too much."

"Oh, I give up," Edd said, "I'll tell you everything on the way. Shall we proceed?" The Eds did that just as soon as (A) Eddy locked his doors, (B) Ed crumpled the hardened cement on his hands, (C) Eddy covered the wire frame with a tarp and using rocks to hold down the corners, and (D) all of them found a suitable place to stow the cement vat without worrying about the contents hardening. Once outside of the front lawn, and five steps into the walk, the group genius glanced back just in time to notice a rustling in the hedge separating Eddy's property from that of his other neighbors. Edd then quickly faced ahead again and ignored it.

Although they came to purchase more metal wiring, the Eds spent a few hours ogling over the various treasures within (paying passing sirens almost no attention). Such made plenty sense since they'd either couldn't remember their last visit or never previously had a chance to visit. In any case, the trio was well out the door after taking advantage of the aforementioned clearance sale albeit with less wiring than intended. "That's a lotta neat stuff," Ed commented upon exiting.

"Yeah," Eddy added, clutching a strong plastic bag, "$3.99 for one sack of metal wiring. Now that's what I call a bargain."

"To be exact, only six yards," Edd reminded, "You sure that's all you need?"

"Relax. If I need more, I can sell another baked treat or whatever. And once this mugger deal blows over, I'll even search the dump just to be on the safe side." Passing Edd's house with inches separating them from the corner, the trio stopped short at seeing an injured Nazz and Johnny – clutching aching backsides – being escorted away by their parents no doubt to the local clinic. Plus, the latter had apparently lost Plank. "Johnny? Nazz?"

The sextet then also stopped for a short chat. "Ohhhhhh…it hurts," Nazz groaned.

"And what happened to you two?" Ed asked, "Get hit by a car?"

"No, some shady character beat 'em up," Johnny's mother answered, "Good thing the cops called us from work when they did."

"Get a glimpse of the creep's face?" Edd inquired.

"Nope," Johnny puffed, "They stole Plank…ooh, but our backs hurt the worst…I still feel his or her knee riding up…"

"OUCH!" both kids cried.

"Come along," Nazz's father ordered. And once the six left, the Eds said nothing at the sight of what lay within the cul-de-sac. One police car was parked in front of both houses with a second occupying the area dominated by Eddy and Ed's common yet unknown neighbors. Three officers inspected the residence-separating foliage – Nazz's location of assault – while two more hunched over the shrub bordering Johnny's garage where the melon-headed boy got attacked. Yellow tape naturally barricaded both spots. Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, and some other adults (except Eddy's parents) stood by from a safe enough distance but also plenty close to observe all. The crowd didn't mind the Eds making their way through to the front. Moreover, no one could continue minding construction din since the earlier mugging of Ryan had unofficially postponed it.

"Sheesh," Eddy commented.

"Worse than we expected," Edd added, willing to state the obvious.

A second or two of staring passed before a cop from the highly foliated section addressed the crowd. "Okay, people. We got this situation down pat, so it's advised you stay in your homes until further notice." The obedient crowd retracted back into their abodes without another word. However, that same cop held the Eds back for one last say. "Hey, boys."

"Ummm…" the trio hummed.

"Officer Carter at your service."

Carter was a pretty strange sight to behold, uniform and all. One of his cuspids had a brownish-gold tinge reflecting light like freshly smelted chrome. His right hand was plenty chapped whereas the left hand appeared as if it'd absorbed too much petroleum jelly. Also, a decal on the right shoulder of the man's uniform seemed poorly woven according to Edd. But the Eds said nothing. "What did we do?" Ed asked.

"Nothing. I just noticed you had a wire model lyin' around in one o' your yards. Better stow it before the Kneepan Mugger comes back."

"Oh," Eddy said, "Right."

"Kneepan Mugger?" Edd wondered.

"Yep," Carter continued, "Nasty fellow. His trademark is kicking victims' backs in with his left knee. We've been on his trail for two months, and the dirty parasite always seems to elude us."

"What does 'kneepan' mean?" Ed asked.

"Just another name for 'kneecap', or 'patella'," Edd explained, "In reference to this mugger's knee kicking like Officer Carter just told us."

"You're a smart kid," Carter complimented.

"It's the Kneepan Mugger!" a cop near Johnny's house declared. Everyone else had already slammed their doors shut when the voice echoed. The Eds dashed for Eddy's house not looking back as the officers chased the mugger through the space between Johnny and Nazz's houses, underneath the nearby electrical utility lines, and into the forest opposite of that bordering Park N' Flush.

While the entire group split off in various directions after surpassing the introductory three feet of dense growths, the same shady figure stepped out from behind a thick tree with a twin standing across. Eyes darting upon what appeared to be a camera tube hidden inside a hollowed-out opening just inches above his head, the first figure stood on his toes to pull out a tiny illusionary projector: a small metal tube with a ring of tiny lenses orbiting one large lens on the end; an on/off button on the other end; a twisting mechanism like a screw-on sodapop bottlecap for optional distortion; and focusing buttons reaching a distance of 205 miles. Holding the device and moving it around certainly affected the second figure, but the first – either the mugger or an accomplice – turned it off, thereby making the second disappear. He then put it in his pocket and glanced back toward the neighborhood.

Meanwhile, the Eds greeted an empty backyard (and outer surroundings in general, as nobody else had yet departed the sanctity of their homes) save for the covered-up wire model. An opened back door led to their heads searching about for absurd activity, only to find none. "Is it safe?" Ed wondered.

"Beats me," Eddy said, still clutching the pack of wire. They stood vigil on the back deck, listened momentarily, and found nothing.

"Everything sure seems in order," Edd assumed, "Let's get those things inside before you-know-what happens." Ever cautious, the Eds stepped lightly and continued listening for anything out of the ordinary. Edd stuffed the tarp into his pocket before helping the other two hoist the mode. Possible danger made gathering up said items into a long-winded process. Pupils darted furiously, bodies slinked like cats, heads bobbed, shoulders tightened, and feet click-clacked. Fortunately, the boys reentered Eddy's house without bruise or scratch; set the model down in the hallway (Edd also withdrew the folded-up tarp and placed it on an end table); breathed a relieved sigh; and leaned up against the wall.

"Too close, I tell ya," Eddy commented, "Too close."

"Couldn't've said it better," Edd agreed, "What a way to end summer vacation. The cops better catch that mugger fast."

"Guys, do you think we're missing something?" Ed spoke.

"What could we be…?" Edd began, temporarily cut off by realization, "Hold the cameras. You don't think the mugger paid the girls and their mom a visit, do you?"

"The girls've shown us time and time again that they can take care o' themselves," Eddy put in, "But, let's go make sure."

"Hold on," Edd decided, "A phone call is in order, to start off." Making use of his friend's home phone, the group genius quickly dialed the Kankers' number which all three had earlier memorized in wake of their new relationships. Five rings preceded a recorded message from the local telephone company.

"Hello," the voice said, "Either the number you have dialed is no longer in service, or the residents are currently unavailable. Please try again…"

Edd hung up before the message concluded. "Oh well," he shrugged, "It was worth a shot."

"Forget that," Eddy said, "Let's move."

Again, the Eds encountered no conflict during the stroll into the trailer park. More police tape barricaded the path towards the dump and stood all around the static construction site. By the time the boys located and crossed a creek bridge, new suspicion entering the fray reached Ed first. "You know, Officer Carter must have x-ray vision."

"What makes you say that?" Eddy questioned.

"He knew we had a wire model under the tarp, and we didn't tell him."

"Must've taken a peek around Eddy's property," Edd suggested, "He is a cop."

"Yeah, but I have a sense in these things, Double D. Unless the wind blew earlier and we missed it, the stones holding the tarp down were the same way we left 'em. Or maybe…"

"Ah, just save it for later," Eddy picked up, "Besides, we're here." Standing before the Kankers' trailer (their van absent), Edd knocked but received no answer. A second knocking gave the same results. "Hello-oooo? Anybody home?"

"Hmm…" Edd speculated. After a third knocking provided more zilch, the boys took the direct approach via skimming the area and peeking through the windows. Good thing no wreckage or otherwise sullied the trailer's interior. Had the situation been different, they in fact might've been impressed rather than perturbed by the sight of clean rooms. For all they knew, the Kneepan Mugger no doubt disguised his tracks with a quick cleanup. "Well…"

Suddenly, the crunching of leaves and twigs distracted them from further investigation and inspired curiosity. "Where'd that come from?" Eddy wondered.

"I think over there," Ed announced, pointing towards the growths bordering the dump.

"Think it's the mugger?" Edd added.

"Probably," Eddy guessed, "Let's sneak up on 'im." More crunching sounds drew the Eds nearer and nearer. Following usage of trailers and other vehicles as hiding places, only a few feet worth of empty space stood between them and the trees. "Who's there?" When no one answered the group leader's call, what else could they do but foolishly dash over for discovery. What they found which immediately ran off provided short-lived relief. "Oh, nothing big."

"What?" Ed asked.

"Just another of Mother Nature's cute and innovative specimens," Edd said.

"What?" Ed asked again, "What was it?"

"Just a squirrel," Eddy replied.

"Sciurus carolinensis, or the eastern gray squirrel," Edd defined, "Common squirrel of Eastern North America."

"Nicely put as usual, Double D," Eddy complimented, "Now, let's leave." The three departed the forest but got no further before a net spontaneously dropped on them. "What in blazes?" Eddy yelled, struggling alongside his friends to remove it.

"Spiders!" Ed cried, "They're gonna eat our brains!"

"Spiders didn't make this, Ed!" Edd argued, "And they're not that lethal! Get it off…get it off…"

"Where'd it come from?" Eddy continued, "Ooh, wait'll I get my hands on the wiseacres!"

"That's Mister and Miss Wiseacre, thank you very much," came a male voice, halting the struggling trio's efforts.

"Kevin?" Ed said, "Where are you?"

"Kevin," Eddy growled through his teeth, "So what else is new?"

"And unless you didn't hear 'im the first time, he's not alone," came a female voice.

"Fiona," Edd growled through his teeth.

"That's right," the bullies confirmed, stepping into view out from the deeper growths.

"So, where'd you twerps think you were goin'?" Kevin taunted.

"Yeah, you thought we'd let you stink up my pal Kevin's house just like that?" Fiona added.

"Oh, look," Eddy retorted, "The vengeful nimrods. Beat it, creeps, we got you fair and square."

"That's what they all say," Kevin continued as he and his accomplice began pummeling the trapped preteens, "And to think we forgot the backup plan we had handy in case you tried pulling one over us after we lured you into that water tower. Problem was, we neither had enough time to set up everything else nor knew how to lure you here. So basically, it was a long shot."

"A successful long shot," Fiona chimed.

Although the net greatly restrained the Eds during the first half-minute of fighting, they nevertheless held their own pretty well against the bullies. Opportunity almost presented itself through Fiona and Kevin foolishly lunging at the Eds; halted by the soles of the trapped boys' feet; shoved backward; and coming back before the Eds escaped. "This is foolish," Edd said between exchanged blows, "Why don't you both just forfeit this charade and go home?"

"After how you stunk up my house?" Kevin shot back, "Think again. You started this, we're finishing it."

"More like making the odds uneven," Ed contradicted. The bullies lunged a second time albeit a bit slower and practically held the struggling Eds down.

"How's it feel to be down and low?" Kevin taunted again.

"Mess with these celebrities, pay the price," Fiona taunted.

"Get off us!" the Eds yelled, shoving the two backward once more.

"Wrong as usual," Eddy mouthed off, "You two brought this upon yerselves." Having taken enough, Kevin and Fiona advanced on the three like spilled juice oozing gently on a countertop. But before the commotion continued, Ed caught the first distant distraction.

"Anybody hear that?"

"Hear what?" Fiona said.

"Yeah, I hear it too," Eddy said, him and Edd putting hands up to ears.

"Hear what?" Kevin repeated.

"Haven't you two heard the latest news?" Edd questioned, "There's a mugger on the loose. That might be him right now."

"We don't hear a thing," Fiona continued, "You wimps are just stallin' yer funerals." A loud twig-snapping made the degenerate girl eat her words, thereby spooking all five preteens. Rather than ask questions, however, the still-curious bullies disappeared back into from where they came. As the Eds took this opportunity to finally remove the net, the pair's pained yelps spooked them.

"That can't be good," Eddy stated. So the trio followed the same path and found Kevin and Fiona sprawled over in one of the outgrowth's dimmest sections. Clutching pained backsides, these two didn't look as beaten.

"Uh, I'm guessing you just met the Kneepan Mugger," Ed said.

"Duh!" Kevin retorted, "What, you think we paid an ice-cream vendor a visit?"

"Ouch!" Fiona moaned, "That knee's still drilling for oil! I haven't got any!"

"Now that's what I call humbling," Edd commented, arms crossed and a bit oblivious to other things, "You know, Fiona, I see you've gained more human equanimity since our scuffle at the dump. I remember when you used to be…"

"Double D, look out!" Ed interrupted, pushing the group intellectual out of harm's way. Edd had been so caught up in rubbing Fiona's infliction in her face that he hadn't noticed the mugger's outline inside the upper shadows whereas the others did. In saving his friend, Ed also grabbed the assailant in mid-air by his leg and flopped on the ground wrestling him. The mugger pushed on Ed's face using the other leg but couldn't break the group muscle's grip. And just before the adult criminal grabbed a weapon from a hidden sheath in his pants (most likely a knife), Eddy acted as backup.

"Oh, no, you don't!" The group leader seized the mugger's wrist and bit down, making the mugger scream. It never lasted as Edd punched the adult's forehead hard, knocking him out cold and ending the struggle. The Eds then stood up to catch their breath while the other cops reached the scene.

"What's going on?" one cop asked, "We heard screaming."

"I'll only say it once: This…is…the…mugger," Eddy announced, pointing at the unconscious individual in question.

"Well, well," another cop commented, "The one who gave us the slip slipped up." Removing the mugger's mask and thereby unveiling his identity increased the mutual shock.

"Officer Carter?" Edd and Eddy cried.

"I knew it!" Ed declared, "It wasn't just coincidence he knew about our model! He's the one we saw sneaking around earlier!"

"And what have we here?" a third cop chimed, noticing and pulling out something shiny from the criminal's pocket, "The experimental projector he stole from the laboratory far north of here three weeks ago."

"Criminy, criminy, criminy," a fourth officer said, "How dumb can we get."

Two processions dotted the suburbs a bit later. Kevin's father and both of Fiona's parents did like the two families before them, escorting their disobedient offspring to the clinic. The Eds' story about the two netting them hardly surprised the three adults. It turns out Kevin and Fiona picked a bad time leaving their parents in the dark over their whereabouts, what with a mugger on the loose. "How many times, Kevin?" his father asked, "How many times have I told you to let us know beforehand wherever it is you plan taking a spin?"

"Mmm…" Kevin groaned.

"Don't answer that. What am I gonna…?" But the father thought better of asking that age-old question and instead shook his head. "Never mind."

"You're lucky to be alive, Fiona," her mother chipped in, "The mugger was carrying a weapon. Good thing he didn't use it on you or Kevin, and that his kick was non-fatal. Others haven't had it as good."

"Don't remind me," Fiona groaned.

"Either way, this vacation's done," Fiona's father decided, "But passing sentence won't start until the trip home."

Back in the neighborhood, one of the real cops made the final adjustments to the delirious rogue officer's restraint before both cars drove away. The Eds didn't get punished like all three assailants, rather bombarded by emotional overloads. Eddy's parents especially poured on hugs since they arrived home only just minutes ago and wished they would've come sooner. "Okay, okay," the pink boy assured, "I forgive you times infinity." And the Eds broke away.

"We'll join you for dinner soon," Edd said, "In the meantime, we just need a moment to think." The acknowledging family members nodded and retreated to their houses. Most others had done the same by now whereas a few still wandered about casually. As for construction, everybody may as well assume it wouldn't resume again until tomorrow.

"What a journey," Ed commented, "What an…an…"

"Innate?" Edd suggested, "Inefficacious?"

"Uh, yeah…oh, I can't think of anything."

"Huh," Eddy put in, "Guess the sculpture project's finished fer now."

"You should save it, Eddy," Ed suggested, "You know, just in case one of our teachers has us do something special?"

"Yeah, I think I will. The model's good to go already, but now I gotta toss the cement and the container holding it. Triple fooey."

"Oh well," Edd shrugged, "At least we got Fiona and Kevin off our backs again. Even though we could've worked harder at it a lot sooner, but still."

"That reminds me," Ed remembered, "Kevin lives here with us, but is Fiona gone for good now?"

"It seems that way. I heard her father mention something about ending the vacation just as they departed, but we won't know for quite a while. Speaking of which, I just thought of one more thing."

"What?" Eddy and Ed asked.

"Those creeps tricked us into 'swimming' through a water tower and then dropped that net on us, the second of which they claimed to be a 'backup plan'. Do you suppose they've more traps set up around Peach Creek?" Edd grew a tad paranoid. "Maybe even right by our homes?"

"If so, I've had enough mysteries and traps for one week," Eddy said, stretching his arms, "I can't spare any more energy for a search."

"Me neither," Ed agreed, "Think the girls are okay?"

"I hope so," Eddy continued, "I'll give 'em a call right when I get home."

"I'll follow up within a half hour," Edd volunteered, "Or, you can just let me and Ed know."

"And I'll keep an eye out in the trees in my backyard until one of you calls," Ed added, "But if they're not home…well…"

"We'll know tomorrow," Edd finished.

The three eyed each other for a few seconds, uncertain. "Right," they chorused. And without another thought, they too retreated their separate ways home.

The End


	14. Hang Edround Today

How relaxation and excitement fluctuated with no apparent cause came naturally for adults since they handled encoded schedules, but kids exuded the opposite feeling. One day youthful vigor filled the streets, the next day static. Couldn't they make up their minds anymore? Probably not, but a good reason backed a mutual story. Friday and Saturday were plenty exciting in their own right though not as much as expected no thanks to the Kneepan Mugger. But his victims would recover soon; the cops also recovered Plank around the area the Eds fell the criminal. So what did the upcoming Sunday hold for all? Would it be playful or serious? Would anyone get hurt? As usual, nobody knew for sure.

The Eds hadn't yet given other activities a second thought like the dinosaur sculpture of which they resumed after obtaining class schedules (surprisingly) and purchasing school supplies in the past two days. Ironically, neither they nor the other kids saw the Kanker family even once for all that time. And being the sisters' boyfriends, the Eds of course felt the most concerned. Although each member knew sufficient self-defense, they still had their limits. Anyhow, only a cement-laden wire ankle at present composed a fraction of the entire reptilian presentation soon to come. "Scoop, splatter, smooth, repeat," Ed chanted. His words clearly defined the working cycle all three followed: scooping cement with adhesive tools; slopping it onto the sculpture; smoothing it out; and restarting. Eddy stood to his left, Edd farther around, and the vat directly behind Eddy.

"Ed, please stop," Eddy ordered, "That's annoying."

SPLAT! "Hey!" Eddy and Ed both cried, leaping aside as cement globules from below flew up. Edd felt uncharacteristically energetic enough that morning to perform a shoddy job like the other two did back when painting their old treehouse. Now covered nearly halfway in adhesive speckles, the said pair just as quickly stood up again brushing themselves off.

"Mmpph!" a muffled Edd panicked, "Mmphh! Mmmppphh!"

"What're you mumbling…" Eddy began, only to stop short after looking his friend's way with Ed doing the same, "…about?" By now, hardened cement almost completely covered Edd's front side. Exchanging glances, the exasperated two neared him and started beating off the fragile shell despite his pained yelps. "Go figure."

"Mmph! Mmph! Mmph!"

"Yeah," Ed agreed, "And he tells us to be tidy?" Three last brushing motions preceded Edd's next words.

"Okay, but you don't hafta rub it in. Anxiety will displace one's natural character into a mirror tone."

"Sorry," Eddy apologized, "But that's the fourth time you've done that all morning. We're worried all the same about the Kankers too."

"More than that, Eddy: I can't wait to start a new school year. Oh, just several more hours! Chemistry…mathematics…gym class…here I come!"

"Gym class, huh?" Ed said, "You mean you're allowed to take it again?"

"Feel that muscle," Edd offered, flexing his one arm. Eddy and Ed let one pointer finger each do the talking through making contact with a rock-solid biceps brachii. "The past is the past. I have Howard Arnst and Fiona to thank."

"Indeed, you do," Eddy spoke. Picking up their adhesive tools and preparing to continue sculpting, the Eds encountered a surprise in the form of an empty vat. "Uh oh. We're outta cement, and my money stash is used up." They dropped their tools once more. "Okay, now what?"

"Well, it's been a while since you cooked or baked your last dish. Have anything new you wanna show us?"

"I guess…"

"Ooh!" Ed volunteered, raising his hand as if in a classroom, "This is an easy one! My garage is still full of lots of stuff!"

"Why're you reminding us?" Edd asked.

"My parents could use three…er, I mean six…or one…but we each got two, so that makes it….then again…"

"Ed," an exasperated Edd and Eddy groaned.

"Oh, who am I fooling? They're cleaning out the garage and could use some extra helping hands."

"Spiffy," Eddy decided, "Let's go help."

Shortly after cleaning up the mess in Eddy's yard and stowing the partial sculpture, the boys went over to Ed and Sarah's house aiding their parents with said task. As the Eds last remembered from their short-lived knowledge quest, the garage looked no different from a stuffed turkey. Countless furniture and other mishmash had been so crammed into place that a distant observer might've thought it became on its own either a wall or else one big cube (it basically did fit the second assumption). Of course, seven individuals – the Eds; the man and woman of the house; and Sarah and Jimmy – alleviated such domestic gridlock. Dressers, appliances, small tables, book-filled boxes, and so forth blanketed the driveway like a mix between a kitchen, a toy store aisle, and a map of the neighborhood itself. Only when the parents and Eddy stood around a corner inside the garage (the former by a pile of dirty tools and the latter handling a large package near the door to the kitchen) did the father voice gratitude. "Young man, we can't thank you boys enough for your services."

"No problem," was the reply.

"And we didn't even have to ask you," the mother added, "That's what I call service. Now if only we could solve our second problem."

"Downtown storage?"

"No, not that," the father continued, "The two of us feel like we're forgetting something, but we can't place it."

Eddy stood up holding the package. "What's there to forget?" Unintentionally and unwittingly smacking his load up against the wall loosened a light fixture covering by the door which shattered right on the boy's head. "Gah!" No one else noticed a thing until he screamed. Sarah, Jimmy, Ed, and Edd all temporarily froze as the parents came to the preteen's aid.

"Whoops," the father commented, "Bell ringer."

"Am I bleeding?"

"Nope," the mother assured, both adults eyeing Eddy's scalp and brushing off the pieces, "Good thing we used plastic instead of glass."

"No joking," the father agreed, "At least now we remember what we forgot. You've one hard head, kiddo." The parents then couldn't help giggling with a dumbfounded Eddy soon joining in, and the assured others returned to work.

"Sorry, dear," the mother said between chuckles, "We shouldn't make fun of you."

"Aw, no biggie," Eddy assured. It nevertheless halted when the parents caught themselves, held up three certain fingers as peace signs, and took deep breaths. Weird faces, jolting shoulders and eyes, and strange breathing patterns tickled Eddy's funny bone all the more. But the pink boy's nervousness returned through his slow procedure towards the main garage entrance after the parents walked away resuming their task.

Just inches away, Jimmy and Sarah had themselves a second setup replicating a city: smaller appliances and toys arranged like buildings with large boxes along the wall for a border. Also, a half-filled trash bag stood between them and the adults. At present, the youngsters rested while observing their work. "Looks good," Jimmy commented, "What next?"

"It just needs something between the northwestern blender tower and the radio condominiums," Sarah noted, "Hmm…"

"What's this?" Jimmy wondered, picking up some rubber toy resembling a medical pump for taking one's pulse attached to something like an opaque plastic sandwich bag (only more firm). Whereas the pump squeaked with each squeeze, the blond boy felt the weight of the bag portion and heard some liquid slosh around inside. "Look, Sarah."

"Whatcha got there, Jimmy?" A suspicious Sarah held the object a distance away from them both, squeezed the pump, and they both expected a prank. But they breathed a relieved sigh when nothing happened. "Huh. A dud." Placing it on the floor, a curious Sarah stepped on the pump and ate her previous words. A well-disguised opening squirted a stinky navy liquid (no doubt the bag's contents) all over the pair's faces.

"Evil!" Jimmy yelled, stomping relentlessly on the toy in retaliation, "Evil toy! Evil toy!" He paused for a moment. "Your turn, Sarah."

The redhead gladly accepted the offer and jumped in place for the toy's further punishment. More liquid sprayed, splattered, and dappled the section and its occupants. "Unh! Unh! Unh! Down! Down, you stupid idiot! Down!" That's when the parents interrupted.

"Okay, that's enough exertion," the mother said, restraining the kids while the father tossed the toy, "You enjoyed it too much."

"And made a bigger mess," the father added.

Back outside, Eddy just finished positioning the one package on the front lawn and was on his way back inside. Meanwhile, Ed and Edd made sure every removed object used space wisely without blocking anyone's path or damaging each other. All seemed well until Kevin (vainly hiding his injured condition from the Kneepan Mugger) passed by observing the display. Nevertheless, the pair minded their manners. "Um, hello Kevin," Edd greeted, "How's your back?"

"Who wants to know?" was the response, "You holding another lame garage sale again?"

"Nah, just cleanup," Ed spoke, "This stuff's been stuffed a long time."

Kevin stared at them, shook his head, and walked away. "Welcome to Dorkville."

"Oh, yeah?" Ed shot back, "Well, you're nothing but a…a…darn, I can't think of anything."

"Dorkville?" Edd wondered, "The mugger sure hit Kevin hard; that insult doesn't even make sense…yipes!" A sideways glance revealed a torn, dirty blanket strewn over Ed's head. Gashes and stains created the illusion of an injured face. Furthermore, neither they nor anyone inside minded three new echoing voices.

"Arrrgghhh!" Ed pretended, holding up his arms, "I am Commander Steelhead! Sole survivor of the ruins at the bottom of Lake Chelan! Cower before me!"

But a calmer Edd's thoughts lay elsewhere according to how he pulled his shirt over mouth and nose and waved the air. "Phew!"

"Yeah, you better be scared, bellyacher! The scars on my face are proof of my twenty-in-a-row victories!"

"The word you're looking for is 'consecutive', Ed. And besides, that blanket reeks."

Ed pulled it off. "Aw, is that all you can say?"

"Where did you find it?" But Edd's eyes widened just as Ed nearly answered, so the former promptly cut off the latter. "Er, never mind, don't answer. Just get rid of it."

"Okay. But you must still give Commander Steelhead all the food in your pantry."

"Ed, please toss it." CRASH! Again, everybody halted at a loud accidental disturbance. Whoever took their turn after Kevin observing the display had knocked over one of several old dressers missing its drawers. The impact split part of one side and two entire inner supports. The stunned duo's eyes glided upward slowly to meet the equally stunned Kanker sisters eye to eye. Lee's pose divulged her guilt.

"Oopsie," May said.

That's when the parents, Sarah, Jimmy, and Eddy ran out with all eyes laid on the ruined furniture piece. "What on earth?" Jimmy said.

Pointing at herself with her thumb, Lee's confession came out machine gun-style. "I did it. **I** did it. Me. My sisters and I were just lookin' at all this neat stuff and I bumped up against this dresser and one thing led to another and…and…"

The father held up a hand. "Okay, okay. Just take a breather."

Lee recollected herself. "Anyway, I'll clean up this mess and pay for the damage."

According to the mother's next humorous words, however, both adults worried over matters other than property damage. "Down the mountain it plummets. I guess that's one way of handling the garbage."

"Garbage?" Marie wondered, all present children confused by the parents' giggling.

"Yep," the father answered, "One of the musty, rotting ones. We were gonna toss it out ourselves, so we'll dispense with any fines this time. Just try to be more careful, you know?"

"Right," Lee said. Each sister then grabbed an edge and proceeded in hauling the dresser over to the nearest dumpster.

"Room for three more?" Eddy offered, him and his friends joining in.

A dump truck trudged through the lane like a slug of course toward the dump two hours later. The trash from Ed and Sarah's house wasn't to blame since it offered relatively little (the parents recycled, reused, or gave away everything else) and the vehicle had been around town quite a bit. No, it turns out the cockpit contained a young rookie driver whose attitude contrasted the calm senior tutor: gritted teeth; hardened face muscles; tensed shoulders; and bad posture. Being new at this business was all the needed reason for such mental intensity. The apologetic Eds and Kankers couldn't help giggling although they attempted disregarding it. "Whew," Marie commented as the truck disappeared into the distance, "They're gonna have a real field day at the dump."

"Eh, let's just move on," Eddy decided, "Long time, no see…again. How've you girls been?"

"Did everything work out okay with yer mom?" Ed added.

"Sure did," May answered, "She still doesn't talk much, but at least she's a little more cheerful now."

"That's wonderful," Edd said, "Just like the upcoming school year which, might I add, is approximately 12½ hours from this point."

"A little more info than needed, but oh well," Lee said, "Anyone got any suggestions how ta use it up?" So began a contemplation moment, ending just as quickly when the others all eyed Marie's inspired expression.

In a familiar rural community shortly after lunch, six sets of young lungs gently breathed in the fresh mountain air. (Once more, all except Edd needed put on caps to prevent getting ticks.) Seeing the same canal as before made the Eds laugh internally about their previous misadventure here. Despite premature autumn weather affixing the welcome ambience, everything felt all too new for the boys since their last visit provided little or no opportunity to truly appreciate the locale. So, they basically endured the girls' same curiosity. "That must be your unexpected carnival ride," May guessed, motioning toward the canal.

"Right, you are," Ed answered, "Um, girls, I just remembered something. How did you escape the mugger on Thursday?"

"What mugger?" Lee asked.

"There was this neighborhood criminal calling himself the Kneepan Mugger running loose last Thursday," Edd explained, "He's known for administering knee kicks into his victims' backsides. Turned out to be Officer Carter of the Peach Creek Police Department. Got Kevin, Fiona, Nazz, and Johnny."

"Ugh, again with Fiona," Marie wretched, "Don't even mention her."

"It's alright, Marie dear. I think the Kneepan Mugger dealt her pride a bigger crushing blow."

"Still, I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind after you told me on our date what she did to you."

"But Ed brought up a good question," Eddy continued, "How'd you escape that crook?" All stopped in place, and the girls got themselves a surprise at their protective boyfriends going psycho checking them over. "Any bruises? Hurt muscles? Broken bone sections?"

"Please tell me you won't die!" Ed panicked.

"Relax, gentlemen," Lee assured, she and her sisters breaking their grips, "We and our mom happened to be at a department store buying school supplies. We didn't hear about the bloke until the day after." Just when the Eds enjoyed their relieved sigh, the Kankers ate their own assurance via returning the sentiment. "He didn't get you, did he?"

"You're decimated enough, Double D!" Marie cried, "Don't any of you die on us! What would the world be like without you?"

"Alright, already," Edd giggled, "You got us." A group hug preceded an old friend's interrupting voice.

"What's all this shouting about? And what brings you back in our part of the world?"

"Hi, Benedict," Eddy greeted, "Just showing our lovergirl dreamboats around."

"Go figure," an arriving Martha commented, "You never told us you had girlfriends."

"There's lots we didn't tell you," Ed pointed out.

"You're the caretakers of that water tower inside that mountain over there, huh?" May said, receiving nods, "What're you doing right now?"

"It's our weekend off," Martha responded.

"Oh, where'd we stash our manners?" Lee said, "We're the Kanker sisters. I'm Lee, and these are my sisters Marie and May."

"And we already know you boys' names," Benedict said, "Say, do you kids wanna join us for a ride across the area?"

"What kind of ride?" Marie asked.

"Horseback ride. Along with being water tower caretakers, Benedict and I also raise and train our own horses. To end the summer, we're giving some folks from the city and outta town a complimentary ride from our house to a tad beyond these rural borders and back. Ever ride horses before?" The preteens shook their heads no. "Eh, no biggie. Wanna join us?"

Quick exchanged glances heralded a mutual decision. "I'll go," Eddy said.

"Me too," Lee said.

"I love trying new things," Marie chimed.

"As do I," Edd agreed.

"Same here," Ed put in.

"And me," May finished.

"Wonderful," Benedict said, "Follow us."

If any residence in the community knew where it was going, it must've been that belonging to this particular couple. The stalls housed their brown ungulate occupants upon a tiny hill with a dirt road running through. An empty bus was parked by a shelter modeled like an outdoor dining room standing before the stall, the second of which in turn created a space between both structures. A forked-off path bypassed the shelter and disappeared into the nearby thicket. Martha and Benedict's farm property – house and all – lay behind and below the horse stalls. Ten pairs total were lined up towards the direction of the forked-off path with the water tower caretakers of course in the lead. Other than the Eds and Kankers, no one else from their neighborhood participated. "Alright, folks," Martha instructed, following preparation, "Our trail starts here, goes in a little loop around the distant forest ahead, past a small pond, winding around some houses, and then back here again."

"How long does it last?" someone questioned.

"It's a three-hour thing; hope you can stomach it. Anyway, squeeze the horse's sides gently to motivate it if you're not moving; squeeze again to go faster. Squeeze just a tidbit more on the left to turn left; likewise for the right. To stop, just relax and let out all the energy within: a big sigh and a calm 'Whoa'. Close your fingers one at a time slowly when the horse feels soft to you, and open your hands quickly when it gives to pressure while holding the reins." (In a whisper, all other eight riders were beginners at this).

"Now, let's hit the trail," Benedict announced. He then whistled a special tune, thereby getting the 'train' to move along. Neither the Kankers nor the Eds minded dispersing amongst the crowd.

"Oop," Edd puffed, "Oop. Talk about furrowed. But I don't care. I wonder why Rolf…oh, wait. I still haven't asked." The excursion went pretty smoothly from the hill's departure up to a fraction of the way into the thicket. In response to the decreased space, some horses clustered together.

"Even if we're going kinda slow, this is actually pretty fun," Eddy admitted.

"I hear ya, sweets," Lee agreed, "Now I know why everybody back in this small town we used to live in got so over-the-wall about horses. With different procedures, that is."

"You bet," an eavesdropping Martha said, "My sweetheart and I do these things the natural way."

"Natural, huh?" Edd said.

"Uh huh. Horses are prey animals whereas we humans are predators: They got eyes on the sides of their heads to perceive and flee from danger, and we got anterior eyes to hunt."

"And all these so-called 'stubborn' behaviors are just signs of intelligence, shared also amongst donkeys and mules," Marie added.

"Right. Thinking like a horse, being assertive rather than aggressive, and preparation are all part of natural equitation. Pulling to stop, kicking its sides to go, strong arms combined with quick hands…well, that's just what other people want you to think. So, don't believe those lies."

"Signed, saved, and scanned!" Ed declared, "I feel so bold!"

"Must've taken a good while to train 'em, huh?" May said.

"Yeah, but it was worth it," Martha said, "Benedict and I are on the verge with many others throughout the world ta start an equestrian revolution."

"Sweet," Eddy said, "Let us know how it turns out."

"Will do."

"Get down!" Benedict called out. And the riders did just that in response, ducking their heads as the procession entered a more compact enclosure with lower-growing branches. Unfortunately, May lost herself so much in the lovely scenery that she didn't catch the previous instruction.

"Look at all these trees. It's like one big mansion." The scenery appealed enough to go so far as to inspire a sigh and see the girl close her eyes. A rude awakening presented itself in the form of a branch slapping across her face. "Oof! What…what…?" Then came a second. "…Ouch! What the…ow!" She finally got the message by the third one. Seeing the train near the exit outside made May lift her head a bit, but a fourth branch rubbing the top of her head made her get back down again just as quickly and remain so until they all passed the thicket. "Whew."

"Are you alright, May?" Marie asked with the others nearby. Thankfully, the blond girl hadn't sustained any major injury. In fact, the bruises could barely be seen at all.

"Sort of. Three branches back there picked a fight, and a fourth almost followed."

"Didn't you hear the command?" Edd inquired, "He told us to duck."

"The nice trees, rocks, and other stuff distracted me. I know, not the best use of my time."

"Not the worst, either," Lee said, "This is a fine place." The procession soon trailed up a much smaller hill than the last not only for a good view of the landscape ahead but also for the horses to graze a while. Patches of tall grass blanketed the lower grounds for miles. The marked trail here created a natural cul-de-sac as it ended of course close to the hill's back edge. The horses chiefly preferred the brush dotted amongst shorter grass on the hill itself.

Ed's horse was quite hungry according to its rapid-grinding teeth and necessity to move about constantly from brush to brush. (Thankfully, this one felt no need to filch other horses' food.) "Those choppers are on fire! Central incisors break off stem bits and foliage alike! Lateral incisors pass it on to the canines! Bicuspids follow up with molars coming in late! Oh, see it chug along the esophagus! Okay, maybe not." Ed's words only made the horse go quicker until Benedict rode up and interrupted.

"Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy there, son, you'll make the horse choke."

Ed and his horse relaxed. "Sorry, I get carried away a lot. This horse sure is hungry."

"True. It seems you got one o' the hungrier ones."

"Yeah, I can relate."

The other five felt plenty amused watching their horses chomp away, though not as psyched as their friend. "So natural," Eddy commented, "So natural."

"Now that's what I call contentment," Marie added.

"And to think we could've tried horse riding sooner," May chimed, "Say, does Rolf have any horses on his farm?"

"Afraid not," Edd replied, "Maybe some of Rolf's relatives, but not Rolf himself. Don't ask why."

"Time to go!" Martha announced, followed up by the same whistled tune. The procession downhill and towards a new direction went smoothly except for Ed's horse who continued eating as if nothing happened.

"Coming, Ed?" Lee called.

"Be there soon!" Ed called back, "Horsey's tank isn't full yet!" However, eyes darting between the departing train and the ever-hungry ungulate instigated minor anxiety. The yellow-skinned boy knew the horse couldn't just stay there forever, so why delay? Was it payback for making it nervous during mealtime? Urges to break rules of natural horse attainment grew, but Ed recalled earlier instructions and tried being his politest. "Um, horse? Could you please hold off the snack and get moving? The others are far ahead." The horse just ignored him. "Okay, okay. I again apologize for making you nervous earlier. It's no fun being nervous; I should know. Yer not alone." Still no response. "Listen, we need to move. You don't wanna be out when the cougars come for dinner, do you?" The horse simply rolled its eyes and continued eating. "Please? …Please? …Pretty please?"

By now, Benedict caught wind of both beings' absence but didn't feel cross. "Uh oh. Someone's stopped up again." Out of his lips came a second tune different from the first. Regardless of distance, Ed's horse must've had sharp hearing and immediately rushed along to join everybody else.

"Thatta horse!" Ed declared. Within seconds, both stood on the left of Martha (who wasn't any more cross than her husband) and her horse.

"Hey, boy."

"Hi. Sorry I'm late, I made my hungry horse too nervous. And I think its tank is full now."

"Well, it's not entirely your fault. Your steed can get so wrapped up in consumption that we had to give it its own special tune. Not only that, but the first time's always the roughest. Things like this are better the second time around."

"If you say so."

The trip boasted no noteworthy incidents other than the interesting sights offered throughout afterward. Some dirt roads composed part of the intended trail. Benedict, Martha, and their customers waved to merry farm residents young and old alike. Watching all the tourists take snapshots made the playfully envious Eds and Kankers wish they would've brought along cameras. The upcoming school year would make horse riding seem as a near-once-in-a-lifetime event like the previous lunar eclipse. Oh, to squander such good memories! All this, the constant blinding camera flashes, and a drizzle at one point defined the trip's remainder. By the time half a mile plunked before the hill-based stalls, everybody all but stunk to high heaven because of the drizzle. Plus, the manner in which Marie's horse lagged behind showed that more silliness was on the horizon. "What a trip," Lee declared, "You all can't say you didn't enjoy it."

"My thoughts exactly," Eddy agreed, "Too bad it's not closer by, but oh well. We needed a vacation."

"A home away from home," May said, "Right, Marie?" The blond girl did a double-take at the sight behind with the others following suit: extended distance between the puzzled brunette girl and the rest of her group.

"Marie, what's wrong with your horse?" Edd called.

"Good question," was the response, "I'm guessing it's probably just tired, that's all. Animals will slow down if they're tired, sick, or old." Wrong assumption. Marie's horse must've planned what happened next. Its curious facial expression and temporary stoppage gave way to sudden wild behaviors – bucking and rearing in place without disturbing much anything else – thereby halting the train. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Nice horsey! Good horsey!"

"Marie!" Ed, Lee, Eddy, and May cried.

"Somebody do something!" Edd added.

"Take it easy!" Marie continued, "Take it easy! Oop! Oh! Ooh! Ah! Ee!" Her face became a confused mix nine seconds into the commotion; no one could tell whether she was scared or enjoying it. The said five mentally complained about getting down off their horses too slowly but dared not move too fast for fear of getting hurt themselves and being unable to aid Marie. Afterward, they all surrounded the berserk one waving their arms and yelling 'Whoa!' all the while unsure of how to proceed on. Martha and Benedict – who'd demounted sooner – fortunately ran up just in time whistling a third ditty. All seven then helped a dazed Marie off without any objections. "Whoa…what…what a…what a…"

Edd absorbed his girlfriend's skittish wobbles as both embraced. "Oh, Marie." The wobbles then transferred into the other four's bodies once their fingers contacted the pair's shoulders.

"You're shaky," Ed noted.

"Indeed," Marie said after concluding the embrace, "That was fun. Can I do it again?"

"Nah, that's enough fer one day," Lee said, "Doesn't take anybody in particular ta know that your life's plans exclude broken bones."

"Mmm. Yeah, I still need more preparation."

Martha helped the tourists off the other horses while the animals promptly reentered their stalls through back doors. "First time's always the roughest," Benedict repeated in the meantime, "Better the second. That one's a big socialist: likes people a little too much and loves topping off the trip just right."

"I believe you," Eddy said.

Benedict and Martha (the former of which joined the latter in helping the tourists down after the preceding conversation) waited with the preteens at the bus stop hours even later. Again, the sextet felt glad having come today when they did since the year was getting shorter. Disappointment over forgetting just one camera would soon also dissipate. "Enjoy yourselves, kids?" Martha queried.

"You bet!" they chorused.

"Do the horses know those tourists?" Eddy wondered, "I noticed they didn't have as many problems riding like Marie and Ed. Actually, the rest of us did pretty well ourselves."

"Correct, young man," Benedict spoke, "Those people are from a small town several miles up north who attended an animal show last year featuring our animals. Horses get nervous around strangers, but ours for the most part know friends when they see them. Upheaval just happens at various points, hence why only two of you got roughed up. We apologize."

"Um, whatever you say," Ed said. Although none quite understood that explanation – Benedict himself included – neither did they feel any need to fret over it. Simply having a good time without sustaining major injuries was all that truly mattered, right?

"Aw, it was a blast," Marie assured, "The best means of ending my first chance and making way for the second, like you already hinted. Our only gripe is the lack of pictures to capture anything."

"Oh, that reminds us," Martha said, she and Benedict pulling out photographs for the group to accept.

"Wow, didn't see that coming," Lee remarked.

"Some of our northern friends couldn't catch you soon enough and so had us hand-deliver," Benedict explained, "Feel free to come visit again if you'd like."

"Excellent," Edd said, "Tell them we said thanks." A bus then pulled up as both sides exchanged their goodbyes. Two seconds in the drive, the Kankers and Eds collapsed onto the front sideways seats with a deep sigh. Fortunately for everyone else aboard, the open windows helped dissolve the activity's given odors. Now for school…

The End


	15. Jailhouse Ed

Mediocrity characteristic of the new school year's first two weeks (save for the very first day) instilled the sensation that the past summer seemed pretty long ago. Kevin, Nazz, and Johnny were equally swarmed by other kids curious about their encounter with the Kneepan Mugger. But the crowds subsided as said three's backsides became tender. Construction of Peach Creek Estates resumed for the umpteenth occasion soon after. Another several months' worth of crazy events nailed the particular Rathink Avenue dozen's report on summer vacation hard; elementary and high school alike, other kids' jaws dropped at seeing residents other than Edd excited to write it. Furthermore, the Eds and Kankers' newfound romantic relationships supplied the gossip column in Peach Creek Junior High's newspaper.

Actually, all this was only the tip of the iceberg. The two groups' self-changes alone – the Kankers' kindness; Eddy's sensitivity; Ed's authentic expressiveness; and Edd's backbone – provided immense food for thought amongst other students. Like the main dozen before, anyone not populating Flush N' Park or the houses around the adjacent cul-de-sac remembered a time when the surname 'Kanker' meant certain doom. Now some even compared the sisters to Nazz as far as that neighborhood went. They knew Nazz's status as the girl every guy flocked to (not to mention a total flirt). But with Lee, May, and Marie changing, those few surmised Nazz was losing her touch.

Of course, the 'competition' only applied to the sibling portion since the Kankers were already taken. The Eds no longer melted before the so-named flirt's feet and agreed someone else – if not even Kevin – could have her. All had obtained part-time jobs as a junior school cleanup crew, but only Ed was presently absent come 5 o'clock after school. Edd, Eddy and the Kankers started off mopping the floor by which their lockers stood. "School staff was sure nice enough to let us work here despite our ages," Edd began.

"You said it," May agreed, "Though, I don't think we're that young. We're in 8th-grade now. A shame someone stole from the fundraiser."

"Yeah, and they still haven't recovered the money," Eddy chimed, "But where's Ed? This is the fourth time he's been late."

"Good question," Marie said, "Either he forgot, or something came up, but it's still no excuse."

"Ain't it the truth," Lee added, "Whatever the case, that's just no way to go through life." The group shrugged and continued.

It was at that moment Ed jogged his way up to the school's main entrance. "Time to clean, time to clean…no time for tardiness." His stroll down a separate hallway attracted the attention of an adult male who followed the unsuspecting preteen. Ed slipped into a closet for some seconds before emerging and then meeting the man's gaze. "Hello, mister…gah! Hi, boss."

"You're late again." The man's tone exhibited indifference and impatience.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it this time."

"Lemme guess: You forgot."

"No, no. My parents needed help with the laundry."

The man just shoved Ed in the direction of the boy's friends. "Any more excuses, and you're fired. Get to work." The preteen rushed off before his superior did anything more.

All was tranquil in the quintet's work area until Ed arrived marching around the hall as if jogging up a mountain road. "Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!" Five seconds of staring preceded delaying current activity and getting him to settle down, which proved as a harder task than it should be the way he dragged his friends past ten lockers and back again. But, it stopped soon after with Ed panting and friends shaking. "Oh, friends. Oh…friends…"

"Okay, pal," Marie stated, "What's today's excuse?"

"Helped with laundry back home. But I'm ready to start again."

"Ed, you gotta keep better track of time," Eddy instructed, "Burt's sure to fire you next time."

"Yeah, he just told me." With all present, the others resumed whereas Ed began.

The job went until 7:00 by the time the group finished and went home. However, the Kankers' clock now read 8:15 as they sat in the trailer living room on the couch filling in word blanks for a grammar assignment. Lee sat with May and Marie on either side, their mother still out. "Any o' you know a good adjective?" Lee asked.

"What's an adjective again?" May wondered.

"A word that modifies a noun or pronoun," Marie answered, "Like 'mysterious'. As in, 'What a mysterious thing'."

"Thanks," Lee said, writing down the word, "Now a verb."

"Um…oh!" May volunteered, "How about 'swim'?"

Lee wrote that down too. "A wild animal…I pick the elephant…" By now, someone parked their vehicle nearby outside though the girls didn't mind it. "Another adjective…and I pick 'dangerous'…color, Marie?"

"Blue like my hair."

"Nifty. Know any good nouns, May?"

"Will 'skyscraper' do?"

"Sure thing." That's when they minded the parked vehicle. In strolled their mother feeling downcast for some reason, but not enough to refuse a group hug.

"Hey, Mom," Marie greeted, "Seems to us someone dealt you a crushing blow."

"You've no idea, dears."

"No, we don't," May agreed, "So why the parade?"

"Lemme start off saying I'm glad we had that family talk last month. You'd be surprised how rousing the reception at the workplace."

"Right back at ya," Lee related, "But you probably already guessed that. By the way, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly have you been doing with all the money you earn?"

"Glad you asked, Lee darling. I've divided between two separate savings accounts. The second one I opened up and reserved for you girls' college education right after May was born. Don't ask what else." Ms. Kanker lowered her head. "However, a banking recession today drained a chunk of both. And if that's not bad enough, a monthly contingency fee I skipped 15 times took away what little remained, and I still gotta come up with 2,500 more to Bank Presidents Burt and Elmyra."

"Burt?" May wondered, "The same one working at our school?"

"Not sure. I'm sorry, dears."

The offspring took this news with heavy hearts. "It's not your fault, Mom," Marie said.

"Thanks, Marie. That's reassuring."

The next day thankfully was a day off, so the girls decided on sharing the news with their boyfriends. They headed right out the door after breakfast, or at least tried. May had arrived first and accidentally bumped it closed again four times, giggling as a result meanwhile. Marie and Lee's followed scampering only made exiting even more difficult.

Ms. Kanker rushed back downstairs – having not left yet – to catch the commotion. "One at a time, girls." The trio paused at their mother's instruction, breathed deeply, and finally came outside single-file. Within closing the door, hyperactivity outlined the dash toward the neighboring houses (May stumbled over twice but sustained no injuries).

"Talk about a training course," Eddy commented at Edd's house. No-homework freedom spread through the student body today; the Eds hadn't any themselves same as the Kankers though distractions existed for both sides. In the meantime, the boys trudged toward one far corner of Edd's garage with a toolbox in plain sight. Boards crisscrossing the inner half of the room created a checkerboard outlook. Tarps were strewn over shelves, the floor, and almost about everything else. Only paintbrushes, paint cans, two makeshift benches, and said toolbox stood out. Eddy walked between empty spaces with Ed close behind and Edd bringing up the rear. "Double D, why didn't your parents just put the wrenches in a closer spot?"

"Lighten up, Eddy," was the reply, "It's not every day a kitchen sink blows up over a person's head and nearly ruins one's 4th-grade wax replica of a raccoon dog's head. That's Father's favorite grade-school project of mine."

"The science teacher had me stay late after class two days ago," Ed announced.

"Yeah, why?" Eddy asked.

"I couldn't stop talking about this fossil of something called a Lower Lias Ammonite. The teacher told me we'll be doing projects soon and suggested that the spiral creature should be my subject since I like it so much."

"Go figure. I got me an art project coming up. The first thing that came to mind was our dinosaur sculpture, but because I didn't work on it alone, I changed my mind and thought I'd go for my own imitation rock art. Just like the Pitjantjatjara of central Australia we learned about early this week."

"How about you, Double D?" Ed queried, "Are you doing any school projects?"

"Well…ow! Oops!" Upon finishing traversing the 'checkerboard' section, Edd bumped his leg into one of the benches. He hadn't time to mind the bump as an open full can of alizarin paint fell over and blanketed the floor-based tarp. Thankfully, there existed no gaps allowing even the smallest leaks. All three boys took refuge on the boards with a panicky Edd sputtering mostly gibberish. "Dah! …I did it! I did it! Dih dih dih di di dih di dih di di!"

"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy," Ed assured.

"I did it! I did it!"

"What's all the noise?" Edd's arriving mother questioned, "Did you get- eep! In heaven's name!"

"It was an accident!" Edd continued, "I made the mess! **I** did it!"

"Okay, slow down," Eddy put in, "Yer going too fast."

"Aw, Eddward. You wasted some good paint."

"Sorry, Mom. I'll clean it up right away."

"See that you do. And don't forget those wrenches; the kitchen resembles a rainforest." And as she departed, a knock came to the main garage door.

"Who's there?" Ed called.

"It's us," the Kanker sisters recited. Ed flicked the door open, and the girls stepped inside only seconds before it slammed the driveway again.

"Ed, take it easy," Edd said, "You'll bruise the entrance and floor."

"Uh oh," Lee spoke, noticing the spilled paint, "We interrupted cleanup."

"Nah, we haven't even started," Eddy said, "Double D accidentally bumped into a bench with an open paint can, and we still gotta get some wrenches to his parents. The kitchen sink's busted."

"Yeah, we know," May said, "That's why the man of the house had us come through here instead of the front door. Can we help? I'll handle the wrenches."

"Be my guests," Edd permitted. So May grabbed the toolbox after notification of the wrenches' location and tiptoed her way around the mess towards the kitchen, leaving the others to handle everything else. The Eds and Lee repositioned the loose checkerboard-patterned boards beside the huge dollop which now almost licked other objects' edges. Marie began her search for cleanup utensils at a moveable closet in the back.

"Mops, mops…ooh, what's behind door number one? …Augh!" Opening the door let loose a rush of brooms and mops burying the poor squirming brunette. "They're alive! They're attacking me! Bad utensils! You'll never take my…my…!"

The others minus May came rushing over to aid. "Hold still, Marie," Lee instructed. An irked May reentered right as her sister stood tall again.

"Did I miss something?"

"Not really, May," Ed answered.

And before long, the preteens were down on all fours cleaning the tarp through and through. Scrubbing started at the outer edges to remove what little paint seeped through the boards as well as any touching other things. Much wasn't wasted, however; Edd's parents fortunately retained some empty cans for such an emergency. Scooping up by each container's rim preceded dabbing old rags into what remained and squeezing it back out again. Each child had a can nearly three-eighths full several minutes later. "If this happened at the school, our boss would be fried," Eddy asked, "The last head janitor wasn't a complete jerkface. We oughta quit."

"No can do," Marie disagreed, "At least, not me and my sisters."

"How come?" Ed asked.

"We can't say if the janitor Burt's the same one whom our mother owes money," Lee explained, "Either way, she's indebted."

"A debt?" Edd wondered, "Actually, that reminds me: Is that what brought you girls to this part of the world? No offense intended."

"None taken," May threw in, "A recession hit the bank yesterday, and Mom skipped a contingency fee in the past 15 months. Not only are her accounts drained, but she's gotta come up with 2,500 or else."

"Ouch," Eddy commented, "Tough break."

"Deary me," Lee stated, using up her rag, "I saw some rags stashed outside. Be right back." The redhead hurried towards the main garage door again but didn't exit before tripping over one of the shelf-based tarps. Her feet dragged down the tarp and all articles underneath, creating a new mess. "Great. Now I got something bigger to clean up." Lee's efforts to stand back up remained foiled by the tarp entangling her ankles alongside her temper worsening the entrapment until the others lent helping hands.

"Relax," Ed instructed, "We'll get you out."

"Rrrrrr. I'm trapped, I got me a new mess…"

"Lee, relax," May repeated, "We'll clean this up, but your struggling's trapping you more." Another half-minute passed before this incident subsided.

Monday morning at school saw Eddy separated from his group. Nothing major; he just awoke approximately three minutes late and instructed the others to proceed ahead. Monotony or excitement, the day ahead must wait until after he inputted his locker combination. "How's it go again? …Fifty-six, seven…twenty-four…got it." Of course, actually opening the locker was a different story. "Stupid…open up, you idiot…eeerrgghh! Oh, you wanna play rough. By all means." So Eddy continued tugging the handle, attracting two amused passersby in the process. "Dumb…dumb…"

"Got one of the lame ones, huh?" one watcher commented, ignored.

"You gotta give up sooner or later, locker. You can't hold out forever!"

"I pity you," the other watcher added.

"Oh, shut up…huh?" Eddy's deflection from his current malady passively repelled the pair as he found his friends arriving his way with Edd waving around a piece of paper. "Where's the party?"

"You won't believe what we came up, cuddly," Lee announced rapid-fire, "Can you guess? Huh? Can you? Give up? Oh, I'll just tell you: a wonderful plan to pull Mom out of debt."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Marie returned, "I suggested we put on a light show someplace."

Eddy's eyes bulged with excitement. "A light show? Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Ed added, "The pretty lights on the ceiling go flash, flash, flash all through the night."

"Provided nobody gets a seizure," Edd said, handing over the paper and a pencil, "This is what we have planned so far, but we naturally cannot proceed without the head honcho of scams: that being you."

Eddy gained some composure while looking the paper over. "Well, I do feel flattered even though I'm not much into scams anymore. As always, you came to the right man." He scribbled a few more shapes, lines, and instructions over the sheet using his locker as a hard surface before handing both items back. The others of course looked it over.

"Yeah!" May noticed, "That makes it better! I thought we wouldn't be able to use that one light."

"Okay, wrap it up," an passing hall monitor instructed, "It's almost time for class, folks." Yet the six still lingered.

"A light show," Eddy commented, "I'm glad you thought of it."

"No, Marie did," May returned.

"That's what I just said. Sorry to sound egotistical all over again, but I'll bet you girls and your mother'll be raking in the money."

"Perhaps even enough to revive the cleft lip fundraiser," Lee added. All paused to think about it. As May mentioned the previous Friday, the school was sponsoring a fundraiser in wake of the new school year for children of destitute living conditions with cleft lip. It currently faced hiatus when someone swiped the collected money inside Principal Antonucci's office. Some fingers outside the primary sextet pointed mostly toward Eddy and Lee concerning their overall former notoriety alongside their mischievous antics now and then.

"Sad," Marie noted, "The school needs new video cameras if they didn't catch the culprit or culprits."

"Let's worry over it later," Edd decided, "Can't be late for our classes." All but Eddy proceeded on to the appropriate classrooms, as he needed wrestle his locker door once again. When a few quick tugs wouldn't disengage the stubborn thing, the pink boy just lost it and pulled extremely hard. The abrupt velocity certainly opened the door albeit at Eddy's expense: He lost his grip and went stumbling backward into the row of lockers behind and onto the floor, startling another group. Oh well; at least it ended the struggle.

Lunchtime heralded less controversy amongst the general student body though no one forgot. The sextet sat isolated at a table outside the building during lunch, multitasking between consumption and the plan for a light show. "The system stinks," Eddy said, "I can't believe we gotta put in overtime on our lunch break."

"True," Lee spoke, "It's no small potatoes balancing school assignments, targeting dusty floors, eating lunch, and a new money raiser. But at least we learn new talents with each passing second."

"I wish Burt was a lot nicer," May complained.

"And I don't blame you, May. He thinks any of us has it easy? If our suspicions are correct, it's his fault we're in this jam."

"Trouble just follows us wherever we go," Edd sighed, then noticing his quiet friend, "Ed, are you okay? You've been quiet the entire time. What's on your mind?"

Ed snapped out of his reverie. "That makes me sick!" The resulting echo from banging his fist on the table mattered less than a mess on the table splashing onto all six chests and laps. Just as Eddy and May lifted their beverage containers to their mouths, the shock of their friend's behavior scared them into releasing grip. Containers standing alone fell over more passively. "Oops."

"Ed," the others groaned.

"Sorry," he apologized, "It just peeves me off when someone takes advantage of the needy like that. The fundraiser, you know?"

"I hear you," Marie sympathized as they all cleaned up, "Who in their right minds would be so desperate as to deny young, innocent victims of cleft lip a promising future and health?"

"Well, anyway, back to the plan," Edd continued, "Light shows and virtual simulations are very similar, so I'll call up our friends Mr. and Mrs. Eledor who run the mall's virtual room and let them in on it."

"This isn't the movies, but…" May trailed off.

"But we'll continue making exceptions!" Ed announced, slapping his hand on the table and splattering himself and the others.

"Ed!" they complained.

"Oh! Sorry again!"

Further clandestine tweaking to the plan outlined the rather serene remainder of Wednesday. Question was, when might they execute it? The answer providentially lay ahead right after all their final classes. Taking lockers close together alleviated stress from moving around so much while granting mutual privacy for whatever. Plus, the Kankers and Eds sometimes lingered twenty minutes after the buses departed because they sometimes preferred walking home instead (distance didn't always faze them). Today happened to be special because Burt let the sextet off early. He'd heard about their plan for a light show and how they intended to manipulate it but dispensed it as 'simple-minded kids' stuff'. The entire sextet exchanged casual waves with the janitor who made sure they disappeared fully and then situated himself at another outdoor picnic table passing time by piling coins back and forth in his hands. Then came a grown woman who accompanied him. "Hey, Burt."

Both kept their voices low so as to elude possible snoops. "Hello, Elmyra. How go the knockoffs?"

"No one suspects a thing. But how 'bout those kids?"

"Doubtful. They seem distracted by some idiot kid plan to get more money with a light show."

"Are we gonna take it?"

"That won't be necessary. We got more than enough, and the heat is growing." Burt leaned closer to Elmyra's ear. "Anyway…"

"I can't believe we got today off," Edd commented.

"And **I** can't believe our science teacher let us borrow these fancy doohickeys," Lee said. In response, all withdrew from their pockets some devices that resembled yo-yos with one light and button each. The children accidentally pressed those buttons.

"Oop!" they cried, rapidly blinking their eyes and stowing the devices.

"Ow," Ed said, "My corneas are shot."

The group's loved ones, seeing as how nobody spread news about the plan, wondered why the six consumed dinner so quickly and caused so much noise in their bedrooms. Using the upcoming, aforementioned art and science project assignments as an excuse warded off all eavesdroppers (Sarah became a tad suspicious about Ed but apparently let it slide). Prolonged sneaking got them back inside the school without fear of apprehension. Setup inside the gymnasium's announcer's box didn't take very long since what with there being six individuals instead of just one. 9:30 PM had them situate themselves amongst the room's native machinery while setting up extras courtesy of the science department and the Eledors. "We all set?" Eddy asked.

"Yep," the others chorused.

"These controls will serve us well," Marie said, patting the panel, "So, who wants to test the sound first?"

All lights except those in the announcer's box remained off, but it wasn't the only space containing activity or illumination. Burt and Elmyra – flashlights on, and both sides unaware of each other's presence – continued their devious ways inside some classroom via placing papers and pads inside the teacher's desk drawers. "Good thing you sabotaged the security hookups," Elmyra commented.

"Yep. And right after we give the cops an anonymous tip, and they find this evidence right here, we won't be the ones taking the rap. We'll be long gone." Sudden static over the class intercom alerted the criminals to withdraw switchblades in defense.

It originated from the sextet's actions of turning on the microphone, of which all stood before. "Okay, friends," Edd announced, "Unleash those decibels."

Fear at the sound of the group singing 'Boom Boom, Ain't It Great To Be Crazy' – causing the pair to drop their weapons and flashlights – dwindled into stupor once they realized the fact of the matter. "There's something funny going down here," Burt observed.

"Wait a second," May stated, "I can't hear myself at all. The holes in the wall towards the gym prove it."

"Me neither," Ed put in, "More volume." Turning that dial didn't change the situation for the preteens, but the crooks recoiled from the resulting amplified fortissimo. The yelling delinquents clutched their eardrums ever harder as volume increased.

"Shut it off, already!" they chorused, "Too loud! Too loud!" A passerby outside enjoying a late-night stroll heard the screams echo and ran away quick to find a phone since he hadn't one on hand. They must've been in that position for half a minute before it ceased. Three seconds preceded departure back to the hallway, weapons and flashlights (the latter turned off) again in their pockets. Elmyra and Burt caught their breath after slamming the door.

"No wonder!" Marie noticed, "We got the wrong switch flipped! It's the one to the rest of the school rather than the gym itself."

"Who in their right minds?" Edd wondered, "Oh well, I guess they have their reasons. I'll switch the switches." And he did.

"When I get my mitts on those blasted tapeworms, they're getting bruises that'll last 'em an entire ten months," Elmyra remarked as she and her partner strolled the calm hallways, "I thought this place would be empty by now."

"Me too." A glow from one pathway intrigued and eventually brought them to the gym doors. Exchanging glances, they plowed their way through and beheld the amazing sight within: a light show with various types of tricks. Some lights blinked; some created animals and other string-like art; there flashed those which imitated bouncy balls; and others didn't do much at all. The kids barely minded the astounded pair, singing 'Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly' in concordance with a light imitating an indeterminate flying insect. Burt and Elmyra couldn't help bobbing their heads along, dazed at the entire sight until the scene changed. Both had grown so delirious that they mistook the new stormy setting for actual rain.

"Ahhh!" Elmyra cried, "Shut it off! Shut it off!" Instead, the only response she got was the booming echo of the six young booming voices singing the first portion of 'If All The Raindrops' (a fitting choice indeed) covering up other possible sounds in the gym.

"Uh, do you wanna do the tongue thing?" Ed asked after sounding off the 'mouth open wide' part.

"Nah, let's just hum it," Lee replied. And so their amusing little number continued, all at the pair's psychological expense.

But it wasn't long until they left the gym to recover. "What a nightmare," Elmyra growled, "I never liked those songs back in preschool. They must think we're a joke."

"And it's all coming from one room," Burt realized. So she followed his lead down the hall yet again and around a corner towards a door they'd previously overlooked. While this all happened, the light show was dimmed as the six contemplated everything.

"Good test," Lee commented, none catching the approaching pair's footsteps, "I think the show's all set."

Edd contemplated their success while something met May's attention behind a shelf and a bunched-up cord. "Environmental settings are go," Edd contemplated, "Flashing lights, seizure-free…electronic stencils, good…coordination, adept…yep. Good to go."

"Hey, friends," May announced, holding a bag, "Look what I found! Treasure! Now we're saved!"

The others took a closer look, and all eyes widened in realization of possibilities with the crooks only meters away. "This looks stolen," Ed guessed.

"You don't think this is the same filched money for the cleft lip fund, do ya?" Eddy said.

Harsh tugs on the doorknob shocked the kids, though not enough to make May drop the sack. The crooks had reached the door, withdrawn their switchblades again, and itched for trouble. "Open this door, brats!" Burt demanded. Said sextet recognized the voice but didn't yet know what to do until the crooks decided their next move. "Fine! We're busting in!" It turns out the pair stood close together by the hinged end; as Burt fiddled with the keys, the preteens acted first and slammed both crooks behind. Such force loosened their grip on their switchblades, and they dropped them down an open pipe end next to the door's lower left corner. Eds and Kankers felt equally shocked meeting their boss and his partner.

"Burt?" the six chorused.

The two crooks instantly recovered but paid more attention to the sack May still held. "Lay off that bag this instant, you little twerps," Elmyra demanded, "That's ours."

The sextet needed only those last words to put two and two together. "You stole this from the fundraiser, didn't you?" Marie said.

"And I'll bet you know something about the debt our family's in," Lee added.

Burt then noticed the bulges in the younger ones' pockets. "What're you hiding?" The wordless six stared to where he pointed. "Get it out this instant." Feeling a plan coming on but not showing it, they – in the blink of an eye – complied with his command and turned their heads away before flashing the yo-yo objects in the crooks' faces, thereby temporarily blinding them.

"Ouch!" the two cried. An escape from the building followed, though the crooks recovered a second time and stayed on the preteens' tails. The preteens led their pursuers out onto the school baseball field, having dropped their ignored flashers outside by the entrance, before engaging in physical combat (May first tossed the sack aside). Eddy and Lee handled Burt while the others did Elmyra. Neither crook had time to mind the chafe induced by flashlights.

Too add insult to injury, each preteen couple rattled off songs once more: Ed and May, 'The More We Get Together'; Edd and Marie, 'Looby Loo'; and Eddy and Lee, 'The Ants Go Marching'. Nitpickers would notice no preteen lost track of the song he or she sang. "Shut up!" Burt moaned, "Shut up this instant!…I SAID SHUT UP, YOU NIMRODS!"

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Elmyra cried, "I'll get you if it's the last thing I ever do!" But the preteens neither listened nor allowed the crooks opportunity to escape and/or filch the sack.

The next line stopped the whole spectacle. "What's going on around here?" The crooks, ever restrained by the preteens, watched as half a police squadron approached the eight whereas the other half investigated the school's interior.

"Yeesh," another cop declared, fully absorbing the sight and getting the eight to stand up again, "You folks partied too hard. What's the excuse?"

"You got me," Burt answered, "I don't know a thing anymore."

"Sure you do," Lee countered as a third officer retrieved the money-filled sack, "Why don'tcha tell the nice officers you two ninnies stole funds intended for destitute tikes who need it for corrective surgery?"

"Bogus!" Elmyra argued, "Those brats are lying!"

Just then, four of the cops who'd investigated the building came running up holding the same paperwork the crooks put inside the one desk. "Look at the fancy stationery we found!" one announced.

A stunned Elmyra and Burt faced their doom head on as the first cop to meet them and their six archrivals studied the paper. "Well, well. Notes concerning the bank recession, the recent embezzlements, and what have we here? 'Burt' and 'Elmyra' also written all over clear as cellophane!"

"So you are guilty of doing the same to our girls and their mother!" Eddy declared.

"Lies, we tell ya!" the screaming crooks denied, "Lies!"

"Oldest excuse in the book," a third officer contradicted.

"Still, you kids got lots more explaining to do," a fourth informed, "What're you doing out this late? Why not leave these matters to us professionals?"

The clock read 10:36 PM by the time the sextet finished their story. Nobody in town other than the visiting doctors inspiring this fundraiser felt more emotional about helping needy souls afar until tonight. Burt and Elmyra's emotional daze inspired forfeiture of all carried metal objects – keys and weapons alike – alongside revealing the location of every hidden record of their monetary larcenies before riding the paddy wagon away. "Woo-ee," an officer commented, "All this craziness over cleft lip operations, huh? You kids sound really devoted even if you weren't trying at first. I admit that's heroism if I ever did witness it even though I didn't completely."

"What can we say?" Ed responded, "Believe me, trouble finds us more often than we find it."

"No fooling," a second officer continued, "Good thing that man called us when he did. Why not you?"

"Well…" Edd speculated, "…That's a pretty good question. Why didn't we call you? What were we thinking?"

"Aw, who cares?" Eddy shrugged, "As long as the villains are down, what else matters?"

"Your own lives," the first officer said, "It's a miracle you always end up in one piece. Now are you kids ready to stop playing crime fighters?"

"We know you mean well and have good hearts," the second put in, "But we've still gotta tell yer parents. They're gonna be shocked."

"No strain necessary," Marie said, "We'll tell 'em ourselves."

"Ahhhhh!" a few other cops screamed, making the preteens and accompanying cops halt short. A quick glance behind revealed three law enforcers clutching their pained eyes, having blinded themselves by the same flashers. The preteens looked sheepish at their forgetfulness over the objects.

"What in blazes?" one trapped cop cried, "What are those things?"

"Oopsie!" May declared.

"Sorry!" Lee apologized while the sextet neared the trio providing aid, "We'll put 'em back right this instant!" And the preteens did just that, disappearing back into the building. The irked accompanying pair looked on letting them take responsibility for their actions while aiding companion officers. Oh, how this night would last longer.

The End


	16. KeepEd It Real

Note: This hereby concludes my EEnE series. Whoopee!

September faded into October with the school year's first quarter slowly ebbing. News about the Eds and Kankers saving the cleft lip fund met with resistance equal to submission. Accusations against Lee faded into swamped public attention which calmed just as quickly. The trios' parents grounded them only a weekend long for the sake of countless unfortunate children around the world. School faculty acted a little more sympathetic and decided not to let it go on their permanent records on the condition that they helped clean up the messes and repair some damage. Nothing to it, really. Such wasn't or wouldn't be the worst experience in their lives. Naturally, be it Jimmy's revenge for a ruined Friendship Day or even the Kneepan Mugger's rampage, nobody cared wondering what incident fit the rank.

On the Friday of October's second week, all six preteens had situated in Eddy's kitchen awaiting a home-cooked light dinner (the Kanker sisters must've obtained permission from their mother). Ed, May, Edd, and Marie sat at the table discussing a matter concerning tomorrow while the group leaders whipped up Pho. Lee watched a pot of boiling noodles while Eddy mixed the rice and spoke to someone on the phone. "Uh huh…Oh, just making some Pho…It's Vietnam beef noodle…That's right…"

"It's hard keeping good track of time anymore," May spoke, "The dance downtown tomorrow always sneaks up on a person."

"Very true," Ed agreed, "You'd think it were an earthworm."

"They say time flies when you're having fun, but we've had a good share of dull and exciting days alike," Edd chimed, "Go figure."

"And unlike last year's homecoming dance, none of us is scrambling for a date," Marie threw in, "We're all set for life."

"Life sounds a bit much, but we are all set," May said.

"Yep," Eddy continued, "Gotcha…I'll be expecting it. Catch ya later, bro." He hung up the phone and focused all attention on the meal.

"What's goin' on?" Lee queried.

"My brother's sending me a surprise package. Oh, but have we got a surprise to show him…uh, whenever."

Eddy's parents came and went in the following duration while letting the six eat peacefully. The pink boy did say during the one triple date that he and his girlfriend might make two mean chefs together; they couldn't wait for tonight. Both group leaders' cooking skills had undeniably improved as of late. "Mmmm," Marie noted, "Heavenly. I've never tasted anything like this before."

"Maybe you have, but you just forgot," Ed suggested.

"Let's make this dinner count, 'cause it'll be our last one come tomorrow," Edd said.

All paused and looked at him strangely. "I don't get it," May said.

Edd returned the glance, let his own words sink in, put on a dumbfounded expression, and shrugged. "Heh. Well, you know. The fact again that so many things have happened over the course of a few months, that all those scams and bad experiences seem like another lifetime ago…uh…" Eating utensils rested on each plate as every young individual in the room thought this matter over. Edd's previous words were neither a secret nor a lie. Approximately two-and-a-half months' worth of comradely conglomeration of both groups seriously put bad experiences behind them forever: One moment the Eds were busy fleeing the Kankers, next moment opposing factions permanently resolved the rivalry. Each preteen had his or her personal self-improvement trials; Sarah sure became more understanding; the neighborhood's parents displayed greater attentiveness; Eddy barely scammed anymore; Johnny let the past go (though not entirely); and Kevin didn't bother anyone as much. Overall, such sudden changes felt freaky yet welcome regardless of the contrary.

"Whew," Lee resumed, "Too good. Did we step into a strange new world?"

"If so, at least it's agreeable," Ed said.

"The only strange world **I** can think of is a town whose populace split on their own free will," Eddy said. Pupils darting across the walls and ceiling preceded the continued feast and a different conversation.

"So Eddy," Marie inquired, "What was up with the phone call?"

"My brother told me he's sending a surprise package. He refused to believe (1) I ain't scamming much anymore, (2) I'm more into cooking, (3) I got a girlfriend, and (4) My girlfriend isn't Nazz." With vision panning across each face, Eddy jolted at the last one realizing just who heard it and stuttered. "Um…um…um…" But the Kanker sisters fortunately took it like nothing.

"It's alright," May assured, holding up a hand, "What's done is done."

"You sure?" Edd spoke, him and Ed now feeling plenty uncertain themselves.

"Absolutely," Lee added, "For all our time here, we've seen how that girl's wiles kick up whenever a boy the right age crosses paths. She's fortunate our old selves didn't strangle her sooner." And everyone nodded and again continued eating.

The evening saw little concerning those six but sprang alive via Johnny walking towards a particular hillside above the lane feeling poetic. His excursion at the old mall saw more change than letting go of Alanis' departure. Feeling curious over Werf and Sharon's ethnic backgrounds simply by socializing, Johnny's schedule now included practicing Kurdish words and phrases. Some considered the melon-headed boy crazier than ever due to lacking resources but couldn't discourage his efforts. Johnny eyed papers in his right arm alongside Plank in his left. "I tell ya, buddy, I never realized how far poetry can take a person. Now I know how Sarah and Jimmy feel. …Is that so? Well, I personally like this one best. In fact…'If from my garden, you wrench away the aster…'"

Down below, said tikes strolled along before pausing at the voice above. Unsurprisingly, hearing the first four lines touched their hearts on the spot. "Oooh," Jimmy commented seconds later, "We got a performer nearby."

"Yeah," Sarah agreed, "I didn't know Johnny liked poetry." So the two headed up the same ledge and stood with a few feet worth of distance between them and Johnny. By now, he stood near the edge having reached the final two lines.

"'And if you take it away, all will surely be lost.'" Sighing deeply, Johnny stared at everything else below bathed in the sunset's radiance continually oblivious to the younger pair's presence. The Eds and Kankers were undoubtedly still inside Eddy's house eating dinner. Some adults conversed together; some modified property landscapes; others mended electronics; and of course one couldn't overlook the contractors working their talents on the soon-to-come Peach Creek Estates. No other recognizable living figures stood by other than Rolf now entering the lane. "What a beautiful scene, Plank. A beautiful scene partnered with a beautiful poem."

"Just like in a picture novel," Sarah spoke, startling Johnny, "Makes me wish I had a camera."

"Sarah?" Johnny said, "Jimmy?"

"Johnny, Plank, and nobody else," Jimmy playfully added, "Tomorrow, who can say?"

"Um, yeah. Honestly, neither I nor Plank knew you were standing here."

"We never expected a free recital," Sarah returned, "Feeling peaceful?"

"Indeed. I came across these poems and felt I just had to…well, you know."

"That's alright, no one minds," Jimmy assured, "What's it called?"

"Segregation by Al-Kifr Sherko. In fact, there's also this Swedish poem here I couldn't help throwing in named How Can I Be Sure by Karima Boye. Wanna hear it?"

"Go for it!" Jimmy and Sarah confirmed.

"Okay. 'How can I be sure whether your claims are honest; All I know is that it strikes me…'" Rolf's eardrums like those before caught Johnny's recital from down below. The blue-haired boy's contorted expression gave the impression of pain, and his legs brought him upon the ledge as the melon-headed child again concluded. "'That there will exist not a wink of rest for me until they are mine.' Oh, hi Rolf. Check it out, Plank: An audience we never saw coming."

"Johnny wood-boy, have you jabbed your pecker in the patch of golden beets?"

"Pecker? I'm not a bird."

Rolf just smiled. "You cannot fool Rolf, for he's read Karima Boye's work in earlier years. Rolf is honored by your appreciation of the Old Country's prose and wishes to invite you to dinner." He faced Sarah and Jimmy. "Will you join us?"

"Thanks anyway, Rolf, but it's getting late," Jimmy declined, noticing the darkening sky, "We must call it a day."

"What for?" a confused Rolf wondered, "Wasn't it already a day?"

"No, Rolf," Sarah giggled, "When someone says, 'Call it a day', it means we gotta stop what we're doing for the time being or the rest of the day. As in, Jimmy and I must now stop walking around the place and get home before our parents worry. Come along, Jimmy." The pair departed as Johnny gave a semi-opposite emotion.

"I guess I could stay for a light dinner. Plank and I are gonna need our rest."

"Understood," Rolf said, "Come. The ham beckons." They then departed the hill too.

Nothing major befell the kids of Rathink Avenue or two certain families situated at Apple Street until the next early evening on Saturday. Around 6:00 PM at the Almas residence, Sharon snoozed peacefully on the couch. The open front door not only permitted cool breezes through the screen covering to disperse possible extreme heat but also allowed Werf to stroll in without knocking. Why worry since he was welcome company, right? Instead of disturbing his girlfriend from slumber just yet, the boy stood over her observing. A quick head turn had Sharon unwittingly open her eyes once; open them again; and jolt at seeing Werf. "Çawan î, dildar," he greeted.

Sharon sat up, stretching and yawning. "Çawan î."

"Did I surprise you?"

"Yes. I like surprises. Is it time?"

"It is. We must go now."

"By all means. First, let's drink some water."

Shortly afterward, the Kankers and Eds stepped off a bus having completed a fraction of the trip downtown. The dance wasn't due for a little more than an hour, so they figured three or four blocks' distance to their destination provided plenty waiting time. Plus, they needn't dress fancy since no one mentioned it being a formal event though paying for tickets was another story. No matter how long they resided in Peach Creek, and regardless of how many trips taken into more urban areas, the tall buildings always instilled universal awe (every child around Rathink Avenue sans the Kanker sisters knew it firsthand from Eddy's Edtropolis scam). "So tall," Ed commented, "I feel like a bug."

"Me too," May agreed, "This is something I can never tire of."

"Tall surroundings, togetherness, and exercise," Eddy remarked, "Never thought I'd say it, but this is what I call a trend."

"Y'know, I just remembered something," Marie spoke, "The dance is almost centrally located downtown, right? People from different neighborhoods?"

"That's the general idea," Lee said, "Why?"

"We Kankers still haven't met Werf and Sharon. Think they'll attend?"

"Possibly," Ed guessed, "We won't know until we reach the dance."

"How about that," Edd noticed.

"What?" the others asked.

"A floral arrangement for natural coloration." Edd motioned towards a land plot dominated by hedges creating a huge labyrinth with dirt carpeting. Quite an eyeful: Rather than a quadrilateral characteristic of most mazes, one end jutted into a strange inner arc and met an opposing one at the front entrance where the group stood. So basically, it gave the illusion of a bird overhead. A huge bush bordered the entrance right while a flowery trail ran along the left, continued toward the back, and wrapped around. They assumed it would've stood out against the urban center alone if not for other environmentally sensitive areas – some declared parks – scattered throughout. "Okay, so it's been here a while. But still."

"They've touched it up," Lee clarified, "I remember when the thing looked like a mess of corn stalks. Now it looks like something out of…of…"

"Ethiopia," Marie related, "Reminds me of a proposed blueprint I found recently for an Ethiopian police headquarters." The preteens stepped up near the entrance for a closer look. "This labyrinth is the tri-arc tower; that bush is the dome-shaped assembly hall; and that elongated flower patch is a lower section. All that's missing is the helipad."

"Anyone thinking what I'm thinking?" May announced. The labyrinth's dim interior hardly spooked them as much as it amazed. Eyeing each other, the preteens shrugged and went inside. Why not? It was already open to the public, and they'd still more time before the dance. Plus, what better way to advance on Eddy's declared trend complementing Edd's words from yesterday? The interior differed from the exterior in that more flowering plants speckled walls and corners alike.

"Nice," Edd commented, "Glad they used native species." The enclosed scene's enthrallment unwittingly split the group into three couples each headed off in separate directions. None noticed much more than that or sweethearts, going far enough merely to exchange loving glances. Relaxation abound partially stimulated all six brains as if on a lovely tropical vacation.

"I'd like to get the designer's autograph," Marie noted, "Wonder if they're still around?"

"They might be. This reminds me of the mall's simulation room. I take that back; it's even better."

"No fooling, huh? You boys should take me and my sisters sometime. You've seen a lot more than us."

"Maybe we will, dear. Maybe we will."

"Ooooooh," Eddy and Lee noticed. In another section of the maze, the leaders watched a bumblebee wasting no time pollinating a tiny flower. Another curious ordeal, seeing how they'd taken what they learned in grade school about provoking arthropods with stingers extra seriously. Neither one understood such a sight's intrigue despite precautions until now. The bee wasn't alone, on top of that: Two or three more contributed assistance.

"Spiffy," Lee commented, "Never thought bees could be so cute and fun to watch."

"Me neither. Cute just like bats."

The two continued walking along. "I can see again why my sister Marie's so interested in all those bug colonies."

"Ditto for Double D."

Even further through the maze, Ed and May weren't exempt from attracted observation either. Unlike the others, who continually walked along, these two needed pause watching some ants harvest food underneath a hedge. The insects didn't cause any noticeable damage, so why bother interceding? Plus, the couple sustained no annoyance. "The ants go marching one by one, so the song goes," Ed remarked, "It must be too cold here to march in higher numbers."

"Seems that way, or maybe we just don't see it often." The ant procession went smoothly for ten more seconds until one ant, having bit off a large mold piece, got frustrated with its load and just left it. "Uh oh."

"Mmm, somebody dropped good food."

"I'll fix that." May picked up the bit of mold, dropped right on the middle of the anthill, and let several other ants do the rest. "Healthy eating!" Feeling bored right after it disappeared down, the pair stood back up (still not realizing everyone else's absence) and moved along. An aerial viewpoint showed the group as ants themselves spreading throughout first in pairs and then each individual alone. Proceeding all the deeper made it plenty impossible noticing a fourth pair following the cycle.

That's when realization kicked in throughout. "This sure is something, huh Marie?" Edd said. But he then did a double-take at whom he should've seen. "Marie?" His head spun about. "Eddy? Friends?"

"Hello?" Eddy called out, "Where ya hidin', folks? Lee?"

"Where'd everybody go?" May wondered.

"Sharon!" Werf called, "Oh, Sharon!"

"Werf?" Sharon said, "Is that you?"

The shouts subsided as quickly as they began. "This is ridiculous," Marie complained as she marched briskly along, "If we don't find each other and blow soon, we'll miss the dance. I really wanna go." A blurry figure panned across one side through the hedge wall; Marie cared little first but immediately met its gaze the next second. "Double D?" May and Ed soon found their way back to each other as well.

"Marie! Thank heaven I found you!"

"Likewise. How could we let this happen? Oh, scratch that."

"That makes us one step ahead. Hope I can save time just passing through this hedge."

"I'm not sure…"

Marie was justified in her skepticism. Edd tried pushing his way through like he said, but the hedge remained ever firm. Three attempts inspired some measly scratches on face and left cheek alike alongside tinges of plant matter speckling his clothes. The pale boy giggled while brushing off. "Oopsie. That's not gonna work."

Elsewhere, Ed and May respectively shared Marie and Edd's positions. Ed correctly guessed that his girlfriend's own attempts wouldn't work either. May instead tried climbing over the hedge but met with the same failure; even lack of friction contributed. "Fooey. I thought I could do it, Ed."

"That's okay, sweetie. You tried." Rather than sit around and mope, the three main couples continued locating each other not daring losing sight of whom they'd already found. Ed and May went from duo to trio upon locating Eddy; quintet when Edd and Marie conglomerated; and reached sextet through Lee's incursion someplace near the middle. Hearing and seeing those efforts without being directly involved or even spotted also brought Sharon back to Werf. The main group then took time catching their breath.

"And Lee makes six," Eddy spoke, "I gotta say, we enjoyed this maze too much."

"Got that right," May agreed, "Let's not do that again until further notice."

"We must've been in here an entire half hour," Edd noted, observing the sky, "Not much longer before the dance starts."

"So let's move," Lee said.

"Hello?" came two more entering voices.

"Gah!" the main six yelped, before getting a good look at the approaching figures.

"Oh," Ed started, "Werf and Sharon. You two scared us."

"Greetings, friends," Sharon replied, "Ah, you girls must be these Kanker sisters the boys spoke of."

"The same," Lee introduced, "I'm Lee Kanker, and they're May and Marie. And like Ed said, you two are the same visitors we missed earlier: Sharon Almas and Werf Jala."

"It's no lie," Werf confirmed.

The sisters took the right-hand rule for handshakes casually but of course wondered why the Kurds put those hands over their own chests. "What's wrong?" May asked, "Got heartburn?"

"Nah, it's a cultural thing," Eddy explained, "In Iraq, even though we're not actually there, they shake with their right hands. Oh yeah, Werf and Sharon are Iraqi Kurds. Anyway, putting it over their chests means that the shake comes from the heart."

"Very good, Eddy," Edd supplemented, "Also, the handshake isn't a test of strength; it must balance between firm and gentle." Intrigued again, the Kankers gave the practice a shot and did beautifully the first time through.

"Wonderful," Ed said, "Nothing architectural is exempt from this one optical illusion anymore: They always look bigger on the inside. Are you lost too?"

"Yes indeed," Sharon said, "Werf and I were on our way to this dance near the civic center, but this labyrinth caught our fancy and got to our heads."

"Same story here altogether," Lee put in, "That's where we're headed. Wanna join us?"

"By all means," Werf confirmed, "Let's use the stars to exit if anybody can."

"I'm on it," Marie announced, "Follow me."

As the others did just that – navigating via the stars – a new intermission outlined their departure. Lee and May received further introduction to the Kurdish preteens whereas Marie needed multitask (no biggie). Snapped branches at some points made Sharon and Werf's contorted expressions an eyeful as far as the sisters were concerned until Edd told about their synesthesia. However, trouble resumed once more only halfway to the entrance with a strange odor. "Anyone smell that?" May noted.

"Smell what?" Eddy wondered. All then halted as the others also picked it up. "I take that back."

"Smells like the shoots of a thistle and a portion of one of these hedges, with a dash of huckleberry," Sharon noted.

"Yeah, burned to a crisp and then cooked twelve minutes longer," Marie added, "Is somebody having a barbecue?"

"No, it's a wildfire," Ed said.

"What makes you say that?" Lee asked.

"I can see the flames." Ed pointed at a right ledge. Unlike when Edd panned past Marie's vision, the group saw said disaster clear as day. Fire rampaged several feet away and counting, licking up sagebrush and more. No one would have time to wonder why they hadn't first picked up the overhead smoky pillar – reeking also of fresh chlorophyll – or whether or not the fire was intentional.

"Oh my," Edd squeaked.

"Let's beat feet," Werf said. Too bad nobody turned on a sprinkler: The fire zipped across the foliage, reaching the group inches away in seconds flat. While covering their mouths and noses with their shirts conserved breath, escaping only lasted so long before they nearly lost one another inside thicker smoke. At least they recalled learning to lay low on their stomachs should such a circumstance develop. All preteens also of course remained clumped together mostly near respective sweethearts; few words echoed upon awaiting a miracle. Moreover, flares could barely reach them if at all due to the wise distribution of their mass and the wide dirt 'carpet'.

"Any time now," May whispered, "Please, somebody help." Pretty soon, a firefighter crawling low and searching out victims did come along. Spotting the preteens, he instantly grabbed their attention; motioned for them to remain down while following; and brought them out through the back entrance just when the hoses unleashed a needed torrent. A few more firefighters assisted the one in bringing the hacking octet to the same safe distance as all bystanders.

"You kids okay?" the one firefighter asked, checking them over while his associates handled other matters. Aside from concern over the Kurds' contorted eyes, none suffered major injury. "How 'bout you two?"

"I see flashing lemons," Sharon commented.

"They got synesthesia where they see colors with sounds," Eddy explained, "Besides that, I think we're all fine. Right, friends?" And the others gave an A-OK gesture.

"A flare touched my shoulder, but I'm good," Marie said.

"Eddward?" Edd's mother gasped.

"Girls?" Mrs. Kanker followed.

"Big brother!" Sarah cried. The preteens' loved ones were instantly all over them like gravy on mashed potatoes.

"You aren't damaged, are you Werf?" Humphrey asked his son.

"Ne, Dad," was the answer.

"Oh, Sharon," Ferah chimed as they all broke the embrace, "Don't scare your mother like that again."

"Same here," Ed and Sarah's father agreed.

"Surprised us too," Eddy shrugged, "How'd you know we'd be in there?"

"Fortunate guess," his mother responded, "Local news travels quicker than a cheetah anymore. When we heard about the fire, we feared you might've wandered inside."

"Beat me up, not yerselves," came a female voice. All heads faced the fanatic culprit willingly expressing her guilt.

"Beg pardon?" Eddy's father said.

"I said you shouldn't beat yourselves up," the woman repeated, "This whole mess is all my fault. **I** started the fire, and I'm sorry you almost got killed."

"Really?" an approaching public official said, "How'd you do it?"

"I lit a match to check the time on my watch and then acted careless. Again, I'm sorry for all this trouble and will gladly pay for the damages."

"It's gonna take lots more than an apology," the official continued, "Do you even realize how much the whole shebang cost me? Yes, **I** administered the project."

"Exactly. And whatever you got in mind, I'll do it."

"Well, I like your honesty. Come along."

"Don't worry," Sharon assured, "We forgive you." Once the woman acknowledged it and left, the preteens then embraced each other sweetheart upon sweetheart, panicking and saying things like 'Oh, I thought I was gonna lose you!' and 'We're safe! We're safe!'. There was no question as to how far their romantic feelings extended even when they broke apart shortly after.

"What time is it?" Ed wondered.

"I'd say about a quarter to 6:00," Edd's father guessed, "You kids haven't much time left to reach your festivity."

"Any of you plan joining us?" Edd queried.

"Nah, that's okay," Mrs. Kanker answered with all other loved ones agreeing, "We're occupied right now."

"If you say so," May said, "Bye!"

"Wait a second!" Edd's mother remembered as they ran off, "Need a…ride?" But she wasn't heard, so the forsaken procession shrugged and headed for home.

The fire made the stroll's remainder a lot longer than the octet expected. Storming along the street abated back into a light jog at one point once they realized that arriving too early wouldn't matter much since the dance's real action began a bit later than actual expected arrival time. Nevertheless, because no one in the group had it easy making up his or her mind, the velocity rate fluctuated. "Almost there, everybody!" Marie announced, "Smooth sailing from here on out!" However, harmless shock presented itself decimeters in front of the building entrance: The excitement-blinded preteens tripped and landed flat on their bellies once more. Again without sustaining major injuries, they brushed themselves and simply laughed off the mishap.

Nearly a minute's worth preceded how they all bartered thoughtful, friendly gazes. Countless positive thoughts about one another swamped their neurons. Who could blame them? They'd all experienced much in their lives, would continue doing thus, and so indisputably felt like a real family. Another minute passed before Eddy broke the silence. "Um…why're we all so clumsy?"

"We're excited," Lee answered, "As Double D said yesterday, tonight begins the rest of our lives."

"We've seen, heard, and felt a lot together," May added, "We're good friends, and we've become better friends."

"Yeah, and we've grown so much in a short time period," Ed put in, "I know, we already did this part."

"That's okay, Ed," Edd assured, "Sometimes repetition feels good. Emphasis on 'sometimes', of course."

"Playful or serious, humor or drama," Sharon chimed, "We all really know how to make each other feel good."

"Very true," Werf agreed, "Is it any wonder I love you people?"

"And you aren't alone," Marie said, "Imagine it all: bullies, family issues, weirdoes, plain strangers, criminals, big messes, tiny slip-ups, et cetera. 'Make each other feel good' doesn't begin to describe it. We're stuck tight harder than any paste can imitate. If one's lost, we're all lost."

"Yet, no matter how much we seem to change on the inside or outside, I've come to realize that we'll still always be the same friendly clowns people see us for," Sharon noted, "For what we know, we'll just keep on slipping off the mountain but going back up together and without a second care. Not that's it completely bad; everyone likes a smile after all. Get my drift?"

"Sure do," Lee acknowledged, giving a thumbs-up, "Some things such as that, our friendship, and our romantic relationships will never change."

"Thick and thin; friends to the end; wild, crazy, and free; in any kind of weather, rain or shine; and everything else," Werf confirmed, "What a power."

Each preteen then lined up single file by his or her lover, boys standing left with girls on the right. "Now let's get in that building and show this town some real music," Eddy said, "Off we go!" The octet marched directly through that door (without actually marching), paid the ticket people, and joined the festivities. Children and adults enjoyed themselves equally; everybody else at one point backed away to watch the main group waltz their hearts out living like there was no tomorrow. Various neighborhood parties, barbecues, and even the last lunar eclipse couldn't compare. All in all, the octet practically stole the show. "Hey, friends!" Eddy continued, "How do we feel?"

"Never better!" all eight screamed. The evening was heaven on Earth for these individuals striving not only to make a name for themselves in life but also a difference in a stiff-necked world. What did the future hold? Whatever next would time bring their way? But most of all, who really cared at present? They already said everything that absent ears ever needed to hear; the future was too far ahead for anybody to think about. Some ogling faces seemed freaked at the octet's sudden outburst and overall hyperactive movements. Oh well, can't blame them simply for keeping it real. As they said, that's just how they felt: never better.

The End


End file.
